


This Time Next Year

by hinata22



Series: This Time Next Year [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2018-12-15 08:03:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 170,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11801859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hinata22/pseuds/hinata22
Summary: 'I’m ending it because you never will, so I need to. It’ll hurt, but this time next year, you’ll agree with me that it was the best decision for both of us. You’ll thank me for finding the strength to do what had to be done.’Sasuke and Naruto have been together since they were young genin, neither of them have known any other lover, or ever wanted to. But now slipping into the latter part of their twenties, Sasuke decides that they need to grow up, and in his opinion this means leaving behind their childhood attachment and exploring life beyond each other. Naruto disagrees and will do anything to keep his boyfriend by his side.With both of them certain that they're right and acting in the best interests of each other, how will this break up effect them? Will it draw them closer together in the end, or will it mean the irreversible shattering of their once unbreakable bond?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for giving your reading time to my story. I wasn't intending to attempt another longer work for a while, but this story has got stuck in my head so I thought I should write it before it drives me mad! I have a plan, but it may swerve off on its own accord in other directions, so I appreciate your feedback to keep me focused :)

It took Naruto several attempts to get the key in the hotel door. Finally he jammed it in with a sense of triumph that rivalled his happiness when he was made a genin all those years ago. When the door still didn’t open he checked what Sasuke had written on his hand, 69. Yep, that’s where he was. Then he noticed that it had a question mark after it. 

If Naruto hadn’t already been halfway drunk, very early in the evening, when his boyfriend had taken his hand and scribbled on it, he’d have known immediately that Sasuke wasn’t reminding Naruto of their room number. He was doing one of their silent flirting things. They had discovered their sexuality together which is maybe why they were so similar. Both of them were mostly vocally demanding and uninhibited in bed, but at other times they retained a blushing shyness where neither spoke aloud what they wanted, instead sending little cryptic notes.

Not that there was much cryptic about ‘69’. Sasuke had discretely exited from the party after giving Naruto his message. And Naruto hadn’t. The blonde gave a deep internal sigh at the trouble he was in. Generally, on almost every occasion, Naruto chose Sasuke’s company over any other option. He’d even refused invitations from Iruka to Ichiraku’s on several occasions (twelve, not that Naruto was keeping count or anything) because Sasuke wanted to be alone with him. The problem was that when the two of them did go out together, Naruto’s innate party animal emerged and was more difficult to control than any tailed beast. When Sasuke had presumably been waiting impatiently in bed for his lover to join him, Naruto had been amusing the other guests by trying to spin around on his head while drinking a bottle of sake and reciting one of Killer Bee’s more difficult raps.

Naruto used his strength to yank the key out of the door, pulling most of the lock with him in the process. Glancing at the damage, he quickly ran away before anyone could complain. There were some incredible ninjas at the party and Naruto did not want to get into a fight with any of them. It wouldn’t improve Sasuke’s mood if he appeared covered in bruises. Sasuke wasn’t the most sympathetic man at the best of times, and when he had been denied sex, he was in a whole other category all of his own.

Looking down at the key, Naruto saw now that it had its number clearly written on it. Seven. Of course. Sasuke’s and his favourite number. It made him grin even though he knew Sasuke would likely be sulking; seven made him think of their long history together and his drunkenness added a haze of positivity that he’d be able to find a way to brighten his boyfriend up as he had done countless times before.

At the right room, Naruto put his ear to the door and listened. Everything was silent. There was a good possibility that Sasuke had given up on Naruto and was asleep by now, so he moved extremely carefully opening the door.

Sasuke was not asleep. Sasuke was sat up in bed with his arms folded, staring directly at Naruto. ‘You’re not being quiet, dobe.’

‘I’m not trying to be,’ Naruto blustered, slamming the door loud enough to make his own head ring even though he was nowhere near hangover territory yet.

‘Yes, you are. And I want you to know you’re failing.’

Naruto felt some of the soft happiness the alcohol provided draining away with the hardness of Sasuke’s voice. He knew every nuance of Sasuke, and that wasn’t his sulking, argumentative tone, it was his seriously angry tone. Oddly given the amount they fought, Sasuke had next-to-never used it against Naruto. He used it against the people who threatened Naruto. Or just spoke rudely to Naruto. Or looked at Naruto in a way Sasuke didn’t like. And one time when a poor waiter gave Naruto the wrong order. 

Naruto gave a genuinely apologetic smile. ‘I’m really sorry I didn’t follow you earlier, I…’

‘You thought 69 was me reminding you of our room number, even though you should have known it was 7. You thought I was giving you some sort of permission to stay and get as drunk as you liked, rather than me telling you I wanted to leave and I needed your company. I realised hours ago, that while I was waiting alone here, you were having the time of your life, I suspect doing Killer Bee raps and lap dancing on the table for whoever asked.’

‘I didn’t do any dancing on tables,’ Naruto said, searching through what he could of his more reliable memories of the night to check that this was true.

‘The state you’re in, you wouldn’t remember if you did.’ Naruto thought he could see a red glow to Sasuke’s dark eyes, but told himself it was probably just a result of his inebriated state, everything was slightly unfocused.

‘You do know how pathetic you look at these things, don’t you?’ Sasuke continued. ‘You’re so eager to please everyone, you’ll do any ridiculous things they suggest. You humiliate yourself and embarrass me.’

Naruto clenched his fists and, bit down on his bottom lip. He needed to concentrate, work out how to react. His key skill, the thing he could do that no one else in the world could, the one thing that made his everyday life glow with happiness, was being able to read and respond to Sasuke’s moods. But right now it was taking all his mental energy to remain standing, he wanted to drop to his knees and beg Sasuke to stop talking to him in that tone of voice. And that was something he was not going to let himself do, however drunk he was. If he was on his knees in front of Sasuke it was for one reason and one reason only.

‘The people laughing at you, they’re not your friends. They see you as some sort of briefly amusing idiotic entertainment. I see the way they look at me, wondering why I am with you, not because we’re both men, the shock of that has long past, now people are just left with the shock of how someone like me can bear to have someone like you in my bed.’

Naruto’s lip began to bleed from where his teeth had sharpened into fangs, he could feel dots of pains where his nails were extending into claws and breaking his skin. His emotions hung raw inside him, flailing between red rage and bloody wretchedness.

‘This was an important occasion, even after all this time, there are still many people in the Land of Water who are suspicious of my brother’s marriage to the Mizukage. We don’t just represent ourselves, we represent Konoha. We represent Itachi. You’re a long way from being a child, you need to act with responsibility.’ The only part of Sasuke that moved was his lips, the rest of his body was in exactly the same pose as when Naruto entered the room.

Something recoiled in Naruto, he wanted to lash out and ask what sort of ‘representation’ did Sasuke provide when he snuck away from the celebration at the soonest possible moment in the hopes of getting a blow job? But he restrained himself. Cutting through all the deliberately hurtful chastisement, there were only two things that mattered right now in what Sasuke had said, “I needed your company” and “Itachi”.

Naruto’s teeth and nails returned to normal and he undressed down to his boxers with unusual care, folding his clothes neatly instead of throwing them where they dropped. Sasuke continued to talk, Naruto decided it was best that he didn’t listen. There was only so much control a drunken, insulted, jinchuriki had. He climbed on the bed next to Sasuke but stayed on top of the sheets. Sasuke became silent.

Naruto counted to ten, which was about all he could manage, then slid a hand over Sasuke’s folded arms until their fingers touched. ‘You’re cold,’ Naruto said gently. He moved his other hand to rub Sasuke’s bicep. Something stirred in him hoping Sasuke would reply as he sometimes did with, ‘You’re hot’. And wondering if Sasuke was completely naked under the sheets and imagining the ways he could warm his lover up. But he quickly repressed it as inappropriate, and felt a small surge of pride at how well he was controlling himself despite his mind barely working and his boyfriend being in a mood that would terrify the most battle-hardened shinobi.

The blonde settled for placing a sensual kiss on Sasuke’s shoulder. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been insensitive to you. You appeared so relaxed that I didn’t consider how difficult it might still be for you, that seeing Itachi would still affect you like this. I wish I’d left the party with you and we’d had an evening in bed alone together. The other guests would have probably been grateful for that too, so they didn’t have me stealing all the alcohol and shouting out Killer Bee rhymes.’

Sasuke didn’t smile at Naruto’s attempt to lighten the mood. Instead he pushed the man away from him, not hard, but it created a distance that made Naruto feel as if he had been punched in the stomach.

‘It’s not Itachi. That was settled a long time ago. I don’t have any residual issues.’ Sasuke sighed and covered his eyes with one hand. It was a long moment before he spoke again. ‘I didn’t mean the things I said to you. They are obviously true, but I didn’t need to say them.’

Naruto gave a smile that wasn’t entirely happy. ‘I’ll take that as the best apology I’m going to get from you, Uchiha.’ Without him realising, his body was edging incredibly slowly back towards his boyfriend. ‘Maybe we can talk about these things properly when we’re home? Or at least when I’m more capable of listening and understanding, yaknow? If I’m doing things that are embarrassing you, I want to work on that. I don’t want you ever to feel ashamed that we’re a couple.’

Sasuke uncovered his eyes and gazed sideways at the blonde, but he didn’t seem to see Naruto, but at least his voice was more affectionate. ‘You’re never capable of listening and understanding, dobe. We’d never talk if we waited for that.’ The raven sighed. ‘Itachi and Mei have five children now.’

Naruto’s face brightened, this was safe happy territory that he could talk about without thinking. ‘The twins are sooo cute, aren’t they? I am incredibly biased as I think they both look so much like you, Sasuke, and mini-you is so adorable. It made me wish there hadn’t been such a big party and it could have just been a family celebration for their birth, I just wanted to play with them all day. Those little gurgling noises they make and their big smiles and…’ Naruto’s voice trailed off as he looked into Sasuke’s face, something that he hadn’t thought of for years came suddenly into his head.

Sasuke traced one finger over the scars on Naruto’s cheek. The blonde had snuggled back up against him but he didn’t push him away this time. ‘Do you remember when we were young and you were full of how you were going to be Hokage and make the whole village acknowledge you and…’

‘You were all about your clan, avenging it. Rebuilding it.’ Naruto swallowed hard before he could continue speaking. ‘It’s been a long time since we talked about this life we’ve chosen together. You said you didn’t want children then, but there was so much fighting, and all that death, neither of us thought we’d live until our twenties, did we? Have you…have you changed your mind, Sasuke? Do you want children now things are more settled? I guess with a little luck we might even survive into our thirties, even our forties?’ Naruto gave a chuckle, which clearly revealed rather than hid his nervousness.

Sasuke put an arm around Naruto and pulled him against his chest. Naruto listened to the beat of his boyfriend’s heart and waited with a dry mouth for him to reply.

Finally the raven spoke, ‘I’m twenty seven this year, you’re twenty six. We’ve been together for more than half our lives.’

Naruto rubbed his cheek against Sasuke’s skin, the blonde forget what was happening in this moment and basked in the fact that his childhood loneliness and isolation were getting further and further away, the majority of his life he’d been blessed with love. He focused in a renewed way on what the raven was saying.

‘We’ve been so entwined for so long. All the important choices we’ve made haven’t been based on logic or reason, but on pure desire of being together. We lost our ambitions to be the best shinobi and only cared about each other. It took Kakashi so long to teach me chidori, he almost gave up, because…’

‘I kept sneaking up to watch your training and you kept finding me and kissing me.’ Naruto wished Sasuke could have skipped the lecture and gone straight to the happy memories. But it was like when he forced Naruto to eat something ‘healthy’ before he allowed him a treat, it just made the dessert even sweeter.

‘And when so many people were still doubting your abilities, one of the legendary Sanin was desperate to train you, and you refused because you didn’t want to spend any time away from me.’

Naruto chuckled. ‘Jiraiya still moans about that, he insists I was the child of prophecy or something. But I think pervy sage is just covering for wanting to spend time with my sexy jutsu, yaknow.’

Sasuke’s hand had been resting loosely on Naruto’s shoulder, but his fingers now dug into tan flesh. A wide grin lit up the blonde’s face and he felt the full warmth of his happy drunken glow returning. The words about Jiraiya had tumbled out thoughtlessly, but now he considered if there was anything else he could say that would further ignite the raven’s possessiveness. He would never normally deliberately provoke Sasuke’s jealousy, but after the uncertainty and his misunderstanding of the evening, and maybe because of the alcohol, it seemed like a brilliant idea. When the raven’s sense of ownership awoke everything else disappeared. All conversation stopped and what was left was animalistic sex.

‘If you want to talk about the past, do you remember when I used to have a bad crush on Sakura? She’s still really cute, do you think me and her could have ever ended up together?’ Naruto said in a teasing voice, running a hand over Sasuke’s chest.  
Immediately he knew he’d made a mistake. There were times he truly earned Sasuke’s pet name of dobe. What was he trying to do? In different ways both him and Sasuke could be volatile, the scars from their past could never completely heal, they lost their temper at seemingly inconsequential things, but that was part of the reason that they didn’t emotionally play with each other. At another time Sasuke would have ‘hnnned’ him or giving one of his looks, but things were tense and uneven tonight. Sasuke’s grip changed in a way that was almost imperceptible, but Naruto did feel it, a movement from lust to something he didn’t understand.

The room seemed empty of all sound, as if everything had stopped and they were trapped between moments. Then Sasuke spoke.  
‘Naruto. We need to break up.’

The blonde leapt off the bed and ran to the bathroom. He dropped to his knees in front of the toilet and vomited. Sasuke was seconds behind him. He knelt beside the blonde rubbed his back and then when Naruto stopped retching he got water from the tap and passed it to him.

 

Naruto threw the plastic cup across the room. ‘What the hell, Sasuke? What the hell? So I got drunk and didn’t understand and you missed out on a blow job…I don’t deserve that! It’s not funny to say something like that. That’s something you never never joke about. I thought you’d know that!’

‘I’m not joking. It’s over between us.’

Acid tore through his stomach, making Naruto feel like his whole body was going to dissolve. He vomited so hard that he expected to see his own organs in the toilet bowl along with the bile and alcohol. He’d been tortured, he’d endured the pain of battle, but he’d never felt anything like this before. Had someone invented a jutsu to rip every single nerve out of your body? 

Naruto’s eyes flashed with understanding. It might not be the nerve-jutsu thing, but this much pain could only mean one thing, they were under attack. Itachi had friends and associates that normally wouldn’t be seen anywhere respectable. Itachi trusted them, but what if the great ninja had made a mistake for once? Naruto had to sober up quickly, be alert, protect Sasuke and…

‘I’m not being controlled,’ Sasuke said in an emotionless tone. ‘This isn’t a genjutu, or whatever else you’re thinking. It is you and me having a normal conversation.’

‘This is not normal!’ Naruto spat the words out, looking into Sasuke’s face his hope drained away and he knew his boyfriend was speaking the truth. He felt more guilty than angry though, realising how great his hope had been, that he would rather Sasuke had been in trouble and Naruto needed to rescue him, than that the one love of his life was so matter of factedly dumping him.

Sasuke picked up the plastic cup, refilled it with water and passed it to Naruto. This time Naruto took it and spent time at the sink rinsing his mouth out and brushing his teeth. Not only in an attempt to remove the sickening taste, but to give himself time to think and work out what was going on.

‘Are you feeling better?’ Sasuke asked with unmistakable concern.

Naruto nodded.

‘Do you want to go back to bed?’

Again Naruto didn’t trust himself to speak but gave a brief nod.  
Sasuke gently took his hand and led him back into the main room. Naruto noticed that Sasuke was wearing Naruto’s favourite pair of pyjama pants, a bright orange pair decorated with neon green frogs. Sasuke hated them, had tried to throw them out several times, so why was he wearing them on a night when he was saying such horrible things to Naruto?   
Both of them secretly liked wearing each other’s clothes, even though their tastes were so opposed, but there was something so intimate and comforting about having fabric that had touched their lover’s skin, touching their own.   
Their clothes weren’t a perfect fit, they were similar height, but Naruto had a slightly wider, muscular build. Despite, or maybe because of the turmoil of his emotions, the blonde noticed how his pyjama pants rode low on Sasuke’s hips. Desire flamed him in. He vividly imagined one of his hands in the centre of his lover’s back, pushing him down into the mattress, while the other hand tugged on Sasuke’s waistband revealing the irresistible naked curve of his ass.  
In reality Sasuke was tenderly putting Naruto underneath the covers and laying down beside him, in the blonde ninja’s mind, Sasuke was howling out as Naruto fucked him hard and raw. The image was vivid enough to excite his cock into an erection that for some perverse reason twitched and ached with increased passion even as he listened and responded to the raven’s sombre words.

‘I can see breaking up is a shock to you. In some ways it’s a shock to me,’ Sasuke said. ‘But it is something that I’ve always been aware of, how dependent we are on each other, how that dependency means our relationship isn’t healthy for our personal growth. We are too much in love with each other and it’s held us back rather than helped us develop as people. We’re adults, we should be doing great things in the world, not spending every moment we can together because it makes us happy.’

‘My brain isn’t up to this, I can’t understand, it sounds like you want to end it because we’re too happy together?’ Naruto growled.

Sasuke stroked a hand through the blonde’s hair. ‘We’re still like children. It’s not only you, it’s me too. In too many ways we’re exactly the same as when we first got together. We haven’t grown up because we both love each other how we are. But we need to change, it might be too late already, but we’ve got to try.’

‘I can change. Sasuke, I can change for you. I can be whoever you want me to be. Just tell me and I’ll do it.’ Naruto hated how desperate, and yes, childlike, his voice sounded. 

‘You’re not listening, I don’t want you to change.’

‘But you’re splitting up because you want me to change? Did you drink a lot more than I noticed? You’re talking stupid.’

Sasuke spoke in his firmest voice. ‘I’m ending it because you never will, so I need to. It’ll hurt, but this time next year, you’ll agree with me that it was the best decision for both of us. You’ll thank me for finding the strength to do what had to be done.’

‘Now you’re talking madness.’

Sasuke put a hand on Naruto’s chin and forced the blonde to look at him. ‘Us together is madness. You accidentally kissed me when you were twelve and we were both so young, lonely and desperate that we’ve built our whole lives around one clumsy mistake. But we’re not those scared isolated kids anymore, we need to mature and live the lives we were meant to.’

Naruto met Sasuke’s gaze with steely determination, inside he was curled up in a ball weeping. That kiss was their happiest running joke/argument, he always declared he had slipped, Sasuke always teased him that he’d done it on purpose in front of the whole class so everyone would see him claiming Sasuke as his own.

Over the years he’d talked some of the most dangerous ninjas into goodness; Pein, Konan and Nagato ran an orphanage, Kabuto travelled around the world with Orochimaru taking healthcare and education to the remotest places. And he’d been able to use his charisma to help his friends. He even managed to convince Tsunade to go on a date with Jiraiya, and most difficult of all intervened on Hinata’s behalf to persuade Kiba that there were some times that Akamaru shouldn’t be by his side. But he had no words to say right now to the man he knew and loved most, he had nothing to say that could prevent his own life being completely destroyed.

Sasuke brushed his hand lightly over Naruto’s nipples. It was an unmistakably sensual touch that made Naruto arch his back.

‘Teme! what are you doing now?’

‘We’ve been together a long time, we owe our relationship some ecstatic break-up sex.’ Sasuke breathed in Naruto’s ear, darting a tongue over his lobe. ‘I know you want me.’ The raven moved with ninja speed so his head was under the covers, his face hovering in front of the impressive bulge in Naruto’s boxers.

‘No.’ Naruto grabbed Sasuke’s shoulder and pulled the other man back up to his level. ‘I want my boyfriend. I don’t want someone who thinks he can dump me then get a good fuck out of me.’

Sasuke shrugged and rolled free of Naruto’s grip and onto his side of the bed. ‘I can wait for my break-up sex, I know it’ll be worth it.’

Naruto’s instinct was to punch Sasuke out of bed, and preferably through every single wall in this hotel. But he knew Sasuke’s indifference was a mask, he saw the agony in his lover’s eyes. He couldn’t deal with this right now, he needed all his facilities to be working, nothing dulled by alcohol.

‘You can’t break up with me,’ he said simply. ‘It can’t work like that. We both agreed to be together, so we both have to agree to end it.’

‘It does work like that. That’s how mature relationships function. When one partner realises it is over it ends and the other partner in time sees the sense of it. Only immature people try and cling onto someone who doesn’t want them.’

‘You want me. I’m the only person you’ve ever wanted. I’m the only person you’ll ever want.’ Naruto was quivering and scared inside, but the confident sound of his own words gave him a little reassurance. In the morning he would make sense of all this, the two of them would laugh about it, after he’d made Sasuke show him how sorry he was for causing this scene…and then he would show Sasuke how sorry he was for being oblivious to the 69 message…and then they would show each other how happy they both were to be together. There would be no break up sex, only the passion of making up. He pulled the covers around himself and helped by the alcohol and the emotional tiredness fell almost immediately asleep. So he didn’t see the look of pure yearning and sadness that the raven gave him as he remained awake through the whole night watching the blonde’s every breath.


	2. Seven Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a flashback to the younger Naruto and Sasuke and the early beginnings of their relationship.

Naruto quickly kicked a few empty ramen pots under his bed, only for them to bounce out again. This method of tidying had obviously been used too often. He glanced over at the boy standing next to him and hoped he hadn’t noticed. Uchiha Sasuke appeared to be just staring forwards with that usual annoying expression on his face, the one that clearly said he was soooooo much better than everyone else. 

Naruto frowned. He had no idea why all the girls, including the prettiest girl ever, Sakura, found the Uchiha’s arrogance so attractive. Sasuke looked a million, billion times nicer when he smiled. This thought bought a rosy blush to Naruto’s cheek. He expertly covered it by putting his hands behind his head, pushing his chest out and speaking in his loudest voice.  
‘You wanted to come to my place and here we are,’ he said. ‘So stop standing there and looking like you’re a little Uchiha Prince who’s too good to be in a plain old flat. Sit down and…and’ Naruto’s voice faltered.  
What did people do when they visited each other? What were boys supposed to do when they hung out together?  
He’d spent a lot of time watching normal people talk to each other. In fact, it too often felt like his whole life was spent alone watching other people; people who knew naturally how to make and keep friends. Surely he must have learned something by now? But his mind was blank, he suddenly had no clue why Sasuke would even want to be here and spend time with him. 

‘We came here because your place was closer,’ Sasuke said as if he knew Naruto’s thoughts. ‘It was a long training session and we wanted to freshen up as soon as possible. I assume this is your bathroom.’  
Sasuke opened the door, stepped in and re-emerged again before Naruto had a chance to think of even a bad excuse why Sasuke shouldn’t go into that room, especially when it was apparently the whole reason he was here. Naruto, in truth, had been such a whirl of excitement when Sasuke had suggested going home with him that the blonde hadn’t thought of any of the practicalities.

Sasuke’s brow wrinkled in confusion, an expression that looked unnatural on his face. but still incredibly cute. The thought flashed into Naruto's mind before he could control it.

‘How…how can your shower be so dirty? It’s a shower, it’s all about cleaning.’ It took an unusually visible effort, but Sasuke managed to resume his normal air of indifference. ‘Maybe you could just get me a drink of water.’

‘Yes. Yes. I can do that.’ Naruto grinned widely. An easy instruction he could deal with and show himself to be a good host. So what if he’d never had anyone around to his flat before, so what if he didn’t know what to do with his first ever friend, he was Uzumaki Naruto, he was brilliant and he would learn quickly and be totally and utterly amazing and the bestest friend that Sasuke would ever have.

He started crashing around the small area of the room that functioned as a kitchen. After a couple of minutes of searching and throwing things about, he looked over at the brunette. ‘Do you mind instead of a glass having a used ramen pot? It’s okay really, there’s only a few tiny bits of ramen in it. It’ll make the water taste better, because yaknow, water is really boring, why hasn’t anyone made ramenwater before? It’s a great idea. It’s my great idea! You appreciate you’re in the presence of a genius right?’

Sasuke smiled. Naruto’s heart did some sort of flippity flopping thing that he wasn’t sure was entirely normal, but looking at Sasuke right now it confirmed how silly the girls were to run after grumpy Sasuke. The Uchiha looked a billion, trillion times nicer when he was happy.

Sasuke stepped over to Naruto, took the ramen pot out of his hands and placed it on the cluttered side.  
‘I appreciate I’m in the presence of you, Usuratonkachi.’ There was an unmistakable scarlet tinge to Sasuke’s pale cheeks. ‘I think I’ll skip the ramenwater for now. I think maybe all I need to refresh myself is a little rest. Can I lie down on your bed?’

‘Yeah, sure you can. That’s totally what guys do when they hang out together because they’re so relaxed and comfortable with each other.’ Naruto gave an exaggerated yawn. ‘I’m a little tired too, so I’ll lie down as well, because we’re guys and its totally normal and totally the same as what we’d do if we were camping out on a mission and needed to snuggle together to keep warm, like we did that one time. Not that we need to today or anything, as this is just a normal room and not cold or anything.’

Both boys lay on top of the covers facing opposite walls in silence. Then at the exact same moment they started to turn together until they were facing, gazing into the other’s eyes. Their hands reached out and their fingertips touched without either of them looking. Slowly they moved their heads forwards until their noses caressed. Naruto gave a quick shake of his head rubbing Sasuke’s nose with a tender roughness. They both giggled. Then abruptly stopped giggling. They stared at each other for a moment longer before they tilted their heads and connected their faces at the lips. 

Including the very first time in the classroom, this was the seventh time that Naruto’s lips had touched Sasuke’s. Naruto never knew when it would happen, or when it did, if it would ever happen again.

The second time had been the day after the first time, caused by Sasuke displaying his massive ego and claiming that Naruto had kissed him on purpose because he was attracted to the brunette. And Naruto had had to re-enact the moment to prove to Sasuke that it’d been an accident. Of course, Naruto hadn’t quite thought it through, that it would end up with their lips meeting again. On this occasion, with no one else about, they had stayed in the position for a little longer than a demonstration strictly required. Sasuke, arrogant bastard that he was, walked off smirking, declaring that Naruto had proved he was right by deliberately kissing him again.

The third time happened a few hours after the second time when Naruto’s rage at Sasuke’s arrogance made him seek Sasuke out. He’d been ready to batter down Sasuke’s door and insist that Sasuke take back what he’d said about Naruto wanting to kiss him. But even though it was dark and lightly raining, he found Sasuke sat outside his house as if he was waiting for Naruto.  
‘You’ve come to prove that you don’t want to kiss me by kissing me again,’ Sasuke said.  
‘Yes,’ Naruto shouted. ‘I mean no. Not the way you said it. This time I’ll show you and you’ll admit that it was a complete accident.’  
Although even Naruto realised he wasn’t quite re-enacting the first kiss when all he did was lean over the other boy and plant his lips on Sasuke’s. They held together for even longer this time. And when Sasuke finally pulled away he gestured for Naruto to sit beside him.  
‘Stay with me. Talk if you want or you can be quiet if you prefer, but stay with me.’

Naruto didn’t notice the cold rain, or the night drifting into morning as he sat beside his friend.  
Mostly he chatted away, all one-sided as Sasuke didn’t say anything else, but he knew the brunette was listening to him. The tiny movements in Sasuke’s face as Naruto told him stories and jokes somehow pleased him more than anyone else’s more obvious responses could.  
But sometimes even Naruto was quiet and the two of them sat side by side listening to the rain falling as if it was something distant that didn’t affect them, and gazing up at the faraway stars.

The fourth kiss came what seemed like an eternity after the third one.  
It was a boring guarding mission, and they were sharing a room while Kakashi and Sakura stayed up and took their turn on watch. They had argued all through their own time on duty and continued the argument in the bedroom. Free from the confines of the job they let their fight become more physical, punching and kicking, until Naruto got the advantage and had Sasuke pinned down on one of the beds. Unfortunately though, his position wasn’t great and any movement to try and deliver a deciding blow to the Uchiha would leave him open to a brutal counterattack.  
Their faces inches apart, Sasuke drawled in his most aggravating voice, ‘What are you going to do now, accidentally kiss me again?’’  
‘Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.’ Naruto growled angrily. And without thinking further, he immediately pressed his lips against the brunette’s.  
The mood between them changed instantly, it was as if they’d been transformed into different people. Different people who were too content being close to each other to ever even have the smallest disagreement.  
Naruto didn’t remember the kiss ending, but at some point they must have fallen asleep together because he woke up curled tightly around Sasuke in the same single bed.

The fifth kiss had been the briefest of them all.  
Sakura and Kakashi were walking ahead of them. Sasuke seemed to be in one of his I’m-too-good-to-talk-to-you moods, so Naruto had been stomping along with his hands behind his head informing the Uchiha how he was going to be the greatest Hokage in the whole history of Hokages, so Sasuke should make more of an effort to be a friend to him, or the only missions he’d get once Naruto was in charge would be chasing down vicious, chatty ostriches. The blonde grinned extra widely imagining how awesome it’d be when he had the power to pull the snooty Uchiha down to everyone else’s level.  
Then Sasuke suddenly leaned into him and brushed his lips against Naruto’s.  
It was so quick that Naruto stopped walking in shock, convinced he must be overtired and had imagined it. Just like he was imagining all the pleasure that was buzzing through his whole body right now.

But Sasuke’s cheeks definitely had a flush to them, and his voice was husky when he spoke. ‘I’ll always be your best friend, Naruto.’ He flashed a small smile which in him was the emotional equivalent to Naruto joyfully jumping up and down for five minutes. ‘Especially when you become Hokage and have fun giving me horrible missions.’

The sixth kiss had been the sweetest.  
Naruto was normally a heavy sleeper, but that night he was beset by nightmares and even when they passed he couldn’t rest. The ground was uncomfortable. The air was too bitter. The night was too dark. And it felt like there was a demon crawling around inside him. And this demon was angry and desperate to completely consume him.  
But the thing that horrified him most was that before he killed Naruto, the demon wanted to torture him by making him rip his friends into tiny, unrecognisable pieces. His nightmares went into slow motion showing every single moment of Naruto with clawed hands piercing through Sasuke’s sharingan and pulling them out like a sickening kebab.

He didn’t hear Sasuke approach him, but even he couldn’t be oblivious to the boy pressing his sleeping bag so close to Naruto’s that they were virtually on top of each other.  
‘I’m cold,’ Sasuke said as way of explanation. ‘You’re hot. It makes sense for us to be together.’ His fingers reached out and found Naruto’s hand. Then he spoke incredibly softly. ‘If it helps you can tell me your nightmares.’

Naruto was unable to reply. He couldn’t form into words how much the thought of hurting his friend terrified him.

‘Or,’ Sasuke said in a voice that was somehow even softer, ‘if it helps, you can kiss me.’

Naruto turned towards the other boy and was surprised that even in the darkness he knew the contours of Sasuke’s face so well it was as if he could clearly see him. In a whisper that was as quiet as the brunette’s, he replied, ‘I think it might help…if…if you kissed me.’

Without any further words, Sasuke’s lips found his. And it did help. Naruto’s demons disappeared, and on the cold black night his whole being felt like a beam of sunshine. 

And now they were at their seventh kiss.  
They remained unmoving with their lips pressed together. This sense of stillness and the peace it bought him was something he couldn’t express. To be silent and not feel alone. That was such a wonderful feeling. He wasn’t always consciously aware of it, but with others, he was possessed with the need to constantly talk. Behind all Naruto’s noisy confidence there was always a little voice whispering that if there was any pause in the conversation the other person would take the opportunity to reject him, to tell him how disgusting he was, and that they didn’t want him anywhere near them.  
With Sasuke it was different. Naruto was often overflowing with nervous energy, and desperate to impress the the great Uchiha who filled him with so many competitive doubts. But in these rare moments when they were together like this, Naruto felt safe and secure in a way that was completely new to him.

Naruto warned himself not to get too used to these sensations, to treasure and keep every kiss as a precious memory, rather than think this was the start of something special. For once he would be entirely sensible. Whatever reason Sasuke had for wanting to do this with him, it wouldn’t last. How could it when every girl they knew would fight through armies of jonin to be where Naruto was right now? Sasuke was probably using him for practice or something so he’d be ready when he decided which girl he wanted to date. And Naruto was happy with that. He was being a good friend, helping his pal out. These thoughts didn’t originate from any sense of insecurity or self-doubt, it was just accepting the facts and protecting himself against the one rejection he wouldn’t be able to survive.

Then Sasuke did a new things, he parted his lips.  
Naruto felt a surge of wet warmth from the other boy’s mouth, something he hadn’t experienced on any of the other occasions.  
The blonde desperately didn’t want to do anything wrong and bring to an end what was in all probability the last time Sasuke would ever kiss him.  
He knew if he pulled away and asked Sasuke directly how he was supposed to respond, the precious thing between them would be broken.  
But how was he supposed to know whether to keep his lips closed, or copy the brunette and open his mouth too?

And Sasuke wasn’t just changing things by opening his mouth, he was no longer remaining static. Where their hands touched, he started caressing his fingers over Naruto’s and circling his thumb over his palm. These were such gentle movements that if Naruto hadn’t been so alert to Sasuke he wouldn’t have been aware of them due to the totally ungentle assault that was happening higher up. Sasuke sucked and nibbled on Naruto’s lower and upper lips as if he was dying of hunger but the only thing he wanted to taste was the blonde ninja.

Naruto’s heart beat hard in his chest. Longings and yearnings were twisting through him but they had no solid form. He didn’t even know what he wanted, let alone trying to guess what Sasuke wanted. All he could do was follow his instincts which were telling him that he should respond in kind. He was conscious of a tremor quivering through his body as he parted his lips in what he hoped was a correct reflection of what Sasuke had done.  
Sasuke’s tongue darted through them so fast that Naruto could no longer have any doubts what the brunette needed from him. And the pleasure that flooded through him as Sasuke freely delved and explored, meant he no longer had any doubts about what he needed from Sasuke.  
All his silent pledges to be logical and sensible vanished as Naruto found not only his mouth but his whole body responded to the brunette.  
This thing happening between him and Sasuke was real. He wasn’t going to pretend it wasn’t anymore.  
He wasn’t destined to be the person who thought things through carefully and after much intelligent consideration selected the best option.  
And he wasn’t going to be the boy trying to be normal as he waited nervously around to see if the Uchiha might ever want to kiss him again.  
That wasn’t his way.  
He was going to be the person that held his lover so close that it felt like their bodies were crushed together into one being of pure passion and love.  
And as his tongue fought back against the brunette’s, he knew with absolute certainty one eternally true thing about himself. That when he fell in love he would never fall out of love. He knew this because as his hands pulled Sasuke’s body even tighter against his own, he realised that what he was feeling was love, and he, Uzumaki Naruto, was never going to let go of Uchiha Sasuke. From this moment on they would be forever entwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this works as I wanted to intersperse the main plot with a few short chapters just showing what they were like as a couple before Sasuke decides to break up.
> 
> Thank you as always for reading, I like writing about these two, and I like even more being able to share my story with you.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto woke up with a shiver. He felt cold and empty. He reached across the sheets but Sasuke wasn’t there. He moved his head over to his boyfriend’s pillow and breathed in what remained of his scent. Sasuke’s aroma changed all the time, sometimes he smelt like early morning dew on a summer’s day, other times like a crisp winter’s evening. When they made slow love he was sweet like drops of honey, when they fucked hard he possessed a sharp, spicy tang that whenever it touched Naruto’s senses pushed the blonde into uninhibited wildness. The scent on the pillow now, was the one that Sasuke possessed most frequently, and the one that gave Naruto the happiest feeling. He mentally thought of it as salty, cinnamon chocolate, but really everything about Sasuke was unique and couldn’t be compared to anything else in existence.

Naruto kept his eyes tightly shut, and snuggled his head further into Sasuke’s pillow. The more his brain was waking up, the more desperate he was to stay asleep. Part of him was relieved that Sasuke wasn’t actually lying next to him, and not just because his boyfriend was probably right now making him an amazing and enormous breakfast the way he always did when they returned from a trip. It was mainly because the blonde was scared to talk to the raven.

Naruto sighed, he thought he was aware of most of his faults, it was hard not to be when his long term companion was Sasuke, but he never before realised he had such cowardice in him. Ever since that one night in the hotel he’d been making excuse after excuse to himself to explain why he was avoiding the conversation they needed to have. It basically all boiled down to the fact that Sasuke was acting normal(ish) and wasn’t mentioning it, so why should he? He couldn’t ignore the fact there had been a distinct lack of sex on the journey home, but that might have been due to Sasuke noticing Naruto’s nervousness and not wanting to push anything when they were tired anyway from travelling.

Naruto had vowed that he would say something as soon as they got home. But when they finally reached their home it was late, and after quick (and sadly separate) showers to rinse off the dust from the road, they went straight to bed. He could hardly have grabbed Sasuke and said, ‘No! Even though you’re tired and I’m tired we must sit down and have a long and awkward conversation about our relationship, and you must tell me all the things I must do differently, and I’ll try not to either cry or turn into a demon beast and ravage you.’

Yep. No doubts there, it had definitely been best to wait until morning. But morning had come too quickly. He couldn’t put it off any longer. Although it would be rude, really rude, not to enjoy the breakfast Sasuke had got up early to cook for him. After breakfast then. He would talk to Sasuke after breakfast.  Also there was the possibility that another hour or so, back in the security of their home would help him finally work out what he needed to say.

Just as Naruto wasn’t used to being scared to do something, he also wasn’t used to trying to plan what to say. And dismally failing.

Sasuke hadn’t talked much travelling home, which had given Naruto lots of mental space to run again and again through the potential conversation without ever finding a (realistic) one that worked.

 

The favourite one he’d created went along the lines of:

 **Naruto** : Do you remember the things you said to me on the night of the party, Sas? When I maybe came back to the room after partying a bit hard.

 **Sasuke** : I remember you vomiting and being completely incoherent and me having to help you to bed.

 **Naruto** : Oh, I’m so sorry, I hope I wasn’t too embarrassing.

 **Sasuke** : You never embarrass me, I love everything about you, you know that. And I like looking after you, even when your illness is self-imposed. Honestly, I’m so pleased to see you let loose and have a good time. It’s strange I actually wanted you to leave the party early and give me a blow job, but now I’m happy you stayed as Itachi said everyone loved you and it was you, and you alone, that made it a totally awesome celebration of his new babies birth. I’m so proud that you’re my boyfriend.

 **Naruto** : That’s so good to hear. I’ve kinda been a bit worried. I think I must have eaten something bad at the party because I had this terrible nightmare imagining that you said you wanted to break up with me.

 **Sasuke:** (in total shock and unable to speak for ages because it is such a shocking and unbelievable thing) How can such a thought be anywhere in your mind, Sunflower? We belong together, that’s a fact. What a scary thing to have in your head. You should have mentioned it to me straight away so I could comfort you. Don’t worry anymore, I’m going to work extra hard to show you how much you mean to me.

 **Naruto** : I might have some ideas where you could start. Did you just mention a blow job?

Then the talk disappeared into grunting and panting with the odd cry from Sasuke along the lines of, ‘You’re the best lover in the world. I admit it, you’re even better at fucking than I am.’

 

Naruto knew the whole scene was pure fantasy though, even down to the pet name. Sasuke had called him ‘Sunflower’ five times across the whole of their relationship, and all but one of those times had been when they were teenagers experimenting with how much sake they could drink and still be able to hit a target with a kunai (the answer was quite a lot as long as they moved the target at some point during the night to about 6 inches away from them).

He knew that no talk with Sasuke about anything would ever finish with Sasuke telling him that Naruto was a better lover than him. But still it was the version Naruto daydreamed about the most because the alternatives made his heart bleed.

The conversation he was most scared of went along the lines of:

 **Naruto** : Do you remember the things you said to me on the night of the party, Sas? When I maybe came back to the room after partying a bit hard.

 **Sasuke** :  Not really. The alcohol I drank affected me badly and I don’t remember much.

 **Naruto** : You won’t believe this, but you said you wanted to break up.

 **Sasuke** : Hnnnnn. Yes I can see why I’d say that. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I don’t love you anymore but despite what you call me, I’m not a total bastard and was scared of hurting your feelings. But seeing as it seems I’ve already said it to you, there is no longer any reason not to break up. Thank you for reminding me. If you hadn’t I never would have bought it up again and would have fallen back in love with you and we’d have lived happily together forever. But now the truth has been said it can never be undone so from today we will live apart and never be friends again.

 

Naruto stretched out finally ready to move. In some ways the worst possible conversation reassured him as it was as unrealistic as his favourite one. There was no way that Sasuke didn’t love him and that their friendship could end. So what would happen in real life would be somewhere in the middle. It would be painful, but it was necessary and they would move forward stronger together supporting each other through everything.

The blonde swung his legs out of bed with a determination that had been lacking in him since the party. He would talk to Sasuke _before_ breakfast, then the meal would be their reconciliation without any of the awkwardness of unsaid things hanging between them.

He marched to the bathroom with vigour, he wanted to be his freshest and his best for his boyfriend. He got all the way into the room before his heart stopped dead in his chest. Sasuke’s toothbrush wasn’t there. Neither was the toothpaste he used. Only Naruto’s eyes moved as he scanned the whole area. Sasuke’s bath towel and face towel, shower gel, razer and shaving cream had all vanished.

His heart now thumped so hard that it was physically painful. But Naruto barely noticed. He raced through the whole house, throwing cupboards open, emptying drawers out on the floor, tearing everything out of the wardrobe. It was the same everywhere. All trace of Sasuke had disappeared. His boyfriend wasn’t cooking breakfast in the kitchen. He would have had a hard time if he wanted to, the kitchen had been gutted of everything apart from the crap that Naruto ate and Sasuke hated.

‘No, Teme! No! You don’t get to do this,’ Naruto screamed through the house that had been his home until a few minutes ago. Now it was a hollow shell.

Last night Sasuke had packed all their things away, as he always liked to do as soon as possible on coming home. When Naruto came out of the shower Sasuke had been sorting out their dirty and clean laundry. Both of theirs together, just like normal. Naruto ran to the laundry basket and kicked it over. The clothes that spewed out were all his. He dropped to his knees and scavenged desperately through them, just looking for one stray sock, or something, anything, that belonged to his boyfriend. There was nothing. Had Sasuke known last night what he was going to do? Had he hung their coats up, put their shoes away, even sorted out the damned laundry, knowing all the time that he would be getting up in the middle of the night and splitting their world in two, sneaking out of the house with half of everything like some sort of fucking thief?

Naruto tore through the house as if he was possessed by Kurama. Sasuke’s removal of himself during the night had been neat, a perfect dissection of their belongings; Naruto’s reaction was a devastating hurricane. He had little idea of what he was doing as he pulled pictures off walls, tore the filling out of cushions, flipped mattresses off beds, ripped doors from their hinges. Every breath was a roar of anger. The uncertainty he’d felt travelling with Sasuke now felt like a time of ignorant bliss. Had the raven known the whole time that he was going to do this to Naruto? When they shared meals, slept in the same bed, exchanged light touches, had Sasuke all the time known he was going to leave Naruto?

Naruto collapsed panting in the middle of the ruin he’s wreaked. It gave him a tiny amount of satisfaction to seeing the outside world reflecting the turmoil of his emotions, but it wasn’t enough, there was one place he hadn’t been yet. He leapt, rather than climbed, up to the attic room. As far as he knew neither of them had been up here for months, possibly years.  Sasuke had set it up as a study where Naruto could educate himself to become Hokage and Sasuke would pore over long forgotten jutsus increasing his knowledge every day.  In reality Naruto had a lot less interest in textbooks than he did in kissing his boyfriend. Sasuke genuinely resisted for a while, but it quickly turned into a fun game where Naruto became more creative in the things he would do to try and steal the raven’s attention away from the musty old scrolls. And then at some point they had enjoyed their game without needing to come up here.

Naruto’s gaze fell on the single bed pressed against the wall. It was his bed, the one he’d had as a child. Somehow the site of it deflated all his rage. He didn’t realise they still had it, in truth he hadn’t thought of it at all, but there it was. Images of him and Sasuke squeezed in it together filled his mind. They’d resisted getting a double bed for so long as neither of them could understand having a larger sleeping space when they wanted to be as close to each other as possible. Then Yamato had made them a beautiful bed for Naruto’s 21st birthday and gradually they’d adjusted until eventually the idea of being squashed together in a single bed seemed ridiculous.

The blonde ninja’s body suddenly seemed so heavy. He dragged himself towards the bed and saw the thing that he realised he had been searching for all this time. It was barely visible against the white pillowcase, but now he’d seen it he couldn’t unsee it, the pointed corner of an envelope protruding from under the pillow. He slumped onto the bed and after a full minute of sitting still, pulled the envelope out.

There was no name on it, there didn’t need to be, there were only two of them in the house. Now only one, Naruto thought bitterly. There was enough anger left in him, that he wanted to just tear it up, he told himself that if Sasuke didn’t respect Naruto enough to talk to him before he left, there was no reason in the world for him to read whatever note Sasuke had deemed to leave him.

But even as he thought these things, his trembling fingers were breaking the seal and unfolding the letter. His eyes started reading as if there was no other option.

_I hope you are reading this as I’ve written it and have not had to piece it together after tearing it apart, because I want you to know every word that’s in my heart. I’ve tried to hide it from you so you would still be able to find it, but not until your rage calms. I hope you’ve not damaged the house too much as we both know you’re not the best at tidying and I want to think of you living in a nice home._

_You may not believe me right now but it is unspeakably painful for me to think of you living your life and me not being part of it, but I know it is for the best if we do not see each other until we’ve both adjusted to the new situation._

_When you woke up the morning after Itachi’s party, and you didn’t mention any of the things we spoke about, I was relieved. Travelling home with you, I imagined that we could carry on and pretend it never happened and we’d both forgotten about it. But neither you nor I are cowards._

_However, I am weak. I know that you’d try to stop me, and that you might succeed, so I made the decision to leave while you slept. I couldn’t stand the thought that our last conversation as a couple might be arguing over who owned which saucepan. Because you’d be stubborn and claim everything was yours just to make things difficult._

‘I wouldn’t say they that, teme,’ Naruto growled at the piece of paper. ‘Nothing is yours or mine, it’s all ours. Together.’

_You were so beautiful when you came out of the shower last night, covered in droplets of water, because you’re still incapable of drying yourself in the bathroom and insist on dripping through as much of the house as possible, you seemed to shine. You took my breath away._

Naruto had meant to read through the letter quickly then destroy it, but he kept reading and rereading this paragraph, it was so typical of his boyfriend to put one of his frequent complaints in the middle of a break up letter, in the middle of a compliment to Naruto, that it actually made the blonde smile.  It made him confident that he knew Sasuke, but the last sentence confused him. When he came out of the shower he hadn’t noticed Sasuke even looking at him, let alone being all breathless over him. Was Sasuke lying to soften the blow? Or was the even harsher truth, that Naruto have no idea what was really going on in his lover’s head?’

He forced himself to finish reading the letter, but there was only a couple of lines left, and then that was it. No further explanation. Just an empty house.

_I’ve always looked after you, you’ve always believed in me, don’t doubt me now after all this time. Please don’t make this more painful. Let me go. And trust me, like you always have, that this is for the best._

It was signed formally, ‘Uchiha Sasuke’.

‘What the hell? Don’t write my name anywhere, but have to put your name in because you’re so important, and this is all about you, or do you think I’m so stupid I need to be reminded who I’ve been living with all these years?’ Naruto screwed the paper up in his hand, then almost immediately flattened it out again. He studied each line again, held it up to the light, carefully heated it, tried some basic jutsus, searching for the hidden secret message that he was certain had to be there somewhere. Then just three words caught his eyes, ‘Let me go’, he’d already read them several times, but they hit him as if he hadn’t seen them before. For a moment everything else blurred and all he could see were those words.

His stomach twisted and he had to throw himself downstairs to make it to the bathroom in time to hurl up what felt like everything he’d eaten in the last month. Through the acrid pain of vomiting he remembered vividly being in the hotel room being sick after Sasuke told him he wanted to break up. That had been horrible. But it was better than right now, because Sasuke had been with him.

Now he was alone and he had no idea what he was going to do. He was a stranger to himself without Sasuke by his side. Sasuke hadn’t just taken half of their possessions, he had ripped Naruto’s soul open and hollowed him out. Naruto tried to hold onto the semblance of anger that had been maintaining him up until this moment, but it had gone, and all he had left emotionally was the sensation of falling in darkness with no hope of pale strong arms ever catching him.


	4. Two Toothbrushes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another little flashback to when they were younger because I couldn't resist. I hope you enjoy.

Naruto was having a great dream. He’d just rescued Sasuke from a whole army of rogue ninja with his heroic brilliance. Then everyone else had miraculously vanished and left the two of them alone. Now Sasuke was on his knees with his arms wrapped around Naruto’s waist, he stared up at Naruto with tears running down his face, and begged Naruto to always be at his side, because Sasuke realised now that Naruto was absolutely the best fighter in the world, so much better than he was, and being with him made Sasuke feel super safe and happy.

Naruto dropped down beside Sasuke and pressed his face against the other boy’s, feeling the wetness (and surprisingly coldness) of his tears on his own cheeks. ‘If you promise not to leave me, I promise never to leave you,’ he said in a deep heroic, romantic voice.

Sasuke wept even harder, and said, ‘What do I have to do to wake you up, dobe?’

 Naruto was momentarily thrown by the lack of romance and tenderness in his boyfriend’s words, and also the voice didn’t match the big eyed cutie that was staring at him as if he was the finest thing in the whole world. But Naruto was not one to be put off for long by things that didn’t make sense, so he leaned in to kiss his wonderful boyfriend.

‘What are you doing, idiot? I’ve thrown two glasses of water over you and you’re still refusing to get up. You’re the worst ninja ever.’

Naruto blinked several times and his brain woke up enough to see the Uchiha standing by the bed, glaring down at him as if he was something to be thrown out with the trash.

Naruto smiled sleepily up at him. ‘You’re even nicer in real life than you are in my dream.’

Sasuke’s face immediately softened and his cheeks flushed. ‘You were dreaming about me?’ Then he looked away from the blonde and recaptured his usual expression of indifference. ‘I made you breakfast. If you don’t want it to be ruined you should come and get it now.’

‘You made me breakfast! Is it ramen?’ Naruto leapt out of bed and at his boyfriend with such energy that even Sasuke’s quick reflexes couldn’t save him from being tumbled to the ground with Naruto straddled around him. ‘It’s not tomato and seeds again, is it? Although obviously that’d still be…great, and I’d eat it all because you’ve made the effort to prepare it for me and I’m very grateful.’

‘Idiot,’ Sasuke said in a tone that twisted the simple word into something lovely.

If the Uchiha hadn’t started his stomach growling by mentioning breakfast, Naruto would have quite happily spent the whole morning, no, the whole entire day, just lying on the floor kissing his boyfriend.

But he couldn’t deny he was hungry. Well, he could deny it for a few glorious minutes of smooching before his stomach rumbled so loudly that Sasuke insisted they go and eat.

‘Just one more.’ Naruto didn’t wait for a reply, he gave Sasuke a sensual slow kiss that he made last for as long as possible. Only when Sasuke gave a moan of pleasure beneath him and tried to hold onto the blonde a little tighter, did Naruto pull away with a massive grin lighting up his face. It gave him an extra buzz of happiness to be able to be the one to leave his boyfriend wanting more for once.

He tried not to admit it to himself, but Sasuke had a lot of control in their relationship, Naruto couldn’t completely destroy his insecurities. The fact that he had a friend, an actual _friend_ of his own age, still felt like a miracle. The fact that that friend was the aloof genius Sasuke was unbelievable. And the fact that aforementioned aloof genius had never given any of the pretty girls who trailed around after him any attention, but chose instead to spend a lot of his free time kissing the social reject, Naruto, was just plain impossible.

Part of him was waiting for Sasuke to realise this obvious truth, and then would Sasuke still be his friend, or would he be disgusted by whatever madness had made him want to cuddle up to Naruto in the first place? But with every day, with every kiss, that part of him was getting smaller and smaller. Naruto was confident that one day his fears wouldn’t even be a faint memory.

But right now, it was the start to a brilliant day to possess the power of Sasuke wanting him more and him being able to resist.

It lasted a whole two seconds, before Sasuke with humiliating ease flipped Naruto on his back and kissed his neck in such a way that Naruto could barely breathe. Although he could somehow it seemed make a series of not-exactly-manly, high-pitched squeaking sounds.

The teme Uchiha didn’t even bother to hide his smirk when he stood up. ‘Breakfast, now.’ He walked away from Naruto. ‘I won’t cook for you again if you keep squirming around on the ground pretending to be a mouse rather than eat the food I’ve prepared.’

Naruto sat up, spluttering with rage. ‘It’s your fault I’m squirming and squeaking! You’re the one who makes me…’ He managed to stop himself before he said anything else, but he’d said enough to make Sasuke’s smirk widen enough that it could almost be categorised as a real smile.

It was while trying to think of an appropriate response to the brunette’s mirth that would not embarrass him further, that Naruto realised something was wrong. Very wrong.

His legs trembled as he stood up, although that could have as easily been an after-effect of Sasuke’s neck-kissing, as a reaction to his surroundings.

‘This is my bed,’ Naruto said slowly. ‘But this isn’t my bedroom. What’s going on?’

Sasuke’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Hnnnnn?’

‘Yes, I have only just noticed! Not because I’m stupid, but because I was still half asleep and…distracted. You’re very distracting. How’s a guy to concentrate on where he is when you’re talking about breakfast and doing….things to me.’ Naruto looked around as he spoke. This room was larger than his whole flat but it had less in it; his bed, a big wardrobe, two bedside cabinets with lamps on them and that was it. The décor was all clean lines in blacks and whites, with the only splashes of colour coming from Naruto’s bedding and an orange rug in front of a fire place that was built into the wall.

When Naruto looked back at Sasuke he saw that Sasuke was nervous, not nervous like another person would display it, but nervous like an Uchiha, which meant his bottom lip was ever so slightly sucked in.

‘What’s going on, Sasuke?’

‘It was meant to be a birthday present for you, but I couldn’t wait that long.’

‘My birthday’s next week.’

‘I just said that was too long to wait. Do I have to repeat everything for you, dobe?’ There was an edge to Sasuke’s voice which sounded like anger, but Naruto recognised it for what it truly was because he felt it so often himself. It was fear of being rejected.

He walked over to the other boy and put his arms around him. ‘Tell me what this is, yaknow, just pretend that your boyfriend isn’t supersmart and awesome me who can work everything out on his own, but someone totally opposite to me, who needs everything explained to him.’

Sasuke met Naruto’s gaze. ‘I’ve been lying to you. When I’ve been telling you I want time on my own to study, that wasn’t true.’

Naruto’s mouth went dry. It didn’t make sense of waking up in this strange room, or the soft tone of voice Sasuke was using, but the small doubting voice inside him suddenly got really loud screaming that this was when Sasuke would end it.

Sasuke continued speaking. ‘It never felt right not being honest with you, you’re the one person in my life I feel I can be totally open with, but you said how you’d always wanted to have a birthday surprise, and this I guess is as close as I could get, Happy Pre-Birthday Surprise.’

‘Ummm, I still don’t get it.’

‘I’ve been decorating this house for us to move into…or just you if…you don’t want to…live…share a house with me.’

Naruto jumped into Sasuke’s arms. ‘We’re going to live together! We’re going to live together!’ His voice was half cheer and half singing.

Later, much later, Naruto would affectionately tease Sasuke about his shyness to which Sasuke would respond by not-so-affectionately asking how a supposed ninja could be moved to a whole different house without noticing. In the moment though, they were both so overwhelmed with feelings that they forgot to argue and compete with each other.

As Sasuke gave him a tour of the whole house, Naruto showed wonder and excitement at every little thing.

‘Ah. Sasuke look, two toothbrushes! Look at our two toothbrushes together, just like we’re together! My toothbrush was so lonely, it hurt so much, and it had to pretend it wasn’t lonely to try and fool itself into being happy but it never worked. Now it doesn’t have to pretend anymore though, yaknow, because it’s got a real, forever eternal toothbrush friend!’

And Sasuke didn’t even think of making any comments that would dampen the blonde’s enthusiasm, (such as informing Naruto he changed his toothbrush every three months as every hygienic person did), because it made him so content to be with someone who could freely express all the emotions that Sasuke himself had been scared of feeling since the trauma of his parents’ murder.

Similarly, when Sasuke timidly showed him the pale pastel yellow curtains he’d chosen for the downstairs living room because he knew that Naruto liked bright colours, Naruto hadn’t said he needed to squint and use a lot of imagination to see any colour in them at all. He had hugged the blushing brunette covering his face in kisses and said that they were the perfect choice and the most beautiful curtains he’d seen in his whole life.

Though it took them a long time to get there, the breakfast wasn’t ruined, it would have been impossible to ruin it. Sasuke had prepared a feast that could have fed every single squad with even Choji leaving leftovers.

Before they started Sasuke handed Naruto a used ramen pot. ‘To celebrate,’ he said.

Naruto peered in and saw it was filled with liquid. ‘Ramenwater! You remember everything.’

They touched the pots together and downed their drinks in one.

Naruto beamed. ‘See, I am a genius, that’s so tasty.’

‘Yes,’ Sasuke said. ‘Lots of taste.’

Naruto forced his eyes away from his gorgeous boyfriend to look at all the gorgeous food. ‘How did you do all this?’ Naruto asked in complete awe. ‘Not just the meal, but everything. This has to be a genjutsu, this can’t be real. Please don’t wake me up until we’ve eaten… and kissed some more.’

‘Kakashi did help with some bits, like moving your bed. He thought you’d wake up, I told him he didn’t know you as well as I did.’  Sasuke gave a small smile. Then his smile faded, not to his normal expression, but one of genuine concern. ‘But if I got anything wrong, tell me. I wanted you to be somewhere nice, I wanted to be the first one to give you a surprise, and I wanted it to be something big that you’d always remember, waking up in a new home. You can change anything you want. If you want to go back to your flat, I’ll return everything exactly the way it is. And if you want to live here, but not with me, the Uchiha village is so empty there are plenty of places I can be without you having to worry about running into me too often.’

‘I don’t want to have to worry about running into you, yaknow,’ Naruto said his voice as shy as Sasuke’s, ‘because I want to see you always right by my side.’

The blonde put his two fingers out and Sasuke met them with his and they linked together.

They remained quiet for a moment, staring at their hands, before Sasuke spoke. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be as open as you are with all your emotions, but I’m trying. I’ve been surviving on hate and revenge for so long that it’s sometimes frightening feeling other things. I _am_ feeling other things though. I don’t quite know what they are yet, but I know when I’m not with you I think about you and I hope you’re happy and you’re safe. And I wish I was with you and that I could be to be the one to always make you happy and always keep you safe.’

Silent tears ran down both boys’ faces. Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke and buried his head against his shoulder.

‘Never let me go, Usuratonkachi, just promise me you’ll never let me go,’ Sasuke whispered into the blonde's hair.

‘I promise.’


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke and Naruto's break up creates ripples around Konoha as their friends reflect on what it means.

Sakura resisted the impulse to run into Ino’s shop.

Ino had been insisting on the truth of the gossip, and Sakura could barely wait to correct her, this time with proof. Sakura had just had a long conversation with Naruto where Naruto had been laughing and joking exactly the same as he always did. She hadn’t been blatant enough to ask the blonde directly, mainly because it would have felt like she was insulting their long friendship to ask such a question about his relationship based purely on silly rumours, but also because it would have seemed a ridiculous thing to mention when he was obviously not in the least bit the heartbroken wreck Ino was painting him as.

With her first step in the shop door, Sakura began putting Ino right. ‘You need to take back all the things you’ve been saying right now, Ino-pig! I’ve just now been with Naruto and he is as joyful as ever, he definitely hasn’t split up with Sasuke. I don’t know how you can even think that. Don’t you think _I_ of all people would know if there were any problems between them? I’m their best friend, Naruto would have confided in me ages ago if there…oh, Sasuke kun, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. I didn’t mean…I was…’ Sakura blushed a deep ashamed red.

How had she not seen him?! He was leaning against the counter right next to Ino! In fact he was leaning quite close into Ino, and there was a flush to Ino’s cheeks.

Sakura quickly dismissed the ludicrous impression that was forming in her mind, she’d already embarrassed herself enough without bumbling straight into another mistake. Damn her for being so focused on getting an apology out of Ino that she became blind to everything else. Even though she was now a woman, an incredibly accomplished medical ninja, there were times with Ino she still felt like a little girl jealous and intimidated by her friend’s prettiness and too anxious to prove she wasn’t inferior.

Sakura took a deep breath and spoke in a calm adult voice. ‘Sasuke, what I was saying, please pretend you didn’t hear it, it was just some silliness between me and Ino that means nothing.’

‘It’s fine.’ Sasuke moved away from the counter and stood up to his full height.

She gave a sigh of relief that Sasuke remained so relaxed despite what she'd just said.

‘It’s good to hear Naruto's happy, I’ve been avoiding him since the split so I didn’t know how he was coping. We both need time on our own to explore the new possibilities open to us.’ He walked across the shop floor and past Sakura, his hand brushed against hers and then he was gone.

Ino raised her eyebrows at Sakura, ‘So which one are you going to go for, Naruto or Sasuke?’

Sakura’s mouth dropped open. ‘How can you ask such a thing? You know I didn’t even believe it was true that they….how can that have happened…I was just with Naruto, just now, and he was so…happy. Why didn’t they tell me?’

Without saying a word, Ino shut the shop door, put a closed sign up and took Sakura upstairs to their flat. It was only when they were sitting next to each other on the floor, their legs curled under their bodies with a cup of steaming tea each, that Ino spoke again.

‘I know it’s a shock for you, but you aren’t going to have the luxury of much time. We know how much they loved each other, and Sasuke is definitely content, and you said Naruto is looking happy, so it must be a mutual decision. There can only be one reason for it.’

Sakura’s brain wasn’t working very well, all it kept repeating was ‘why didn’t they tell me?’ They were Squad Seven, didn’t that bond mean anything anymore? Memory after memory played through her mind like a bad out of sequence movie.  All the battles they’d fought together, all the times she’d healed them, all the times she’d covered for them when they were making out instead of working. It wasn’t any clear image though, just one overall feeling that stayed with her, the feeling that was always present although she rarely consciously acknowledged it: they were a team, without hesitation, Sasuke and Naruto would die to save her, _but_ they would rip the whole world apart to save each other.

‘You’re not listening to me, Billboard Brow.’  Ino slapped her palm gently against Sakura’s forehead. ‘Whatever you’re thinking, get over it, and get into action.’

Sakura looked at her oldest friend with wide eyes. ‘Do you remember how much we cried when Sasuke told everyone he was in love with Naruto?’

Ino gave a nostalgic smile and nodded. ‘I didn’t think I’d ever feel that way for anyone else.’

Sakura spoke slowly. ‘In a way, I never stopped crying. I was so happy for them. But it was so very very difficult being with them. Not just because of…my feelings for Sasuke, but just spending so much time with people who love each other like those two do. It’s suffocating. It’s isolating. Being alone, and always knowing how alone you are because they’re so together. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced more pain from anything else than lying in some anonymous hotel room unable to sleep because they’re in the room next to me...enjoying each other.’

Ino placed an arm around her friend and pulled her close. ‘You’ve never said anything like this to me before. I’m sorry, I always thought you were happy in your team.’

Sakura held back from saying that when they were young, Ino wouldn’t have understood, that Ino had always moved through life with a lighter step than Sakura, able to skip pass her disappointments as if they barely touched her. It was the death of Choji that had made her more sympathetic to other people’s feelings. And there was no good way to say to her oldest friend that becoming a widow had made her a nicer person.

‘I didn’t want to seem jealous and bitter, because that’s not it,’ Sakura said. ‘It’s hard even now to explain how I felt, how I feel. I put all my energy into training, I became so strong, but even though I have no idea when they ever did anything to improve themselves, in battles if one of them is threatened the other one immediately switches into a different level. You’ve seen it, haven’t you? They become totally different ninjas, better than anyone else on the battlefield. That’s the power of their love, and I’m in awe of it, and I wish I could experience it and…it’s killing me inside to think that something like that isn’t eternal. If they can’t make it work, what chance do any of us have? I feel more lonely hearing Sasuke saying so casually him and Naruto have split up, than I did being stuck on the outside of their partnership…and I didn’t think that was possible.’

There were more words in Sakura, more emotions that she was suddenly desperate to express, so much that she needed to share with Ino, but right now all she could do was cry.

Ino held her, and waited until the loud weeping had subsided into quiet tears before she said anything else. ‘Please listen to me, I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but I love you and want the best for you.’ She gently raised Sakura’s head so they were looking at each other. ‘I don’t think their love has failed, I think they’re still as mad for each other as ever.’

Sakura’s frowned. ‘Then why…’

‘Because they’re two men together, who’ve got a little older and realised that even though they love each other they need something else in their lives that they can’t give each other.’ Ino waited for understanding to light up her friend’s eyes.

‘You mean…you think…they want children?’ Sakura finally said.

‘Yes. They want to get married to a wonderful wife and carry on their blood lines with a house full of bouncing babies.’ Ino paused for a heartbeat before she said the next thing. ‘And you’re their ideal woman. You know them both well, you’re used to their ways, and you have big child-bearing hips.’

The idea spun wildly around Sakura, burning her up like wildfire. She didn’t even notice the half-insult of Ino implying she was pear shaped.

‘As I’ve been trying to make you understand though, you’ve got to move quickly. They’ve been together for so long neither of them have any dating experience nor experience with women.  There’s going to be an endless line of women who will snap them up without them even realising they’re being fished for. A lot of girls _younger_ than you will take the smallest opportunity they’re given, so you need to make the most of the one advantage you have, how well you know your boys, and hook them fast. Just tell me which one you want and I’ll do everything I can to help you.’

‘Sasuke.’ The name was out of her lips before Sakura was aware she had spoken it. She’d meant to protest, to insist that she wasn’t some vulture scavenging at the dead remains of a relationship, that she wasn’t a stupid schoolgirl chasing after the class heartthrob anymore, that Ino was wrong to assume she would happily fit into the role of baby-making machine for some man who suddenly decided he wanted children. But her heart wasn’t logical, sensible or honourable. It was lonely.

 

***

Kiba entered his home with none of his usual energy or noise. Akamaru padded beside him, looking sympathetically up at the man.

It wasn’t the first time in his life, and he doubted that it would be the last, that Kiba considered the world would have been a lot easier if he’d been born a dog.

Hinata’s face lit up when she saw him and she moved to come and meet him, but he gestured for her to stay lying on the couch and he went to her and gently kissed her on the cheek.

He placed a protective hand on her belly and asked with undisguised nervousness, ‘How have you been today?’

She put her hand on top of his. ‘It’ll be okay this time, I know it will. This baby reminds me of you, it’s kicking all day and all night.’ She gave her smile that always made Kiba feel like everything would really be all right.

But after three miscarriages and a still birth it was impossible to be entirely calm. It was only because his wife had only ever asked him for this one thing, that he’d agreed to try once more. He didn’t understand the science of it, although he read and listened and concentrated more on this one issue than he had on anything else in his life.  However, Sakura did understand it, and she was visiting Hinata at least once a day, often more, and kept reassuring them both that whatever part of their combined chakras that had been rejected before, or got tangled up, or was never meant to be united, it wasn’t causing any problems this time.

‘Naruto came over today,’ Hinata said to fill the silence. ‘He cheered me up a lot, it’s impossible to believe anything bad can happen when he’s with you.’

Kiba glanced at her, an old memory that he’d almost forgotten  suddenly came back to him; as a young girl Hinata had been obsessed with the bratty blonde kid that was Naruto, secretly following him around and spying on him, but too shy to ever speak to him.

‘Why did you choose him to look after your squad while you’re resting? Him and Sasuke have never bothered to get past genin level, have they? How can Naruto be capable of preparing them for chunin exams?’

‘All three of them are so skilled already, they don’t need much teaching, but I think Naruto will give them that extra positivity and belief that makes everything easier.’

‘I guess he comes and sees you a lot to tell you how they’re doing? I bet he’s got a lot of time for old friendships now that Sasuke’s dumped him’ The words sounded harsh reflecting the agony of his own thoughts.

Kiba wasn’t one for much inner soul-searching or regrets, but just as Hinata’s old crush had appeared in his mind, now he was beset by an image of a different world where Naruto and Sasuke never got together and the blonde had finally noticed Hinata’s devotion to him. He had a painful certainty that he would have been able to give her healthy babies that survived and Hinata would never have had to suffer in the way she had with Kiba as her defective husband.

A sadness took over his wife’s face and Kiba wondered if she was thinking the same as him, wishing for a life with the ninja who could keep spreading happiness even when his long term partner had left him.

Hinata caressed Kiba’s hand. ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’ she said softly. ‘Naruto has always been so kind to us, in so many little ways that no one else would even think about. He’s one of the best people. And I thought the universe was balancing out his earlier suffering by giving him Sasuke who would look after him forever.’ She entwined her fingers with her husband’s. ‘What will happen to him now? Without your love I wouldn’t have been able to endure all the losses. I know he’s smiling on the outside, and I know he’s strong, but how will Naruto be able to cope on his own? It makes me feel guilty for being so happy with you to think of him alone without Sasuke.’

Kiba leant over Hinata and gave her the most passionate kiss he dared to with her fragile health. ‘Sasuke is an arrogant bastard, but even he isn’t stupid enough to permanently walk away from Naruto. Don’t worry, he’ll come to his senses, or if we need to, Akamaru and me will beat him to his senses. Those two always argue but it’s like Shikamaru says, it’s just because they enjoy making up so much. Everything will be all right, I just know it will.’

***

Naruto was doing well. He really was. When he was out and about, he walked around the village, smiling at people, having normal conversations about normal everyday things. He was clean and dressed in his normal clothes doing the same normal things everyone else in Konaha was doing, shopping for food, chatting about the upcoming chunin exams, enjoying the sunshine, and all the other very normal things, normal people do.  No one could say there was anything wrong with him at all.

No one apart from Iruka. Iruka checked on him every morning to shake Naruto out of a sleepless daze and get him moving, and every evening to try and ignite the once vivacious blonde into doing something other than sitting huddled alone in the dark.

This evening had been one of the worst, Iruka had had to climb in through a window because Naruto appeared to have collapsed in a heap as soon as he got through the front door and he wouldn’t budge to let Iruka in. It had taken Iruka over an hour to coax and plead, and in the end mainly carry Naruto to the dining table. Iruka had felt so hopeful earlier too when he’d seen Naruto at his most youthful and playful messing around with Hinata’s genin who were now under his guidance. It was strange and unsettling to think the man, who had been so emotionally open in displaying his love for Sasuke was now having to box up and hide his feelings from the world.

‘Maybe, I’ll stay the night. I can sleep in one of the spare rooms.’ Iruka paused but Naruto made no reply. He placed the simple meal he’d made in front of his former pupil.

Naruto pushed the plate to the side without saying anything.

‘I know my cooking’s not as good as Sasuke’s, but you could at least taste it.’ Iruka was trying a new tactic of casually talking about Naruto’s ex; obviously avoiding the name, or treating the subject incredibly delicately did not seem to be helping his friend’s recovery. 

Naruto pulled the plate back in front of him and picked up his chopsticks, but he stared at the food as if it was an insurmountable task.

It made Iruka’s own stomach ache to see the always-greedy blonde treat food with such indifference.  Somehow it was even worse than Naruto’s younger days when Iruka had quickly realised how constantly hungry the kid was, and had tried to treat him to ramen as often as he could without Naruto getting suspicious or having his pride hurt. Although, in retrospective, maybe he had been needlessly cautious in the way he tried to care for the child. When Sasuke had claimed Naruto, he made no qualms about completely taking Naruto’s life over, and Naruto shone and thrived under the attention. The relationship between the two boys was obviously completely different than the bond him and Naruto shared, but Iruka could still perhaps learn from the past and not make the same mistakes all these years later now that Naruto had unhappily fallen under his watch again. It wasn’t his natural personality, but for Naruto’s sake he needed to take some control and be more dominant.

He took a deep breath. ‘And as I’m staying over we can finally get something done about this mess.’ He swept his arms out to take in the state of Naruto’s once beautiful home.

Naruto picked something up with his chopstick, it almost reached his mouth then he let it drop back onto the plate. He didn’t even look at Iruka.

But when Iruka walked purposely over to the sofa and started trying to force the stuffing back into a cushion, Naruto leapt over to him, snatched the cushion away and threw it on the floor.

‘No, this isn’t for you or me to do. It’s _his_ fault. _He_ can deal with it when he comes back.’

Iruka put his hands on Naruto’s shoulders and held the younger man firmly in place. ‘Naruto, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to. It’s been a month, Sasuke isn’t going to change his mind, he isn’t coming back to you.’

Naruto made a low growl. ‘A month is nothing, he said it himself, we’ve been together over half our lives, what do I care about him sulking for a _month_? When we’ve got the whole rest of our lives together a month is absolutely meaningless.’

‘What about when a month turns into two months, into three months, half a year, a year? You need to let him go and start getting on with your life.’

‘Hmph. He’s a stubborn idiot, but he won’t last that long, he needs me. And so what if he does manage somehow to survive a year without me?’ Naruto shrugged. ‘I’ll still wait for him to come to his senses. A year’s just twelve months, and I’ve already told you a month is nothing, so it’s just twelve nothings. Besides, he said after a year I’d tell him how grateful I was or something, some crap about how I’d realise he’d made the best decision for us. So that’s the time when he’ll have to admit how stupid he’s been. After a year, I’ll punch him out and drag him back here, and because I’m a nice guy I’ll accept all his apologies about how totally and utterly wrong he was. I’ll listen really patiently when he’s grovelling on the floor and regretting being such a heartless bastard, and I won’t make him pay for it…too much.’ Naruto grinned and put his hands behind his neck.

Whatever he was thinking about, there was a flash of light in those blue eyes that had been so dull recently, and Iruka felt his resolve to be stern with Naruto weaken, and then completely break.

‘You know Sasuke, so I won’t argue with you.’ Iruka lowered his gaze, he felt dishonourable about what he was about to say, because he didn’t believe in any part of him that the Uchiha was going to return, but if it was for Naruto’s benefit, it was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? ‘I was just thinking about how I’d feel, if my partner was being as stupid as Sasuke, when they did return I’d want them to see how much better I’d coped on my own than they had. I’d want to have proof that all the things they thought I couldn’t do on my own, I actually excelled at. And after a month…or more…apart, I definitely wouldn’t want to waste any precious _reunion_ time having to tidy up.’

Naruto gave Iruka a massive hug, the type of hug only Naruto gave, where you felt like all the oxygen was being squeezed out of your body and you didn’t care because you were surrounded by such warmth and love.

‘You’re the best, Sensei,’ Naruto said. ‘I appreciate what you’re doing for me, sticking by me when I’m being such an ass, but it’s good having someone like you, yaknow, that I don’t have to pretend to be happy around.’ He stepped away from his former teacher. ‘But now I do really feel happy, because you’re thinking clearer than me and showing me how it is. It feels good thinking of something to do that’ll show him that I’m not a kid and can look after myself, and then he’ll come back even sooner.’

Together they worked through the evening and Naruto chatted away, a lot about the genin he was helping to train and obviously adored, a bit about Itachi’s new twins, some gossip about their shared friends, but mostly they travelled through the memories that had bound them together across all the years.

They went to bed late, but Iruka heard Naruto get up less than half an hour later and continue with the cleaning. He considered whether he should insist that he get some rest, but decided that this sudden burst of energy was hopefully the start of Naruto returning to his former self.

Plus there was the small matter of the tears that were running down his cheeks. He’d managed to hold them in since that first day when he’d come to visit Naruto and Sasuke to hear all their news about Itachi.

After knocking several times without getting a reply, he had entered and found Naruto pale and alone, slumped in a bathroom, surrounded by a pool of his own vomit. Despite his position as a shinobi, Iruka was not a violent man, but listening to Naruto’s mumbled and barely coherent explanation of what had happened, Iruka had struggled to control himself. All his instincts had wanted to find the young Uchiha and badly hurt him. It was a desire that hadn’t abated as the weeks dragged on and with every new day he witnessed more of Naruto’s pain. But right now it wasn’t the anger that was escaping, it was the deep inexpressible sadness he’d kept locked inside him since that first moment he’d seen Naruto and known that his favourite, brightest and sweetest student, had lost his happy ending.

 ***

 

‘Is it wrong to say that I prefer Naruto to Hinata?’ Hikaru squeezed her hands together. ‘I love Hinata of course, but Naruto kun is soooo cute.’ She spun around in a little circle. ‘And funny. And clever. Aaaand newly single. Do you think he’s looking for someone?’ She fluttered her eyelashes.

Madoka smiled indulgently at her younger friend. ‘If he is, it’ll be someone nearer his own age.’

‘He won’t care about things like that! He’s a romantic who follows wherever his heart takes him, do you know he was only twelve when he decided that he was in love with a boy not a girl? Isn’t that dreamy?’

Madoka brushed her hair away from her face and looked sideways over Hikaru’s head at Kasuga. ‘What do you think of our new senpai?’

Kasuga paused, waiting for Hikaru to skip ahead singing Naruto’s praises, before he replied.  ‘I kind of feel sorry for him.’

‘He’s an adult, I think he’ll be able to cope with Hikaru’s attention better than you did.’

Kasuga blushed deep beetroot. Everyone said he was lucky being the only male in a group with two beautiful kunoichi and with Hinata as their squad leader too, but because this was his life there were always problems.

‘I…I didn’t mean Hikaru,’ he stammered. ‘I’m glad she’s now got a crush on someone who can deal with it better.’ He wasn’t brave enough yet to add _and now maybe as your best friend isn’t declaring her love for me every five minutes we could try going on a date_. ‘I meant that sometimes when he thinks we’re busy and not looking, he stops smiling and he looks so sad. Why do you think his boyfriend left him? He’s a really nice person.’

Madoka stared forward, the three of them had been friends for a while and fallen into a rhythm long ago that accepted her as the wisest and most mature. But there were some things she wasn’t even close to knowing.

She’d seen Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto as a couple walking through Konoha for as long as she could remember. Of course, neither of them had particularly noticed her, but neither of them had particularly noticed anyone else when they were together. The stories of their bravery and the many miraculous fights they’d won were repeated and exaggerated among all the children, but the thing that fascinated her most was just seeing them together doing everyday things like eating ramen, sitting on a bench holding hands, or having an argument that didn’t sound quite like an argument about what to buy when they were shopping. For her they were always the picture of perfect love, something that she wanted for herself when she got older.

At night thoughts of Kasuga drifted into her mind before she fell asleep. But she didn’t imagine the same things Hikaru did: big romantic gestures and elaborate dates. She imagined things like the brief glances Naruto and Sasuke exchanged in the middle of a crowded street, or the time she’d seen Sasuke carrying Naruto home with both of them loudly blaming the other for whatever injury Naruto had sustained, and the way, whatever else they were doing or whoever was around, Naruto would suddenly lean into Sasuke and whisper something that would make the imposing Uchiha laugh.

When she heard the rumours that they’d split up, she spent the night in bed crying. She had an urge to stick them back together like they were a broken toy that could be mended. But her heart ached because it made her realise the painful truth, that adults didn’t necessarily know what they were doing any better  than kids did, and being in love didn’t always mean you ended up happy together.

‘What are you thinking about, Madoka?’ Kasuga asked.

‘I think we should all train hard, we need to be as strong as possible,’ she replied.

Kasuga nodded. ‘We’ll be prepared for the exams.’

‘It’s more than the exams,’ Madoka said. ‘ It’s beyond that, it’s our whole lives. We need to all be powerful, because the truth is that in the end the only person you can ever rely on is yourself.’

***

Naruto was alone in the house. He was glad that Iruka was busy, Iruka was his favourite person to be with in his current situation, but even his former teacher left him drained. He loved people, he loved socialising, but more than anything else he loved Sasuke.

Conversations with everyone else had started to make his brain itch. Instead of listening to what people  were saying, he thought of Sasuke and how he would react. He got more entertainment imagining Sasuke’s raised eyebrow or a muttered ‘hnnnn’, than he did listening to stories that would have had him laughing all night a couple of months ago.

The other thing was, that without Sasuke to share things with, everything he did had become grey and pointless. Even things he enjoyed like getting to know Hinata’s genin, faded into nothing once he was out of their company.

He felt guilty and like a fake, but he didn’t know how to make it change. Sasuke held his joy and his heart, he couldn’t truly give people what he didn’t possess any longer.

Naruto looked down at the plate of food in front of him. He knew he’d made it, but he had no memory of buying the ingredients or even preparing it. He’d promised Iruka he would cook himself a proper meal, and he’d done that, now he picked it up, walked to the kitchen and threw the whole thing, plate included, into the bin untouched.

Instead he picked up one of Sakura’s food pills and popped that into his mouth. She said it was a new recipe but it looked and tasted as disgusting as it always had, he didn’t care. It sustained him and was somehow preferable to eating a real meal.

Although he wasn’t sure about his feelings for Sakura right now. His pink-haired friend was being her own unique mixture of kind and bossy to him. However, somehow he knew, even though he was normally so slow on these things, that she was looking for some sort of permission (perhaps even help?!) to romantically pursue Sasuke.

If she asked him outright he would smile and joke about how she’d had dibs on Sasuke before he’d even thought of the Uchiha as anything but an arrogant snob, so she had every right to try and reclaim him. And even if she never got up the courage to ask, he’d be supportive and encouraging. But whether it was fair or not, in his soul he knew his friendship with her had been irreparably scratched through and he resented her more than he did his stupid lover who had started this whole mess of emotions in the first place.

He went upstairs to the top of the house in the study that had never really been a study. He lay on the single bed and pulled a photo out from under the same pillow where Sasuke had left his goodbye letter.

It was a recent snap of Sasuke taken for some security thing, he’d stolen it off Kakashi’s desk when the grey haired Hokage had turned his back for a moment. Since they’d split Naruto hadn’t seen Sasuke once. He’d sensed him many times and tried to chase him down, but it turned out Sasuke was better at running and hiding than Naruto was at catching. He knew Sasuke had gone to live in his old childhood home, not that he was there much, but sometimes Naruto just stood outside thinking of Sasuke now and thinking of Sasuke as a child discovering his parents’ body and feeling equally sad for both of them.

He wanted to hold his lover so much, to run his hands through his hair and look into the eyes of someone he'd always felt understood him. The difficult thing to work out in his mind, was that he still believed that Sasuke understood him perfectly and he understood Sasuke perfectly, so how had they got into this situation of living apart?

He traced his fingers over the lines of the face in the picture. His body physically ached and his cock immediately hardened.

‘You’re looking good, teme,’ Naruto said. ‘Not very happy, but then you hate having your photo taken, don’t you? If I was as handsome as you I’d be naked all day and night telling people to take as many pictures as they liked.’ Naruto paused as if listening and then chuckled. ‘Hey, thanks for the compliment about my body, but I’m only joking, don’t sweat, although you’re cute when you’re possessive, so maybe do sweat a little bit. I never really get why you get jealous though, we both know you’re the only one who I’d ever want to take pictures of me like that.’

Naruto sighed. ‘Serious now, though, this thing you’re doing is really screwing me over, yaknow? And definitely not in a good way. In the total opposite of a good way. For the first time in ever, I can go out and get as drunk as I like, party as hard as I like, see all my friends for as long as they can stand me, and all I want to do is stay at home by myself having an imaginary conversation with a photo. The biggest sexual thrill of my life at the moment, the thing I look forward to the whole rest of the day, is touching…whatever it is that photos are made out of. You could tell me that if you were really here talking to me. So you better come back quick because I am getting both madder and more stupid.’

He traced his thumb over the picture’s lips. ‘What did I do wrong that you don’t want to kiss me anymore? I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll always put my washing in the laundry bin and never just drop it on the floor. I’ll eat healthy food without complaining. I’ll never eat anything that you say is unhealthy again. I kinda don’t care about food at all at the moment, so in honesty that’ll be really easy to stick to. And  I won’t be so loud. That might be tougher, but I can do it. I won’t try and have sex with you in public places.’ Naruto frowned. ‘Although you always seemed to enjoy it? And at least half the time it was you who started it. But I won’t do it if that’s one of the things you don’t like about me. Please just tell me so I know. Did you leave that night because I didn’t dry myself in the bathroom, I came out all wet and dripped everywhere like you hate and you just couldn’t stand it any longer?’

Naruto pushed his head back into the pillow. He had to stop this before it spiralled too far downwards. He knew from previous nights that he was only a few questions away from being curled up in a ball weeping tears that refused to fall because he’d already cried too much.

‘Change of subject needed, I’ll tell you about my day and then you can tell me all about yours.’

Naruto chatted away as if his boyfriend was lying next to him and as in love with him as he always had been. The imaginary conversation drifted into dreams some of which made him smile, others made his sleeping body writhe in desperation.

The last dream before he woke up was different from the others. He was in his mind trying to wake Kurama up to talk to, although the fox had  apologetically declared his early decision to sleep out as much of Naruto’s break up as possible in case Naruto’s deep pain triggered his own anger and he went on a rampage.

Then a familiar hand touched the nape of his neck. The breath caught in his throat, his heart stopped beating, and for some reason unlike in other dreams where Sasuke’s hands had been doing much more explicit and exciting things, Naruto was scared to move in case he woke up.

‘Can I see your face?’ Sasuke whispered in his ear.

‘You can see my face anytime you want, just come home. Just stop running away from me,’ Naruto replied.

‘Turn around. I want to see you. Please.’

Naruto wanted to argue, but he knew he would do anything Sasuke asked him to, there was no point resisting for a useless show of non-existent pride.

He turned slowly until he was gazing into dark eyes that were edged with tears.

‘If I didn’t love you as much as I do, I wouldn’t be able to stay away from you. Every inch of my skin misses your skin. Every nerve in my body misses your caress. Life is so boring and empty without the sound of your voice. But this is the way that it needs to be.’

Naruto blinked back his own tears. ‘What are you doing coming into my dreams, if all you’re going to do is say the same crazy crap that you’ve already said to my face. You’re making me go through all this pain because you love me so much? Really, Sasuke, really? It makes me wish that you loved me a little less if it meant that you’d stay in our bed where you belong.’

‘I wish I could take away all your hurt.’ Sasuke leaned forward into Naruto until their lips were almost touching.

They stood frozen in that position, breathing in the heat of each other’s breath.

Then Sasuke abruptly pulled away. ‘You’re right I shouldn’t be here, it makes things harder for both of us. I came to remind you that it’s the day to celebrate the springtime of youth. I’d feel guilty if you missed it because you haven’t got me there to tell you what day of the week it is.’ Sasuke smirked and disappeared.

Naruto stared into the empty space. ‘You should feel guilty about a hell of a lot more than that, teme!’ His shout turned into a murmur. ‘And I know what day of the week it is, I can read a calendar. It just feels nice having you look after me.’

Sasuke reappeared and Naruto’s heart flipped in his chest, he threw his arms open to hug his lover. ‘You came back, you didn’t leave me.’

Sasuke raised his hands in a defensive position and stopped Naruto’s hug as if it was an attack. ‘Don’t have sex with Kakashi. He’s a pervert. Now get up or you’ll be late.’ Then Sasuke was gone again and Naruto lost his balance and fell forward.

 

Naruto’s eyes opened wide, his hands were flailing above his head desperately trying to stop himself falling. It took him a moment to realise he was safe on his bed. And alone. He searched through the room, looking under the bed, behind the curtains for any sign that Sasuke had been there. He wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt like a fresh wound, when he found nothing.

He stood still for a long time, thinking about his last dream. He touched his neck in the place Sasuke had and thought of how close their lips had been to kissing. Then he replayed the conversation. Despite what his dream self had said, Naruto wasn’t actually capable of reading a calendar as in his initial rage he’d torn up the one that used to hang in the kitchen. But somehow he trusted the vision of Sasuke as a reminder from his subconscious that however broken he felt, however much he wanted to curl away from reality and back into his dreams, this was one thing he could never miss.

He pushed his yearning for his boyfriend to the back of his mind and rushed to get ready and meet Kakashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you for continuing to read this story. I wanted to have a chapter that showed a little bit of what Sasuke and Naruto look like from the outside and contained some of the pain I've felt in real life where people who seem perfect together split up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi is an intelligent and popular Hokage, but there is a large part of him that will always be the leader of Team 7, when he receives a warning from Itachi that Sasuke could be in trouble, his emotions take over and it is the beginning of a tumultuous time of dealing with two heartbroken ninjas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a partner to the previous chapter, looking at Naruto and Sasuke from the outside and how their break up effects someone who cares for them a lot.  
> I hope you enjoy and thank you so much for reading. The next chapter is returning back to a Naruto-focus.

The message from Itachi had arrived in Konoha before Sasuke and Naruto themselves returned.

Kakashi ignored the rest of his paperwork and read through it immediately.

_Sasuke is about to do something stupid. Stop him. Please._

It was typical of Itachi in that it was short and contained no details, but the ‘please’ at the end was uncharacteristic and worried Kakashi.

He leaned back in his chair and tried to consider logically what it was that Sasuke could be planning. It was something that Itachi didn’t feel he could intervene in or prevent himself. But that didn’t narrow it down much, or at all.

Kakashi was the first person to know about the possibility of the Uchiha’s union with Terumi Mei due to Itachi insisting on promises from Kakashi that he would act as Sasuke’s protector in his absence. Kakashi was certain that if he hadn’t been able to assure Itachi that he would be able to watch over the younger Uchiha, Itachi would have abandoned his opportunity for romantic love without a moment’s hesistation and never have got married. He was also certain that if marriage hadn’t been an option, and Itachi had remained in Konoha he would have still found ways to use Kakashi to look after Sasuke. With the complexity of their history, Itachi knew Sasuke needed to feel respected and independent, not that his older brother was watching his every move and still planning his own life around Sasuke’s well-being.

Kakashi destroyed the note then went home. There was no point trying to do any more work, his mind was now focused on only one thing. Entering his empty flat he wondered if there was anyone else alive who was as fiercely loved as the younger Uchiha. He walked through the world with the hurricane of energy that was Naruto whirling around him, the watchful eyes of Itachi’s crows hovering above him, and Kakashi’s years of experience trailing behind him.

The silver haired ninja looked through his cupboards and began mechanically preparing a meal, while his thoughts sifted through what Sasuke could possibly be on the verge of doing. In their teens, Sasuke and Naruto had been an unpredictable force, abandoning missions halfway through to rush off together on quests that should have been far beyond their level. But somehow they _had_ bought Itachi back and convinced Tsunade to dedicate herself to healing him, Naruto _had_ protected Sasuke from Orochimaru, Sasuke _had_ protected Naruto from the Akatsuki. And however patchy their formal knowledge was, Sasuke especially seemed to have an ability to discover information that people of much higher level had missed when it was at all connected to Naruto. It was him who had found who and where the other Jinchuriki were. Then having decided Killer Bee was the best one to aid his lover had run off to Kumogakure and got access to the Raikage’s brother despite official diplomatic relations between the two great nations being extremely tentative at the time.

In the strict letter of the law Sasuke and Naruto should have spent a lot of their life on trial and imprisoned for the amount of rules they broke and ignored. But they were successful and popular, so if anyone attempted to inquire too deeply Tsunade created the impression that they were acting under her secret authority.

Since becoming Hokage, Kakashi hadn’t had to cover for them too much. They’d settled down, and despite the fact that they only ranked as genin and were still prone to disappearing for hours on end together if a mission got too boring or they felt they weren’t needed, they were the most in-demand shinobi.

Kakashi sat down with his meal, he was concerned by the fact that he had no real idea of what Sasuke could be planning that had worried Itachi enough to warn him about. Could it be that Naruto was threatened in some new way and Sasuke was going to attempt a pre-emptive attack alone? That was the most likely option, but it was just an empty guess, he’d need to work on gathering more information before he approached the young Uchiha.

It was a delicate situation, he knew how much Itachi loved his wife and children, but if he didn’t believe Kakashi was handling Sasuke’s problem correctly (whatever that problem was?), he would come rushing back to Konoha, which would cause all sorts of diplomatic chaos with plenty of people in Kirigakure deperate to undermine Itachi’s position despite his unparalleled success in his role as the Mizukage’s husband.

However, Kakashi wasn’t thinking as a Hokage doing the best for his nation, which perhaps was why he was making no mental progress. He was thinking as the leader of Team 7, and his emotional connection to the first three genin to pass his bell test because Sasuke shared his food with Naruto.

He sighed as he washed up after his meal. He looked at the one plate and the one glass and felt acutely why Itachi had chosen him to be Sasuke’s protector. His skills, intelligence, and their old knowledge of each other from Itachi’s Anbu days were part of it, but another major part was that Itachi correctly saw that there would never be another close bond in Kakashi’s life that would take precedence over watching Sasuke.

He went to bed, but did not sleep, his role in life was to care for others not his own needs. He spent the night ignoring his own fatigue, instead puzzling through all the possibilities of what Sasuke could be doing and how he would stop him. But he ended up with no solution apart from waiting and hoping that the truth would be revealed before it was too late.

***

The days passed, and Kakashi’s spies reported nothing unusual about Naruto and Sasuke’s journey home, but Kakashi did not relax. His belief that Itachi looked further into the future than anyone else he knew, was what stopped Kakashi from leaving his duties in Konoha and rushing out to meet them on the road. There was most probably time, and when the two ninja were back here it would be easier to discover and deal with the issue, than to cause more problems by alarming Sasuke into action by appearing for no reason at some inn in the middle of nowhere where they were staying.

It was a relief when they arrived back and went straight to their home with no diversions. Kakashi considered whether to put a watch on them, but Sasuke would not react kindly to seeing a guard in the Uchiha complex and Kakashi wanted him to be in an amenable mood when they spoke in the morning.

It was the best night’s sleep he had had since receiving Itachi’s message, but Kakashi had still been awake for two hours when Sasuke came to his door in the early hours of the day.

‘You can come in.’ he called out before the Uchiha had a chance to knock.

Sasuke walked in with his usual confidence but Kakashi noted his skin had an undertone of sallowness and there was a strain around his eyes. Both of these were such small changes though, that he may not have noticed them if he wasn’t being extra observant.

He took a slow sip of his tea and waited for the other man to speak as Sasuke had come to him.

Sasuke was more hesitant than normal, looking around the room before he finally fixed his attention on Kakashi. ‘I wanted to see you first before anyone else told you, so you’re aware Naruto and I won’t be working together from now on.’

Kakashi kept his face expressionless, but inside he was recoiling in disbelief. ‘The two of you are a good team, it doesn’t make any sense for me to assign you separately.’

‘It wouldn’t make sense for you to assign us together, we’re not a team anymore, good or otherwise. That’s the way it is.’ Sasuke’s voice was as calm as Kakashi’s, but there was a tension in his face and posture that became more evident with every word he spoke.

Kakashi pushed aside memories of Sasuke refusing to go out on a mission because Naruto had a cold. ‘ _Naruto needs me_ ,’ the young Sasuke had insisted, ‘ _And I won’t go anywhere without him. We stay together, that’s the way it is_.’

‘Are you informing me that you and Naruto have had a private disagreement and you’re letting that effect your public responsibilities?’ Although it sounded like a reprimand, Kakashi maintained a light and casual tone as if he barely cared what Sasuke was telling him.

‘I am informing you that Naruto and I have made a mutual decision that it is best for our development as people and shinobi not to be a couple any longer, and as we adjust it’d be preferable for us not to be forced to spend time with each other.’

‘A mutual decision?’ Kakashi raised his eyebrows. ‘Does that mean Naruto is happily single and looking for some fun?’

Sasuke’s only reply was a half formed grunt.

Kakashi probed further. ‘Naruto is a good looking man and with all that energy, I’ll have to invite him over soon.’ He gave a cursive glance around his apartment. ‘Or perhaps not, I’ve had to deal with enough angry innkeepers over the year demanding extra money for what you two had done to their room. With all that monstrous power, I think I’ll go for an outside date. So does he like it with a slow build up, or will he enjoy it more if I go straight to the main event? Personally I’d like to try him out as soon as possible, I’ve always imagined…’

‘You’re too old!’ Sasuke snapped. ‘Don’t you dare go near him!’ With visible effort Sasuke regained control of his breathing which had become ragged and uneven. ‘I know what you’re doing, _sensei_ , it won’t work.’

Kakashi gave him his most innocent gaze. ‘There’s no pretence in what I’m doing, I’m being entirely honest with you. I’m thinking of fucking your former boyfriend so hard that he doesn’t even remember your name. As you’ve just mentioned, I’m old, years older than you Sasuke, and I have experience of far more than one lover, I’ll be able to do things to him that you are incapable of even dreaming of.’

‘I came here to tell you not to pair me and Naruto together on missions, I’ve no more need to talk to you.’ He turned on his heel and walked out of the door.

Although he’d already washed, Kakashi went and had another shower. He couldn’t judge yet whether he’d pushed Sasuke too far or not far enough, but talking about Naruto in a sexual way he had disconcerted himself. Whatever their ages, and whatever their abilities, Squad 7 would always at some level be three kids under his care.

Kakashi turned up the water to as hot as it would go and inwardly cursed Itachi, the older Uchiha had made an incredible understatement when he said Sasuke was going to do something stupid. Kakashi had never had any chance of working out that meant the younger Uchiha was going to commit emotional suicide.

***

The next time he saw Sasuke he was working late in the Hokage’s office. He’d told everyone else to go home, and somehow wasn’t surprised when this was when Sasuke chose to make another appearance. He sensed him outside the window and got his Icha Icha book out ready.

Sasuke came in without bothering to knock or formally announce his presence. ‘How’s Naruto?’ He asked in a voice that was almost toneless.

Kakashi scanned his eyes across the text without reading.  Sasuke’s question was possibly a good sign, he took a moment to consider his reply. In the battle of appearing indifferent he had the definite advantage in that he wasn’t the one who had climbed through a window in the middle of a night and immediately asked about his former boyfriend’s well-being.  

‘Everyone tells me he’s happy and the same as he always was,’ Kakashi replied without looking up from the book.

‘Hnnnn.’ Sasuke folded his arms across his chest. ‘You’re aware that Hinata’s got him playing nanny to her genin. How will that help him become a better ninja?’

‘Naruto has a natural affinity with children and young people, perhaps that’s a role that will suit him in the future. Unlike you, he’s been resistant to take on any missions outside Konoha if you wouldn’t be by his side.’ Kakashi kept his tone as light as he could, but he was considering and reconsidering every word he spoke.

There were many times he’d bemoaned having to deal with Sasuke and Naruto together, they reinforced each other’s stubbornness and whatever went on privately, never deviated from backing up their lover against Kakashi’s attempts at reasoning and logic.  But Sasuke as a solo person was almost impossibly challenging. He had a sense that without Naruto supporting the young Uchiha, that if Kakashi got a single conversation wrong, Sasuke would discard their years of friendship and he’d lose him forever. However, he couldn’t and wouldn’t go easy, he had a duty to Itachi, Naruto and Sasuke himself to make Sasuke realise how ridiculous he was being.

Sasuke stepped closer to Kakashi’s desk. ‘You’re Hokage, you should put more pressure on him to improve himself. He has incredible potential which he’s never reached. He’s got time to focus on his training now without…any distractions. Don’t you care that one of your best ninjas is performing so far beneath his ability?’

Kakashi gave a lecherous laugh. ‘I’m more interested in hearing about how he performed beneath you. It’d be interesting to have something to compare with.’

Sasuke’s cheeks flushed. ‘Have you…have you…touched…’

‘Are you aware that your ex-boyfriend’s in possession the most sought after ass in the whole village? Luckily I can use my power as Hokage to skip to the front of the line.’ Kakashi looked over his book directly at the younger man for the first time. Sasuke’s eyes glowed red and he emanated pure hatred. Even with all his experience something in Kakashi yearned to look away and stop this whole conversation, but he wasn’t so easily cowed. Sasuke needed to face the real consequences of his decision before it was too late. ‘Naruto is so trusting and so eager to make new friends and will do anything to please them, won’t he? That’s his normal personality, I know you haven’t seen him recently, so you’ll have to imagine what’s he’s like, all the things he’ll do, when he’s had all the emotional security and love ripped away from him leaving him, as it were, naked and fightened.’

‘He’s strong,’ Sasuke hissed through gritted teeth. ‘He’s a good judge of people. He’ll never…’

‘When people are nice to him, for example buying him a drink, or two, or three,’ Kakashi interrupted, ‘Naruto reacts like he’s still that socially scared, isolated kid he was before he knew what it was like to have a real friend. There are so many men, older men, who’ve repressed their desires for most of their lives, that are now so excited to know there is an attractive, desperately lonely man who won’t be averse to their advances. The pretty smiling blonde they’ve admired from afar is now without his Uchiha bodyguard, and for the cost of a bottle of sake they can do whatever they want to him. Do you realise how much pleasure you’ve caused by releasing Naruto into the world, free for anyone to play with in however they want?’

Kakashi jumped back as his whole desk went up in flames. He’d been gazing directly at Sasuke but hadn’t seen the Uchiha weave a single sign.

‘If anyone hurts Naruto, or takes advantage of him in any way, however small, I will burn this whole village to the ground and laugh as I listen to their screams. And as Hokage I’ll hold you personally responsible and ensure that whatever he suffers, you’ll endure a hundred times worse.’ Sasuke leapt through the window and disappeared into the darkness of the night.

Kakashi took a couple of deep breaths and then doused the fire. He knew when someone was bluffing, he knew when someone was just speaking in the anger of the moment, and he knew that Uchiha Sasuke would act out every word of his threat if he perceived someone had hurt Naruto

He’d thought that things were bad before, but they were so much worse than he’d realised. He had two unstable, unhappy ninjas whose real powers were known only through rumours as they appeared so sporadically and often unseen by any reliable sources.  He had an older Uchiha whose powers were very well known to Kakashi, and if anything were underestimated by rumours, who was capable of killing his own parents when he thought that was the only way to protect his beloved younger brother. He had a younger Uchiha that burned up with rage at the mere thought of Naruto being harmed, but was so unaware that he didn’t realise he was the only one who could, and actually was, seriously damaging his beloved Uzumaki.

And somehow Kakashi had to find a way to sort this out.

First things first. He was going to need a new desk. Before this was over he thought he was very well going to need a lot of new desks, pieces of furniture he could deal with, but who knew what else would be destroyed before the healing could begin?

 

***

Kakashi had the newly taken security photos in front of him, there were twelve ninjas, but it was one image that he kept being drawn to: Sasuke.

He was supposed to be choosing a military guard for a diplomatic mission. It should be a simple arrangement, where the shinobi were there more for show than action. As was usual, Sasuke and Naruto had both been requested. For several years now, having the Uchiha and his loud boyfriend for bodyguards was a desirable status symbol and people would pay richly for it. Sasuke hated these assignments and Kakashi was well aware that he only agreed to them because Naruto relished having sex in the luxurious surroundings of the royal palaces, and although he covered it through lots of complaining, with very few limits, whatever Naruto wanted Sasuke gave to him.

Or that was how it had been.

Now things were different, Sasuke was letting it be known, (not through directly talking to Kakashi, he’d been avoiding the Hokage since their last conversation), that he wanted to work outside Konoha and was willing to take any mission away from the village.

Kakashi had been gradually testing Sasuke, he knew the Uchiha was dedicating himself to the training he’d skipped out of when he was a teen with a new boyfriend. From what his spies were telling him, Sasuke had started at the most basic chakra and taijutsu exercises, things that Naruto would probably do for warm ups with Henin’s genin, but was quickly progressing in difficulty.

He had sent him out on a patrol with Sakura and Shino, considering them two of the steadiest of his jonin. There had been a small scuffle running into some unknown bandits. He’d asked Shino and Sakura to report on Sasuke. Shino’s account stated that the Uchiha had been solid but unremarkable, his technique better than before, but some sort of flair was missing and a few of the bandits were able to escape because of this. Sakura’s story caused Kakashi new areas for concern. He chose Shino and Sakura because they had known Sasuke for so long and would be able to make an accurate comparison to how he was now compared to seeing him for so many years fighting alongside Naruto, And also because he considered they were both sensible people who would not aggravate the Uchiha by stirring into his private life.

But Sakura’s recount didn’t seem to originate from the powerful medical ninja he thought he knew very well, it belonged more in the mind of a teenage girl fawning in front of her idol. She openly suggested that although Sasuke had performed perfectly on this mission, it would still be advisable for her to go on all Sasuke’s future missions so that if anything did go wrong as he adjusted to a fighting style that didn’t involve Naruto, she would be there to heal and protect him.

It wounded Kakashi deeply that the final member of Team Seven was also being pulled into the torment of Sasuke’s decision to leave Naruto. He saw no outcome for Sakura’s rekindled crush on Sasuke that didn’t end with her being badly hurt. The worst thing would be if Sasuke encouraged her, how could Sakura survive being in a relationship with a man she loved knowing that he’d never feel for her even a fraction of what he felt for Naruto?

Kakashi considered whether he should speak to her, based on his success with Sasuke, the answer was clearly no, but it was difficult to leave someone you cared for stumbling forward blindly into a minefield they’d never escape from.

The door opened and Naruto himself walked in. He wore a wide grin and his eyes were big and bright. It was only if you knew him well and were observing him closely that you’d notice that his clothes were too clean, they were immaculate by anyone’s standards let alone Naruto’s. It reflected a ninja who was always conscious and careful of how others were viewing him, not someone comfortably going with the rough and tumble of the lifestyle. The only telling truth behind this new spotless image of control were small indentations on his hands, revealing a nervous habit of biting his fingers that Naruto had never had before.

‘Hey, Sensei,’ Naruto greeted him as if they were meeting by chance on the street. ‘How’s everything going? We haven’t caught up properly, yaknow, since me and Sas got back from Itachi’s party and that was ages ago.’

They exchanged a few pleasantries and Kakashi was surprised how easily and happily Naruto chatted about Itachi’s new babies. He moaned about Sasuke leaving the party early which meant Naruto got too drunk and embarrassed himself. It was strange for Naruto to mention embarrassing himself, he was always a very happy drunk who people enjoyed being with, but he spoke in the same tone of voice he always used when complaining about his boyfriend; on the surface annoyed, but beneath that obvious affection and more than a little pride that Sasuke was his to moan about.

Kakashi wanted to know more about how Naruto was dealing with the split, but there was no possibility he would ever provoke him in the way he verbally prodded Sasuke.

Naruto changed the subject before Kakashi thought of the right question to ask.

‘Anyway, I came here with an ulterior motive rather than just sharing how cute little Uchihas are and how stupid the bigger version can be, I need your help. Hinata needs to focus on keeping herself healthy, and I don’t want her to have to worry about her genin, even though I know people are saying she’s mad trusting me with her team. And I want to do well by them because they’re amazing kids, but…’ he rubbed his hand behind his neck and gave a small chuckle, ’I don’t really know what I’m doing, yaknow, me and Sasuke didn’t always pay the most attention to you when you were trying to train us, and I can’t remember that much beyond the bell thing. And I’m kind of thinking everyone might know about the bell thing now, because when I tried it all three of them ended up with a bell even though I’d only bought one, and they all laughed at me and dared me to try and get the bells off them and we had fun but I don’t think they learnt much off me. So I was hoping, if you’ve got a bit of time here and there when you’re not too busy being Hokage and everything, you might be able to help me help them?’

Kakashi pretended to turn to find his diary and flip through the pages, in reality he was just looking through a random book and giving himself time for his thoughts to settle. Maybe he had got everything wrong, after all what did he know about long term romantic relationships? His plan had been to make Sasuke realise that him and Naruto belonged together, but what if Sasuke had made the right decision for Naruto after all? Kakashi’s initial read on Naruto’s appearance could have been wrong. It wasn’t a person trying too hard, it was a person trying for the first time in years, someone emerging from a tired relationship renewed and brighter, at last freed, with no regrets, from the emotional restraints and chains and able to discover and develop their true talents.

Kakashi looked back at Naruto ready to give him some times they could work together, but the blonde now had a sheepish grin on his face and his hands hidden behind his back.

‘Great to catch up, Sensei, let me know about the…thing, I’ve got to go now, right now and do…something really important that has to be done…right now.’ He flashed out of the room with a speed Kakashi hadn’t seen since his own teacher died.

Automatically his eyes flicked down to the photos laid out on his desk and he gave a heavy sigh as he noticed that the one of a certain dark haired, black eyed, Uchiha was now missing.

 

***

Kakashi hadn’t seen or heard anything from either of the troublesome twosome that were taking up so much of his thoughts for a few days. Rather than be concerned about it, he decided he would give himself some much needed respite and just relax.

He worked extra industrially through all his paperwork and left early with thoughts of going to the baths, eating out, or catching up with some of his old friends on a purely social basis. It seemed that with everyone he saw now it always at some point came down to a discussion about Hokage and Konoha business.

He went home to get changed, but immediately sensed that his plans to unwind were already ruined, someone was in his apartment. They weren’t trying to disguise their presence so Kakashi entered tentatively but without a weapon drawn.

He wasn’t entirely surprised to see Sasuke, but the feast of food spread out across his table was unexpected.

Sasuke gave a small shrug which was obviously supposed to cover both greeting and explanation for him being here.

Similarly Kakashi just gave a nod when Sasuke handed him some chopsticks and he sat down to eat a meal in a silence that was understanding rather than uncomfortable. He noticed that almost everything that Sasuke had prepared was Naruto’s favourites, and the dishes that weren’t, were the healthier ones Sasuke was constantly forcing Naruto to eat.

When they both finished eating Sasuke cleared the table and washed up before bringing him a cup of tea, which again Kakashi noted was perfectly brewed to Naruto’s preferences.

‘I’ll run you a bath, you must be tired after working so hard,’ Sasuke said. ‘I wasn’t expecting you back so early or I would have had one ready for you.’

Kakashi grabbed the younger man’s wrist. ‘I’m not your boyfriend.’

Sasuke’s face went immediately crimson. He pulled away from Kakashi’s grip. ‘I would never want you to be. It’s just…I keep cooking too much food and thought you’d appreciate it. I know what it feels like to be on your own and come back to an empty home, I…’ He turned his head sullenly to the side. ‘Are you still angry at me for burning your desk? I’ll leave.’

‘Stay,’ Kakashi said. ‘We can keep each other company this evening, but make sure you realise that I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I’m not at any level going to become a substitute for the man who is desperate for you to eat with him and talk to him again.’

Sasuke’s body was noticeably tense, he curled his hands into fists and took a few deep breaths before he stretched his fingers out. ‘I want more than this one evening with you.’

‘Did I not make myself clear? I don’t intend to…’

‘Why does everything have to be so perverted with you? I want you to train me again.’ He rushed the last words out in a very un-Uchiha like panic. ‘There. I’ve said it. I need your help. Like you once taught me chidori, but this time it’ll be better and quicker. You’ll have my full focus. You’re the only other person in Konoha who has a sharingan and I can’t progress any further on my own. Before you say it, I plan to go to Itachi once I’m certain of myself.’ He stared at the ground. ‘Because I’ve been able to do things with Naruto at my side, Itachi doesn’t realise how…ignorant I am, that I don’t understand what I can do, or how to control it, and how to do it at will rather than just under pressure. Also, I don’t want him to know about...’ Sasuke raised his head and tried to talk with his normal confidence. ‘I’ll tell him that Naruto and I have separated when we’re both comfortably settled into our new lives.’

‘I’ll help you all I can,’ Kakashi immediately replied. He knew how difficult it was for Sasuke to admit his weaknesses and show vulnerability, and it touched him more than he wanted to admit, that both Naruto and Sasuke had come back to him of their own accord to seek his teaching.

There had always been a nagging guilt and concern that he had failed them by not pushing them to the limits of their obvious abilities, but they had been so young and so happy. In truth, he’d enjoyed indulging them, it’d made him feel more human to realise that after all the years of fighting and killing, there still existed such softness in him to allow doting lovers to disappear together while he purposely looked the other way.

But now, if it had been a mistake and a weakness, time had given him a chance to at least try to rectify it. And the more he was with them, the more likely he was to discover the key to getting them to where they really needed to be: together again.

 

***

Kakashi waited at the bottom of the mountain. It was one time he didn’t have a book with him, so he let the time pass by staring up at the sky and remembering why he was here.

He wasn’t expecting Naruto to make it this year, speaking to Iruka he’d learnt that the blonde was living day to day and dragging himself along with the belief that Sasuke would soon return to him. Kakashi had requested that Iruka leave Naruto to cope on his own to see how he did, but he knew Iruka hated the idea of leaving his favourite student alone in his misery so he was unsure if he’d obey him or not. Either way it did not seem likely that Naruto would be emotionally capable of celebrating the springtime of youth, if he even remembered the date without Sasuke with him to remind him of the days of the week.

But then he saw the familiar green jumpsuit with orange leg warmers and the blonde was in front of him, holding his thumb up, winking with a wide smile on his face.

Kakashi returned the pose with a genuine warmth and gratitude for Naruto’s arrival.

‘You look good, Sensei, I know I say it every year, but you should wear those clothes all the time,’ Naruto greeted him.

Kakashi looked down at his outfit which matched Naruto’s and smiled. ‘And I say every year, that it’s only for today. You’re the only person left who I know that can carry off this mixture of orange and green.’ He ruffled his hand through Naruto’s yellow hair. ‘Thank you for coming, Naruto, I know things aren’t easy for you at the moment, I thought you’d forget.’

‘Luckily, Sasuke reminded me. Or a dream version of him did anyway. I’d hate myself if I had missed it.’ His smile faltered and then he grinned showing even more teeth. ‘I’m late, so we’ve got lots to do to catch up. I bet you I can climb this mountain faster than you using only my thumbs and if I fail I will do five hundred, no, a thousand press-ups.’

Kakashi beamed. ‘That’s a big start, and it’ll be a big loss for you!’ Kakashi sprung up and started climbing with Naruto quickly after him.

‘You’re such a cheat, Kakashi, but it won’t help, I’m going to beat you this year!’

The two of them spent a joyful day in ridiculous challenges that kept them laughing until sunset, when they made their way to the Konoha graveyard and stood before the memorial to Might Guy and Rock Lee. They struck the same pose they had when they first met, with their thumbs up, winking, and with huge winning smiles on their face. Traditionally they remained in that position until the red of the sky had turned into the hazy purple-blues of twilight, and then parted without saying another word to each other.

But this time as Kakashi turned to leave, Naruto spoke.

‘Is it my fault that they died? Is Sasuke right that being with him was a waste of my time, when I should have been honing my abilities and getting stronger…strong enough that I would have been able to protect them and…’

Kakashi reached out and wiped the tears from Naruto’s eyes. ‘Not here. Guy wouldn’t want us to be weeping at his grave. Come home with me and we’ll talk there.’ He put his arm around the blonde’s shoulders and they walked slowly back to Kakashi’s apartment.

Kakashi sat Naruto gently down at the table. He opened his fridge and paused before he took the food out. Despite his initial conversation with Sasuke where he clearly stated he didn’t want to be looked after, Sasuke kept making meals for him claiming it was payment for all the help Kakashi was giving him. The silver haired ninja suspected there was some truth in the fact Sasuke’s pride didn’t want to feel in debt to the Hokage, but believed it was mainly because Sasuke missed having Naruto to cook for. At least the Uchiha hadn’t offered to run him a bath again.

Not certain if it was the right decision or not, he put a plate of sushi in front of the blonde.

Naruto breathed in the scents of the food and then dug in with an eagerness that made Kakashi wonder if Iruka had got it correct about Naruto having hardly any appetite.

‘This tastes just like Sasuke’s food, I never knew you could cook like this,’ Naruto said between gobbling up the delicacies. ‘Wow, it feels like I haven’t eaten for years. This is amazing. Why don’t you invite me over more often, Sensei, you’ve been hiding your talents all these years.’

Kakashi let Naruto chatter on without interrupting him or revealing that it was in fact Sasuke’s cooking. The taste seemed to be cheering his younger friend up after the tears at the graveyard.

But when the meal was over, Naruto’s mood dipped immediately. ‘You haven’t said whether Sasuke’s right or not, that we should have been training rather than…kissing. Sasuke never said anything about it at the time. Do you remember he drove Granny Tsunade mad, cause he kept squeezing into bed with me at the hospital?’ Naruto gave a small chuckle but the sound almost turned into a sob. ‘He held me and said I never had to suffer alone, he was always with me. It’s the only time he’s called me ‘Sunflower’ when he wasn’t drunk. He said he wished he’d been with me. But it wasn’t supposed to be dangerous, it wasn’t a mission, it was just spending times with friends. I told Sasuke everything and he listened and never once said it was my fault for not training, but now he says we’ve behaved like kids and let ourselves and everyone else down. Was he right then, or now? I watched Bushy Brow die trying to protect his sensei and then… Kakashi, I could do nothing to stop it happening. If I’d…’

‘You did everything, Naruto. You were on the verge of death yourself.’

‘But, I only fight really well when Sasuke with me, I know it’s inside me, but without him I’m only half formed…and it shouldn’t be like that, people died because I’m not a real shinobi.’

‘People are alive because you and Sasuke embodied what Guy most believed in, the power of youth, the belief that you can do and be anything. You and Sasuke, untrained and unpredictable, have done things no schooled ninja would ever attempt. Don’t let Sasuke’s mini-crisis fill you with doubts. Whatever he’s going through at the moment, he needs you to be his anchor, to remain firm and steadfast while he is caught in his own internal storm.’

There were tears at the edge of Naruto’s eyes. ‘You believe he’s going to return to me?’

‘Yes,’ Kakashi replied simply.

‘Thank you,’ Naruto said.

They were quiet for a moment then Kakashi squeezed Naruto’s hand. ‘You look tired, sleep in my bed tonight, I’ll take the sofa.’

‘Can’t we sleep together?’ Naruto asked with wide eyes.

Kakashi’s face remained impassive, but his mind whirled, what was it with these two dragging him into the hole Sasuke had created in the middle of their relationship?

‘I’ve not got used to sleeping on my own, I didn’t think there’d be anyone else but Sasuke I’d be comfortable with,’ Naruto’s face brightened, ‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of you sooner, we’ve had to sleep next to each other lots of times on missions so it won’t be awkward or anything, yaknow, we always had fun didn’t we? And it would make things a little easier if I could get one night’s good sleep. So can we try it, like an experiment or something?’

Always had fun? Kakashi wondered if Naruto didn’t remember, or if he’d always been totally oblivious, to the toxic rage emanating from Sasuke whenever he didn’t get to be alone with his boyfriend because of space or mission constraints.

As Kakashi thought of a way to decline that wouldn’t hurt the fragile man, Naruto sauntered off whistling to Kakashi’s bedroom. Which is how Kakashi ended up with a person in his bed for the first time in more years than he wanted to count. He found his pyjama top at the back of a drawer and buttoned it completely up, even though it felt tight as he normally only slept in his pants. Naruto had so such compunctions, he stripped down to his underwear and sprawled his body over Kakashi, wiggling around until he made himself comfortable with his head resting listening to the beat of Kakashi’s heart.

‘How long do you think it’ll take Sasuke to come back? I told Iruka a while ago that the time didn’t matter, I’d wait forever for him, that’s just the way it is, yaknow, he’s my love. But I stood in that graveyard and I felt so angry with the bastard. Life is so precious, so many of our comrades _have_ died, and _we_ could have died a hundred times over, who knows how long we’ve got left in this mad world? But he’s choosing to piss away all the days when we could be happy and together. It’s like we have a duty to all our friends who aren’t here anymore to live to the fullest, but I just can’t, not without him. He’s made me into someone who let’s their friends down, and I hate that so much.’

Kakashi was lying very stiffly, but he forced his arm to relax and curl around Naruto’s back. ‘When you asked me whether Sasuke was right about you wasting your time together, the honest and simple answer, was no. I couldn’t give it to you immediately though, as it touched too close on my own regrets. When we celebrate Guy and Rock Lee’s lives we laugh and we rejoice and it is a good day. But afterwards I always think about how closed off I was to my most precious friends when they were actually alive. I hope they knew how much I appreciated their company because I don’t think I ever really showed it.’

‘Guy loved you Kakashi.’

‘I know.’ He squeezed Naruto’s shoulder. ‘And other people have too. But Konoha and my responsibilities as a ninja have always come first. Some part of me has never been able to recover from my father’s suicide, when I’ve possibly been close, there is always another loss and more pain. But even if a ninja’s life was peaceful, I don’t think I’d ever be as emotionally open as some people wanted me to be with them. The scars you get when you’re young are always the deepest.’

Kakashi sighed heavily. ‘I don’t know if it’s any help saying this to you, it could be the friends who are advising you to move on have got it right. All I know really is how much I admired both yours and Sasuke’s bravery. You were an isolated kid desperate to fit in and be acknowledged, but you walked down the streets hand in hand with another boy as your declared lover when there wasn’t a single adult who dared to be so public and open. ‘Sasuke’s childhood was similar to mine, worse, he’d had the security and love of his whole family ripped away from him in the most tragic way. But he didn’t descend into pain and lock his heart away to protect himself from ever feeling that agony and despair again. He trusted you and gave himself entirely to you.

‘From what I see and know, you have something beautiful and precious which you earned and deserve because of your mutual courage and there is no one who is a true friend to you who would want you to regret a single moment of loving and being loved.’

Naruto moved his head and kissed Kakashi’s cheek before settling back into his former position, within minutes his body was completely relaxed and he was making soft snoring sounds.

Kakashi closed his own eyes but he knew it would be another night when he wouldn’t be able to rest. His words had reassured Naruto and Kakashi’s presence in bed with him had helped the blonde fall into a peaceful sleep, but he was in the reverse situation. With the other man near-naked laying on top of him, Kakashi couldn’t fail to notice that Naruto had lost weight, it was something that concerned him, but he knew there were plenty of others who would have their lust increased by the slimmer more defined body. And then there was the way that Naruto had gone so innocently into Kakashi’s bed, how long would it be before his loneliness drove him to such desperation that he risked the embraces of people he didn’t and shouldn’t trust?

The silver haired ninja recalled with new and sharp pain the manner he’d provoked Sasuke, taunting him with the idea of legions of men taking advantage of his lover’s naiveté and inability to hold his drink. Naruto seemed somehow smaller as he held him. Kakashi felt like he himself was shrinking too, and would soon be unable to protect the people he would die for from themselves.

He remembered the time of ignorant bliss when Itachi’s message had arrived and he had had no idea what it meant. As the weeks and months passed, things were getting messier not clearer and he was losing his faith that these events Sasuke had set in motion could ever reach a happy ending.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of chatting as always, I'm drawn to very chatty characters, even when one of the main people in my love story is an Uchiha, no idea how that works in my creative brain! And a little bit of man on man action of a distinctly sexual nature, with maybe a cameo appearance from a lost Aburame insect. Or maybe not. Read on, and hopefully it'll all make sense and you'll enjoy the journey.

Naruto sat on the grass beside the three genin, since Kakashi had given him some tips, he felt that Hinata’s charges were actually benefit from training with him. Kakashi had directed him towards the one thing he did better than any other shinobi and now every session ended with some sort of clone fight.

‘Hikaru chan, your clone seems to be talking and giggling with my clone, I like your thinking as I’ve managed to succeed more often than I should have by doing what Sasuke refers to as ‘boring the enemy into submission with the drone of my voice’, but it might be good to try actually practising some more traditional techniques,’ Naruto said with a warm laugh.

Hikaru clasped her hands together and gazed at Naruto. ‘But my clones are just like me, Naruto kun, when they see you the last thing they want to do is fight. Talking with you is such fun, I want to hear every single one of your stories….do you have any that don’t involve Uchiha Sasuke though, I think we’ve heard all those now.’

The two other youngsters, Madoka and Kasuga exchanged a significant look. Naruto repressed a grin, the two of them were so cute together that it made his heart feel happy. They seemed to understand each other so well, apart from when it came to admitting their feelings. He secretly hoped that one would ask the other out before he gave care of these genin back to Hinata, and he tried to keep Hikaru distracted as much as possible to give the almost-couple space. But strangely, although Hikaru seemed to have the same instincts as him and was constantly keen to leave her friends alone even though it meant she got stuck having to chat with him, Madoka and Kasuga both were intent on always being with Hikaru and Naruto.

‘Hikaru,’ Madoka said in her firmest voice, ‘Sensei hasn’t got time to waste telling us stories, don’t you remember him informing us at the start of the day that he was meeting his friends tonight.’

Hikaru glared at Madoka, and Naruto shared her sentiment. He didn’t mind recounting any of his adventures when it gave Kasuga and Madoka time to sneak off and be alone.

‘Can we come, Naruto? We’re your friends too, aren’t we? We should spend time together getting to know each other outside training,’ Hikaru said.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and laughed. ‘I barely have any authority with you three as it is, if you heard what my oldest friends have to say about me, you’d never listen to me again.’

‘Yes,’ Madoka said pointedly, ‘Let’s allow Naruto to go and spend time with his _oldest_ friends after he’s been so generous _babysitting_ us for so long.’

Naruto grinned. ‘If anything, it’s you three babysitting me. But you’re right I should go, I promised I would go out this evening and I never break my promises.’

Naruto said goodbye and walked away even though Hikaru was still protesting. He was grateful for all his friends, new and old, who wanted to spend time with him, because he couldn’t stop remembering his best friend who didn’t even want to see him.

 

He spent longer getting ready than he normally did, it had been a while since he’d been out for a night with the gang, and been forever since he’d been out without Sasuke by his side. This would be his first time being single and he wanted to appear confident. Although he was still struggling to think of himself as ‘single’. Whenever he could he lived in a fantasy where Sasuke had just been forced to do a mission on his own and Naruto was simply waiting for him to return.

Naruto put a hand through his hair trying to style it, but he didn’t really know what to do. Under Hinata’s instructions Kiba had cut it for him into something that was supposedly more ‘adult’ looking, but it still took a moment to recognise himself when he looked in the mirror. The clothes he was wearing tonight didn’t help matters either. Ino had chosen them for him, some sort of getting-back-out-there present: tight black trousers, a tight white t-shirt and a black jacket. It felt like he was playing some sort of strange type of dress-up, but he wasn’t entirely sure who he was meant to be.

There was no reason to delay. But still it was difficult to walk past the attic stairs without running up them to look at the photo of Sasuke. He had a foot on the first step. ‘No,’ Naruto growled, pressing his hand in to tight fists and forcing himself to walk down stairs and out of his front door.

He tried to convince himself he was proud of his willpower and self-control, but in truth he didn’t feel much of anything lately.

 

Naruto sipped his glass of water and wished he hadn’t promised Kakashi that he wouldn’t drink alcohol.

When he’d found out that Naruto was going for a big night out, the silver haired ninja had been surprisingly unyielding that Naruto didn’t get drunk. The blonde couldn’t see any reason for it, but he remembered  Sasuke’s words after Itachi’s party

_‘You do know how pathetic you look at these things, don’t you?’_

He filled with self-doubt that what he considered fun other people saw as pitiful and childish. If he hadn’t got drunk that night he would have never ignored Sasuke’s flirtation, they would have had amazing sex, and he wouldn’t now be sitting sober in a bar silently scared that all his friends would cut him out of their lives as easily as Sasuke had done.

 Matters weren’t helped by the fact that everyone seemed to want to buy him a drink, not just the people he knew, but lots of men who he only recalled seeing in passing before kept approaching him and being incredibly friendly. Sasuke was always suspicious of strangers, well, Sasuke was suspicious of everyone, but he had a particular glare of distrust for strangers and insisted that if people appeared nice it was because they wanted something. Naruto wondered how many kind people he had missed out on getting to know better because of his boyfriend’s hostility?

The answer was dozens, maybe hundreds over the years they’d been together. The problem was that Naruto couldn’t make himself care enough. He’d choose Sasuke by his side over friendship with the rest of the world.

‘What’re you thinking about?’ Sakura slurred throwing an arm around Naruto.

Naruto immediately grinned widely, he was normally careful in public not to let any of his inner turmoil show on his face. ‘How great you’re looking!’ he said with a wink.

Sakura’s cheeks were flushed to begin with from the drink, but they turned a pink colour that almost matched her hair. She turned from him and spoke to Ino in what she obviously thought was a whisper, but Naruto could hear too clearly. ‘D’ya think I chose the wrong one? Naruto looks kinda cute tonight. Annnd he’ll be sooooo much easier than Sasuke to catch. Screw my stupid heart for being in love with Sasuke kun.’

To avoid hearing Ino’s reply, Naruto quickly turned to his other side and began talking in an extra loud voice. Unfortunately the person sitting on his other side was Shino and the only thing he could think of saying was, ‘I like your sunglasses.’

‘You’ve finally noticed them then? I have only been wearing them since we were children,’ Shino replied in a flat voice.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and gave an embarrassed laugh. ‘I’ve always thought they were cool, yaknow, I’ve always thought _you_ were cool, but you’re kind of an intimidating guy to say these things to.’

‘Because of your relationship with Sasuke I assume that you are more than comfortable around intimidating people, so I suppose that it is something particularly about me that you find unapproachable. That is if you have any opinion about me at all, seeing you have a tendency not to even recognise me.’

‘That was one time, just one time,’ Naruto protested.

‘Who else was in a team with Kiba and HInata and wore sunglasses? It’s always amazed me how forgettable I must be to you that you didn’t know it was me standing with them.’

Shino spoke in his usual calm voice, which did nothing to drown out the conversation of Ino and Sakura.

‘I wonder if Sasuke’s ever had sex with a woman? I don’t know what I’ll do if Sasuke wants to do the same things with me he’s done with Naruto,’ Sakura giggled.

‘I do! You’ll bend over, spread your legs wide, and tell him he can do whatever he wants!’ Ino immediately replied,

Both women laughed riotously.

They obviously had no idea how loud they were being. On the opposite side of the table, Kiba had been in the middle of telling  a drunken and meandering story about Akamaru to Gaara, which Gaara seemed genuinely interested in, but both men paused and gazed at Naruto with deep concern.

Naruto refused to look at them, it was months since he’d seen Sasuke, he was trying so hard to hide his emotions, but still people thought he was weak and broken-hearted. Impulsively Naruto linked his arm through Shino’s. ‘You’re right, we’ve known each other years, but it’s about time we actually got to _know_ each other properly.’

He pulled Shino past everyone and out onto the street.

Shino possibly looked puzzled, it was hard to tell with so much of his face covered behind his coat and sunglasses. ‘Why do we need to be outside to talk to each other? I was perfectly comfortable sitting with our friends.’

Naruto scratched his head. ‘I really want to…learn everything about you, and…the best way to do that…is just the two of us at your place, so…I can see the real you.’

‘Oh,’ Shino replied. ‘I understand.’

Naruto grinned at his quick thinking, Shino would tell everyone else tomorrow why they left early, and no one would think it was because he was upset at hearing Sakara and Ino’s conversation, they’d all believe it was just Naruto being nice and spending some time with Shino, who struck Naruto as a lonesome kind of a man who would appreciate a bit of friendly attention. He merely had to make sure him and Shino had a great time together so that they’d all believe Naruto was the same old life of the party, not some loser who had to run away in a panic because hearing two of his dearest friends joking about having sex with Sasuke made him want to cry.

‘So, Shino.’ Naruto put an arm around Shino’s shoulder as they started to walk towards the other ninja’s house. ‘Tell me some things about yourself, like, ummm, what’s your favourite colour?’

‘Black like the shining carapace of a beetle flying amongst the last beams of sunlight on a spring day.’

‘Wow! We’ve already learnt something new that we’ve got in common, black is my favourite colour too.’

Shino frowned. ‘I thought orange was your preferred colour because you’ve been wearing those bright outfits all your life.’

‘Yeah, I like orange and yellow and green, and really like, yaknow, certain shades of blue and red, but I love black, the way you can just stare into it and feel completely lost but you don’t care because it’s everything and it surrounds you and you’ll always be safe.’ Naruto felt his smile slipping so quickly changed the subject. ‘See this is good isn’t it, finding out exciting things about each other. Now tell me what’s your favourite place in Konoha and your favourite place outside Konoha.’

Naruto kept the conversation flowing, firing questions at Shino and by the time he was sitting in Shino’s living room he was feeling relaxed and enjoying himself despite all the massive creepy pictures of bugs that covered the walls.

‘You’re a really interesting guy. We should have done this ages ago,’ Naruto said. ‘I don’t know why we didn’t.’

‘Because until he dumped you, you were too in love with Sasuke to ever notice other people you might find as interesting as him,’ Shino replied.

The lightness of Naruto’s mood immediately evaporated as if it had never been there and the familiar grief returned, but he was becoming an expert at keeping a smile plastered on his face. ‘I guess I did let him dominate my life, but that’s over now, and I’m enjoying all this extra time I have, like if it had been me and Sasuke out together tonight, he would be dragging me home and you and I wouldn’t be here now having a great time.’

Shino stood up and moved to the centre of the room. ‘I’m glad you feel the same way, Uzumaki Naruto. Because I am amongst your oldest friends, am currently single, and there as always been a certain tension between us, I’ve been expecting you to make an advance on me. In preparation I’ve nurtured a new insect that I believe will pleasure you in ways that will make our union a success.’

‘W…h…a…t?’ Naruto stared open mouthed at the swarm of insects that was emerging from the other ninja’s body.

‘We do not need to touch each other, my insects will eat through your clothes and enter every orifice of your body, bring you to repeated ecstasy with the caresses of their legs and wings, then they will report back to me and I’ll experience all their sensations as if it was me simultaneously stimulating all parts of you.’ 

 

A minute later Naruto was leaping across buildings and running over rooftops. It wasn’t a conscious decision to go to Sasuke’s house instead of his own, and when he saw a light on in the bedroom, his body moved on its own, climbing up and jumping through the window.

Sasuke was sitting up in bed reading a scroll, the bedcovers concealed his lower half, but his naked chest was displayed and all the blonde ninja could do was stare in lust.

Sasuke finished reading the scroll, rolled it up and put it on his bedside cabinet before turning to his former boyfriend. ‘Hnnnnnn.’

‘You’re so beautiful, Sasuke. All this time I’ve been trying to work out what I could’ve done differently to make you not leave me, but it’s obvious now, it always should’ve been. You’re far too attractive to ever stay with someone like me.’

‘We haven’t spoken for four months, and obviously you choose to break this silence by disturbing me in the middle of the night in order to remind me what a complete idiot you are.’ Despite his words Sasuke beckoned Naruto over with a commanding hand gesture and gave the pillow beside him one pat.

 ‘I was giving you a compliment, teme! But I guess that does make me a complete idiot as you’re the last person in the world I should be nice to.’  The grumbling of Naruto’s voice was completely undone by the way he obeyed Sasuke’s summons and flew across the room to sit on the bed next to the Uchiha.

‘If you’d just said I was beautiful that would have been a compliment,’ Sasuke said. ‘But you always talk too much, everything else is an insult to both of us. You’re the person that knows me best, who I’ve shared more with than anyone else, and you think that I walked away from the most important relationship in my life because I looked in the mirror one day and decided I was too pretty to stay with you?’

‘You’re the same then, twisting everything around to confuse me.’ Naruto folded his arms and forced himself to stare forward, though he couldn’t quite stop his eyes flicking constantly to the side to catch glances of Sasuke in his peripheral vision.

‘No twisting is needed, everything confuses you,’ Sasuke said.

‘Yep, you’re right, I am permanently confused. You see, I trusted this one man absolutely, was completely certain that he’d do anything for me, I never doubted him for a moment. I knew he wasn’t perfect, was fully aware that he’s unsocial and arrogant and cranky and loses his temper about stupid things like me not drying myself in the bathroom. But I knew he was perfect for me. I thought he was the bravest, strongest person I’d ever met. Each time he smiled at me it felt like a precious gift. When his hand touched mine I forgot what it was like to be scared and lonely.

But then he disappeared in the middle of the night leaving nothing but a crappy note. And it turns out he’s such a coward and has such little respect for me that he’s been avoiding me ever since. So, yeah, I admit, nothing makes any sense to me anymore and all I know is that I can’t trust my own judgement.’ Naruto’s words overflowed with pain but it was a relief to be able to speak them to Sasuke.

They sat in silence after Naruto’s speech, both of them staring forward and neither of them moving.

Naruto had no idea how he’d ended up in Sasuke’s bedroom, or why Sasuke was letting him be here after running away and hiding from him so many times, but it was the most natural he’d felt since his boyfriend had left him.

Dozens of times a day he dreamed of finally catching Sasuke, and in his imagination it mostly involved the Uchiha on his knees begging for Naruto to take him back, but somehow this reality was better. He felt like he could breathe again, he no longer had to pretend, that he was where he belonged at the side of his soulmate.

It was Sasuke who eventually spoke. ‘What happened to your hair?’

‘Kiba cut it for me, and I know you’re rolling your eyes without even having to look at you, but Kiba’s good at that stuff, he always trims Akamaru’s hair which is a lot trickier than snipping mine, Akamaru has way more hair than me.’

‘You’ve lost weight.’

‘I’m not so much into the eating at the moment.’

‘Hnnnn. Why are you wearing those clothes?’

‘Sasuke, if we’re going to have any sort of conversation, and I really really want to talk to you. I need you to put a t-shirt on. Or preferably some sort of impenetrable body armour. I’m trying not to look at you and to think angry thoughts about you, but it’s not working. The sound of your voice, your scent, being so close, you should be mega impressed  at my amazing willpower that I haven’t already pinned you down and covered you in bite marks.’

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. ‘You’ve come into my home, I can be as dressed or undressed as I wish.’

Naruto gave a small growl. ‘You’re refusing to put a t-shirt on?’

‘Correct, I’m refusing to put a t-shirt on.’ Sasuke stretched his body out and turned towards Naruto, resting his head on his elbow.

The bedcovers shifted a little lower as the brunette moved. Try as he might, Naruto couldn’t resist glancing down to check whether Sasuke was completely naked. He wasn’t.

‘Those are mine,’ Naruto pulled the sheets further away from Sasuke’s body and openly stared at the bright orange lounge pants decorated with neon frogs. ‘You know they’re my favourite thing to sleep in and you took them! I thought I’d ripped them apart or something when I…’ He took a deep breath. ‘When I woke up and found you were gone, I went on a rampage and I may have destroyed a few things. But you had these all the time and you don’t even like them! What’re you trying to do to me, teme? Breaking my heart isn’t enough, you’ve got to steal my sleep pants too?’

‘If you want them that much take them back.’ Sasuke’s spoke lazily in direct contrast to Naruto’s energy. ‘It looks like you need them more than me, why are there so many holes in your clothes?’

Naruto blushed and firmly crossed his arms to prevent his hands reaching over on their own accord and pulling his pyjamas off Sasuke. ‘Shino may have somehow got the impression that I may have wanted sex with him and…’

‘Shino? How did he get that impression? You always told me you found the Aburame clan having insects living inside them creepy. Which is obviously not at all hypocritical from someone whose body is home to a nine-tailed demon.’ Anyone else would have thought Sasuke sounded completely indifferent, but Naruto heard the edge of uncontrolled emotion in the brunette’s voice.

He turned and mirrored Sasuke’s pose with his head resting on his hand, for the first time since his arrival he looked directly into the Uchiha’s dark eyes. ‘You’re jealous.’ He grinned widely. ‘You’re still as jealous as you ever were. And you’re going to be even more jealous as I’m going to tell you exactly what happened tonight.’

An expression close to pain flickered over Sasuke’s face before it returned to its usual nonchalance. ‘If you must.’

‘So I was going for a night out with everyone and it was going really slowly because everyone else was getting drunk and Kakashi had made me promise that I wouldn’t have any alcohol and…’

‘Why did Kakashi make you promise that?’ Sasuke stared down at his fingernails, his attempt to appear casual merely emphasised how tense his whole body had become.

Naruto laughed. ‘Teme, you’re not jealous of Kakashi, are you? Wow! You are! You so are! I wouldn’t have to sleep with him if…’

Sasuke’s eyes flashed red and he sat upright in bed. ‘You’re sleeping with him? I’m going to kill him. He’s taking advantage of you. I can’t believe that even you’d be that stupid. Who else have you let fuck you? I’m going to kill them all, but I’ll start with Kakashi. Or maybe I’ll end with him.’ He swung off the bed, his whole body tensed and his fists clenched.

Naruto’s tongue flicked over his lips, was it wrong that Sasuke’s murderous temper was turning him on so much? He knew that if he gave the word Sasuke would leap out of the window and go on a killing spree to defend Naruto’s honour wearing nothing but a pair of bright orange, frog decorated, lounge pants and no one would be able to stop him.

A quiet, almost shy, smile was on Naruto’s face when he next spoke. ‘You’re the stupid one. When I said _sleep_ , I meant _sleep_. Kakashi sometimes lets me share his bed because I have so much trouble sleeping on my own since you left. I don’t ask too often as I don’t want him to get fed up with me, but once in a while it helps being able to sleep through a whole night. Why would you even…I mean, Kakashi’s Kakashi, next you’ll be thinking I’m having sex with Itachi.’ He gave a small chuckle. ‘I mean, occasionally I know he’s been training with you and I think maybe you might have done hand to hand sparring and his hands may  have touched your body and it makes me feel closer to you and…okay, I’ll stop there as I’m sounding weird. But nothing between me and Kakashi, never like that, are we clear?’

‘Hnnnn.’ Sasuke’s grunt was noncommittal but his body relaxed out of a fighting stance and his eyes lost their red tint.

‘Now will you let me finish my story about Shino without wanting to kill anyone else?’

Sasuke shrugged.

‘Where was I? Oh yeah, out with friends, not drinking, and being miserable but pretending to look happy as I don’t want people worrying about me and thinking I’m still pining over you.’ Naruto took a deep breath. ‘Then Sakura and Ino, who were drinking, started talking about you, so I escaped quickly with Shino who was sitting next to me and…somehow he thought me wanting to spend time alone with him getting to know him meant…I wanted to have a swarm of insects eat through my clothes and touch me in the places where only you’ve ever touched me.’

There was no movement in Sasuke’s face but Naruto saw a new light of mirth shining in his eyes.

‘These bugs would even have gone to places that you haven’t even been what with you not being a tiny perverted insect. Not just,’ Naruto patted his bum, ‘but up here.’ The blonde swept his fingers over his groin.

Sasuke widened his eyes and perched on the bed level with Naruto’s hips, it felt so natural that Naruto had to remind himself that Sasuke currently didn’t consider himself Naruto’s boyfriend. And even if the brunette was acting in an intoxicating mixture of insanely jealous and utterly relaxed, that still didn’t mean Naruto had any right to reach out and caress that perfect porcelain skin.

‘Yeah, it was really mad, he was so convinced that I’d like insects crawling up inside my cock that I didn’t know how to tell him that wasn’t my thing.’

Worry flashed into Sasuke’s eyes and replaced the humour that’d been there before. He put his hand on the side of Naruto’s face.

Naruto could do nothing to prevent the moan of yearning that escaped from his lips. He pressed into Sasuke’s touch absorbing the warmth as his heart beat out a rhythm of longing and love.

Then Sasuke abruptly pulled away and dropped his hands into his own lap. He gazed down at them as he spoke. ‘What happened? Did you let Shino’s insects explore your body because you didn’t want to hurt his feelings and say no?’

Naruto frowned. ‘I always want people to be happy, and I’ll do a lot to help others, but insects inside me?’ He shivered at the thought. ‘It’s like you said before you got all green-eyed, or red-eyed in your case, thinking me and Kakashi were getting it on.’ Naruto couldn’t help laughing again at the madness of the thought, but Sasuke shot him one of his coldest glares so he continued talking. ‘I find the whole insects thing creepy, and I know I shouldn’t as there are tons of weirdass jutsus out there that I barely think about, including my own, but bugs under your skin? Urggggh. Shino was nice to me, so I was kinda thinking how to say it in a good way, then the first insects reached me and started eating my clothes, and all I could do was scream out I wasn’t ready for a new boyfriend after all as I still loved you, which he might not have heard because I ran to the door and kept on running until my legs brought me here.’

Sasuke smirked. ‘Maybe I should check that there’s no insects left hiding on your body.’

‘No, it’s good, you can see they only made a few holes and I’m pretty sure that I’d be able to feel them, because that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Luckily, I’ve started to wear really tight underwear, as sometimes when I think about you, and I think about you _a lot_ , it gets me hard, and it’s not great to get an obvious erection when I’m helping an old lady home with her shopping or whatever so…’

Sasuke laughed and Naruto’s heart danced at the sound, how had he managed to survive all these months without hearing and seeing his boyfriend’s happiness?

‘Usuratonkachi.’  Sasuke drew the word out forcing sensual possibilities into every syllable. ‘I’m asking you if I could be of service to you.’ He pushed Naruto’s hips down into the mattress and swung his leg over so he sat astride the blonde. ‘I’m asking if you would like me to remove all your clothing slowly piece by piece, saving that tight underwear for last.’ He put his hands either side of the blonde’s head. ‘I’m asking if you need me to run my fingers over every inch of your naked skin, several times, of course, to ensure that there is not a single tiny thing touching you, Apart from me.’

Naruto gazed up into the black abyss of Sasuke’s eyes. ‘I think…maybe…now you mention it…that it might be…a good idea for you…to…’ He gave up trying to find the words to finish his sentence, instead he fisted his hands into the brunette’s hair and pulled Sasuke’s lips crushing down onto his.

Their lips and tongues fought a hot battle vying with each other for dominance. Naruto’s body writhed under Sasuke, his hips bucking with lust and a desire to flip Sasuke over so he’d be on top. He tried to move his hands to Sasuke’s waist, but the Uchiha was quicker, without breaking away from the kiss, he caught the blonde’s wrists and pinned them above his head.

Naruto pushed with all the strength in his body up against the Uchiha and was surprised that there was no give in Sasuke. The brunette held Naruto in exactly the same place, kissing with undisturbed passion, as if he was totally oblivious to the other man’s attempt to reverse their positions. Between the two of them, Sasuke had natural technique but Naruto had brute power. That’s the way it had always been, and the ground that all their fighting was based on. Naruto relaxed, in the hopes of catching his lover by surprise. But on his second attempt he couldn’t even move his hips; Sasuke must had adjusted something imperceptible in the grip of his knees in Naruto’s side, or the way he was sitting on Naruto? Whatever it was, it was new and the blonde ninja had no idea how to beat it.

Sasuke dragged his teeth over Naruto’s bottom lip, then raised his face a couple of inches beyond where Naruto could reach it.

He smirked down at the blonde. ‘This difference between us.’  He flexed his fingers demonstrating how easily he was keeping Naruto in position. ‘Is called training. What you should have been doing instead of babysitting Hinata’s genine if you hoped to have any chance of keeping up with me.’

‘I can keep up with you, teme.’ Naruto gave a low growl which transformed into a high moan as Sasuke rocked his groin against Naruto’s.

It took a moment of fast panting before Naruto regained enough breath to speak. ‘Forget the training, I kinda wish I’d been more prepared and not worn these pants, my cock feels like it’s being strangled. You make me hella hard, Sasuke.’

 ‘You make me _hella hard_ too, Naruto.’ Sasuke smiled which gave his face a warmth that Naruto knew few people had ever seen. ‘If you were anyone else I’d have pulled back before our lips touched. This is the first time I’ve ever kissed you that you haven’t tasted like miso, and I don’t know what it is you do _taste_ of, but because it’s you I don’t care and just want to kiss you more.’

He leaned in to press his lips against the blonde, but with a bright red face, Naruto rolled away and released himself from Sasuke’s grip as easily as if he could have done it at any point.

Naruto had no idea where his sudden ability to escape his lover came from, apart from the sheer power of embarrassment. He rushed towards Sasuke’s bathroom. ‘I’m so sorry, Sas, I’ve been living off Sakura’s food pills, I didn’t think of how disgusting that’d be if anyone kissed me, what with you not being around kissing me.’

He picked up Sasuke’s toothbrush and toothpaste and started vigorously scrubbing at his teeth and over his tongue.

Sasuke followed Naruto and gazed at the blonde in the bathroom mirror. ‘I told you I don’t care, I just want to kiss you. Besides, if that taste is one of Sakura’s food pills you’d need a gallon of that toothpaste to make any difference.’

Naruto paused and realised for the first time that there were two tubes of toothpaste in Sasuke’s bathroom, the raven’s usual brand and the nearest one he’d grabbed, which was the one that _he_ favoured because it was brightly coloured, even though Sasuke always moaned it was supposed to just be for kids.

He glanced at the shower and saw there Sasuke’s shower gel sitting next to the one that Naruto often chose, and on the towel rack was Sasuke’s usual white towel positioned beside a stripy one that was a copy of one of his own.

Naruto frowned. ‘This is like our bathroom at home…how it used to be before you took all your things. Did you buy my favourites waiting for me to visit? How did you know I was coming tonight? I didn’t know I was coming tonight.’

‘Idiot.’ Sasuke rolled his eyes. He took the toothpaste and toothbrush out of Naruto’s hands and placed them back on the counter. ‘How would I know that you’d have an encounter with Shino’s insects tonight and come running to tell me about it? If I’d had any intuition that you’d be choosing tonight to jump through my bedroom window I’d have made sure I was far away from here on patrol.’

‘Then why…’

‘At the beginning,’ Sasuke interrupted, ‘I thought I could discipline myself not to think of you. Very quickly I realised I needed much more training before I’d be anywhere near that level of control. Every single time I sense you, I want to run towards you, not away from you. I’ve seen you once. I was on the rooftops, you were below walking and chatting with Kiba and Ino. I had to stab myself in the hand and use the pain to prevent myself from doing what I wanted, which was to leap down, tear your clothes off, and fuck you right there in the middle of the street, not caring who saw us, all I cared about was being inside you.’ Sasuke held his hand up in front of Naruto and the blonde traced his fingers over the scar across his lover’s palm.

‘I’d rather you fucked me than stabbed yourself. _Much_ rather.’

‘Me too.’ Sasuke moved the scarred hand to Naruto’s stomach, teasing his fingers over the belt buckle. His other moved to the small of Naruto’s back and made the same playful caresses. ‘I found a better way of coping with my lust for you though. I buy things that remind me of you and I pretend that you’ve been forced to do a mission on your own, a spiritual tailed-beast journey which I can’t accompany you on, and I’m just waiting for you to return.’

Naruto’s gaze alternated from looking at Sasuke’s elegant fingers discovering the holes in his t-shirt and brushing over the skin beneath, to staring at his beautiful boyfriend in the mirror.

‘I’ve returned,’ Naruto breathed. ‘And I’ve missed you too much, and you can do whatever you want to me, because wherever I am, wherever you are, it doesn’t change anything. I’m always yours.’

‘I know.’ Sasuke flicked his tongue over Naruto’s ear. ‘Now enough talking, I want you and tonight I’m going to have you.’

Sasuke’s movements were so quick  that Naruto wasn’t sure how he did it, but he found himself bent over the sink with Sasuke using one hand on the blonde’s neck to keep his head down, and the other hand to secure both Naruto’s hand and hold them firmly against his back.

While he did this, he started grinding against Naruto’s ass.  ‘It’s been a while, hasn’t it?’ Sasuke whispered in a husky voice. ‘I planned to be gentle with you, let your body slowly get used to me again, but the way you were on the bed, trying to buck against me, I’ve changed my mind. I see I’m going to have to remind you which one of us is in charge. I’ll do this by teasing you until you can’t bear it, until you’re on the ground kissing my feet begging for me to fuck you. And if you beg extra nicely, I will let you bend over the bed and spread your ass cheeks for me. If I like what I see, if you bend over far enough, and spread yourself wide enough, then I will fuck you. Hard and raw. I will plunge my whole cock into you with one thrust…’

‘Sassssaaa…’ Naruto moaned. With a sudden burst of strength he pulled his hands away from Sasuke and gripped the sink. ‘You…neee…I can’t…Sasuke!’

The blonde fell to his knees, pulling the sink with him, splitting the taps open and making jets of water spurt up into the air.

Sasuke stepped back. ‘What was that?’

Between heavy panting Naruto managed to gasp an answer out. ‘You dominating me and holding me down is turning me on so much, I thought if I could pull free a bit I might be able to hold on a bit longer and not come.’

Sasuke’s gaze went pointedly to Naruto’s groin. ‘And how did that work out for you?’

‘Kinda amazing for me to be honest, yaknow.’ Naruto gave a wide grin. ‘Not so good for your sink. Sorry.’ Naruto sheepishly held up the piece of porcelain he was still holding. ‘Maybe I can fix it back on?’

Before Naruto could move, Sasuke kicked the sink out of Naruto’s hands sending it flying across the bathroom and breaking into several pieces.

‘Okay, no fixing then.’ Naruto grinned. ‘Seriously, baby, though, you’re going to have to be gentle with me.’

Sasuke glared down at Naruto, Naruto grinned wider wondering if it was being called ‘baby’ or being told to go gentle that most annoyed the raven.

A pool of water from the broken taps was forming on the floor, but if Sasuke wasn’t bothered about it, Naruto definitely wasn’t going to offer his plumbing skills again. Especially not when his face was level with the bulge in Sasuke’s pants.

‘Why?’ Sasuke said as if the word was being ripped out of his gut. ‘You just said you were being turned on by me being rough with you.’

In the aftermath of calm from his orgasm, Naruto could enjoy the pleasure of teasing the proudly controlled Uchiha. He ran his hands over the curves of Sasuke’s strong calf muscles, stopping at the area behind the knees which was very sensitive in Sasuke, he massaged in small circles using the tips of his fingers.

‘Just answer the question,’ Sasuke folded his arms, tapping his fingers impatiently.

‘That too-good-to-talk-to-you act doesn’t work so well, sweetpea, when I could pitch a tent on your hard on.’ Naruto flicked his tongue over the bulge. Even though he was only tasting fabric, being so close to his lover’s cock, breathing in the warm scent of his sex, took Naruto’s own breath away.

Sasuke put his hand on the back of the blonde head and pushed his face into his groin. ‘Likewise, _dandelion_ , I’m not the one who’s just ripped the bathroom apart because a tiny bit of dirty talk made him come.’ He lifted Naruto’s chin up to look at him. ‘I’ll always win any battle of willpower, so if you want me to fuck you, you need to start behaving.’

Naruto stuck his tongue out at the raven.  He felt almost unbearably happy. Even if the Uchiha was just doing it in retaliation for ‘baby’ and ‘sweetpea’, Sasuke surely knew him well enough to realise that Naruto loved pet names and basked in being called ‘dandelion’. Although that was probably the brunette’s cunning plan, throughout their whole relationship there’d always been little gestures and words of Sasuke’s that transformed Naruto from an argumentative stubborn ninja into a glowing ball of joy that existed only to please his stunning boyfriend.

‘Okay, you win.’ Naruto grinned. ‘I don’t know what you win because I’ve no idea what game we’re playing, but as long as it ends up with your cock in my ass I’m willing to pretend that you’re in control.’

Sasuke moved his hand from Naruto’s chin to Naruto’s hair, and gently tussled through the blonde locks. ‘That’s a start, now explain why I should be gentle with you.’ He gave a handful of hair a sharp tug which made Naruto groan in pleasure.

‘Because of that.’ Naruto gave Sasuke a half smile. ‘I shouldn’t tell this to you because you’ll be mocking me for it for the rest of our lives, but I kinda think you need to know where I am right now. Yesterday I came just looking at a photo of you. That’s all I did, picked up a photo of you, looked at it and my cock just exploded. And it’s wasn’t the first time that’s happened.’  

‘So what, you masturbate looking at pictures of me. That’s not a big deal.’

‘No, listen to my embarrassing story properly, teme, so you get your facts right when you tease me for it later. And you know I don’t masturbate on my own, it’s something we’ve always done together…and when I tried it after you left…I just ended up crying instead of coming, so kinda defeated the whole purpose of the thing. What I’m telling you is that it’s not an intentional thing. I’ve got a photo of you and I talk to it at night, but sometimes, like yesterday, when I look at you…at your photo…I just come.’ Naruto imitated an explosion with his hands.

Sasuke frowned and looked angry rather than amused. ‘I understand. My image gets you more excited than being with me. You come instantly when you look at a picture, but have been with me on my bed and haven’t had the same reaction.’

Naruto circled his finger around Sasuke’s belly button. ‘Because I’m wearing really tight pants and…you probably don’t realise this, but I’m actually fighting really hard not to humiliate myself too much in front of you. Being with you has always been a miracle, but you leaving me, it’s made the whole world seem fragile. After being apart, being with you again makes me feel complete, but I’m still frightened I’m going to do something wrong and…and I’m not used to feeling scared like this, and it managed to hold me back enough, well until you started talking about how you were going to plunge into me. But, yaknow, I could easily have just jumped in your bedroom, taken off my pants, immediately come all over your face and left again. For future reference, would you’ve preferred that?’

Sasuke was silent for a moment, he traced a finger over Naruto’s lips. ‘It has the advantage, that my bathroom floor wouldn’t currently be flooding, and that I’d have got to see your cock and taste your spunk without having to listen to you yack on. But overall, I think I can work with the situation we’ve got at the moment. What about you?’ Sasuke hooked his fingers in the waistband of his lounge pants and pulled them down his thighs.

Naruto stared open mouthed, with enlarged lustful pupils at Sasuke’s enormous cock standing erect and waiting for attention. He’d thought of his lover’s naked body every single day and night since the Uchiha had left, but kneeling in front of Sasuke’s groin now, it felt like the first time he was ever being blessed with this sight.

He raised his gaze to look into Sasuke’s face. The turmoil of emotions had vanished from the other man’s eyes, and what was left was a desire that was a direct mirror of his own. He sprung to his feet and pulled Sasuke close against him, one hand on the man’s shoulders, the other squeezing the firmness of the raven’s butt. He gave him a close-lipped kiss, forceful enough to leave both their mouths feeling bruised and even more sensitive. Then he dropped back to his knees and nuzzled into the soft curls of Sasuke’s groin, while his hand clamped around the head of the brunette’s erection. If Sasuke wanted rough, Naruto could give it as well as receive it. He reached around and pressed his fingers between Sasuke’s buttocks at the same moment as he lowered his head and nibbled on the other man’s tight balls. A beat after, he tightened his fist to the limit of what he knew was Sasuke’s line between pleasure and pain, then began wanking immediately at the high speed he normally built up to and used only at the very end of their play.

Sasuke curved his body around the blonde’s gripping Naruto’s shoulders and moaning deeply. But before he came, he pushed Naruto away and stepped backwards.

‘Bed. Now.’ He commanded, turning and walking back to the bedroom without waiting for Naruto’s response.

Naruto followed, peeling off his jacket and t-shirt as he went. Undressing he realised how wet he was from the broken taps spurting water, it was always the same being with Sasuke, irrelevant things like being soaked to the skin by broken plumbing went entirely unnoticed.

Sasuke waited standing by the bed facing him. He completely removed the sleep pants, folding them carefully and placing them in a drawer in his bedside cabinet.

Naruto paused watching in open awe the ripple of the other man’s muscles as he carried out these simple movements. When Sasuke finished, Naruto pulled off his own socks as the brunette in turn watched him. The blonde tried to make it sensual, but in truth he was in too much of a desperate rush to be naked with his lover to put on much of a striptease. He unbuckled his belt and pulled down his trousers, throwing them to the side.

Sasuke beckoned him over before he removed his underwear, he obeyed. The brunette gazed into his eyes as he stroked his hand slowly over the erection constrained behind the fabric. He ran his fingers delicately around the waistband.

Naruto made a whining sound. He dropped his head against Sasuke’s shoulder. ‘Fuck, I want you so bad, baby.’

Sasuke slapped his hand against Naruto’s buttocks. ‘I let you get away with that once, but not twice. I’m not your _baby_.’

‘Baby…baby…baby,’ Naruto moaned as Sasuke spanked him harder each time.

Naruto reached down to pull his own pants down, but Sasuke easily flicked his hands away.

He moved his mouth to Naruto’s ear, when he spoke his voice was surprisingly soft and kind. ‘I’m sorry, I’m not going to be capable of gentle tonight. My willpower’s not that great after all. Once you’re naked, you’re mine and I won’t hold back. If that’s not what you want, leave this room, give me some time to calm down, and we can just talk and be together like friends.’

Naruto didn’t pause, his hands went again to his pants, this time Sasuke didn’t stop him. The blonde wiggled out of the material that was extra clingy now with the water and his own spunk. He gave a sigh of relief when he was finally free, but his real pleasure came when he saw the look on Sasuke’s face which echoed the same undisguised lust he’d felt at seeing Sasuke’s cock.

Sasuke recovered faster than him though, he spun Naruto around and threw him face down onto the mattress. Naruto remembered what Sasuke had said earlier, he raised his hips up to the level of Sasuke’s groin and spread his ass cheeks wide for his lover.

‘Dobe, just so you know, out of the two of us, you’re the beautiful one.’ Sasuke’s voice was still soft, but his touch was hard and commanding as he grabbed Naruto’s cock covering his fingers in the blonde’s come. That and his spit were the only lube he used before he pushed his whole length into Naruto with one thrust.

Naruto screamed out, but recovered enough to look over his shoulder with a teasing smile. ‘I thought you said you were going to be rough with me.’

Sasuke smiled one of his rarest smiles revealing his perfect white teeth. ‘I truly have missed you so much.’

Then he tightened his grip on Naruto’s hips and fucked the other man as hard as Naruto could remember ever being fucked in his whole life.

 

***

 

Naruto woke up sprawled on the floor with a sheet twisted around him and an orange blanket placed over the top. He blinked several times. He hadn’t dreamed one of his best fantasies in months; he had lived and experienced one of the best nights him and Sasuke had ever had. The room still smelt seductively of him and his beautiful lover. Tentatively he began to move, he glanced down at the bruises he could see on his wrists and legs and thought of the ones he couldn’t see on his back and ass. His cock twitched and Naruto let out a small sigh of pleasure at the remembrances of everything the Uchiha had done to him.

Then panic froze his heart. Where was the Uchiha? Another memory from four months ago flashed into his mind of when he had woken up alone without Sasuke beside him. With the sheet sawkwardly twisted around him he ran out of the bedroom and threw doors open looking for his lover. In the bathroom he noted that Sasuke had begun to clear up the mess he’d created last night, and on the landing the rug had been removed from where the water had flooded through. But that meant nothing. Sasuke had managed to pack up a whole life in the night, he could easily manage to mop up a bit of water and still have time to disappear.

Naruto raced downstairs, several times narrowly missing tripping over his sheet. Then he smelt food and heard movement. He rushed to the kitchen. Sasuke was there, handsome and fully dressed, lying breakfast out on the table.

He raised his eyebrows at Naruto’s ragged appearance, but then gave a small smile. ‘I want to be sarcastic, but you were so amazing last night I think you may have literally drained all the anger and meanness out of me.’ He walked over to the blonde and gave him a warm hug. ‘Sit down. Although I don’t know why I still bother cooking for you, it’s always the same, you never come down and eat it when you’re supposed to. This should be breakfast, but now it’s lunch.’ Sasuke took Naruto’s hand in his and led him to the table, he pulled Naruto’s chair out for him and gently kissed the back of the blonde’s neck. ‘I didn’t wake you though, it looked like you needed to sleep so I cancelled everything that I needed to do today.’

Naruto heard his lover’s voice and felt his touch, but he didn’t fully comprehend what Sasuke was saying, he was too focused on not embarrassing himself by holding the Uchiha with a death grip and never letting him go.

 _Don’t start crying. Don’t start crying,_ he ordered himself. He didn’t want to ruin this reunion with tears, even if they were tears of sheer joy.

Sasuke sat in a chair next to him. Then broke a pair of chopsticks apart and lifted food first to Naruto’s mouth then to his own.

‘Better than food pills?’ Sasuke smiled.

Naruto returned the smile, not yet trusting himself to speak. He watched Sasuke’s lips move as the brunette chatted away, Naruto wondered if Sasuke had ever spoken this much before while Naruto just sat silently listening.  Sasuke normally only spoke at any length if there was something important he felt he needed to say, or when they were in bed and he was in the mood to describe in great detail what he was going to do to Naruto.

How much had changed in the four months they’d been apart? A shiver of excitement went through him at the idea of discovering who this wonderful man was all over again, as if they were just beginning dating. He didn’t know whether Sasuke would move back into their house, or if something was drawing him back to his family home, despite of (or maybe because of?) the horrific memories. There would be time to work all these things out. Naruto wouldn’t make the same mistake he’d made after the party of leaving it too long to talk about what was going on between them, but right now he was enjoying looking at his lover too much to start a serious conversation.

He thought about if he’d be able to get those sweet lips wrapped around his dick, Sasuke liked sucking cock as much as Naruto did, but the Uchiha was picky about when and how he’d do it. Naruto always understood Sasuke’s need to appear in control, he’d lost his entire childhood in that one terrifying night, and there was a turmoil of emotion inside him that Sasuke had once confided sometimes made him scared of what he’d be capable of without Naruto there constantly calming him. But Sasuke hadn’t walked away from him for no reason, and maybe one of the things Naruto could do is start showing Sasuke that it was okay to completely relax and trust him to totally run things. Although it probably wasn’t a good sign of his new sense of responsibility that his first idea was based around overruling his boyfriend’s usual insistence that he’d only do it if Naruto was lying down, and instead to get Sasuke on his knees sucking his cock.

Then suddenly something in his brain, latched onto what Sasuke was saying. The brunette looked so relaxed and happy that Naruto had somehow thought he was just chatting about the same sort of inconsequential things like Naruto normally did at breakfast when Sasuke was the one sitting silently smiling and listening.

But this wasn’t inconsequential at all. Naruto’s heart started to beat very slowly.

‘My initial idea when I tracked Karin down was that she’d be a good mate for you to rebuild and strengthen your clan,’ Sasuke was saying. ‘But I’m weaker than I thought, the idea of Uchiha-Uzumaki babies was impossible for me to resist.’ Sasuke gave a very unSasuke like chuckle and flashed Naruto a shy smile. ‘She is a suitable match for me in many other ways too. She doesn’t demand anything from me, she’s already completely devoted, willingly does everything I say, all she needs is to be in my general vicinity every now and again.’ Sasuke held food up for Naruto which Naruto found himself tastelessly taking and chewing. ‘And when I called out your name during sex, it turned her on.’

Naruto knew his own mouth was moving and he was saying something to Sasuke that was making both of them laugh, but he had no idea what it was. He felt like he’d become a ghost floating separately from his body that was carrying on without him. The most painful thing was that Sasuke didn’t notice.

He watched himself through the remainder of the afternoon. Him and Sasuke had a flirtatious shower together where they rubbed each other off. Afterwards Sasuke tenderly dried him and gave him clothes to wear; Naruto was uncertain whether he’d stolen when he moved out or bought afterwards in Naruto’s exact style.

They studied the damage in the bathroom with the broken sink and examined the warped floorboards, their bodies touching as they bent down on the floor.

Sasuke spoke about the training he’d been doing and spent a long time showing Naruto some new taijutsu technique.

At no point did Sasuke ask him what was wrong, or inquire why Naruto’s eyes were hollow and empty.

When Naruto decided he needed to go, as Iruka would unnecessarily worry something was wrong if Naruto wasn’t home, Sasuke gave Naruto’s body a lingering hug.

‘I’m so happy you came to me last night, and I’m grateful I didn’t run from you this time,’ Sasuke whispered in his ear. ‘Remember I said we’d be friends again in a year? I was beginning to doubt that, I was missing you so much I didn’t think I’d ever be capable of being normal around you. But it turns out we just needed that break-up sex. If you’d not been so stubborn and given it to me in the hotel we could have avoided these months of hurt.’

Naruto was speaking again, making them both laugh again, before he finally returned Sasuke’s hug with a buddy pat on the back, and walked away from him as though he was walking away from Kiba or any of his other friends.

He got into his front door, took seven steps then suddenly snapped back into his body. For a second he was perfectly still, then he fell to the floor weeping and howling. He thumped his hands against the tiles so hard that they cracked and dented and his knuckles bled.

He’d been in so much pain since Sasuke left, but this felt raw and new like his soul was being shredded to pieces. He was barely getting by before, he had no idea how he was going to cope now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, thank you for continuing to give my story your time. Lots of real life problems but I've tried hard with this chapter so I hope it does what it's supposed to. If you have a moment to comment I'm always grateful. Big virtual hugs to all of you for reading my work and truly making me feel a little better and a little less alone in this mad, sometimes painful, world x


	8. First Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback to my favourite messed up couple in their younger days. This time from inside the fun place that is Sasuke's head.
> 
> There is a little bit of sex of the male-male variety, but mostly it's Sasuke thinking about things and talking to his boyfriend in the happy days long before he makes the fateful decision to break-up.

They’d been officially dating for years before Sasuke first mentioned it. His mistake may have been doing it first thing in the morning, his little fox was never the most alert before his stomach had been restuffed with food. But Sasuke had been thinking about it a lot, and had got stuck on the notion that if he said it at the beginning of the day, by the end of the day Naruto would have got used to the idea and the night could be spent in excited exploring.

He always woke up before the blonde, which was fortunate as, although they fell asleep with Sasuke on his back and Naruto sprawled over him, at some mysterious point during the night, their position reversed and when Sasuke opened his eyes every day it was to find himself snuggled up as tightly as possible on the dobe’s chest.

After the first few times, when he realised if he didn’t indulge himself for too long Naruto would never wake up and discover him, the first moments of the day became some of his most treasured moments; laying still listening to the beat of Naruto’s heart, or resting his head on the blonde’s shoulder and watching his lover’s face as he dreamed.

But on this day it had the disadvantage of meaning he had to wait a painfully long time, planning and replanning how he was going to approach the subject, while his boyfriend snored the best part of the morning happily away.

When Naruto did finally stretch his body out in a huge yawn, Sasuke’s heart started beating so fast with sudden nerves that his cheeks flushed, and he felt flustered and unprepared.

Naruto turned to Sasuke with his sunshine smile and immediately started speaking. ‘You’re here! I love it when you make me breakfast and do all the housework and everything before I even get up, but I love it even more when you’re the first thing I see.’ He wrapped his arms around the other boy. ‘Yeah, you should definitely forget about all the other stuff and just be here in bed with me every day when I wake up. So, what shall we do with our days off? I know Kakashi wants us to do extra training, but he didn’t _order_ us, which I think means…’

Sasuke knew from experience, and because he’d tested it a couple of times, that if Naruto woke up in an instantly chatty mood, the blonde was fully capable of talking nonstop through the whole day with the only input required from Sasuke being an occasional gesture to indicate that he was listening. If Sasuke was going to do what he wanted with their free days, he needed to get Naruto’s attention quickly, before the other ninja got entirely lost in the sound of his own voice.

‘I think we should have sex,’ Sasuke blurted out. ‘Proper sex.’

Naruto pulled his head back and deep frown lines creased his brow. ‘What? Am I doing something wrong? I thought you enjoyed what I did? Why didn’t you tell me before if I wasn’t doing it right? I can do…’

Sasuke put his hand over Naruto’s mouth. ‘Everything you do is amazing. Amazing. I don’t want you to stop, I want you to do more.’

Big blue eyes gazed questioningly at him. Inwardly Sasuke cursed his luck in having a boyfriend with such a genuinely innocent expression, then cursed himself for wishing anything about Naruto to be different. He adored those eyes, that face, the body, everything connected with Uzumaki Naruto had become his own personal picture of perfection.

It just made it difficult to say what he wanted to say. He couldn’t form the right words with Naruto’s sweet eyes on him, so he leaned over and whispered exactly what he meant by proper sex into his boyfriend’s ear.

Before he’d finished, Naruto started laughing so hard his eyes were filled with tears. He rolled away from Sasuke and held his stomach as he curled up in a little ball of giggles.

If he hadn’t been so completely serious, Sasuke would have enjoyed his ability to make Naruto laugh this much, in their partnership it was definitely the blonde who brought all the joy and fun, and it would be nice for a change to be able to give Naruto just a little bit of the cheer the dobe gave him. But he _was_ completely serious, so all he could do was look helplessly at his boyfriend and mentally reorganise what they would actually be doing this weekend, as his plan was obviously gone.

‘You’re the best, Sas,’ Naruto said when he’d got enough composure to sit up and wipe the tears from the eyes.  ‘I kinda know you so well, but you still surprise me. Have you got any more jokes?’

Sasuke shook his head. ‘That one will have to last you.’

‘It’s a good one. As if anyone would ever want to do _that_. And the way you said it in that whispery sexy voice of yours as if it was a real thing, you’re like a really funny guy when you want to be.’ Naruto made his way to the shower still chortling to himself.

Sasuke sat alone for a moment on the bed, before he gave a heavy sigh and went downstairs to make breakfast.

 

Although Naruto referred to it again, and laughed about it even harder than the first time, Sasuke didn’t mention it for a long while. But the next occasion he did, it was entirely unplanned.

Returning from a standard diplomatic mission they’d been diverted by a situation. Situation in this case, being the official term to describe three Anbu ninja hanging from tree branches with their intestines pulled out.

Sasuke’s eyes went red, and he was immediately alert to everything in their surroundings, every sound, every leaf, every insect. Sakura, Naruto and him were in a line, with Kakashi slightly ahead. He was glad Naruto was in the middle, the most protected position, and almost subconsciously he ran through calculations of how he would keep Naruto safe depending on the many variations of where and how an attack came.

Guilt and admiration twinged through him as he watched Kakashi’s reactions. The three dead bodies, were not just a sign of extreme danger to him, their sensei would know who they were, they were probably people he’d grown up with, people he shared memories and affection with, but the silver haired man’s face didn’t falter from its expression of pure focus. Sasuke knew he’d be making a quick decision between serving their village by investigating what had happened, or keeping his team safe. And he knew that Kakashi would choose them. The more difficult decision was assessing the danger and finding the best escape route.

From his position, Sasuke could see the wounds were raw and recent and the blood was still flowing, but there was no obvious clue about how many assailants had done this, if they’d run where they’d run, or if in fact they were in hiding somewhere ready to ambush the new arrivals.  He only hoped Kakashi’s experience saw more.

The older man had never failed them. But there was always a disturbing crawling feeling deep in the darkest parts of Sasuke’s mind at these moments, whispering in a scratchy voice that they were supposed to be a team, him and Naruto shouldn’t still be genin level, forever reliant on Kakashi’s knowledge and Sakura’s healing. The life they lived should be dominated by fighting, not kissing.

He glanced at his blonde lover, his eyes had a crimson tinge and his nails curved into claws. With or without the nine-tails, Naruto was tough, but he was also too brave and too reckless. Sasuke had a lot of fantasies that involved tying Naruto up and never letting him leave the house.

Nothing changed in his outward expression which remained as composed as Kakashi’s, but inside his heart beat rapidly and images swirled through his mind almost faster than he could comprehend them; the first time Naruto’s lips pressed against his, the first time Naruto held his hand, the first time he felt the wet warmth of Naruto’s tongue touching his, the first time Naruto slept in his arms…and underpinning all these memories was the heart-wrenching knowledge that to balance all those first times, there would be last times, and those last times might have already passed unknown and uncelebrated. This morning when he teased Naruto brushing his lips lightly against the blonde’s then pulling away smirking when Naruto tried taking control, demanding a fuller kiss, that could have been it: the very last time. And it wasn’t special, or momentous, instead of showing Naruto how he felt about him, he’d deliberately left his boyfriend frustrated.

Now there was something out there that could rip the guts out of highly skilled Anbu ninja,  and if Sasuke didn’t survive, Naruto’s final intimate moment to remember him by was nothing but a meaningless tease.

Visions of his parents slain bodies haunted his mind and twisted around the memories of Naruto’s hugs and smiles. Sasuke had tried many times to remember the last things he said to his parents, to find some significance in his actions, any tiny thing that he could cling on to and use to reassure himself that in what was to be their last day alive, they’d known that he loved and cherished them. But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Death came quickly, it didn’t wait for the big moments, it didn’t give you a chance to say goodbye, it chose mundane and ordinary days when the shock of the loss would numb you with disbelief, and while you were defenceless and unprepared, the pain would wrap around every nerve in your body imprisoning you forever.

In the turmoil of his thoughts, Sasuke yearned to move the few steps to Naruto and take the blonde in his arms. He wanted to submit to his end, and have the choice of spending his last living moments in passion, rather than fighting and dying an inevitable death alone. But he remained still and alert, ready to follow Kakashi’s lead, aware of Naruto only as he was aware of Sakura, in terms of their strategic positions, thinking of how they would react, where they would move, how they could work together, if an attack came. 

Kakashi uncovered his sharingan and Sasuke’s mind emptied. He was immediately calm with the knowledge that Kakashi had sensed something and decided that they couldn’t escape, their only chance was to fight and to win.

There was a tiny twitch in Kakashi’s right shoulder, a signal that he was going to move to cover Sakura, but that the timing was essential. They were against a foe where split seconds were the difference between survival and slaughter.

Sasuke waited for more guidance, did Kakashi believe the attack would come from that direction, or was he indicating that him and Sakura would defend one side, leaving the other to the boys? But Kakashi was motionless, which meant that they were being watched and that Kakashi believed whoever was doing the watching was sharp enough to read and interpret their signals. The small movement he’d made had probably been a risk, but one that their sensei had decided needed to be taken to at least give them an idea of some formation.

Sasuke didn’t reach for a weapon, there would be no point, an opponent that was making Kakashi cautious would not be diverted by Sasuke’s shuriken skills. All Sasuke’s energy was focused on his arms and fingers, he was conscious of every muscle, every tendon, he knew to the nanosecond how quickly he could move them to weave a sign. The decision he couldn’t make until the enemy revealed himself was whether to attempt genjutsu or chidori. The violence of the attack on the Anbu displayed a joy in close combat, but that did not tell Sasuke enough, there were rational reasons for using genjutsu against a close combat specialist, just as there was logic for being prepared with chidori.

Sasuke didn’t hear any movement from above him, he heard the roar from beside him, the whoosh of air being displaced, as Naruto leaped in front of him.

The world slowed down, the space between two heart beats became an eternity.

The battle-calm Sasuke had always naturally possessed shattered into chaotic panic. In the moment it took him to turn his head, his brain had calculated and comprehended what was happening and what would happen. A man whose whole body, apart from his eyes, was covered in black cloth, was jumping down to attack Sasuke. The man had tekko-kagi on his hands, positioned to rip through Sasuke’s neck. And he was moving too fast, he would reach Sasuke before Sasuke could move into any credible defence, before Sakura or even Kakashi could offer any help. This man was quicker than any ninja Sasuke had ever seen before. But somehow Naruto was faster. Naruto had sensed the attack and immediately reacted. To Sasuke it appeared as if his boyfriend was flying, he’d never looked more beautiful, his body pure agility and grace wrapped up in a bright orange tracksuit, his face unshakeable determination with eyes as blue and peaceful as a summer’s sky. And he was in front of Sasuke and in a millisecond the weapon that was going to slash across Sasuke’s throat would instead rip through Naruto’s chest, delivering a wound even a jinchuriki couldn’t survive.

Sasuke was as helpless, as useless, as frightened, as when he was a child discovering his parent’s body. The only difference that the years had given him, was that this time he got to actually be present witnessing someone he loved being destroyed.

His mouth was open and he was screaming, but it would be too late, Naruto would die before Sasuke could even yell out that he loved him.

Then Sasuke was no longer sure what he was seeing, instead of Naruto’s blood splaying out, their assailant was being consumed by black flames. In less than a second the man who would have murdered his lover was no more than specks of ash scattered through the air.

Naruto thumped to the ground and Sasuke rushed to take him in his arms.

‘Are you all right?’ They both panted at each other, then seeing the confirmation in each other’s eyes they hugged tightly.

Kakashi checked on Sakura then slowly approached the boys.

Sasuke looked at him, willing to patiently accept the usual lecture about their reckless fighting and that they shouldn’t relax so soon (variations of the very same lectures he often gave Naruto in private), but the look of concern on his sensei’s face sent shivers of worry down Sasuke’s spine.

He regained his Uchiha composure though and reluctantly forced himself to step away from his boyfriend, when all his heart really wanted to do was pull Kakashi into the embrace and thank the silver haired ninja for doing whatever he did that saved Naruto.

But when he spoke, his voice held all its normal control and seeming indifference. ‘What was that technique, Kakashi, I’ve never seen you use it before?’

Kakashi’s frown deepened. ‘You’ve never seen me use it, because it’s not a technique I know. And you shouldn’t be able to do that either, but you did. Your sharingan hasn’t changed, it’s still the same. Sasuke, do you have any awareness that it was you who killed that man?’

Sasuke paled and shook his head.

Naruto took his hand. ‘What does it matter?’ he said lightly. ‘The guy’s dead, we’re alive, good result.’

Kakashi’s expression remained serious. ‘Don’t tell anyone about this. It’s too dangerous.’

Naruto squeezed Sasuke’s hand tightly and the Uchiha was grateful for his boyfriend’s warmth, they both knew that Kakashi meant Sasuke’s inexplicable power was too dangerous rather than the man who had tried to kill them.

 

They did not reach their own home until the early hours of the next morning. Sasuke put on his pyjamas in silence, Naruto gossiped away about Sasuke didn’t really care about. Out of the corner of his eyes he watched Naruto put his night clothes on, including his funny night cap he still insisted on wearing.  Before he buttoned his shirt up, the sight of Naruto’s bare chest made the breath catch in Sasuke’s throat. His boyfriend had been so close to being ripped open, he just wanted to run his hands all over that tan torso to convince himself that Naruto was here and safe.

Naruto continued chatting as they squeezed up against one another to sleep, they were growing taller but neither of them ever mentioned getting a larger bed.

‘It’s mad, yaknow to think that Danzo is still out there? I know Kakashi couldn’t say for definite he was behind the attack, what with you incinerating the bad guy and everything, though I’m pretty sure if you hadn’t we’d be dead rather than interrogating him. But yaknow, it’s like ages since we bought Itachi home and everyone learned the truth, you really shouldn’t have promised him that we wouldn’t go after Danzo because…’

‘Danzo fooled the third hokage, manipulated my brother, and escaped past Jiraiya with almost all of his Root dark assassins, do you really think you and I could do anything against him?’

Naruto grinned. ‘I think you and me together can do everything. Especially with your new black burny power. That was awesome.’

Sasuke gave a small shake of his head. ‘That only happened because you were…you shouldn’t have jumped in front of me. You could have pushed me out of the way, that would have been more sensible.’

‘Sorry, teme, for not pausing to formulate the best battle plan when my boyfriend was about to be hacked to pieces.’ Naruto’s grin changed to a shy smile and he lowered his gaze. ‘By the way, what were you shouting out when you thought…’

‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore,’ Sasuke snapped.

‘It sounded like…’

‘Why are you using your incredible burst of speed to jump in front of me when you could have kicked me out of the way and leapt to safety yourself, dobe? It was probably along those lines.’

‘No, it definitely wasn’t that, it was more like…’

Sasuke flipped Naruto onto his back and rolled on top of him, he pressed the blonde’s head into the pillow with a forceful, desperate kiss. Naruto immediately responded. His legs wrapped around Sasuke, and his tongue pushed back equally as hard against Sasuke.

Sasuke felt little claws pricking through the material of his pyjama top. He flicked his tongue over Naruto’s teeth knowing he would discover extra sharp canines there. He moaned lustily, although he was obsessed with maintaining self-control, he found Naruto’s wildness irresistible. He enjoyed dominating and taming it, as well as what was happening now, where Naruto changed their positions as easily as if Sasuke was weak and weightless.

Naruto nipped on Sasuke’s ears and growled, ‘I’ll do what I did today a million times over, and then a million more. I’ll never let you leave me, teme, my life is over without you.’

Sasuke pressed his hand in the centre of Naruto’s chest and pushed the blonde slightly away from him. ‘Don’t you realise I feel the same? If you want to protect me, always protect yourself first.’

Naruto blinked a couple of times as if holding back tears. But his voice was even fiercer when he next spoke. ‘I can’t do that. When I see you in danger I’m always going to run forward, it’s my way, and I’m not changing that.’ He bit into Sasuke’s neck with an animal passion that caused Sasuke’s eyes to roll back and his whole body to arch up towards his lover.

Sasuke moaned and let the pleasure surge through him. He put his hand on the back of Naruto’s head, smiling at this amazing contradictory boyfriend he’d caught, who wore a stupid cutesy nightcap while marking Sasuke’s skin with an erotic hunger so ferocious that it even overwhelmed the Uchiha.

‘I want to fuck you, Naruto.’ The words slipped out, he hadn’t meant to say them, but when Naruto lifted himself above Sasuke in a half press-up, his blue eyes almost black with lust, Sasuke met his boyfriend’s gaze and said with full intent, ‘I _need_ to fuck you.’

Naruto shrugged. ‘I don’t know what you mean. In case you haven’t worked it out by now, we’re both guys. Just let me do what I’m doing.’ He leaned back in, obviously annoyed at being interrupted.

 Sasuke put both hands on Naruto’s shoulders to hold him off, the power with which the blonde pressed against him, the force with which he clearly wanted to kiss and bite Sasuke, almost made the Uchiha happily concede, but as he’d started this, he might as well take it all the way. He didn’t want to lose this animalistic side to his boyfriend, but he could deal with Naruto laughing at him again considering the potential of what he could gain. With Naruto as sexually turned on as he obviously was at the moment, there was a real chance he’d get the response he yearned for.

‘I’ll make myself clear, dobe, especially for you. I don’t want to die without being fully connected to you. I’m desperate to know what it’s like to be inside you. I want you to bend over and I want to push my cock between your buttocks.’

Naruto gazed down at him and spoke in an unusually, for him, neutral voice, ‘By between my buttocks, you mean?’

‘I mean I want to be inside your ass. I want to penetrate you. I want to fuck you.’

‘You weren’t joking when you mentioned that before. That’s a real thing that you really want to do?’ Naruto said in the same neutral tone.

‘Yes it is.’ Sasuke was surprised by how much his heart was racing. ‘It’s the thing I want most in the world.’

‘Then you need a new boyfriend, because that ain’t ever happening.’ Naruto rolled off Sasuke, pulling most of the covers with him. He turned his back firmly on the brunette.

‘You’ll die for me, but you won’t let me fuck you?’ Sasuke said with real confusion.

‘Seems so.’

Those were the last words that Naruto said to him that night. Sasuke could have punched the wall in frustration that instead of seducing his boyfriend he’d somehow done the exact opposite.  

And it got worse over the next few days. Neither of them mentioned it but whenever Sasuke’s hands touched Naruto’s lower back, not even his bottom, just his lower back, the blonde’s whole body froze. The adrenaline and aggression that had lasted from the fight until their time in bed, had completely seeped away from the blonde, and Naruto gazed at Sasuke with shy eyes full of doubt, or sometimes was too nervous to look at him at all.

Sasuke worked at controlling his temper, and not shouting at his boyfriend about what he thought two men who were lovers did together in bed? It was purely defensive anger though, he’d had no real idea what two males got up to, it wasn’t as if there were any other openly homosexual couples to learn from. His ignorance had ended when Itachi appeared just he was trying to do some very particular research. There’d followed a very awkward conversation, (awkward for Sasuke anyway, his brother seemed to find it amusing and had probably known exactly what Sasuke was doing when he snuck up on him), in which Itachi had reassured him that the sexual thoughts he had about Naruto, the things he’d started wanting to do with his boyfriend, were entirely normal for a male couple. And apparently some heterosexual couples too.

Although Naruto could at times be embarrassingly open, Sasuke felt that now wasn’t the moment to justify his desires by saying he’d had a long conversation with his big brother about the things they did, and didn’t do, in bed, and Itachi had given him the OK to fuck Naruto’s ass.

But he didn’t know what to say, he was so nervous that Naruto now thought he was a freak, that he’d meant what he said about Sasuke getting a new boyfriend; too nervous to actually speak to the blonde about it.

It was Naruto who finally broke the tension.

Sasuke was sitting in the lounge pretending to read an incredibly boring history book, when Naruto stomped in, threw Sasuke’s book to the side and sat astride the Uchiha’s lap.

Despite the confidence of his actions, Naruto’s eyes were still full of uncertainty. ‘I’m going mad, Sas, I’m terrified you don’t want me anymore because I don’t want the thing you want. And that’s stupid as I’ll do anything for you, and if this is important to you…I’ll do it.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I’ll do it. You know, you just caught me by surprise when you mentioned it and I’ve got used to the idea now, sooo I’ll do it. I’ll do it right now.’ Naruto put his hands on his zip.

Sasuke stopped him. ‘No. You won’t. I want you…in the way I said I want you, very much. But I’m never going to do anything in bed that you’re not entirely comfortable with.’

‘Then you…you’re saying you need a new person, someone who’ll want the things you want?’ Naruto’s voice cracked over the words in a way that made Sasuke’s heart ache.

‘You’re so stupid sometimes that you even shock me. I want sex with _you_. I’ve never thought of anyone, I never think of anyone, in the way that I think about you. I’d choose life without any sexual contact at all as long as I still had you by my side.’

‘I don’t think we have to go that far.’ Naruto leaned his face into Sasuke’s, starting with a tentative kiss that grew into something wild and passionate.

But even within the heat, and relief, of their ardour, Sasuke was careful to maintain control and ensure his hands never travelled too far down Naruto’s back.

 

***

 

It had been a long morning. Sasuke wasn’t one to pay much attention to his birthdays, but he had hoped to use it as a self-justification to linger in bed with Naruto. But it wasn’t to be, Tsunade was going through her paperwork and had wanted to spread the pain out. Sakura was busy at the hospital, Kakashi was on a secret mission, no one ever wanted Naruto to do admin work, so out of their squad that left him to check that everything was correct and up-to-date. He’d hoped that Naruto would be able to accompany him, but not only did no one ever want Naruto to do admin work, they didn’t want him anywhere near their stacks of files, after a succession of incidents involving at different times: pots of ramen, Naruto demonstrating a new version of sexy jutsu to Jiraiya, Naruto and Rock Lee having a squat contest, fingers sticky with ramen when Naruto had lost his chopsticks, and possibly more than one occasion when him and Naruto might have exchanged a chaste kiss that somehow turned into a rampant make out session.

So no Naruto, just Tsunade and Shizune with a magical ever increasing pile of paperwork.

But it’d at last come to an end and at least he’d have the afternoon, evening and night with his boyfriend. He gave himself a mental note to lock all the door and windows so there could be no interruptions.

Sasuke opened the door, he didn’t say anything, but he usually didn’t need to. Naruto always came running to him whenever he returned, even if he’d just been outside for five minutes watering the tomato plants.

Sasuke removed his shoes and slowly walked around the house looking for the blonde. He had visions of an attack while he was out, Naruto had the nine-tails in him and there were many people who were interested in that. There was no sign of a fight, and another idea began to worry him, what if Naruto had been involved in some stupid accident, stabbing himself through while cleaning a weapon? Picking up the wrong scroll and causing an explosion. The sort of thing only Naruto could do. He visualised his lover bleeding out on the floor while Sasuke had been ignorantly wasting time with pointless paperwork. The memory of his parents’ dead bodies flashed before him and he ran through the rooms panic gripping his heart.

Then in the living room he froze, his mouth open, and his eyes wide.

Naruto was naked apart from some red ribbon tangled around his chest and arms. And he was bent over on the sofa in front of Itachi.

Sasuke couldn’t breathe. He felt he would never be able to breathe again. All he could do was stare.

Naruto obviously sensed his presence and turned to him with an angry frown. ‘You’re home too soon, we’re not even close to being finished.’

Sasuke’s mouth fell even further agape. He didn’t know this man. This man who could cheat on him and then be so brazen when he was caught.

‘Oh well, I’m sorry, Sasuke, this really isn’t how I wanted it to be, but I can’t change it now.’ Naruto got up off the sofa, with a little difficulty because of the ribbon restricting his upper body, and walked towards the brunette. Sasuke now saw he wasn’t entirely naked but was wearing some sort of orange thong with what might possibly be meant to be an Uchiha symbol on it.

‘Happy Birthday!’ Naruto said with a wide grin, which quickly disappeared. ‘Do I look that awful? Your face is like Danzo and all his mad followers are waiting in ambush for you.’ Naruto sighed heavily. ‘I’ve been planning this for ages, it took me a long time just to make the thong. I begged Tsunade to keep you as long as possible because I knew the ribbon would be difficult, but it kinda went worse than I thought, and so I called Itachi to help, but I obviously left it too late.’ He turned around to show Sasuke his ass, one side had ‘Uchiha’ perfectly written, the other had a scribbled inky mess. ‘And it’s a lot harder to write someone’s name on your arse then you’d think. I did the ‘Sasuke’ on my own, Itachi did the other bit.’ He turned back to face Sasuke. ‘It was a stupid idea giving you me for your present, wasn’t it? Shall I get dressed and we’ll just go out for a really healthy meal that doesn’t involve ramen instead? My present can be I’ll eat it all without complaining?’

Sasuke was incapable of speaking.

Itachi turned and faced Sasuke for the first time since he entered the room, Sasuke realised immediately that the reason he’d kept faced away was to compose himself and not laugh.

‘Naruto, I think your _gift_ has taken my little brother so much by surprise that he needs a moment alone before he’s ready to _appreciate_ it. Why don’t you go upstairs and wait for him like you planned?’

Naruto stared wide eyed at Sasuke. ‘Is that what you’d like? Are you good surprised? Because you look more…horrified? Like that time when we just came back from a mission and I forgot to do the shopping and I ate the gone off food to try and prove to you that it was still fine…actually you look way worse than that.’

Sasuke gave a small nod and managed to mutter, ‘Yes. What Itachi said.’

Naruto’s grin returned. ‘Brilliant! But yaknow, when you see me pretend like you’re seeing me for the first time and it’s really sexy and hot rather than…well, you know.’ Naruto bounced out of the room and upstairs.

Sasuke’s cheeks were coloured a deep crimson.

Itachi strode over to him and touched two fingers to his brother’s forehead. ‘My birthday present to you is threefold. Firstly, I immediately came over here when your boyfriend sent a barely legible message to me saying he needed desperate help. Secondly I showed absolutely no surprise that he wanted me to write your name on parts of his body that are normally covered. Thirdly, I promise this is the only time I’ll tease you about how ridiculous your jealousy is that you’d think that Naruto and I are capable of doing anything that would hurt you.’ He flicked his fingers.

‘Thank you,’ Sasuke murmured.

‘So, Otouto, it looks like you’re going to become a man today in more important ways than the passing of years.’ Itachi smirked. ‘I thought it’d have happened a long time ago, the manner you two can barely keep your hands off each other, and after we had that _enlightening_ conversation all that time ago.’

‘Naruto doesn’t…it’s just been a private thing I kept in my fantasies.’ Sasuke couldn’t meet his brother’s eyes.

‘Well, it seems Naruto now _does_.’ Itachi brushed the back of his hand over Sasuke’s cheeks and his voice softened. ‘This is an important step for you both, but you already have the commitment and bond that most couples never possess. Just be gentle, don’t put pressure on yourself, and don’t be disappointed if it’s not perfect to start with. These things often take time to get right. I’ll see myself out.’ Itachi took one step then added. ‘And I’m very fond of your boyfriend, so please remove those ribbons at the soonest opportunity, I don’t know how he’s done it, but I’m seriously concerned he’s going to lose circulation to some essential areas.’

After Itachi had left, Sasuke walked slowly upstairs his heart beating faster than his unhurried pace indicated.

In the bedroom Naruto was swapping between laying on his front and trying to rest on his side. ‘Oh, hey!’ he said brightly. ‘No, I mean… Heellllo.’ He spoke the ‘hello’ in what was obviously supposed to be a deep husky voice. ‘I had a really good shower and a bath too, so I’m super clean, though Itachi was saying something about preparing with lube and stretching myself…and I didn’t quite get it, but I’m hoping you know what you’re doing.’

Sasuke walked over to the bed and ran his hands through Naruto’s hair. ‘Are you offering me anal sex for my birthday present?’

‘Yesss, what other reason would I be getting your brother to write your name on my ass? I know I haven’t organised things like you would have done for me, and it’s all a bit messy, but I hope you see through it all, that I just wanted to make it look a bit more special than just saying you can fuck me.’

Sasuke got a kunai and cut through the ribbons Naruto had tangled himself in. ‘Remember last time we talked about this. I don’t need this, dobe, and I don’t want it.’

A flash of hurt went across Naruto’s face, but it was quickly replaced with a warm smile. ‘I’m not doing this just for you, I’m doing this for us. I know I was a little slower to get it, but I am younger so give a guy a break if he's a little bit behind you on some things. I got to thinking a while ago now, how much I liked having you come in my mouth, yaknow, tasting you, and then I thought how much I liked the way you sometimes hold my head and thrust your cock and how big you are in me, and how I like being filled with you, and kinda from there I…and I thought you once gave me such an amazing birthday present moving in together, I wanted to do the same to you, even though I’ve been getting so desperate waiting to tell you.’

Sasuke put the kunai down on the bedside cabinet, his hands were shaking.

‘Aren’t you going to do anything? Are you going to make me say it, teme? It’s your birthday, and as I said I’ve been getting kind of desperate for you, so I don’t care about having no pride, so if that's what you want, I will say it.’ Naruto licked his lips and his eyes shone even brighter than normal. ‘I want to experience your cock in other parts of me. I want to feel my body stretching around yours, I want to feel the hotness of your spunk shooting up inside me.’

Sasuke more fell than lay on Naruto, he moaned as he kissed his boyfriend, his hands fumbling with his clothing, why were suddenly so many difficult fastenings? Naruto’s hands were steadier and skilled at getting Sasuke quickly naked. Sasuke pulled away from the kiss and for a long moment they just gazed at each other, then Naruto turned over and pushed himself up on all fours.

The shaking in Sasuke’s hands increased as he put his fingers in the strings at Narutos’ hips and pulled the thong off. He tried to calm himself by slowly massaging Naruto’s firm buttocks, gradually he started spreading them and running his thumbs down the crease. Naruto gave light moans but nothing compared to the excited noises he normally made.

Sasuke gazed at the tight star-hole that Naruto was offering to him. On impulse he dropped his face down and caressed his tongue over it. Naruto’s moan was louder and his ass pulsed under the heat of Sasuke’s touch. Encouraged, Sasuke worked his mouth with more confidence, he flicked his tongue and then circled it, with varying speed, he nipped Naruto’s buttocks dragging his teeth down over the skin, and sometimes he just lightly kissed. All the time he was conscious of Naruto’s reactions and responded to them.

But he was also conscious of the heat in his own groin. He didn’t want to come until he was inside his boyfriend. He pulled away and for a moment a line of saliva connected his mouth to Naruto’s ass.  That sight was hot enough, what would it be like seeing his come leaking out of the blonde?

Sasuke gave a groan that came from somewhere deep deep inside of him. Quickly he reached over and grabbed the bottle of lotion that Naruto must have placed there earlier with some idea of needing lube? It didn’t come out immediately, so Sasuke squeezed harder, white blobs splattered over Naruto’s bottom and back.

‘Was that you coming?’ Naruto asked.

‘The sharpness of your ninja senses never ceases to amaze me, dobe. I feel so proud dating the shinobi that can’t tell the difference between cold cream and me spunking over him.’

Naruto chuckled. ‘I’m so glad that me giving you usage of my whole body has transformed you into such a nervous romantic sweetheart that you can’t even manage to get lotion onto your hand from a bottle that is what, an inch away?’

Sasuke smiled, joking with Naruto relaxed him, this was the person he’d dated for years. He knew that now Naruto had decided to let him, his boyfriend wouldn’t change his mind, even if this first time was a little awkward and Sasuke was just learning what to do.

He rubbed cream over Naruto’s hole and very very gradually started to work his thumb in.

‘Hey, this isn’t too bad after all. I can do this,’ Naruto piped up. ‘I kinda thought it might hurt more.’

‘There’s that unbelievable ninja awareness again. This is just my thumb,’ Sasuke said.

‘Oh… well, I guess you’ve kinda got long fingers.’

‘It’s not even up to the first knuckle.’ Sasuke glanced between the size of his thumb and the width and length of his hard erection, which was already dripping pre-cum. ‘How about we just do this for now? We can take our time building up. You and I are forever, we’ve got lots of time for us both to get used to it. What we’ve already done is special, you’ve made me so happy. This is an incredible birthday surprise.’

‘No, no way,’ Naruto protested. ‘I want the whole real thing today.’ He looked over his shoulder at Sasuke. ‘Can’t we skip the rest of the preamble, it’s making me nervous, can you just, yaknow, stick it all in me straight away?’

Sasuke’s cock twitched but he kept control of his lust. ‘If my thumb is making you nervous, then that is even more reason to take our time and not rush this.’

Naruto turned over onto his back and rested his legs on Sasuke’s shoulders. ‘I won’t be able to say anything that’ll make sense to your logic, but I’m trusting you to fuck me, so can’t you trust me that I really want you inside me? Not in another year or whatever, but now tonight. Please, teme, don’t let me talk too much because I’ll just say something that you’ll twist into something else. So all I’m going to say is fuck me and fuck me now.’

Sasuke looked down Naruto’s legs, Naruto’s cock was as hard as his own and also glistening with pre-cum. He put his hands under Naruto’s hips and lifted the blonde’s bottom. Biting his lips, Sasuke moved one of his hands to his cock and rubbed the head of it against Naruto’s entrance.

‘Don’t complain to me if you’re sore after though, you’ve literally begged for this.’ Sasuke was surprised how steady his voice was, his heart was thumping so loud that he was certain even Naruto could hear it.

Naruto’s eyes widened and his lips parted, he gave Sasuke a smile that was both lustful and nervous. ‘I can’t believe we’re finally going to do this.’

 _Don’t cry. Don’t cry!_ Sasuke inwardly shouted at himself. Like Naruto had just said, his boyfriend was trusting him, he was being completely vulnerable in front of him,  and allowing his body to be used in a way he might have gone through his whole life never thinking of if the Uchiha hadn’t claimed the blonde as his own.

Naruto was attracted to Sasuke’s strength, he didn’t want the brunette to start blubbing over him at what should be the most erotic moment of their lives.

Sasuke breathed deeply, he continued to rub against Naruto rather than push in. But he knew he couldn’t do this for long without coming. He wondered if he could just put a thumb inside Naruto again and pretend that they’d done it. All the times he’d dreamed of this, why was he pausing, and even thinking of faking it?

A memory of his father’s disappointment at how poor he was at the Uchiha’s trademark fire jutsu suddenly appeared in his mind, the childhood sense that he’d never be as good as Itachi enveloped him. Sasuke blinked. Where the hell were these things coming from? He really really did not want to be flashing back to his family at this time. The only advantage was that he was now a long way from any orgasm so he wasn’t in danger of leaving Naruto frustrated by coming before he was even inside him.

‘Sasuke?’

The brunette looked into his boyfriend’s bright blue eyes. ‘Yes?’

‘I know it’s not something we exactly say, but you do know, don’t you?’

‘What?’ It came out angry and irritated, which is not the emotion he wanted to be directing at his lover when his cock was on the verge of entering him for the first time. To undo the effect he pushed Naruto’s legs off his shoulders and to the side, and leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend’s nose. ‘What is it I am supposed to know? His voice was gently seductive.

‘How much I love you,’ Naruto said simply.

Sasuke was unsure if it was Naruto or him that moved, he hoped it was both of them together that made it happen. There was a tightness around the head of his cock that he’d never felt before, but a familiarity overwhelmed him as if this was an experience he’d had many of times before. It was as if all the sensations he felt being with Naruto now had a physical expression, he felt complete and something he could only describe as ‘true’. He knew with certainty that he’d never be alone again, that however sad he got, however much the darkness reached for him, Naruto would always be there holding him and keeping him safe with the light of his smile.

As they gazed into each other’s eyes, Sasuke slowly undulated his hips. They both gasped and gave small panting laughs. After a moment he tried again. He wasn’t even close to being fully inside his lover, but both of them were sweating and staring at each other as if they were part of a miracle neither of them quite understood.

‘I’m not going to last long,’ Sasuke breathed. ‘You feel too good.’

‘Can you make seven thrusts?’ Naruto smiled  

Sasuke gave a light laugh. ‘I can try.’

He ground his hips with a tentative sensuality which was different to their usual frantic passion, but he’d never felt closer to Naruto. His cock throbbed so much it was an exquisite pain holding his orgasm back.  On the seventh movement, he released all the emotion he’d felt since that first day when Naruto had shocked him with that unexpected kiss. He felt as if he was giving Naruto everything that he was and Naruto was accepting him.

His boyfriend came at the exact same moment as him. They gazed at each other with the deep connection of knowing they were experiencing and sharing the most intense pleasure of their lives together.

Naruto was sighing deeply, and it took Sasuke time to realise that the other sound, the soft weeping was him.

A strange sadness had overcome him, he knew that Naruto was the only one he would ever feel this way with, but that his boyfriend could’ve chosen any one of a dozen potential partners and made a happy life with any of them.

Naruto twisted his body round and kissed the tears off Sasuke’s face. ‘You’re wrong, yaknow? When you were inside me, I think we truly were one person. I knew you in a whole new way. I felt doubts and insecurities that I could never imagine you having because you’re so perfect in my eyes. Like, now, I can still feel what you’re thinking. You believe that this isn’t as special for me as it is for you, that I could have done this with anyone, and yaknow for a really smart guy, you get lots of things totally mixed up.’ Naruto pressed his forehead against Sasuke’s. ‘I could only ever be this way with you. Only you.’

Sasuke crushed his lips against Naruto’s, then dipped his head down and hungrily licked Naruto’s chest and stomach where the blonde had spurted over himself. He pushed the other man onto his front and spread Naruto’s ass to see his seed inside his body. He lapped some up to hold the taste of both him and his lover mixed in his mouth.

His cock had not softened after coming, and he pressed it against Naruto’s entrance. His lover moaned with eager encouragement so he pushed the head back into the tightness, pressing his hands against the wall for balance as his thrusts became harder.

‘Usuratonkachi,’ he panted. ‘I promise you I’m yours, only yours. There could never be anyone else.’

‘I know,’ Naruto said. He pushed his hips back against his lover’s and smiled an eternal smile that came directly from his heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the positive feedback, it's really inspiring. The next chapter might take a while to get together, I'm editing a few things around (yes, I do edit, although every time I reread the chapters I've already posted I still see glaring mistakes, so thank you for bearing with me and not judging them too harshly). Plus I have real world things to do, which I've successfully pretended don't exist for a few days, but now I've got to face up to them.
> 
> Writing this story has been a life saver for me, and it's incredibly special knowing you're out there patiently sticking with it and understanding what I'm trying to do creatively. Big big hugs and I hope you're all living beautiful lives x


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scenes from Naruto's life as he tries to cope without Sasuke.

Naruto vomited into the toilet bowl. He couldn’t even smell Sakura’s food pills now without being sick. He put his hand tentatively on his stomach, there was not much left that he could eat without it making him ill. At the moment, he couldn’t think of a single thing.

He shuffled backwards and leaned against the cool bathroom tiles.

Two days ago, only two days ago, he’d been in Sasuke’s bathroom, brushing his teeth to get rid of the taste of Sakura’s food pills so Sasuke could enjoy kissing him. He’d been bent over as Sasuke ground against him. He’d been on the floor touching Sasuke’s cock as his lover moaned in pleasure.

The feelings between them _had_ been real. It was as intense as anything the two of them had ever done together. Unless…everything between them, right from that very first kiss, had just been some sort of prolonged accident that Naruto had never understood properly?

Naruto gritted his teeth and banged his head backwards against the wall. What had Sasuke done to him, that he’d become a fully grown man in his twenties with less confidence and more doubts than when he was a kid going through the confused mess of puberty?

‘Teme.’ He wanted to shout and scream it out, but instead it emerged quietly and full of longing.

He raised his fist to hit the floor, but managed to stop himself. There were too many dents and cracks already around the house, and today during training Hikaru had asked him with real concern why he had so many cuts over his knuckles.

He looked critically at his hands, they would heal soon, that was one of the things he was known for, wasn’t it? Being unbelievably tough and healing quickly. That’s how he survived when the much more talented and skilled Might Guy and Rock Lee were killed. And was it also why Sasuke thought he could treat him like this…because Uzumaki Naruto was too stupid to get hurt and stay hurt like other people, he just kept bouncing up and fighting on regardless of what was done to him?

Naruto put his thumbs in the waistband of his lounge pants and pulled them down his thighs. He ignored his erection, any thought of Sasuke made him hard so he was almost constantly in a painful state of arousal, instead he tilted his hips to first one side then the other. Sasuke had held him so tightly that he’d marked Naruto’s skin with a set of bruises that perfectly matched the Uchiha’s handprint. Yesterday they’d been purple, today they were yellow and fading back into Naruto’s natural tan skin tone. He traced his fingers over them, emitting a low primal moan as he relived the feeling of Sasuke inside him.

Without planning it he found himself in his mindspace climbing up Kurama’s side and shouting in the fox’s ear.

‘Please, wake up, I have something really important to ask you!’

The ear twitched, which Naruto took as ample encouragement to continue. ‘I’m kinda wondering if you can do something, or not? My super-healing is all linked in with you, isn’t it? So is it possible, yaknow, that you could leave some bits of me unhealed? Like if there were marks on my skin, you could leave them as they are…for ever?’

The great body shook and the ninja lost his grip and landed back on the ground. One enormous eye opened the tiniest amount.

‘No.’

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and gave what he hoped was a winning grin. ‘No you can’t, or no, you won’t?’

The eye opened slightly wider so Naruto could see the pupil. ‘What I can do is move with such fury that I can snap the Uchiha’s head off before he even has a chance to think of controlling me.’

‘That’s not really what I was asking for,’ Naruto said.

‘Your words and smiles are meaningless, kit, when I can feel the thunder of your anger and see the bleeding of your soul. If you want me to wake up properly, we can rampage together and rip your boyfriend apart piece by slow piece. I can't stop the pain he's caused, but I can truly make him regret he ever hurt you.’

Naruto gave a sad smile. ‘Can’t say I’m not tempted, but seeing you and I worked so hard on controlling your anger, I don’t think Sasuke’s worth undoing your calm for, is he?’

‘He’s not. But you are.’ Kurama replied. ‘We both know that’s not your way though.’ He closed his eyes again.

‘No chance on the not-healing-erotic-bruises thing then?’

The fox gave a loud exaggerated snore.

‘Okay. I get it. I’ll come back when my emotions are a bit more stable and I’m not mistaking break-up sex for an ecstatic reunion.’

 

Back in the bathroom, Naruto’s head drooped down and he sighed heavily. How long would it take before he was ‘more stable’? All he wanted was Sasuke, and the last person in the world he wanted to be with was Sasuke. His body ached, he was barely sleeping or eating, but he was permanently sparking with sexual energy.

When he thought of how Sasuke had been on top of him, his lover's new strength andthe passionate force of his kisses, Naruto physically yearned to be back in that moment.

He imagined himself punching Sasuke across the room for his arrogant assumption that Naruto still wanted him, and then striding away, leaving the frustrated and repentant Uchiha with the clear message that there was no sex without a lot of apologies and the certainty of a committed relationship.

But equally strongly, he writhed with lust, not caring if Sasuke was using him, as long as they were together.

Tears stung his eyes, the truth was that he was more angry with himself than at the Uchiha. It just changed from moment to moment, whether that anger was caused by his stupidity in leaping back into Sasuke’s arms after what the Uchiha had done to him, or his pathetic failure in not performing well enough to make Sasuke want him back in his bed permanently.

Naruto bit his lips. His mouth was acrid with the aftermath of food-pill vomit. Soon he would stand up and rinse the taste away. Soon he would start mending some of the damage he’d done around the house. Soon he would start doing all the things normal people were supposed to do.

But for a while longer, he was going to sit on the bathroom floor with his lounge pants pulled halfway down, gazing at the bruises Sasuke gave him, and just simply allow himself to cry.

***

‘The baby’s moving,’ Hinata cried out. ‘Do you want to feel, Naruto?’

She took his hand and put it on her belly.

‘That’s amazing! Wow, the other kids better watch out, you’ve got a taijutsu expert growing in there.’

 They gave each other wide smiles and Naruto chattered on about the baby, promising he was going to find a green jumpsuit for it, and how the baby had already mastered one million palms, Hinata giggled, and Naruto felt genuine warmth that she was sharing these moments with him.

But underneath his grins and his incessant talking, Naruto was, as always, thinking about Sasuke. It was something of a miracle to touch Hinata’s stomach and know there was a brand new life moving and turning and waiting to be born. Suddenly all the years him and Sasuke had spent as a couple, all the things they'd discovered and experienced as they grew up together, seemed to fade into misty insignificance. Naruto felt like their lives were entwined, he felt like they were part of each other, but maybe Sasuke was right, all their important moments, all their first times, were in the past, there was nothing more for them to be. Whereas a child _was_   part of you, a child would always be growing and changing and would carry your bloodline into the future.

How could he compete with the deep and natural desire to have a baby? He couldn’t. His idiocy was in believing for so long he was winning, when in reality he wasn’t even in the race.

None of his despondent thoughts showed on the outside and when Kiba came home he chastised Naruto for making his wife laugh too much when she was supposed to be maintaining a restful state.

Naruto apologised, and gave Hinata kisses on both her cheeks before saying goodbye. For a moment outside their home, Naruto let the mask of his smile drop. But it was only for a moment, he almost immediately had to reset it as Kiba came running out after him.

‘Wait, I need to speak to you,’ Kiba shouted out.

Naruto held his hands up in surrender. ‘Are you still cross at me? You know I’m really sorry if I’ve tired Hinata out, she keeps asking me to visit her more often and I’m trying to keep her happy, but if I’m doing more harm than good be honest with me. This close to the baby being born, I want everything to be perfect for her.’

‘No, that’s not it.’ Kiba stared at the floor. ‘Look this is hard to say, guys shouldn’t have to talk about these things to each other, but I wanted to thank you and…say sorry because I’m going to ask you to stay in Konoha until after she gives birth. Please.’

‘What are you talking about? You don’t have to ask me to stay, I’m in charge of her genin, remember? I've got actual responsibilities, until she’s completely ready to return to work and rescue those poor kids from my teaching. Bet they’re praying to every god they’ve ever heard of that she doesn’t want to stay at home with the baby and will be back soon to…’

‘Naruto.’ Kiba put his hand on the top of the blonde’s in a touch that was both awkward and strangely tender. ‘I know how you feel. You don’t have to pretend. I just have to think what I’d go through if Hinata preferred someone else to me…’

‘Again, what are you talking about? I think the nerves of being a new daddy are getting to you, Keebs. Hinata was meant for you, what mad, mad, world are you imagining where she loves anyone but you?’

Kiba met Naruto’s eyes. ‘ _If_ there was someone else, I’d be smiles on the outside because I wouldn’t want people to know how much pain I was in, but on the inside I’d be dead and desperate to get away from anything that reminded me of her and everything I’ve lost.’

Naruto’s smile faded.

‘I wouldn’t be as strong as you, I’d be gone within the first week…or however many days it took to realise she wasn’t ever going to return to me.’ Kiba swallowed. ‘And I’m being selfish and a bad friend. I’m asking you to promise to stay however much it hurts being in this village, because when you’re with Hinata, she stops worrying and she smiles and she completely believes that this baby will be born healthy.’

Naruto pulled his hand away from Kiba and gave the other man the longest hug he had in all the time they’d known each other. ‘I’m not in a place where I can make promises right now. I can just tell you, I really don’t have any intention of going anywhere. But your baby is going to be amazing, and that’s nothing to do with me being around, it’s because you and Hinata are amazing. You’re doing everything right, you’re following all of Sakura’s advice, and whatever sadness has touched you before, it’s over now and it’s made you stronger together. I’m actually jealous of your kid, because you two are going to be the best parents.’

He gave him a final pat on the back and then with a smile kissed Kiba’s cheeks in the same way he’d kissed Hinata’s.

He walked away from Kiba with a whistle, Kiba was somehow blushing, frowning and smiling all at the same time.

 

Before Naruto had got far though, he’d mentally added Kiba to the list of people he needed to avoid. Kiba would be one of the most difficult because it seemed important to continue seeing Hinata, but it was possible as long as he was careful with the times of his visits to the Inuzuku household. Kiba’s whole energy should be focused on his wife, but even knowing that, Naruto had longed to show Kiba his real face, the one that spent his nights weeping in the bathroom. Kiba’s few words of understanding had made the blonde want to spill out all his pain and ask Kiba’s opinion on the minutiae of every significant conversation he’d had with Sasuke since they were children. Naruto was more lonely than he’d ever been in his life, it was worse than when he was a small kid, being an orphan had been a constant throb, but one you could get used to; having a soulmate and then suddenly not having one, was sharp continual stabbing in the gut. The only way to keep his sanity within this loneliness was to ensure he remained isolated, rather than reach out and either be rejected again or just spread his pain about like an infectious disease.

 

When he got home, he raised an eyebrow at the presents left by his door. It wasn’t a daily occurrence, but it happened often enough not to surprise him. There were flowers from Ino, a basket of food pills from Sakura, and a wrapped gift from Shino. He picked them all up and dropped them on the kitchen table without looking at them. At least there wasn’t anything from anyone else. Shino wasn’t the only one to misinterpret the fact Naruto went home with him after that night out, a whole range of people seemed to have taken it as a sign that he was up for casual sex and had started pursuing him with varying levels of aggressiveness. He didn’t even know the names of some of the men on his avoid list.

With the ones he did know, like Sakura, Ino and Shino, the difficulty was in judging the delicate maths of how often he could turn down different streets or swerve into shops, decline invitations and never set foot in certain areas of the village, without them actually realising that he didn’t want to see them. And Naruto wasn’t very good at maths.

He’d been forced to see Sakura and Ino the first time because Gaara had bought them to the training ground when he was with the genin. In that situation there’d been no possibility that he could run away and still maintain any pretence of mental stability.

All Gaara said was, ‘These ladies have something to say to you.’ Then he stood back with his arms crossed, openly staring at Naruto and obviously noting his every reaction.

Sakura and Ino were more like chastised schoolgirls than the strong confident women he knew and admired. They blurted out apologies, talked over each other, and kept promising that they would never get drunk again and that they didn’t remember what they said but they never meant to hurt Naruto’s feelings.

All Naruto could do was chuckle and reassure them that he didn’t know what they were talking about either and he’d had a great night out with the gang.

His act seemed to get past Gaara’s watchful eye, but unfortunately had the side-effect of prompting him to get Sakura and Ino to explain exactly what they were apologising for.

With their head bowed and almost in tears, Sakura and Ino showed that they did in fact remember what they had said. They repeated the conversation he’d overheard…and others that he hadn’t.

He would rather Sakura put on her black gloves and  unrelentlessly gut-punched him than have to listen to her describe the sexual fantasies that she had about Sasuke.

‘And I interrupted you then,’ Ino said quietly, glancing across at Sakura. ‘And I said…I said that Sasuke didn’t know how much fun was coming his way. And.’ Her voice became breathy and rushed. ‘And that he’d probably got bored of having sex with Naruto ages ago, if he’d ever enjoyed it in the first place, as he’d probably only done it as an experiment and then just continued it out of pity.’

Naruto’s aching soul floated out of his body in the same way as it had done at Sasuke’s house. And just like that time, his body continued without him and did better on its own. He said something that made the women raise their heads and sigh with relief. He said something else that made them laugh, and even Gaara’s face relaxed into a smile.

Naruto’s body looked like he was going to step forward and hug Sakura and Ino, but suddenly, Hikaru jumped in between Naruto and his friends with a kunai in both hands as if she meant to attack.

‘Sensei doesn’t want to talk to people like you, you’re not his real friends. You’re only saying sorry because you’re scared of the Kazekage.’

Then instead of reigning in Hikaru’s more extreme moods like they normally did, Madoka and Kasuga stood either side of her with equally fierce postures.

Sakura and Ino both reacted with anger to a teenage genin making judgements on their long friendship with Naruto. The emotions escalated to such a degree that it took a long while for Gaara and Naruto’s body to calm things down.

Drifting with his pain, separated from what was happened, Naruto was unsure exactly how it was all resolved, but Sakura and Ino still felt guilty enough to continue seeking him out to get confirmation of his forgiveness and to keep leaving him gifts. So they remained firmly on his avoid list. There were only so many times he could convincingly smile and say that they should feel free to gossip about Sasuke however they wanted, it truly didn’t bother him at all.

And if Gaara hadn’t been returning to Suna the next day he would have also had to have gone on the list, Naruto’s heart pumped with genuine terror that his close friend would get it in his head to next drag Sasuke to apologise to him.

The most interesting thing about the whole situation had been that unlike on the occasion with Sasuke, where it’d happened in the same day, it had taken a whole week until he came home and snapped back into his body. Then he spent the night laying silently on the floor, and in the morning had stood up, got showered, got dressed and gone to meet Hinata’s genin, still with a strange sense that he wasn’t quite connected to the world around him.

 

With Shino, it was less painful, but somehow more awkward. He arrived home to find the ninja waiting outside his door, wearing a thick coat even though the sun was still bright in the sky.

‘Hey,’ Naruto greeted him, he didn’t force his usual wide grin, but gave a smaller, shyer smile. ‘Look, I’m sorry about the other night when I just ran out on you like that. It kinda all took me by surprise.’

Shino’s face was entirely covered so it was impossible to know what he was feeling. When he spoke his voice was the same as always though, so Naruto hoped that everything was all right between them.

‘You have no need to apologise because it was an unusual situation for both of us.’

‘That’s cool of you to say that.’ Naruto nodded and the two of them stood in silence for a few seconds.

‘Do you want to come in?’ Naruto asked in his friendliest voice, a voice he was almost entirely sure held no hint of erotic possibilities at all.

‘Not this time,’ Shino said.

There was another silence.

‘So…ummm…’ Naruto desperately tried to think of something to say. ‘Have you had insect-sex with many people?’ Maybe he should have thought for a bit longer.

‘No.’ Shino didn’t seem insulted by the question, well as much as you could tell from one syllable and without seeing his face.

‘I’ve never, yaknow, thought about it before. Insects. Sex. The two things together. There was this one time when Sasuke and I were kinda rolling about outside without that many clothes on, and he says it was my fault, but really it was all him, but we kinda rolled over some sort of anthill with lots of red bitey ants in it, and as we were like in the middle of what we were doing, we didn’t really want to stop and…that’s not the same thing at all, is it?’

‘No,’ Shino said. There was another long pause, then Shino reached into one of his pockets and held a small package out to Naruto. ‘I enjoyed our time together because there have not been many people, only two including you, who have seen me as a sexual being. I thank you for that, and if at any time in the future you do feel ready to move beyond Sasuke, I am willing to try again.’

Naruto tentatively took the beautifully wrapped gift.

‘It’s a black scarf made from the most precious silk harvested from the rarest silk worm. It took a long time to collect which is why I have not given you a token of my gratitude before. I thought it was appropriate because of the conversation where we learned that we both loved the colour black.’ With those words Shino disappeared in a blur and was gone.

Naruto went indoors, slowly unwrapped the present and cried into the stunning fabric that made him think of the intensity of his lover’s eyes.  He had no choice but to mentally add Shino to his avoid list.

 

Naruto got ready for bed thinking that he had to consider it a good day. There had been the items on his doorstep, but he hadn’t seen anyone he didn’t want to and it’d been fun with the kids, he hoped despite being stuck with him all these months, all three of them had learned enough under Hinata to make chunin.

He closed his eyes and for once fell immediately to sleep.

It didn’t seem more than a minute later though, when he was woken by something brushing against his cheek. He flicked his eyes open and stared up into the jet black of Sasuke’s eyes.

‘What the…’ Naruto gasped. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

 ‘So you can jump in my window in the middle of the night, but I can’t come and visit you at a reasonable time?’  Sasuke smirked.  ‘Out of interest why _are_ you in bed, and snoring loudly I might add, at eight pm? You’re always so full of energy in the evenings that it was difficult to get you to come to bed. Well, to sleep anyway.’  His eyes narrowed suggestively, if the Uchiha’s presence alone hadn’t been enough to arouse Naruto, that one look was enough to fuel his fantasies for months.

‘If I don’t have anything else to do I just go to bed when I get home, I usually don’t sleep, I just…I don’t have to explain myself to you anymore.’ He pushed Sasuke, but not hard, the man stayed on the bed, and rolled languidly on his side as if it had been all his own choice to move.

Naruto sat up in bed and crossed his arms across his bare chest. ‘I shouldn’t even be talking to you. You’re not really here, you’re just a dream.’

‘Hnnnn.’ Sasuke’s gazed up and down Naruto’s torso. Then he leaned back over the blonde putting a finger each side of the waistband of the blonde’s lounge pants. He very slowly inched his finger round towards Naruto’s groin.

Naruto swallowed hard. He could keep his arms crossed, and stop himself from moaning, but telling Sasuke not to touch him was still beyond his willpower.

‘You’re losing too much weight, dobe. These fit perfectly when we were  together, now look how loose they are.’ Sasuke’s fingers reached the side of Naruto’s erection, he paused for a moment gazing into Naruto’s eyes, then traced over it letting his fingers meet at the tip of Naruto’s cock.

Naruto held Sasuke’s stare. His stomach flipped with youthful excitement, squealing that Sasuke mentioning his weight was a sign of how much the man still cared about him. His groin ached with lust and yearned to buck into the Uchiha’s caress and physically beg for more. His heart thumped painfully in his chest and wanted to just tell the other man again and again that he loved him.

Naruto’s mouth grinned and he winked at the person who’d been his only lover. ‘Might not be to your taste, but I’m getting a lot of compliments on my physique.’

‘From whom?’ Sasuke removed his hands and drew back to the other side of the bed, although his eyes lingered on the obvious bulge in Naruto’s pants.

‘Some guys I don’t know that well.’

Sasuke’s eyes flicked up to Naruto’s with that familiar jealous anger in them. This time it didn’t excite the blonde like it normally did. In fact it was that rare thing, something that completely softened his erection and erased all his lustful desires. He knew what jealousy felt like now: the name Karin whispered in Sasuke’s huskiest voice playing on-loop night and day through his mind. All his sweetest memories of his lover being broken up and replaced by images of Sasuke frantically rutting with a faceless woman.  His boyfriend’s eternal promises rotting away into a maggot ridden stench that Naruto still clung onto as if they were his most precious treasure.

‘Not that I pay them any attention.’ Naruto quickly said. He slapped a hand against his hip. ‘There’s no way I’m displaying this skinny ass of mine to anyone. I’ll bask in the odd compliment, but I’m not going to ruin the illusion by showing them what I really look like naked. Oh, and there’s also Ino. As well as the anonymous guys, she’s also said I looked a lot fitter lately, but aside from her love for Choji, I think her physical ideal is someone who looks a bit like those stick figures kids draw.’

Sasuke’s expression softened, but there was an unmistakable flash of disappointment when he looked down at Naruto’s groin and saw that his erection had gone.

 ‘You’re stunning, Naruto. It doesn’t matter whether you get fat or thin, you’re always the person I’d want to spend my whole life looking at if it were possible.’ Sasuke’s voice was very soft.

‘Uh huh, now I definitely know you’re a dream, can you also tell me how great I am at sex and that I’ve always been a way more talented ninja than you.’

Sasuke gave a small laugh. ‘I could, but only one of those things is true. And I came here for purely selfish reasons which have nothing to do with massaging your ego.’ He started to unbutton his shirt.

Naruto couldn’t suppress his intake of breath as the sharp angles of Sasuke’s collar bones were revealed, followed by the expanse of his toned chest.

‘Are we going to have more sex? I can definitely get down with the idea of break-up sex if it’s going to be a regular thing.’

‘You’re in a good mood.’ Sasuke smiled as he folded his shirt and placed it on the floor beside the bed.

_No. I’m not. I don’t know if I emotionally dead, or if I’m still dying. I just know it hurts so much I could spend the whole night screaming and not even have released a tiny teardrop from my ocean of pain. Can’t you see that, dreamSasuke? Can’t you see my smiles are false? Or is it that you’re pretending too? You’re too much of a coward to face all the hurt you’ve given me so you’ll play along with the lie as long as it’s easier? Is that what your whole thing about being an adult comes down to, loverboy, learning how to convincingly live in a lie?_

‘I’m always in a good mood.’ Naruto gave a wide grin. ‘Everyone’s always telling me I’m the happiest person they know, even you said that.’

Sasuke glanced down at his long fingers. ‘I believe, I’ve also said you’re the saddest person I know.’ He gave a smile that looked uncomfortable. ‘And you’re never the best when you wake up. When I came upstairs and found you asleep, I had no intention of disturbing you. I just wanted to check you were all right. As I said earlier, I was surprised to find you in bed when it’s still light outside.’

Naruto shrugged. ‘I’m fine with being disturbed if it involves you getting undressed in front of me.’

Naruto wondered how true his own words were. Did his love for Sasuke mean that he would endure all the pain in exchange for a little company now and again? Could he live with Sasuke having full control of when they saw each other and what they did, with Naruto always living in uncertainty and insecurity? What were the options? Not see Sasuke at all? Get a new partner and forget all about the love of his life? Even just the thought made Naruto feel like his heart had shrivelled up.  He remembered Kiba’s words about how he would have to leave Konoha and all its memories far behind if Hinata left him.

‘Have you heard anything I said?’ Sasuke frowned.

‘Was it more about how great I am?’ Naruto grinned.

‘You always accuse me of being too taciturn and then when I do speak you don’t bother listening to me.’

‘I definitely didn’t accuse you of that, because I’m pretty sure that word is not anywhere near being in my vocabulary. Are you getting tatiwhatever mixed up with me calling you a complete and utter bastard? Easy mistake to make.’  They both smiled. ‘So, go on if it was important enough to say once, you can say it again. You’ve got my full attention, handsome.’

‘I need you,’ Sasuke said.

‘Well, that _is_ undeniably important.’ There was a crack in Naruto’s voice which undermined the cool casually flirty demeanour he’d been trying to present to his ex-boyfriend. Even if it was a dream, it was good to get the mental practice in ready for when he next bumped into the real thing.

Sasuke placed a small citrus scented massage bar in Naruto’s hand. ‘Sakura, Ino, Karin, some of the nurses, and others that aren’t worth mentioning, have all tried and they’re all useless.’ The Uchiha lay down on the bed, resting his head sideways on his folded arms. ‘It seems that you are the only person in this whole village who knows how to give a proper massage.’

‘Oh.’ Naruto looked at the bar in his hand and then looked at Sasuke’s back. With a glance he could see the tension in the Uchiha’s muscles. Part of him longed to ram the massage bar down Sasuke’s throat and go on a tirade about how he wasn’t the bastard’s personal masseur. But before he’d even acknowledged that feeling, he found himself sitting astride the other man, too aware of the thin fabric that prevented his naked balls resting on the seductive curve of Sasuke’s lower back. He melted the bar in his hands and began rubbing and caressing the Uchiha’s porcelain skin in exactly the same manner he had done a hundred times before.

Except this time, Sasuke wasn’t his lover, they were just…friends?

The sort of friends who knew each other’s bodies perfectly and could cause burning fire to race through their veins with no more than a certain look.

Sasuke gave moans of relief under Naruto’s touch.

‘So…um…you’re really…your muscles are really knotted. You’ve been training lots?’ Naruto knew that Sasuke preferred a silent massage, but he needed to speak to distract himself from his urges. He wasn’t sure if it was an insult or a compliment to their relationship, that Sasuke believed he could lie semi-naked beneath semi-naked Naruto, without Naruto giving into his almost overwhelming desire to rip Sasuke’s pants off and fuck the Uchiha through the mattress and bed, and right into the floor.

One thing was certain though, he hated Sasuke for making him think so much. He wasn’t a thinker, he was a doer. But since having his life ripped apart all he did was think, and doubt his thoughts, then doubt his doubts…he wasn’t made for this. He was made for being reckless and loving fully and holding nothing back. Yet here he was finding himself asking a stupid question, instead of thrusting his cock into the tight paradise of the man he loved.

‘Yes, obviously I’ve been training. You should be to,’ Sasuke replied in a neutral tone. ‘My back has been hurting for a long time, but I needed to wait until the break-up sex dealt with the tension between us. It would have been…too intimate before.’

‘Yeah, it’s good we don’t have that tension.’ Naruto managed to keep his voice equally neutral, even as he was enjoying having the freedom to run his hands over Sasuke’s back in a way that went beyond what a simple word like ‘intimate’ could cover. ‘I’m glad that we’re friends now and don’t have to be awkward around each other. But why didn’t you ask me that day? Or even the next day? Yaknow, it’s been…I don’t know…’ Naruto, who was normally useless at knowing the days of the week, could have told dreamSasuke exactly how many hours it was since they’d been together. ‘It’s been a while, right, since the sex and I don’t like to think of you going around with your body not feeling right when it’s easy for me to help you out.’  

A slight flush appeared on Sasuke’s cheeks which undercut the indifference of his words. ‘I’ve been busy, it’s not an urgent thing.’

A sudden thought flashed into Naruto’s mind, that Sasuke wanted this stupid separation to end as much as he did, but he was too proud to say so.  Coming here, getting Naruto to massage him, it was all to send Naruto sexually over the edge, to goad Naruto into ignoring the whole break-up sex thing and just ferociously claim Sasuke back as his own, like he’d been wanting to do since that first excruciating moment of waking up and finding his boyfriend had gone. And wasn't that how their whole romantic relationship had started? Sasuke knowing which buttons to press, all the aggravating things to say, to get Naruto to kiss him again. without actually having to tell Naruto he liked being kissed and wanted more.

The blonde was on the verge of acting on this new sudden notion, when he heard Sasuke’s voice so clearly in his memory, he had to glance down and check the brunette hadn’t spoken.

_‘And when I called out your name during sex, it turned her on.’_

Naruto finished the massage nattering about random topics, leaping from the weather, to discussing his favourite training ground, to whether Gaara ever got fed up with carrying sand everywhere. Sasuke kept his eyes closed and didn’t say anything else, not even to complain that he wanted silence.

But when Naruto rolled away, planning to leave the Uchiha to rest alone and go to one of the other bedrooms, Sasuke, without opening his eyes, reached one of his arms out towards Naruto.

Naruto bit his lip, his brain told him to walk away, but he could only resist his heart so far. He lay down on the bed and pressed his fingertips against the Uchiha’s. With his free hand, he did what he’d always done at the end of a massage, he gently caressed Sasuke’s body, touching the parts of his lover that he didn’t investigate at other times. Although right now, Sasuke’s whole body was officially supposed to be off limits. Still he brushed behind the Uchiha’s ears, played his fingers over the little groove between Sasuke’s lips and his nose, circled his thumbs over his armpits, delicately traced the lines of his former lover ribs.

As Sasuke kept his eyes closed, Naruto allowed the occasional tear fall from his eyes. He’d watched this person transform from a teenager to a man, and he’d looked forward to seeing the changes over the years as they grew old together. He wanted to see laughter lines form on that perfect porcelain face, he wanted to tease Sasuke when he spotted his first grey hair, he wanted to see Sasuke’s muscles relax into fat when they were retired and were no longer expected to fight. And when they were of an age that no one bothered to notice them anymore, he wanted to lay in bed with his boyfriend, holding hands and gazing into those dark eyes knowing with every fibre of his being, how lucky he was to have spent his life with the most beautiful person in the world.

But now all those moments would belong to somebody else.

 

When he woke in the morning, Naruto instinctively reached out. He imagined the sheets on the other side of the bed were warmer than normal. If he squinted he thought he could see the outline of Sasuke’s body in the creases of the covers. And maybe there was a citrusy scent in the air, and a smoothness to his hands from holding the massage bar for so long?

Naruto shook his head. Dreaming about Sasuke all the time was bad enough, starting to think that his dreams were real was the way of madness.

He dragged himself to the bathroom, looked at himself in the mirror and after a long moment, forced a smile onto his face in preparation for the day ahead.

 

***

Naruto held his stomach and walked home slower than normal. It’d been a good day with the genin, there’d been whole minutes when he hadn’t even thought of Sasuke, so he celebrated by treating them all to ramen at Ichiraku’s. But it had been a struggle getting through even one of his once-favourite dishes. And Hikaru kept ordering more and was laughing and chatting so much having a great time. And Ayame asked him if she could try a new recipe out on him. And Kasuga and Madoka had been gradually moving their stools closer so that finally their knees were touching, although both of them were trying to act extra casually and pretend they hadn’t noticed. So it was impossible to end the evening early however sick he was personally feeling.

There was nothing and no one waiting for him on the doorstep which made him sigh with relief, but inside a crow stood on the table. It stared at him with one eye and then dissipated in a cloud of feathers that in turn vanished from the air, leaving only a scroll behind.

Naruto looked at it warily then went to the bathroom, vomited twice, rinsed his mouth out with water, brushed his teeth, and then returned to read the message.

 

_Little Brothers, I appreciated you finally having the time to send me a letter with your news, though I did miss the entertainment of trying to decipher Naruto’s scrawls. I would ask you to make amends by sending a letter wholly written by Naruto, but there is no need as we will be seeing you soon at the chunin exams. It has almost been six months since we last met, and my children are missing their uncles._

 

Naruto sunk down onto a chair. He’d been so obsessed with losing Sasuke, that it had never crossed his mind he was losing his whole family. For his own mysterious reasons, Sasuke had obviously written to Itachi but failed to tell him he’d split up with Naruto, or made it clear that he was now living somewhere else. Sasuke’s explanations for leaving him were so stupid that even Sasuke probably knew that he had to tell Itachi in person as it would appear so ridiculous written down. But Itachi was a Uchiha so he’d probably understand, and this piece of paper would be the last time Naruto would ever be referred to as ‘little brother’ or considered anyone’s uncle.

He traced his fingers over the words until they were smudged beyond recognition. He wondered, almost abstractedly, how he could simultaneously feel so hollow and yet be in so much pain. Why had he never fully realised before that there’d be no more family holidays, no playing with the children, no tiny dark eyes staring happily up at him and immediately accepting him as one of the people who would always love and be there for them?

He answered his own question: because in his heart he still didn’t believe that Sasuke had actually left him. In his soul he still believed that Sasuke would return.

He stood up so quickly that the chair went flying across the floor. He balled the letter up in his hands, travelled at his fastest speed to Sasuke’s house, threw it in an open window, and raced home. He spent the rest of the night sitting on the bathroom floor breathing unevenly, but he only vomited once more, so by his current standards he still had to count it as a good day.

***

 

‘Little dudes, what is the most important thing we’ve learned today?’ Naruto shouted loudly, even though all three of the genin were standing just a few feet in front of him.

‘That Madoka is getting even stronger.’ Kasuga rubbed his arm with a shy smile.

‘That Kasuga is skilled at substitution.’ Madoka held up the grazing on her knuckles where she’d hit several logs during their training session.

‘Your hair is really cute today, Naruto kun,’ Hikaru said dreamily. ‘Who’s your hairdresser?’

Naruto laughed. ‘Okay, I know I go on about it, and you all know it by now, but it _is_ the most important thing: teamwork. Guys, it’s always going to be all about the teamwork. That’s what will make you all chunin first try.’

‘Then will you have to do whatever we say as we’ll outrank you?’ Hikaru asked innocently.

‘Yes, definitely! I’ll be coming begging you all to train me, and you’ll be begging Kakashi never to stick you in a group with the useless old genin.’

Hikara was about to protest, but Madoka quickly cut her off. ‘Have they finally arranged the chunin exams? You don’t think it’ll change again?’

Naruto rolled his eyes in exasperation. ‘Let’s hope they can stay agreed this time’.

 Kakashi was one of his favourite people to spend time with; he never demanded anything of Naruto, had never said ‘no’ when Naruto asked if he could spend the night, and recently he'd started giving Naruto hugs even though the Hokage wasn’t naturally the cuddliest of men. But even Kakashi had floated close to his avoid list, because the silver haired ninja had talked in so much detail about the politics and arguments surrounding the staging of the chunin exams, it had made Naruto actually fall asleep from boredom on a couple of occasions.  So much for his childhood ambition of being Hokage, he’d imagined it would be all about everyone seeing how amazing he was and assigning Sasuke stupid missions, not having to tiptoe around the egos of an endless parade of Lords and Ladies who all considered themselves more important than anyone else even though they did nothing, as far as Naruto could tell, apart from be escorted luxuriously around the country.

‘It’s decided, it won’t change from Kumogakure, the preparations have already commenced.’

Naruto jumped at the sound of Sasuke’s voice close behind him. He flushed scared his imaginings were becoming more real. But the three genin clearly saw the Uchiha too.

‘Go away! Naruto doesn’t want to talk to you ever again.’ Hikaru threw herself forwards at Sasuke.

In a movement that was so easy and graceful that the rest of his body showed no reaction and only his leg moved, Sasuke sidekicked Hikaru sending her flying across the field. Naruto managed to leap and catch her, but as he did that, Madoka and Kasuga tried to move against Sasuke. _Tried_ being the appropriate word as they didn’t manage to take a step before their faces went blank and their bodies froze as they became locked in a genjutsu.

Naruto took a moment to ensure that Hikaru hadn’t taken any real damage, she’d have bruises, but beyond being dazed he judged her to be fine. Then he himself lunged at full speed at the Uchiha.

‘What the hell, teme! Is this part of your training? Picking on genin?’ He went faster than either him or Sasuke were expecting and got a striking blow across Sasuke’s face before the other man could defend himself.

Naruto followed immediately up with a punch to the other side. This time Sasuke managed to react just fast enough to deflect it down so it grazed across his chin rather than smashed into his nose.

Naruto’s heart thumped. He knew Sasuke’s fighting style well enough to know that if he gave him a second he would recover his finesse and take control, so he pummelled into the other man with crude power, channelling all his adrenaline and emotion into knocking Sasuke to the ground and pinning him down.

Sasuke and Naruto stared at each other, both of them clearly shocked that Naruto had got the advantage and taken the Uchiha down so quickly. But beneath that was undeniable lust. Sasuke’s expressions were rarely so clear to read, and Naruto found his body was responding. He started to lean in to kiss his opponent, when Hikaru’s cheering reminded him of where he was.

And who he was: a single man who had been dumped months ago by the person he was aching to kiss.

‘You’ve got him, Naruto kun! Punch the bastard some more, sensei,’ Hikaru yelled.

Naruto gave a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of his head. ‘I’m not beating him up…I was just…uh…demonstrating how you make use of an opening and counterattack.’ He made to move, but Sasuke put a firm hand on Naruto’s thigh out of the genin’s line of vision.

‘Stay where you are, dobe, make like we’re still sparring,’ he hissed. ‘And get rid of the kids.’

‘I don’t do what you say,’ Naruto hissed back.

He went to move again, this time Sasuke adjusted his hips slightly and Naruto felt the huge bulge in the other man’s trousers, a bulge that would become visible if Naruto stood up.

Naruto’s mouth made an ‘o’ shape, before he recovered his senses enough to turn to the genin and dismiss them for the day. ‘Okay, then guys, just like I said work on that teamwork, just like me and Sasuke are going to do now…in a sparring kinda way, because Sasuke isn’t as good as me and has come to get some private lessons. Okay, then, see you later?’ He waved them away.

He was glad to see the three of them walk off together, clearly comforting each other. It was better that way, without him interfering; it was how close bonds were formed. But if he’d thought they needed him, he wouldn’t have given a damn about covering Sasuke’s embarrassment and would have run to them.

Naruto grinned down at the other man. ‘So, you’re turned on by me being better than you?’

Sasuke’s face was a mask of indifference, but then he suddenly relaxed and gave one of his less infuriating smirks. ‘It seems so. As are you.’

Naruto glanced down at his own groin and blushed. ‘I’m going to need even tighter pants if you’re planning on getting in fights with me. Not that that even really counted as a fight, you were reeaaally slow.’

Sasuke drew his knees up and Naruto automatically leaned back on them as he’d done countless times before. Then his brain clicked in. What was happening here? He’d been so mad with Sasuke for attacking his genin, and then he’d nearly kissed him, and now they were sitting together in a way they often had as a couple, with both of them acknowledging they were hard for the other? What the hell did any of this mean?

Going from anger to passion in their relationship definitely wasn’t a new thing, but having no idea what their relationship was supposed to be meant there were no familiar patterns with each other anymore.

‘You shouldn’t have kicked Hikaru,’ Naruto finally growled. It seemed safer to talk about what Sasuke had done wrong, than to think about how natural he felt being with the Uchiha.

Sasuke’s erection wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was his, he knew that if Sasuke wanted to take it further, he wouldn’t be able to say no. He was trying to be self-protective and put some sort of shield around his feelings, but he couldn't pretend to himself he was being emotionally strong when here he was basically sitting on his ex boyfriend's lap. 

 ‘You should have trained her better by now, she's clearly a poor judge of both her own abilities and her opponent's.’ Sasuke sighed. ‘Do you recall how tough the chunin exams were?’

Naruto nodded. ‘All the more reason that she doesn’t have to risk injury in a random attack from someone from her own village.’

‘It was her that randomly attacked me.’

‘She’s a teenage girl, you could have jumped out of the way, or a million other things, rather than kick her.’

Sasuke reached up and put a hand under Naruto’s chin. ‘You’re amazing. I’ve been training as hard as I have in my whole life while you’ve been playing with genin, I know you and your moves better than anyone else, but your speed and strength just now still left me breathless.’ He dropped his hand back to his side. ‘But you’re too soft. We live in a tough world, if your genin are going to survive, you’ve got to be the one to toughen them up.’

‘The world _is_ tough which is why you’ve got to always show as much kindness and love to everyone as you can, so that they know whatever they face out there, they’re never alone.’

‘Kindness is weakness,’ Sasuke replied.

‘Your children are going to be _so_ lucky having you as a dad.’ Naruto regretted it as soon as he said it. He knew the problems Sasuke had had with his own father, but his voice still overflowed with bitterness. He took a deep breath and consciously softened his tone. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that to be all sarcastic. I just miss you, that’s all and am sad that I’m not going to be part of your life. You’ll be a great dad.’

Sasuke sat up and put his hands on Naruto’s waist. ‘I thought you understood this now, we had such a good talk after our break-up sex, I was glad I wouldn’t have to worry about you anymore.’

‘I understand,’ Naruto lied. Being false to Sasuke was bad enough, but when they were physically close like this it made his stomach clench painfully. ‘That doesn’t stop me being sad now and again though.’

Sasuke gave a small nod. ‘I get sad too but it’s just part of the readjustment period. Like me still being turned on by you even after we got the sex out of our systems.’ He squeezed Naruto’s waist. ‘Although you heating me up like this will probably help with my date later. Anyway, I didn’t come to find you to talk about what you do with your genin, or my future abilities as a parent.’ He reached into his pocket and bought out a little box. ‘It’s yours. Take it.’

Naruto’s heart thumped and it took a moment before he was confident that his hands would be steady enough to accept the gift. His voice still cracked and betrayed him though. ‘What…what is this, Sas? It looks like a ring box?’

‘Because it is one.’

Naruto stared at it for so long that Sasuke in the end flipped it open. Inside was a gold ring with a large blue stone.

‘It’s…how…it...’ Naruto stuttered.

‘It matches your eyes and Tsunade’s necklace. It’s taken me a long time to get it, I started researching it as soon as Tsunade gave you the first Hokage’s necklace, so that shows you how long. The village I finally found the stone in, call it starfire, not Crystal Gem, but I’m confident it’s the same.’

‘Sasuke…what…how…why…’

‘Itachi helped with the negotiations, but even with his skills it took a long time. Then I had to find the right gold, you shine so brightly it was a difficult task to find something that could match you,’ Sasuke spoke in his normal indifferent tone which confused Naruto even further.

‘Are you…are you giving…this to me?’

‘That is the whole point,’ Sasuke said a hint of annoyance sounding through his nonchalance. ‘Even after I had it made, I couldn’t find the right time to give it to you. I know how special you like these things to be. Finally I decided I would do it at Itachi’s party. It seemed important that my brother and his family were there when I asked…’

'What, teme, what?' The blonde's voice was so soft he wasn't even sure himself if he had actually said the words or only thought them.

‘When I asked you to marry me.’

Naruto could not breathe. He sat open mouthed gazing at the ring.

But Sasuke continued talking as if oblivious. ‘Then I kept hesitating and decided that I would do it on my terms which would be privately, so I left the party hoping you would follow and when you didn’t…’

‘Hell, Sasuke, I…I had no idea…I knew we’d be together for always…but you wanting to make it….you asking me…I never guessed…’

‘I was relieved.’

‘You were what?’ Naruto raised his eyes to the other man’s.

‘I was relieved when you didn’t turn up. I knew you would be occupied drinking and making a fool of yourself, and it gave me time to think of the idiocy of wanting to marry someone I could never have children with.  And that led me naturally to the idiocy of wanting to spend my life with someone I was so incompatible with purely based on some old childhood nostalgia. I mean, who goes through their life only having kissed one person?’

His breath hung painfully in his throat as Naruto waited for the rest, the part where Sasuke explained that the time apart had revealed to him the real idiocy was thinking he could live without Naruto by his side.

‘And?’ Naruto finally asked impatiently when Sasuke didn’t add anything else.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. ‘And you know the rest as well as I do. We decided it would be best to split up so we can develop into mature adults, instead of remaining as useless co-dependent kids. We eventually had some amazing break-up sex. Then a little later I was clearing out as I’m planning to spend some time away from Konoha, probably training with Itachi, and came across the ring. I considered having it changed to fit whoever I do decide to marry, but decided that even Karin might balk at jewellery that I spent so much effort making for my ex. So as I don’t want it, or have any use for it, you might as well have it and do what you will with it.’ Sasuke lifted Naruto off his lap as if the other man was nothing but a child who it’d been fun to play with, but who was now in the way. ‘I hope you do wear it, as the colour really does make your eyes look beautiful.’

Naruto watched Sasuke walk away with the same expression of disbelief on his face as when Sasuke had handed him the little box. The Uchiha was long gone when Naruto let out a roar and threw the ring in the direction that Sasuke had disappeared. Within a minute, he was fumbling on his hands and knees searching for it. When he found it he put it carefully back in the box.

He gazed in wonder at it. How could the man who created a gift so awe-inspiring and thoughtful, be the same person who could make Naruto’s stomach twist like his guts had been ripped out? How could this man turn multi-orgasmic sex into a heart-wrenching sign of their final break up? And how could he so very almost do the most romantic thing in the world, and instead leave Naruto feeling so very alone and completely worthless?

The answer was simple, because he was Uchiha Sasuke.

Naruto snapped the box shut and made his way home.

 

***

 

‘Hinata, I need to get help,’ Naruto pleaded.

‘No, Na…Na..Naruto Kun, please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me.’ The woman looked and sounded so young and scared that if his heart hadn’t already been split apart by Sasuke, it would be seriously breaking now.

Naruto glanced at the clock, they’d been having some variation of this conversation for almost two hours. Hinata had been in pain when he arrived, but was terrified of moving and once Naruto appeared had clung onto him as if he was the only thing keeping her alive.

And for those two hours, Naruto had been caught in absolute indecision himself. Should he just pick her up and rush her to the hospital? But Hinata had had a previous miscarriage when Kiba had moved her and the baby had been damaged by the jolting. It was Hinata’s body, he had no right to overrule her on something so crucial. Yet she was in so much obvious pain, she was covered in sweat, shivering, and screaming out like a dying creature, how could she make a logical decision?

At the least he could run quickly and get proper help. Find Sakura. Or just find someone who could find Sakura and return immediately to Hinata. But every time he tried to leave, she looked so distressed, that he was worried that the emotional pain of being left alone could do her and the baby real damage. Hadn’t Kiba told him how much he helped Hinata because he made her relaxed and happy? Right at the end he couldn’t be the one to make everything bad by upsetting a woman in the midst of giving birth.

A few months ago he might not have known exactly what to do, but he would have been able to make a decision and stick to it. Since the break-up, every single day was a challenge.

As the thoughts raced through his mind, he mopped Hinata’s brow. She’d allowed him to move long enough to get hot water and towels, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with them, but they seemed important things to have.

‘Naaaruto,’ Hinata screamed. ‘The b…baby’s coming. Help me. Please help me.’

She gripped his hand hard enough that he thought he heard the crack of a bone.

He forced the grin that he wore so often for other people. ‘I don’t exactly know my way around women’s bodies at the best of times. The closest I’ve got is pervy sage’s books and the odd attempt at peeking in the baths when I was very young.’ He paused and suddenly changed what he was going to say. This was Hinata’s time, she was the one suffering not him. He let his false grin disappear, and looked at her with a serious gaze. ‘Whatever you want me to do. Tell me.’

‘D..don’t worry about me. H…help the b…baby.’ Hinata was struggling to even speak now. She let go of his hand. ‘B...baby.’

Taking a deep breath, Naruto moved to the other side of the sofa and immediately saw what the water and towels were for. There was blood all over Hinata’s thighs. All his time being around Uchihas came in handy, none of his panic showed on his face or in his voice.

‘Okay, we’re going to do this together. I need you to stay calm, keep taking deep breaths and keep pushing. So this is a good partnership for me, you do all the work, and I just get the honour of being here and seeing the miracle of a new life being born.’

Naruto kept glancing at the time, wondering how long anyone could endure this, as Hinata panted and yelled. He hoped Kiba would be home soon, although he knew his friend was on a patrol that wasn’t due to finish until later this evening. That’s why he’d visited early so he wouldn’t run into him. And he was so glad he had, it was horrible to think of Hinata being here like this all day.

Another hour passed, and all he’d done was mop up blood, was there supposed to be this much? and talk gibberish to Hinata.  But she smiled at him with gratitude, and when there was a pause between her howls of agony, she murmured how happy she was he’d stayed with her.

But then things suddenly sped up.

‘I can see something, Hinata,’ Naruto cried out in genuine excitement. ‘It’s the baby’s head. You’re almost there, you’re going to be a mummy!’

Hinata responded with a cry of pain as she pushed with all the strength left in her body. And Naruto found himself somehow against all the odds holding a newborn child. He cut the umbilical cord with a kunai and placed it against Hinata’s breast where it began immediately suckling.

Naruto wept, and for the first time in so long, it was in pure happiness.

 

***

The knocking at the door was persistent and loud.

‘I’m coming!’ Naruto shouted out. He pulled his lounge pants on and rubbed a towel quickly over his torso as he ran to answer it.

He had no idea who it could be, the people who visited him tended to just come in.

He pulled the door open and saw a woman with glasses and a red asymmetrical haircut. She carried a sack of things which she dropped on the ground as soon as he answered.

‘You took your time,’ she snapped.

‘I was in the shower, sorry I didn’t plan my activities around the fact someone I don’t know might decide to come and visit me.’ He squinted, she looked vaguely familiar. ‘Are you one of Orochimaru’s colleagues?’

‘That’s behind me now,’ she said quickly. ‘My name’s…’

‘Karin,’ he finished for her. How could there still be new ways for him to hurt?

‘Sasuke likes things tidy so I’ve been sorting out for him. I guess he was in a hurry to leave you because he mistakenly took some of your things which I’ve come to return.’ Her voice was all business, but her eyes travelled appreciatively up and down Naruto’s bare torso.

Naruto glanced down at the bag. He could see his frog pyjamas that Sasuke had been wearing the night he visited him, and beneath them were the edges of letters marked with Naruto’s messy writing, and some photos of Naruto and Sasuke.

‘Well, thanks for that.’ Naruto picked up the bag with one hand and threw it behind him. ‘So nice meeting you and all that, but please don’t come around again.’

She thrust her whole body forward to stop Naruto slamming the door shut. There was a look of desperate pleading in her eyes and Naruto was suddenly struck with the strange idea that when he’d had sex with Sasuke, had he been the piece on the side? Had Sasuke been cheating on his new girlfriend with him? Had he inadvertently wronged this woman?

‘Is something wrong?’ he asked in a much more gentle voice.

‘We should be friends,’ Karin said, the pleading in her eyes reaching her voice. ‘Sasuke says he doesn’t want to repeat the mistakes he made with you and settle too quickly, but we should work together to make sure he chooses me. The other ones he’s trying, that pink haired thing, and the blonde one who thinks she sooo prety, and all the others, they’re not as open minded as me. They’ll be selfish and possessive if they get him. But as long as I’m the only woman, I don’t care if he hooks up with you. In fact, he’s told me some of the things you two did together and I find the idea of the two of you together really hot.’

‘Ok. I need to finish getting dressed now.’ He pushed Karin back outside and closed the door.

‘If you don’t play nice with me, I won’t play nice with you!’ Karin shouted through the door. ‘Sasuke is going to be mine, I’m going to have his children, and I’ll make sure he never goes near you again. Over time, I’ll make him feel disgusted by what you two were, so he won’t even be able to hear your name without feeling sick.’

‘Good,’ Naruto said softly to himself. ‘Maybe you can do the same for me too. It’d be so much simpler.’

He waited until he heard her leave then turned the bag upside down on his hall floor. There were more photos and letters than he remembered been taken or him ever writing. He got down on his hunches and sifted his hand through it. Sasuke had kept so much, including the silly little notes Naruto sometimes snuck into Sasuke’s clothes saying things like ‘Ramen for dinner, I know you secretly love it as much as me?’ and ‘I’d rather lick your cock than have a lifetime of sweets’.

It’d almost make him smile if he wasn’t too aware that his former lover who he trusted with his whole soul, had allowed Karin to sort through all these things.

Naruto stepped over the pile and went and got dressed. Then he did what he should have done a long time ago, headed to the outskirts of the village to visit Tsunade and Jiraiya.

 

‘Tell me again how our new hero midwife delivered Hinata’s baby,’ Tsunade said with a wide smile.

‘I’ve already told you three times, Granny,’ Naruto said, ‘And you know that Hinata did all the work.’

‘Why did you talk Kiba out of calling it Naruto though, Naruto is a great name for a child,’ Jiraiya said settling back in his chair.

‘It’s a baby girl,’ Naruto said with pretend indignation. ‘Himawari is a much sweeter name. She’s the cutest baby you’ve ever seen.’

‘I think you should tell us about the childbirth again, all the blood and the pain,’ Tsunade said.

‘You can’t make me change my mind, I just want to know if you’ll help me,’ Naruto said firmly.

Tsunade and Jiraiya exchanged a meaningful look. They’d done that a lot since he’d arrived and told them what he wanted.

‘We don’t even know if it’s possible, kid, I’ve never heard of anything like it,’ Jiraiya said.

Tsunade leaned forward and put a hand on Naruto’s knee. ‘You need to give yourself more time. When I lost Dan, I thought everything was over for me, I couldn’t look at another man in the same way, but here I am now very happy with Jiraiya.’

‘To be fair, I don’t think we should advise Naruto to follow your example. Trying to forget his heartbreak by spending decades gambling away more money than he can afford, and drinking more sake than his liver can take, before he's finally willing to give love another shot, sounds worse than his own crazy plan.’ Through a lot of practice he dodged the blow Tsunade aimed at him without needing to stop talking. ‘And I can’t ask you to do what I did, chase after any half decent looking woman in the hopes that one of them, or enough of them, might make you finally capable of moving on from the person you’ve always loved.’

‘What is your point, Jiraiya?’ Tsunade said archly.

‘My point is that we can’t judge other people’s madness when we spent a lot of years screwing up our own lives. Personally I think he’s a good looking, bright lad, who can do a lot better than that grumpy bastard who’s treated him like shit. But I’m fortunate enough to have lived long enough to learn that everyone has to make their own choices and own mistakes in these things.’

Tsunade raised one eyebrow. ‘But we don’t have to help a heartbroken man, who is reckless and unpredictable when he is unbroken, try to do something incredibly stupid with the tiny hope that that grumpy bastard who’s treated him so badly will want him back.’

‘What else are we going to do? Let him try on his own? And risk our favourite ninja getting into a whole world of trouble with no one to help him?’

Tsunade made a little growling noise at the back of her throat. ‘I suppose spending time with Naruto will be a nice diversion from being stuck here with you night after night.’

Jiraiya laughed. ‘My feelings exactly.’

They leaned into each other with familiar tenderness, then Tsunade’s eyes became deadly serious.

‘This is the last time, I’ll ask you this, brat, are you certain this is what you want to do?’

Naruto nodded. Normally he was used to forcing himself to look happy, but right now he was trying to suppress his joy, he’d had too much experience with Sasuke lately of getting his hopes up only to have the depths of his pain increased.

Tsunade shook her head. ‘I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but we will help you as best we can. Although I’ve no idea where to start working out how a man can have a successful pregnancy.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write this a lot quicker than I thought I would, things in my real life have gone a little awry, but on the plus side it gives me more time for fanfiction!  
> I hope it does what it's supposed to and conveys the struggles and hopes of loving someone who has chosen to walk away from you.
> 
> As I've mentioned in previous notes, it's a real break from worries and stresses being able to write and share this work, so I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who reads this and all the comments that have been left are really encouraging and brighten up my day. Thank you so much x


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter of Sasuke desperately trying to stay in denial, and Itachi having none of it.

Over the last few weeks sparring with Kakashi had become a workout rather than training, Sasuke was pleased with how quickly he’d been able to reach the limits of his sensei’s abilities. But he still regularly met with the Hokage, _not_ because he was lonely, and definitely _not_ because he needed assurances that the older man still hadn’t made a move on his ex, it was simply because Kakashi was the best opponent that Konoha had to offer.

Besides a certain blonde that was. And he unfortunately hadn’t managed to get beyond the point where he had to be careful around that particular man. It immediately hardened him thinking about how easily Naruto had been able to get him on the ground in the quick tussle they’d had at the training grounds. He yearned for a rematch. He yearned for _more_ than a rematch.

He convinced himself it was merely a useful mental exercise thinking through various techniques he could use to outmanoeuvre Naruto’s raw power. But it invariably ended with him needing some ‘private’ time as he vividly visualised his former lover pinned to the ground, his clothes half ripped off, his lips parted in loud animal moans, and Sasuke above him thrusting into him as hard as he’d done during their break up sex.

However, well his physical training was progressing, his mental control needed much more work. But he’d given himself a year, and he was only halfway through that time. He’d been suffering from a disease that had made him weak and vulnerable for so much of his life, he needed to be patient with the cure.

‘Shall we stop there for now?’ Kakashi panted.

Sasuke noticed the sweat on the other man’s brow; Kakashi was having to work harder and call their sessions to a close sooner, while Sasuke was moving automatically, barely thinking about the fight.  If only he hadn’t wasted his teenage years, if he’d remained a focused student and not let himself get distracted by a ridiculous kiss, then he would have been unsurpassable years ago.

‘Can you manage one more bout?’ Sasuke asked. ‘We could use jutsu for variation rather than going hand to hand.’

Kakashi gave a small chuckle and patted Sasuke on the arm. ‘I admire your dedication to completely destroying me, but this small thing of being Hokage means that I have certain responsibilities, such as turning up to the chunin exams looking like a leader not a broken old man.’

‘Would you like to eat together?’ He said the words too quickly and was immediately embarrassed by them. He turned away before Kakashi could reply, and said with his usual indifference, ‘Actually forget that, I’ve remembered I’ve a date tonight.’

He did have a date, but when he went home he made no preparations to get ready. He immediately sat down and started reading. If he felt  like it, he’d go and find her later, she’d be there waiting for him; they always were.

He immersed himself in a history of Kiragure, something he should have read a long time ago considering his brother was married to the Mizukage, but there had always been that… distraction, preventing him from doing the things he needed to do in order to become a better shinobi. As his eyes scanned the words, he became aware of a dull ache in his chest as if something was slowly being pulled out of him. Initially he explained it away as a bruise from one of Kakashi’s attacks that must have struck harder than he realised. But the feeling went far beyond the physical; it was as if his very soul was being unwound and stretched away from him. Then he actually imagined he heard a snap of something breaking and there was no longer any pain. There was nothing. Just hollow emptiness.

With no conscious intention, he leapt out of his chair, ran outside and raced to Naruto’s house.

Everything felt wrong. There was a dead feeling as if no one had ever lived here, even though all the furniture and possessions were still in place.  A pile of junk had been left in the middle of the hall. A cursory glance told him that it wasn’t quite junk, there were photos of the two of them together amongst the scraps of paper and whatever else had been dumped there. He wondered if Naruto had gathered the things up and left them there as some sort of message for Sasuke to find. His heart slowed fearing he might see a ring just tossed on the heap, but he quickly regained his composure. He’d told Naruto he could do what he wanted with that ring, it was no longer his concern, that had been the point of giving it to the blonde, hadn’t it?

There was no jewellery, but he recognised the notes and photos, and even the ugly frog lounge pants, as things that he had taken when he moved out. He frowned wondering how Naruto would have got into Sasuke’s house in order to retrieve all these things without Sasuke noticing, and more pertinently, why would he have done that?

Who knew or cared what went on inside that man’s stupid brain?

A small voice inside whispered, _you do_ , but it was quiet enough for his main consciousness to pretend he hadn’t heard it.

Then he recalled some days ago going out early and telling Karin to tidy up before she left. He’d been referring to the breakfast things, she’d obviously taken that brusque order to be a license to rummage through his most private possessions and take the initiative to return them to his ex-boyfriend.

He cursed himself under his breath for so carelessly assuming that because she was in thrall to him, that he could trust her alone in his house when the reverse was clearly the case. A sharp pain shot through his head as he thought of her touching and reading the personal letters Naruto had given him. There were so few of them to start with, the blonde wasn’t a writer, and now they were all sullied. He imagined how Naruto must have felt having them all returned to him in this way.

Then he firmly told himself, it was better like this, Karin had inadvertently done him a favour. He was an adult embarking on a new life for himself, not a sentimental child who held onto junk like this as if it had meaning.

He gathered the items up in his arms, not because he minded that Naruto had left them on the floor, it was just his natural tidiness kicking in. As they clearly meant as little to the blonde as they now did to him, Sasuke carried them towards the kitchen bin, but somehow diverted himself to put them on the table instead. Or he would have if the table hadn’t been covered with disintegrating flowers, baskets of food pills and gifts that hadn’t been unwrapped yet. He piled the mementos carefully on a chair and began to sort through the things on the table. _Not_ because he was interested in who was sending things to his former lover, it was merely another drawback of his neatness that he couldn’t walk past such a mess.

The food pills could only come from Sakura. Naruto had tasted strongly of them on the night of the break up sex, his tongue delving greedily into the blonde’s mouth must surely be the only time that anyone tasting Sakura’s concoction had been desperate for more. But these baskets were untouched, and Naruto hadn’t carried the aroma of them when they’d been physically close at the training grounds. Hopefully that meant that the dobe was eating properly now and would soon regain his former weight.

Sasuke told himself he was glad to see that Sakura was paying attention to Naruto. He had been toying with the idea of her as a possible mother to his children, but she had no kekkei genkai, and previously to considering her for himself he had believed she would be a good partner for Naruto. She knew Naruto well, was a strong shinobi, and her medical jutsu would come in useful with the blonde’s reckless nature, she’d always worked hard, was bossy and had a mean punch, so Naruto would quickly follow her lead. Plus she’d been the first person that Naruto had been attracted to, she preceded Sasuke in his affections, which would certainly appeal to both Naruto’s wistful romanticism and his unshakeable loyalty. Over time Naruto would just come to see Sasuke as a diversion, a long diversion admittedly, from his first and true love, the feisty pink-haired girl.

Sakura appeared to be chasing him, but obviously all she wanted was to fuck her own childhood crush while there was opportunity, before she settled down into a proper relationship. He didn’t judge her for that.

But when he read the cards attached to the baskets he did get angry. There were not even subtle hints of flirting in them, especially contrasted with the blatant letters she sent him. Instead she seemed to be wanting Naruto to say he was okay with her dating Sasuke. Which presumably he had, as in the last one she felt free to ask more intimate questions about how to seduce Sasuke.

Everything from Sakura, the cards and baskets, burnt. He controlled himself enough to stop the flames spreading to anything else, but acrid smelling smoke drifted up to the ceiling leaving evidence of what he’d done.

He should take time to fully compose himself, but that would mean consciously admitting how bothered he was by the idea of Naruto smiling his bright smile and telling Sakura to go for it with Sasuke.

He ripped quickly through the flowers, they were mostly bland messages from Ino, but there were others. A surprising number of people were stupidly arrogant enough not to actually sign their name, but instead put question marks, or ‘you know who’, as if Naruto would only have one admirer. And if Naruto did know who, he didn’t care as none of the flowers had been put in water. Sasuke trashed them all on behalf of the blonde, that was clearly what Naruto had intended to do, but was too lazy to move them from the table to the bin.

The wrapped gifts were all from Shino. Sasuke noticed they’d been grouped together away from the other things as if Naruto had been on the verge of doing something with them and then changed his mind. Was his ex now being tempted by the idea of insect sex?

Naruto’s wildness was one of his most alluring characteristics, if he was turned on all his normal reservations would disappear and he’d try anything.  And strangely the reverse part of Naruto’s personality, the small part of the blonde that actually took time and considered things, could also have driven him back to Shino. Sasuke thought about how Naruto had been repulsed by the idea of insects touching him, and contrasted it with how firmly he had once also refused anal sex.

Sasuke’s hand moved slowly to remove the card from the nearest gift.

It started with Shino thanking Naruto for his kindness and making him feel more human.

_What kindness? What had Naruto done exactly to make him feel ‘more human’?_

Sasuke’s eyes quickly scanned further through the note. He didn’t realise he’d been holding his breath until he exhaled heavily as it became clear that Naruto hadn’t been intimate with Aburame Shino.

He read the other letters from Shino and was reassured by their tone, it seemed that they hadn’t seen much of each other because Shino was writing bits of news that you’d normally just exchange in conversation. Although there was a worrying hint that Shino had hopes. Slipped in after some irrelevant stuff about new insects he was breeding, Shino wrote: ‘Whenever you’re ready, know I’ll always be willing.’

That letter was burnt, this time on purpose so the flames were completely controlled. Naruto didn’t need his heart bled by another lonely man, he deserved to be paired with a bright woman who would give him a house full of happy babies.

The last thing on the table was a box of chocolates. Sasuke opened them expecting to see it emptied, but none of the sweets had been touched. The Naruto he knew would have gobbled them down in seconds. A sealed letter rested on top. Sasuke paused for less than a second before he slit it open.

He read it and then read it again.

_Sweets for my sweet. And you better be sweet because these chocolates were expensive and I’m getting fed up with you being a little cocktease. You know the way you look at me with those come to bed eyes and pretend to drop your money in front of me just so you can bend over and show me that hungry ass of yours. That’s cute. You then acting like you don’t even know my name as if I am just another guy hitting on you. That’s not cute. Just because I’m not a ninja, don’t think I won’t be able to make you my little bitch. I’ll fuck you until your greedy little hole is bleeding, and if you’re good and haven’t lost your tightness after being the Uchiha prick’s toy for so long, then I’ll keep you locked up for my personal use. If you’re just another loose whore I’ll throw you out of my bed and let the dogs have you._

Sasuke’s emotions were boiling so high he was shocked the whole house hadn’t exploded.

How could anyone write anything like this to his beautiful boyfriend?

His initial thoughts, which felt rational, was that as the letter was unsigned he would have to kill every single male villager over the age of 18, no 15, no 13, to ensure that the culprit was scrubbed off this earth for ever.

What foul person could see Naruto’s gorgeous blue eyes, or his infectious smile, and think these thoughts?

Sure, Naruto and Sasuke could be rough with each other, there were many times they’d called each other a cocktease, and a hell of a lot worse, but they could push to the limits because they knew they loved each other and were safe to ride out any of their fantasies together.

This person, this creature, had written to Naruto fully aware that Naruto didn’t even acknowledge them!

Sasuke was relieved that he’d opened this and not his boyfriend, he’d hate for Naruto to know that someone thought of him like that.  Maybe he didn’t have to kill every male in Konoha after all, with a little more time to think, he realised he would just secretly follow Naruto around for a while and by watching the people around him discover which one could write something like this. It would be much better having all his anger solely focused on the one who deserved it.

Then Sasuke sank into a chair and blinked several times. It hit him as if it was an entirely new thing that Naruto was _not_ his boyfriend and hadn’t been for months. If Naruto was being bothered by someone, the blonde was capable of dealing with it himself and he had an army of friends to back him up.

Sasuke tilted his head back and loudly cursed himself. His voice echoed through the empty feeling house. How easy it was for him to fall into the old, wrong, way of thinking, so possessive and protective, still the little kid terrified of losing another person he loved. But in the midst of his emotions he truly had thought that Naruto was his; it now felt unnatural to force himself to remember that he and Naruto were separated for good, and that that was the _right_ thing for both of them.

Reluctantly Sasuke replaced the letter that he’d unconsciously screwed up in his hand, onto the table. There was enough of a threat in it that Naruto should be aware of it, and it wasn’t his place to try and shield anything from the man.

He felt ashamed of the way he’d rushed around here after a slight pain that probably was just the aftereffects of the sparring with Kakashi. And the way he’d immediately acted as if this was still his home and Naruto was still his concern.

He knew he had work to do, but it was more than he realised. Sasuke stood up, but as he walked past the chair where he’d placed the mementos, he paused and picked one up.  It was a torn off bit of paper, on one side it had their accounts in Sasuke’s neat hand, on the other side there was a scribbled drawing of two smiley stick men, one with bright yellow hair and the other with black, who appeared to be tangled together in some sort of sword fight (with very long swords!). Underneath Naruto had scrawled, ‘You and me tonight’.

With a soft smile he put it into his pocket. He wondered if Naruto was aware that before they’d broken up, he hadn’t hidden any notes around Sasuke’s clothes in almost two years. Sasuke kept looking for them but there never were any. It wasn’t the sort of thing he could ask about, _Do you remember that habit you used to have of surprising me by sneaking little messages into my pockets, please keep doing it, as I miss them_. If Naruto didn’t feel the impulse to do it, if Sasuke needed to beg for them, something that always made him smile would just become another area of contention between them.

Although Naruto had such a strange concept of time that he probably didn’t realise he hadn’t given Sasuke a note in so long. In all the time he’d know him, the only date Naruto never missed, was Sasuke’s birthday.  He’d missed his own birthday a couple of times, which in truth was a blessing because Naruto got so excited about these things Sasuke was always scared he’d never meet his boyfriend’s expectations. Which was ridiculous, he could give Naruto nothing but a hug, and Naruto would still beam and say it was the best hug he’d ever had and witter on about how special Sasuke made him feel.

Sasuke sighed and sat back down on one of the chairs. If this whole thing was about becoming a mature adult, he needed to start acting like one towards the one person that it counted most with.  He would wait for Naruto to come home and try to explain why he had come uninvited into his house and delved through all his things. Or, as he didn’t really have any explanation, he might just go for a straight apology and hope that Naruto would put it down to the general behaviour expected from a bastard like Sasuke and not ask too many questions.

 

It was past midnight before Sasuke decided he was justified in searching the rest of the house. He hadn’t exactly fallen asleep, but nightmare images dominated his mind, he saw Naruto being used and abused by hordes of men, and then Naruto being chained up and locked in one man’s basement.

Sasuke went through the rooms carefully, he was unsure what he was looking for, he just needed a clue to where Naruto was and reassurance that he was safe. There was nothing untoward anywhere, if anything the surprise was how tidy and clean everything was. It was as if the Naruto he knew didn’t live here anymore, instead another man with the same face and body existed here.

In the attic it didn’t look as if the sheets had been changed on Naruto’s old bed in…forever. There was a small dent in the pillow. Sasuke reached down and stroked his hand tenderly in the creases of the bedlinen. Under the pillow he found an official photo of himself.  There were two rips in it that stopped before they reached his face and both had been taped up.  Sasuke looked at his own image, he wasn’t one to undervalue his own attractiveness, but he judged that in this photo he appeared fatigued and bored of the world. Yet this was probably the photo that Naruto had confessed he only had to look at to get aroused. Sasuke replaced it and walked down to the last room to look in: their bedroom.

There was no hesitation or change in his expression, but as soon as he walked through the door he experienced a repeat of the sensation that had bought him here in the first place; an intense loneliness as if something had been torn away from him.

He went through drawers and the wardrobe with machine efficiency. Naruto still hadn’t spread his belongings into what had once been Sasuke’s space, and as Sasuke had always had more clothes than his boyfriend there were gaps everywhere. Naruo had annoyingly not wanted them to have separate drawers, and Sasuke had mostly given into him. It was difficult to argue about tidiness and the ease of finding things , when your opponent brightly replied to every logical point with, ‘Look Sasuke our socks are snuggled up together keeping each other warm,’ or ‘Sasuke, don’t you want our pants to be rubbing up against one another?’

Sasuke didn’t concentrate on the places that his life had once occupied though, he focused on Naruto’s things, or more specifically the things of Naruto’s that weren’t there. Not many clothes had gone, but with Naruto that meant nothing. If the blonde was left to pack by himself it didn’t matter how long he’d be away for, he wouldn’t take more than a couple of changes of underwear and be confident that he’d work out boring details like clean clothes along the way.

 It was some of the other missing things that worried Sasuke: the first photo of squad seven, his stupid frog purse, a picture of his parents and a pebble shaped like a heart he’d found and given to Naruto on what Naruto insisted was their first proper date, even though they’d done _a lot_ of kissing and cuddling before Sasuke had asked Naruto if he wanted a trip to the beach, just the two of them.

When Sasuke found the ring box under a pile of t-shirts, he spoke aloud as if Naruto was there to hear him, ‘Dobe, of course, you would leave a priceless ring behind and take a worthless stone with you.’

It was after saying these words that Sasuke froze and his heart and brain finally worked in harmony and told him what he’d known before he’d even walked in the front door. Naruto was gone. Naruto was really gone. He’d left Konoha without saying goodbye, without telling Sasuke where he was going or when he’d be back.

_What if he’s never coming back?_

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this.

It was Sasuke who was leaving, Sasuke who was going to train with Itachi.  Naruto would always be here in Konoha, Naruto loved Konoha, it was where he belonged. Whatever adventures Sasuke had, wherever he went, whoever he married, he’d never imagined that Naruto wouldn’t always be here in the village.

Sasuke looked at the drops of water landing on his motionless hands and realised that he was crying and there was no one here to hold him and comfort him and promise him he’d never be alone again.

 

***

Sasuke sat on the grand sofa opposite the one Itachi occupied. There was a low table between them with two tea cups on it. Sasuke had not touched his, although his mouth was dry from the unusually large amount of talking he had done. He’d explained in embarrassing detail what the actual skills he had control of were,  in sharp contrast to the random powers that suddenly appeared, and now Itachi knew just how much training he needed. The only thing he could do was wait and see if his older brother agreed to help him.

Itachi gazed at him, Sasuke looked back for as long as he could, before he had to turn away and pretend to be suddenly interested in the details of the room’s décor.

He knew most people saw him and Itachi as having the same interchangeable cold, dispassionate personality, sometimes he himself also thought that he and his brother were incredibly similar. But whenever he was actually in Itachi’s presence, Sasuke always felt like the little sibling trying to learn how to behave by mimicking the perfect older one. And this sensation had got worse rather than better the older he became.

In the silence, Sasuke did actually look around the room.  He had spent a lot of time in Kumogakure, Naruto adored Killer Bee. If Killer Bee hadn’t been so, well, Killer Beeish, Sasuke would have been jealous. But despite his former boyfriend’s connection to the Raikage’s brother, Sasuke had never seen a room as grand as this one before.  It wasn’t just the opulent decorations either, it was twice the size of the room Kakashi had been given, and this was merely the reception room to unseen suites beyond. Sasuke suspected it also out-sized what any of the other visiting dignitaries had been provided with, because it had been given as a sign of respect to his brother’s innate power, rather than the position of the Mizukage. All this luxury on such a grand scale still felt too small and drab to contain Itachi’s presence.

He had bought Karin with him to the chunin exams, but her sensory skills had been unnecessary; he’d felt his older brother as soon as he arrived in Kumogakure, such was his aura.

Sasuke’s plan had been to talk to him before he had a chance to meet with anyone else from Konoha. He worried that he might appear too impatient in going straight to Itachi, but in the end decided that he had family rights; he didn’t have to give Itachi time to settle in and rest, that was his advantage. He was aware how the things he needed to say, all the flaws in his abilities he confessed to, were not going to give Itachi a favourable impression of him. Thus he also considered it might be to his benefit that Itachi’s attention was distracted by his wife and children, and his mind fatigued from the journey.

However, Sasuke had arrived to find Itachi perfectly composed. His brother sat comfortably on the golden embroidered sofa, sipping tea and gazing at Sasuke as if he already knew every single thing that his little brother had done since they last saw each other and was merely waiting for the younger man’s confirmation of it all.

And an hour later, with all his failings laid before him, Itachi was still staring at Sasuke in exactly the same way.

Normally Sasuke basked in quiet. He enjoyed other people’s awkwardness, and the way they revealed themselves spilling out whatever was in their head because they could not stand the silence. But Itachi wasn’t like any other person, and Sasuke was fully aware that it was him that was feeling tense in this situation.

‘How do you think the chunin exams will go? I know Kakashi has high expectations for the nine Konoha genin.’ Sasuke hated the banality of his words. Uchiha did not do small talk. He might as well have just discarded all his pride and got down on his knees and begged Itachi to train him.

He wished Naruto was here.

Sasuke clenched one of his hands into a fist and dug his nails deep into his flesh. The small self-punishment did nothing. His mind continued to flash up memories of Naruto ignoring Uchiha reserve and just running up to Itachi and bear-hugging him; Naruto telling the most stupid jokes that made both brothers laugh uncontrollably; Naruto talking so much that the constant drone seemed to charm Sasuke into forgetting to feel inferior to Itachi; and Naruto wrapping his arms around Sasuke and telling Itachi, ‘Your brother is the best person in the whole world, and I’m the proudest person in the whole world to be his boyfriend’.

Sasuke clenched his other hand into a tight fist. He hated breaking the rules he set for himself. Initially he had banned himself from thinking at all about Naruto, but he’d decided that didn’t show any maturity or growth. It was ridiculous not to have passing thoughts about the person he had lived with for so long. So his new rule allowed him to think about Naruto but in the same way he’d think about anyone else he’d known for a long time. Naruto was no different to him than Kiba, or even Kiba’s dog.

‘Tell me, how honest are you capable of being, otouto?’

 Sasuke’s eyes widened at the unforeseen question, but he quickly recovered his composure. ‘Very.’

Itachi nodded, a simple gesture that somehow conveyed that was the answer he expected rather than the one he necessarily believed.

Sasuke forced himself to relax his hands. ‘I’ve never lied to you, Itachi.’

‘I’m sure you haven’t, although, obviously that doesn’t mean that you’ve told me the truth.’ Itachi’s lips twitched into a brief smile. ‘However, the question I asked is more concerned with how honest you are able to be with yourself, how well you’re aware of your own motivations, how you justify some of your more questionable decisions.’ Itachi took a slow sip of his tea. He looked almost casually at Sasuke over the top of his cup. ‘Where’s Naruto?’

Sasuke only paused for a heartbeat before he replied, ‘I don’t know.’ He knew his voice, posture, facial expressions all displayed utter indifference, but it felt as if his perfect external presentation was irrelevant with Itachi. His brother’s face displayed the first definite emotion, and it was sad disappointment.

He hoped Itachi would accept his answer and that his ignorance of Naruto’s whereabouts would be enough to communicate their separation without Sasuke having to go into any details.

However much he wanted to, he couldn’t deny how disconcerting it was not knowing where the blonde was. Since the separation he’d always had at least a sense of Naruto’s presence in the village. When they were together, well, they were _together_ , as physically and mentally entwined as two people could be. And now there was nothing.

He’d been disciplined though; he had asked no one and done no research into the Uzumaki’s location. And when Kakashi appeared to be on the verge of telling him unasked what Naruto was up to, he had turned and walked away.

‘Mei and the children are not going to be happy when I tell them you _don’t know_ where Uncle Naruto is.’

Sasuke forced himself to meet Itachi’s eyes. ‘You’ve already heard about Naruto and I separating, haven’t you?’ He paused to see if his brother would give him any response. Itachi’s expression didn’t flicker. The younger Uchiha continued speaking. ‘It was a mutual decision, we’re both happy with. I hope you haven’t taken it as an insult that I didn’t tell you earlier, it wasn’t intended that way. I believed it would be preferable to wait until things settled down before I bothered you with something inconsequential.’

‘That’s an interesting choice of word, ‘inconsequential’. Is that what you truly believe? That I’d find you breaking up with the man you love _inconsequential_?’ Itachi’s voice was completely smooth and his eyes were unreadable.

But Sasuke’s heart thumped in his chest and his cheeks flushed as if his brother was shouting and shaming him. ‘I know how busy you are, Naruto and I falling out can hardly be high on the list of your priorities when you’re married to the Mizukage and have five young children.’

‘Hmmm.’ Itachi took another sip of his tea. Then he replaced the cup on the table and stood up. He walked slowly over to his little brother and sat down beside him. ‘Listen carefully because this is _my_ honesty, Sasuke. There have been people I’ve respected such as our parents and the third Hokage; some that I have a great affection and respect for such as Kakashi; some I have an affection for and no respect, such as  Kisame and Deidara.’ He gave an indulgent but genuine smile. ‘Then there are the people I truly love.’ His smile disappeared and his eyes seemed even darker. ‘I’ve been blessed with Mei and our five children. They give me a happiness I know I don’t deserve and never expected to experience. Then there is you.’ He tapped his brother in the centre of his forehead. ‘I want to pretend that all love is equal, but it isn’t. There are always gradations, slight flaws and differences in emotions that you hope will never be tested. The truth is, I believe I’d do anything to protect Mei and the children, but I _know_ I’d do anything for you. I love you, my little brother, most of all.’

Itachi’s expression didn’t falter at all, but Sasuke made no effort to control the trembling in his own body.

‘A day hasn’t passed since I first understood our mother was pregnant with you, that I haven’t thought of you and imagined how I can make the world a better place for you to live in.’ Despite the tenderness of his words, something changed in his eyes. ‘And there’s one other person that I love, Naruto. At first I loved him for your sake. The way he made you smile as if you’d never known pain. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say, you smiled with him like only one who had known the worst pain could, your smiles were so precious and could only belong to someone who from a young age learned how brief and fragile happiness could be, and how much every moment of joy needed to be treasured.’

Sasuke’s whole chest ached.

 ‘Then I loved Naruto for my sake. I came to appreciate that without him by your side, you would have fallen into the vengeance I left you with and that path would have ended in my own death. I would never have met Mei or become a father, everything good I now have in my life is because of his faith and strength. But now, I know him and I love him for his own sake. There is no one as bright and sweet and as loud as him.’ Itachi’s flashed a smile that only emphasised how serious his expression was afterwards. ‘There is also no one as steadfast, no one as loyal, no one as dependable. If he makes you a promise, he’ll never break it, will he?’

Itachi paused obviously waiting for a reply. When Sasuke didn’t say anything he asked again, ‘You know him better than anyone, do you think Naruto would ever break a promise.’

Sasuke’s head dropped down. ‘No.’

‘I’m proud to have him as part of my family, my children adore him, and I’m grateful to know that if ever anything happens to me, they’ll always have an uncle who won’t just keep them safe, but will bring sunshine and happiness into their lives.’

‘We’ve split up, Itachi! I don’t know what the point of this whole speech is, but me and Naruto aren’t together anymore. That’s the way things are.’

Itachi gazed forward. ‘Show me how honest you are capable of being.  Tell me why you dumped Naruto.’

Sasuke took some deep breaths. ‘I didn’t _dump_ him, it was a mutual decision. We both agreed it was for the best.’

‘I can’t train you, Sasuke.’

‘What? Because I’m not with Naruto anymore? You only like me when I’m part of a pair and bring someone happy with me who will get drunk at your parties and amuse your guests?’

Itachi gave no reaction to Sasuke’s outbursts. He simply said, ‘I can’t train you because you’re not being true to yourself.’

‘How do you know what being true is about? You say you love me more than anyone and then refuse to aid me when I’m trying to become a better person.’

‘It’s because I love you that I forgive what you’ve done to Naruto.’

Sasuke opened his mouth to speak, but Itachi held his hand up to stop him.

‘It’s because I love you that I’m saying no to train you. If you cannot open yourself up to me with complete honesty, I cannot work with you and help you to access this incredible innate power that only randomly appears. I want to spend more time with you, I want to help you, but without the necessary trust it would only cause damage.’

‘The decision to officially end it may have originated more from my side,’ Sasuke muttered. ‘But it is for his benefit as well as mine, and he knows that. We had amazing _mutual_ break up sex. And he’s the one who went off on his own without feeling any need to tell me. ’

Itachi’s eyes widened slightly at the mention of ‘break up sex’ but he didn’t say anything, for a while he looked away from his brother and gazed out of the window.

Sasuke gritted his teeth together and waited. Would it be worth training with Itachi if his brother was intent on making him feel like shit about the whole Naruto thing? His whole time with Kakashi, even with the Hokage deliberately aggravating him, had not made him feel as bad as Itachi could in five minutes.

‘Have you seen much of him since your separation?’ Itachi finally asked.

Sasuke answered immediately and truthfully, Itachi seemed to know enough that there was no point holding anything back. Perhaps if they got this conversation out of the way, it would never have to be referred to again and they could just focus on training.

‘I avoided him for a few months, then one night he surprised me by coming in my window. That’s when we had the sex and he was very relaxed and comfortable about everything. When I told him about the woman I was thinking of becoming serious with, he laughed and told jokes and wished me well. After that I didn’t avoid him, I just didn’t see him.’ He took a deep breath to say the most humiliating part. ‘I didn’t see him when he was awake. I went and watched him sleep sometimes. If he wakes up he seems to think I am  some sort of dream.’

Itachi raised his eyebrows. ‘I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I want to make you honest, Sasuke. For now, I won’t ask you any more questions, I will tell you what I think, and if you wish you can tell me if I’m right or not.’

Sasuke gave a small nod. He saw he’d unconsciously clenched his fists again and forced himself to relax them.

‘I know you’ve been carrying around a ring for Naruto for a long time. From watching you and listening to the _very_ subtle hints you were dropping, I expected you to propose to him at the twins’ party. When you didn’t I feared what might happen.’ He gazed at his brother for a moment then continued. ‘I believe that at best you panicked at the notion of being with Naruto forever. It’s not unusual, even in people who love each other as much as you two do.  And you let that panic grow and justify itself. You suddenly became desperate to have children. Or you decided that you were being selfless and taking yourself out of the picture to allow Naruto to have the family he deserves.’

‘Naruto does deserve a family, that isn’t some meaningless excuse like you’re implying. It’s a real thing.’ Sasuke hadn’t meant to say anything, but his self-control was not at its optimum with his brother today.

‘I suspect Naruto feels like he does have a family, and if he wanted something different you should trust him to make that decision rather than trying to force it on him.’

‘He relies on me, I guide him. It is my responsibility, it always has been, to make the best decisions for him.’ There was a tone in his voice that Sasuke didn’t recognise as his own, something almost pleading. ‘I thought you understood that, isn’t it what you tried to do for me, when you…when you killed our parents? When you deserted me and left me alone. You did that because you knew better how to look after me than I did.’

Itachi put his hand over the top of Sasuke’s. His skin was cool and somehow that calmed Sasuke more than words could.

‘You were a child. Naruto is a man. And if things had gone how I planned them, without Naruto’s intervention in your life, do you think it would have worked out better for the two of us?’ Itachi said quietly. Then after a pause he continued speaking in his normal voice but kept his hand touching his brother’s. ‘My second explanation is that you are consciously, or subconsciously, so scared of losing someone you love, that you decided to test his feelings for you before you made your commitment official. You are testing Naruto, pushing him away, treating him badly and seeing how he reacts. But the results will be the same whatever he does. If he keeps crawling back to you no matter what you do, then you’ll keep kicking him and lose respect for him until you don’t want him. If he rejects you, then it proves what you knew all along, that he never really loved you and you were right not to give him the ring.’

‘I’ve given him the ring,’ Sasuke said, hoping to stop Itachi’s current line of thought.

Itachi’s lips were a narrow line. ‘I’m assuming you gave it to him with the information that it took you a long time to make and you were going to propose but decided to finish with him instead.’ It wasn’t a question and Itachi continued talking. ‘Which brings me to what’ll be the third and final of my main explanations. You know Naruto doesn’t break promises, you know Naruto is unfalteringly loyal, you know he’s given himself completely to you since his youngest days and can’t imagine being with another person. This knowledge enables you to take time away from him, to experiment with the things you are worried you may have missed out on by being with him and no one else since you were thirteen. You are completely secure that he will remain yours. You are so certain he will be waiting for you that you can have sex with as many people as you like, treat him as casually as you like, and still have the security of knowing he will be there for you at the end. The end being when you’ve had sex with enough other people to be reassured that Naruto is the one you’re most attracted to.’

Sasuke’s mouth fell open. ‘How can you suggest that? I’m not even attracted to anyone other than him. When I’m with other people, I have to think about _him_ in order to get…’ Sasuke closed his lips and glared at his brother. ‘Your reasons don’t make sense. They contradict each other. I’m scared he’s going to leave me, but I’m so sure of him I can have…fun, and then pick up with him whenever I want?’

‘People are not logical and the more interesting they are, the more likely they are to be a mess of contradictions. And you are very _interesting_ , otouto.’ Itachi removed his hand from Sasuke’s and flicked his forehead with a smirk that broke the tension in the room. ‘Over the next few days you can tell me the full details of everything you’ve done and together we’ll work out an apology big enough to make Naruto come happily back into your arms.’

‘Over the next few days, I can tell you the real reasons why Naruto and I are separated and exactly why I don’t want him back in my arms.’ Sasuke folded his arms across his chest and felt like a sulking child, so quickly unfolded them. He looked at his brother and in a voice that had an unUchiha like crack he asked, ‘Do you think Naruto will come back? He left without saying anything to me.’

Before Itachi could make any reply, Karin rushed into the room, sweat covering her face.

Sasuke immediately recovered all the composure his brother had stripped him of. ‘I told you I’d be speaking to my brother alone.’

‘No… no… this is nothing about meeting your family. There’s something coming, Sasuke. Something bad.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for continuing to read this story. I definitely will not be able to post any updates for a couple of weeks, but this time it is good real life things rather than the usual bad.  
> I really love reading all your comments, they help clarify my thoughts and a couple of times have made me tweak my outline, and more than that they just make me feel happy to be sharing my story and know people are responding to it.
> 
> Please forgive my many typos and spelling mistakes, I try so hard to edit but still miss so much, I hope it doesn't effect your enjoyment of the story.


	11. Chapter 11

Sasuke supported his brother’s weight and helped him sit up in bed. Even with his help, the small movement still left Itachi breathless and needing to lean over and cough blood into the bowl that sat on the side table for that purpose.

Sasuke let thoughts of anger and revenge dominate his mind.  They were far easier and useful emotions to process than the pain and fear that threatened to freeze his whole being. He’d never seen Itachi this injured before; even when Naruto and him had brought him back, it hadn’t been this bad.

Itachi gave a weak smile. ‘You’re thinking of when you and Naruto found me. I often think about that myself.’

Sasuke made no effort to return the smile. He hadn’t left his brother’s side since Karin had warned them of the forces gathering around Kumogakure. That had been six days ago, for half of that time, Itachi had been fighting and winning the victory almost single-handedly. For the other half, he’d been laying in this bed looking as if he was on the verge of death.

‘I had planned our reunion so meticulously in my mind, pondering and considering every word you’d say, every move you’d make, and how it would end with you stronger, more confident, and in full possession of the powers of my eyes.’

Sasuke’s face didn’t move. Silently he prayed that Itachi wasn’t going to offer him his eyes now. Even though it was obvious to any fool that Itachi was balancing precariously on the edge of life, he knew that he couldn’t bear to hear his older brother acknowledge that fact.

‘But in none of my calculations did I visualise you turning up with the unpredictable force which is Naruto and simply demanding that I come home because you _wanted_ me to.’

‘You still fought us,’ Sasuke said quietly.

‘No. I didn’t. It was impossible to. I know it was Naruto’s idea that you refuse to engage with me. Which was surprisingly effective, especially for someone who seems to have so little tactical thinking. There was the obvious flaw, that he himself was incredibly weak to genjutsu, and I could see immediately that if I hurt Naruto you would lose all your restraint and give me the battle I’d planned for.’

Itachi stopped speaking, a small trickle of blood dripped from the corner of his mouth. Sasuke leaned forward and wiped it off. He knew it would be useless telling Itachi to rest. Every time he was conscious he was intent on using all of his limited energy to instruct Sasuke how to get Naruto back.

‘But the flaw was the ultimate strength. How could I fight when I saw Naruto was willingly and happily risking mental torture and a painful death all for your sake, otouto? And you, with everything you’d endured, being able to restrain all your innate instincts to fight me, because you had such complete trust in the plans of a boy younger than yourself.’

‘Hnnn. It wasn’t exactly like that. Naruto and I argued about his plan the entire time we were searching for you. Up to the very moment we walked in and discovered you, I was certain I was going to attack you full out.’

Itachi smiled. ‘And then in the moment of the most intense pressure, which I’m sure you’d imagined as many times as I had, the petty arguments vanished, and what you were left with was your unshakeable belief in the person you loved.’

Sasuke was saved from having to reply by a knock on the door.  He took the letter he received and read it as he walked back to the bedside.

He wished it’d arrived in one of the many times when Itachi wasn’t fully alert to give himself time to compose his face. But it hadn’t, and Itachi had probably already read the bad news from his faltering expression.

‘Lady Tsunade isn’t coming,’ Sasuke said bluntly. ‘She and Jiraiya haven’t been seen in Konoha since…’ Sasuke scanned the date again. His tired brain woke up enough to notice the coincidence. Which couldn’t be a coincidence. He looked back at his brother with brighter eyes. ‘She’s with Naruto. Naruto must have left with them. I can find Naruto, so I can find her.’

Itachi arched an eyebrow. ‘Have I been misled? All this time you’ve known where Naruto is?’

Sasuke shook his head. ‘I’ve no idea. But I’ll be able to find him, I can always find him.’

‘Sasuke, you’ve never had to find him before now.’ Itachi spoke slowly and gently. ‘You’ve always _known_ where he is.’

Sasuke’s cheeks coloured. ‘We play games…we played games, where we hid from each other and… trust me, I’ll be able to find him. And Tsunade will be with him and I’ll bring her to you, and she’ll cure you like she did before.’

Itachi reached his hand out to touch his brother, but this small gesture tired him out and his hand fell in mid-air. Sasuke caught it and held it against his forehead.

‘You can assume I know your lecture about how dangerous it is, how we need to remain together, so don’t you dare waste energy warning me about how it’s not worth the risk. I’m going to do this for you, Niisan.’

Itachi’s eyes widened slightly and he looked years younger and painfully vulnerable. ‘I don’t want you to go, Sasuke. I’m reconciled to dying; it is a small price to pay for these precious days with you.’

Sasuke swallowed hard. ‘Don’t say that. Listen to me. I’m bringing Lady Tsunade to you, you’re going to recover from this. My brother is not going to be taken down by a few scratches from worthless scum ninjas.’

Itachi sank back on the pillows. Sasuke had to lean over to keep Itachi’s hand pressed to his face.

‘When you find Naruto, promise me you’ll treat him well, do all the things we’ve discussed.’

‘I’m not going for Naruto, this is about you, Itachi. _You_ promise me you’ll hold on until I get back.’

‘I promise.’ Itachi’s voice was a whisper, but he gave Sasuke a smile. ‘I believe in you as much as you believe in your boyfriend.’

 

***

They had survived another day. Sasuke was on an urgent mission to find Tsunade, and he was judging his success by how many of them had lived through the last twenty four hours.

Including himself, there were only five of them left now.

All of the ninjas that Itachi had insisted he take had died in successive ambushes over the first few days. The enemy seemed to know where they were going before he did. Or they had enough warriors left that even after the failed attack on Kumogakure that they could cover all the main routes.

He knew, with no little humiliation, that his own life had been saved by the timely intervention of Karin. She had taken his instructions to her to stay behind, to mean that she should round up three of Orochimaru’s previous ‘experiments’ who happened to be nearby and tail Sasuke until the time came when she needed to reveal herself and save him.

In return, when she sneaked into his bed, he didn’t kick her out until after he satisfied her sexually.

But to make it clear that she was to have no expectations of him, and that it was a mere form of payment, he actively pursued the other three members of their party.

 Suigetsu hadn’t needed much pursuing. He claimed to be following Sasuke because the Uchiha had been responsible for Orochimaru freeing them all, and that was the reason he’d said yes, even though it had been Karin who had asked him to be part of her team.

After the sex, Suigetsu had been so arrogant in front of Karin, that Sasuke had had to have sex with the woman again to keep the peace.

Then there was Jugo and Kimimaro. Neither of them had initially appeared that interested in the sexual triangle that had developed within their comrades, but for balance, and in a move that he thought would break the tension, Sasuke seduced both of them together.

And that was the perfectly logical reason of why Sasuke was having regular sex with the others, frequently with all of them at the same time.

In the fatigue of having to constantly be on alert though, sometimes he lost discipline over his mind, and his thoughts delved beyond the simple explanation and broke into the turmoil of his emotions.

He’d made the correct decision in breaking up with Naruto so there were no more distractions in his life.  

But had he ended up having meaningless sex because he actually needed to be distracted, if only for a short time, from the realities of his life? He wasn’t strong enough to face the truth that his brother was dying, he had no idea where Naruto was, and in all likelihood it was probably already too late to get Tsunade to save Itachi.

And was it easier to fuck with these random people knowing that they might all be dead tomorrow, than to hold Naruto in his arms with the awareness that one day the blonde’s recklessness would likely get him killed?

Those were the first easy questions. The more difficult one was whether having sex with other people proved he didn’t love Naruto. Or whether it was all a pathetic attempt to merely pretend he wasn’t reliant on his long term boyfriend anymore.

Just from a purely physical basis, there’d been no one even close to the blonde’s endurance and stamina. Itachi had tried to make Sasuke see how fortunate he’d been that for the whole of his sexual life he’d had a partner that satisfied him and that he was still attracted to after more than a decade together. He insisted that that was the experience Sasuke should be treasuring and holding onto, rather than chasing after some mythical better, or more worthy, life that he imagined existed.

But away from the clarity of his brother’s voice, Sasuke was uncertain that Itachi was right.

Suigetsu possessed some of Naruto’s attitude, and turned into a puddle of water when he came, which was surely an experience worth having? Plus he still somehow didn’t leave the bedding as wet as Naruto did with his habit after a shower of climbing into the sheets without drying himself, even though he knew how much it annoyed Sasuke.

Karin was an Uzumaki and had some of that wild emotional temper.

Kimimaro had that loneliness behind his eyes that made Naruto such a devoted and steadfast friend because he knew what it was like to be alone and rejected.

And Jugo had privately become Sasuke’s favourite. The gentle quietness (which was nothing like his ex) disguising raw animal power (which was something like his ex).

So did this mean Naruto was replaceable, or that four other people each with unique and special characteristics still did not come close to him?

Itachi had told him to be honest with himself, and if that was possible, Sasuke had to admit he still couldn’t get hard unless he thought of Naruto. And then sometimes he couldn’t get hard through thinking of Naruto as he missed the blonde so much. He could never come unless he thought of Naruto. So he stopped the sex when the others were satisfied and left his own body throbbing even more desperately for the one man that had always pleasured him.

One by one Sasuke forced the doubts out of his mind. Sex was a weakness. In the future he would stay away from Naruto, he would convince Itachi to train him and he’d achieve a higher state of control where he wasn’t bothered by these insignificant things any longer. He would choose a woman to have his baby, mate with her, and then continue with more important quests.

But before he could avoid his former lover, he first had to find him; before he could train with Itachi, he first had to save him. So he would continue with this ragtag group, being weak and having sex, and then when this was all over, he would become the disciplined and controlled man he should always have been if a certain blonde hadn’t pulled him away from his true path.

 

***

‘Wait here. Keep yourself out of sight until I call you again.’ Sasuke didn’t pause or look at any of the others as he spoke. He continued striding towards the cavernous rock entrance without a single doubt that they would obey him.

One battle had changed the whole dynamics of the team.  It’d been yet another ambush, they’d been outnumbered, outflanked and facing unfamiliar jutsu. And something inside Sasuke had had enough. It’d been one thought that had turned it. He felt that they were getting closer to Naruto, and if he didn’t take this enemy out they ‘d be a threat to his dobe. All his anger and fear channelled into his fighting prowess. Despite the superior forces, he didn’t waste his sharingan on them, or any other jutsu. He ripped through them with his base skill and strength, he wanted to see and feel this insolent army being torn apart with an ordinary katana. How dare they continue to slow him down when he was on a mission to save his brother? How dare they try in their insignificant way to stop him reaching Naruto?

 He didn’t go for quick, clean kills, but hacked their bodies apart surging with the power he had over their lives. Only one escaped his fury, an annoying man who drew ink animals and could fly away. Sasuke had already encountered that one several times, he’d been at the battle in Kumogakure, and he suspected his jutsu was the reason they were found so often. But it didn’t matter. Next time he saw him. Sasuke would target him first and see how well he could scribble once he’d had his arms cut off.

In the immediate aftermath of that fight, surrounded by mutated bodies and blood splattered foliage, the other four had looked at him with a completely new expression in their eyes.

‘Fuck,’ Suigetsu had breathed. ‘Just, fuck.’

Jugo and Kimimaro had exchanged a look then given Sasuke a respectful bow.

Karin had clasped her hands together and gazed at him. ‘I always knew with your superior chakra you’d be able to do something like that. It’s like you said, Naruto was too soft, and being with him meant you lost your own edge. But now…’

Sasuke turned away from them all and jumped into the treetops. He possessed a refreshed certainty that he’d pinpoint Naruto’s location, and that he’d find Tsunade before it was too late for Itachi.

 

But walking through the dank, dark cave his doubts were returning. A moment ago he’d been certain of his former lover’s presence, even when Karin insisted she couldn’t sense anything. But what would Naruto, who loved people, be doing so far from anything even close to being called a village?

Even for Sasuke’s accomplished group it had been a difficult trek through undergrowth that didn’t look like it had been disturbed for centuries.

After an hour of navigating a surprisingly complex system of caves, Sasuke crawled out of a narrow tunnel and finally had his answer to what in the hell Naruto would be doing here.

Sitting completely naked, cross legged and meditating with his eyes closed.

After the darkness of the areas he’d been exploring, this cavern seemed like some sort of paradise. It was circular with a river flowing around it and a waterfall gently trickling down the back. At first Sasuke truly thought the brightness was emanating entirely from his former lover, it took him several long moments before he had the will to look away from the naked man to see the rather obvious hole in the top of the cave letting a stream of light through.

Sasuke only glanced around to ascertain the security of his surroundings before his eyes were drawn back to Naruto. The beauty of the man only increased the more he looked at him. It went far beyond his sculptured body and tanned skin. Sasuke wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen the blonde be so still, Naruto wiggled about even in his sleep. But here he was glowing with serenity. Whereas, Sasuke struggled nearly every day to find some little peace, Naruto had left Konoha and discovered perfect calm.

Sasuke smiled and breathed deep full breaths of air. The emotional torment he was experiencing was irrelevant now.  Naruto had done what he couldn’t, without the distraction of a relationship, he’d matured to a whole new level. It didn’t matter if Sasuke was in pain for the rest of his life, eternally suffering from their separation, it had been the right decision for Naruto and so he’d never regret it.

 There were distinct twinges of pain around his heart, he couldn’t and wouldn’t deny that it hurt that Naruto had succeeded without him. That ache of possessiveness, of always wanting to be the one who Naruto needed, was entwined with the absolute pride he was feeling.

‘Sasuke kun.’ Naruto’s voice was deeper and more authoritative than normal.

The blonde hadn’t stirred or opened his eyes, but Sasuke still blushed as if Naruto had seen the open awe he was gazing at him with. He carefully composed his face and walked over the river towards his former lover.

He considered why he’d called him ‘Sasuke _kun’_. Occasionally Naruto used the term sarcastically when they were arguing, or just if Sasuke was trying to get him to tidy up or eat something that wasn’t ramen or sweets. Mostly he used it, although still not that often, when they were in bed. It was the only honorific and the closest to a petname that he’d tolerate.

Sasuke could perfectly visualise Naruto on all fours, under him, above him, pressed against a wall and in a dozen other permutations, gasping out:

_Sasssuke kunnn, I’m commming!_

_Harder, Sasuke kun, fuck me harder, you know I can take it._

_I love you, Sasuke kun._

But that was the distant past. This was now. He felt he had control of himself, but he couldn’t hide from the fact his cock was stiffening the nearer he got to the naked man. The knowledge of his presence wasn’t having the same effect on the blonde. Sasuke told himself that was a good thing, Naruto had obviously journeyed a long way from the man a few months ago who’d told him he came just looking at a photo.

Only when Sasuke came to a stop directly in front of him, did Naruto finally open his eyes.

Externally Sasuke did not react, but inside he gasped. Naruto’s blue eyes had gone, instead they were a yellow-green with a thick line instead of a pupil. He’d of course seen Naruto with fierce tailed beast eyes before, but there was an excitement seeing something new in the man he knew so well. And also sadness that Naruto had developed and found this thing inside him without sharing the process with Sasuke.

‘Naruto chan,’ Sasuke said with a smirk disguising all his emotions both positive and painful.

‘I knew you’d come.’ His tone was as firm as before and Sasuke wondered who this man was.

Even though Naruto was sitting at his feet and Sasuke was gazing down at him, but it felt like the blonde had all the power. Sasuke’s mind filled with images of how ever since they’d got together, he’d been the (mostly) dominant one, on the surface at least. Naruto threw all his emotions out. He regularly and happily begged to suck Sasuke’s cock, whereas if Sasuke pleasured Naruto he acted as if he was doing the blonde a great favour. This man before him, with the focused eyes, would never ask for anything from Sasuke. The thought made Sasuke’s whole body ache.

‘You left without saying anything,’ Sasuke said with perfect composure.

‘Jiraiya insisted. Tsunade said that if I was going to do this with you, I had to make you earn it. It’s pretty obvious they didn’t want you to follow me, all the caves in the world and they pick this one in the middle of the middle of nowhere! But I didn’t mind. I know you and I are connected and you’d find me. It took you a little longer than I thought, I guess all that training doesn’t help you with mountain climbing, hey?’ Naruto suddenly grinned and his eyes turned blue. ‘Damn, it is hard to concentrate around you, teme.’ He threw his arms around Sasuke’s waist and rubbed his cheek against the bulge at his groin.

Sasuke exhaled deeply and fisted his hand through Naruto’s hair. He could say the same words back to his dobe. It had been mere minutes ago that he had been so genuinely pleased to sense Naruto’s elevated and independent power,  yet now he had nothing but relief running through him to see that Naruto was still attracted to him.

Naruto pulled back. ‘We’re going to have to do this quick. The longer I’m with you the less control I’ll have and it’ll never work.’ Naruto put his hands on his knees and closed his eyes.

Sasuke’s attention was pulled away from Naruto’s words to looking down at the impressive member between the blonde’s legs.  His attraction to it was increased by the fact that it still wasn’t hard. Naruto’s sex drive was equal to his own, (although he could often hide his lust better), the mere hint of a possibility of being with Sasuke had his cock springing eagerly up.

Sasuke saw three main options. Despite the appearance of the hug, which could be put down to friendly habitual reflex considering the length of time they were together, Naruto wasn’t actually  interested in Sasuke has a lover anymore.

Naruto had gained such a level of focus that he’d risen above his primal urges.

And the third one, which could be linked to the first one, Naruto had found a lover who satisfied him better than Sasuke ever had, and it had calmed his near constant sexual yearnings.

All of them, in slightly different ways, made Sasuke desperately ache for his old lover’s lips around his cock.

Naruto’s eyes opened and had returned to the yellow-green hues. ‘So you ready to do this then?’ Naruto gazed unabashedly at Sasuke’s groin. ‘Well, looks like you’re almost ready, apart from the fact that you’ve still got your clothes on.  This isn’t going to be exactly how I’d dreamed it, Jiraiya admits I’m much better and quicker at learning than him, but it still hasn’ t been long, so you can’t distract me if it’s going to work, yaknow? I won’t be able to look at you, I don’t think, and don’t do any touching beyond holding my hips or whatever.’

Naruto splurging out words was normal, but he was speaking in an efficient manner rather than his normal random chatter. Sasuke wasn’t sure how to react, what had Jiraiya been teaching him exactly?

‘Don’t prep me or anything, just fuck me hard and come as quickly as you can. Like the first time we did it, if you remember? If you can come within seven strokes that would be perfect. You know how crazy I am for you, it’s gonna be a tough call to keep my focus, but, oh Sasuke…’ Naruto stopped talked and breathed deeply for a couple of moments. ‘Sasuke it means so much that you’ve followed me and chosen to do this with me.’ Naruto looked up and there were tears at the edge of his eyes, although they remained their new colour. He reached his fingers up to Sasuke and Sasuke touched them with his own.

Naruto’s eyes flashed blue, he pulled his hands away from Sasuke’s and they returned to yellow. ‘See it’s not going to take much with you to lose this. But I want so much, more than anything, to do this with you. Maybe we could fuck under the waterfall, so we can at least pretend its romantic, yeah?’

Naruto stood up and walked to the waterfall where he got down on all four with his ass raised high.

Sasuke walked after him, the lust of his body making its own decision while Sasuke’s mind tried to puzzle out what the blonde was saying to him. What kind of jutsu needed you to be fucked quick and hard by your ex lover? Was it some kind of test of his concentration that Naruto wanted? There was obviously no doubt in Naruto’s mind that Sasuke knew what it was, and Sasuke wasn’t going to disappoint the blonde by confessing his ignorance.

Sasuke stood behind Naruto, almost oblivious to the cold water pouring over his own body, but enjoying the effect of water drops glistening off the other’s man’s naked ass. There wasn’t much in this world that was more enticing than Naruto’s tanned skin dripping wet. Possibly Naruto’s grinning face dripping with come. And possibly Naruto’s tight hole parting for him. The last thought came to him as he placed his hands on the blonde’s buttocks and spread them wide.

Naruto moaned. ‘Sasuke, please. I wasn’t joking when I said I need you to fuck me quick.’

Sasuke manoeuvred his clothes to release his erection and with all the blood rushing to his hard dick, he could think of no reason not to give the man what they both wanted.  He pushed into Naruto raw, the tight resistance immediately driving him wild with the perfect blend of pleasure and pain. Naruto backed onto him with aggressive speed that made Sasuke wonder if he was even going to last one stroke, let alone the seven of the first time they fucked. He tried to hold Naruto’s hips, but Naruto had all the control today, he ground against Sasuke, and Sasuke found he was only using the blonde’s body to balance rather than to power into him. His head was light with the intensity of the pleasure. His orgasm came ripped out of a deep part of himself. He had no idea if they’d been connected for minutes or hours as he fell forwards, wrapping his arms around his lover’s chest. Naruto’s skin was slick with sweat and he wiggled out from under Sasuke.

‘You made seven,’ he said with a bright grin. ‘Now get out of here and don’t distract me from doing what I need to do.’ He lay down on his front with his head resting on his forearms.

Sasuke gazed at him with glazed eyes, ecstasy was still firing off through his whole being.

Naruto turned his head and smiled at him for a long moment. ‘I can’t believe we’re actually doing this together,’ he said softly. Then his voice took on its authoritative tone. ‘But I told you to go, so go!’

On legs that didn’t seem like his own Sasuke got up and walked out of the cavern and left Naruto alone.

***

 

‘Why didn’t you come to us first?’ Tsunade sat with her arms crossed staring at Sasuke across the table.

‘We could have explained to you about the peace jutsu around the cavern.’ Jiraiya’s face was even sterner than his wife’s.

Sasuke wore a mask of Uchiha indifference which was imperious to the anger and disproval of the people opposite him. But he had nothing but respect for anyone who was concerned for Naruto’s welfare. They were two of the only people he’d met who recognised that he had been the luckier one in his partnership with Naruto, and had always quietly encouraged Naruto to find someone who matched his temperament better.

But if Sasuke hadn’t been an Uchiha he would have been flat on the floor in shock.

‘I didn’t come to you first as it’s Naruto I was able to find, not you. It was my comrade who discovered your location after I pinpointed Naruto's.’ His voice was as calm as his face. ‘However, that's not important, we should stick to discussing the relevant facts. You’re telling me that you’ve left Naruto alone in a cavern with no protection when…’

Tsunade raised her fist, but Jiraiya caught it. He could only stop her physical anger, verbally she still lashed out at him. ‘Don’t even hint that we’d do anything that would harm Naruto. Which is more than you can say! We knew nothing about a war being raged until you appeared and told us. But even without that knowledge, we’ve deliberately chosen an isolated location that before you came, only the three sannin knew about.  And if you’re wondering, I chose it precisely because I didn’t think you’d find it! Not that we believed you’d actually bother following, Naruto. Jiraiya was certain that you’d be too stubborn and prideful to even make inquiries from Kakashi once you realised Naruto had left without talking to you.‘ She turned her glare onto the man sitting beside her.

Jiraiya held his hands up in surrender. ‘I was wrong.’ He sighed. ‘But that’s a good thing. Sasuke cares more than we gave him credit for, and now he’s here he can prevent Naruto from taking this thing further.’ Jiraiya turned to Uchiha. ‘If we’re being honest, we have been using Naruto’s mad idea to try and guide him into meditation so he can get over you. We hoped the unique peace that’s held in that cavern would allow his passions to settle and he’d be able to take that new calm back home with him. Unfortunately he’s been quite…’

‘Obsessed,’ Tsunade interjected. ‘We’ve had to give him more information than I wanted in order to hopefully lead him in the right direction, even if he’s travelling there thinking he’s going somewhere completely different, we believed it would be for his benefit. As I said, none of us expected you to actually turn up so there would be no chance of him acting on the knowledge by really trying to get pregnant.’

Sasuke swallowed hard at the word, but that was the only reaction he allowed himself. His voice remained nonchalant  as if they were discussing something as boring as the weather, not the absolute craziness of Naruto wanting to have his baby.

‘It is purely theoretical though, isn’t it, the idea of a man getting pregnant?’

‘Naruto thinks he can do it.’ Tsunade rolled her eyes. ‘And maybe he can, he’s a determined idiot in love.’

‘How?’ Sasuke asked, the question being a bit blunter than he intended.

Tsunade raised her eyebrows. ‘I don’t think I need to give _you_ any sexual education classes. Although, it is the same question I was asking myself when he requested my help.’ She sighed. ‘Basically, it’s the same beginning as a man and woman, then it’s all on Naruto’s ability to focus so intently that he can change, and more difficultly, maintain that change to allow a child to grow inside him.’  Tsunade began to explain some of the more technical points about chakra control.

As she spoke Jiraiya stared at Sasuke his eyes gradually narrowing. ‘You didn’t have sex with him did you?’

Sasuke met Jiraiya’s gaze but said nothing.

‘Of course he didn’t,’ Tsunade said absently. ‘Whatever else, he’s not a fool.’

‘The cavern has strange effects on people,’ Jiraiya said in a low voice. ‘Someone who is in emotional pain, may find all their negativity disappears in a way that is almost euphoric. They may even completely forget all the bad things that have happened. They might forget, for example, why they chose to dump one of the best people in the world for no obvious reason in the first place. They might only be left with simple feelings of lust and…’

‘Enough!’ Tsunade held her hand up. ‘Sasuke can you please confirm that you didn’t have sex with Naruto.’

‘No,’ Sasuke replied.

Tsunade exhaled audibly with relief.

‘I can’t confirm that.’

Tsunade and even Jiraiya, who had guessed correctly, stared at him open mouthed and wide eyed.

‘It is close to what Jiraiya said. I was only searching for Naruto because I believed he was with you, but when I entered the cavern I could think of nothing beyond him. My whole reason for being here vanished, and when Naruto asked me to fuck him that’s what I did.’ He spoke matter of factly, but his very soul was aching with each word. He was supposed to be a genjutsu expert, but he’d fallen under the enchantment as if he was a useless child. It’d felt so real and right being with Naruto, like it was the one true thing in the world, but now he knew it was all a trick.

‘Did he at least take his female form?’ Tsunade asked. Her voice sounded suddenly frail. 'That would be significantly safer.'

‘No. Naruto knows I hate that thing, he’d never ask me to have sex with him like that.’

Tsunade dropped her head into her hand. ‘Oh, Jiraiya, when did we become such stupid old fools, what have we done?’ Jiraiya squeezed her hand, but she stood up and her voice was strong again. ‘It’s done. There’s no point making things worse by crying about our mistakes. I need to go to him now.’

Sasuke stood up too. Things had become twisted in a way that was making his gut hurt, but he was here for one reason and one reason only. ‘No, you need to go to Itachi. Leave Naruto with his mad schemes, he was fine when I left him, he was just meditating again. Itachi will die if he doesn’t get your help.’

Tsunade slapped him hard enough that his head jerked backwards. ‘He’s meditating to try and turn your sperm into a baby! Do you have any idea what that could do to him? He knows he needs my protection and healing for him to survive, but he’s so desperate to make it work and please you that it sounds like he’s started without me.’

‘To survive?’ Sasuke’s nonchalance disappeared. His voice cracked over the two simple words.

‘Yes! To survive. He could rip apart all his internal organs trying to rearrange his body to make room for the baby.’

‘But, he won’t, will he?' Sasuke looked down at his hands which were trembling. 'He knows what he’s doing?’

‘No one knows what he’s doing,’ Jiraiya said grimly. ‘You asked a moment ago if it was all theoretical. Well, so far it is, Naruto is experimenting with his own life.’

Sasuke dropped back into the chair. ‘I’ll…I’ll stop him. You go to Itachi.’

‘You can’t stop him.’ Tsunade voice lost its anger. ‘I suspect that’s one of the reasons the idiot wanted to start without me even with all the massive risks. He knows I’d talk him out of it, or just plain make such a pest of myself he wouldn’t be able to focus. But once he’s started, it would be incredibly dangerous to distract him. All I can do is keep up with healing his mistakes and try and prevent his body destroying itself fighting against what he’s attempting to do.’

Sasuke couldn’t speak, he could hardly think.

‘Sasuke, I’m going to let you make this decision,’ Tsunade said softly. ‘This whole thing shows that Jiraiya and I are not as wise as we like to think we are. This will haunt us all, but you will suffer most from it. It needs to be your choice, do you want me to stay and help Naruto, or rush to Itachi?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much everyone for continuing to read. This story is making my heart ache writing it, and the end of this chapter was particularly hard.
> 
> So rather than talk about my hurting, I don't know if anyone is interested, but I love when authors post the music that they're listening to, so I thought I'd share a handful of the songs that invoke Naruto and Sasuke in this story for me (not specific to this chapter):
> 
> Kodaline: 'All I want' and 'High Hopes'  
> Michael Holdborn and William Henries: Sunbird  
> FKA Twiggs: Water Me  
> Arcade Fire: Put your Money on me
> 
> Hopefully they'll make some sense and not seem too random!


	12. A Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little interlude of a scene from the boys' happier days when Naruto wants to talk and Sasuke doesn't.

‘What do you think she’ll look like, Sas?’ Naruto leaned up on his elbow, buoying himself up on a mountain of pillows so he could look down on his boyfriend’s face.

‘I don’t know, dobe. However, I’m suspecting a strong resemblance to every other baby that has ever been born.’ Sasuke turned onto his front so he wouldn’t have to continue gazing into the eager face.

‘Well, we could find out tonight.’ He gently stroked Sasuke’s neck. ‘It’s not too much further, we could easily reach Kirigakure in a couple of hours. There was really no need for us to stop at this inn. I’m still full of energy. If you’re tired, I could carry you, that’s how pumped I am. Can’t we carry on? _Please?_.’

Sasuke smiled into his pillow. Naruto and him were connected so deeply and knew each other down to the most subtle gestures and moods that no one else would ever notice. But, even ignoring the pure ridiculous idea of Sasuke allowing himself to be carried anywhere close to where Itachi might see, did his boyfriend really think an effective tactic to persuade him to continue their journey, was to seductively caress him while boasting about how much energy he still had?

‘The baby will be exactly the same tomorrow as it will be tonight,’ Sasuke said. ‘It makes no difference to it when we arrive, it won’t know a thing, so why should it make a difference to us?’

‘How can you talk like that? This is your niece! Your first ever niece. Wow! That is so amazing just saying that. To think that you’re actually an uncle now. It makes you sound kinda old.’ Naruto chuckled.

Sasuke flipped back onto his front and in a smooth move, pulled Naruto off his mountains of pillows and on top of him. Naruto fought only minimally and the brightness of his eyes showed he was more than happy to be held in place against his boyfriend’s chest.

‘Don’t forget you’re an uncle too, old man.’

‘Am I?’ Naruto frowned.

‘If I am, of course you are. You’re my partner.’ Sasuke felt a constriction around his heart. The blonde had been boring him with talk about babies every day since Itachi told them Mei was pregnant. So why did he look so surprised at being called an uncle? Did he not think of Sasuke as his family?

‘Do you think that Itachi and Mei will see it that way?’ Naruto rested his head down on Sasuke’s chest. ‘They’ve always been really nice to me, but your family is kind of super traditional, and you and me together aren’t super traditional. Yaknow, having a kid might change the way they think about things. Like, will they really want to explain to their little girl why Uncle Sasuke hasn’t got a wife the way everyone else has? And I know how much you respect Itachi and if he advises you to…then maybe…’ Naruto let his voice trail away.

‘Hnnnn.’

‘I know. You’re angry at me for doubting you. That’s why I didn’t mention my worries before.’  He snuggled his head further down so his ear was above Sasuke’s heart. ‘It’s an odd feeling. Really odd. I am so excited about this baby. I am so happy for Itachi and Mei and us that I can hardly think about anything else.’

‘I’d noticed,’ Sasuke grunted.

‘And I mean, how I feel for you, you know what that is. The whole world could stand against you, and I’d still be on your side. All our friends, people I respect completely, could tell me that you were no good, and they could show me all the proof they wanted, and I’d never for a second falter in my belief in you. You don’t need to say it for me to be certain that you love me in exactly the same way. I know however grumpy and sulky you are, that you will look after me when it counts and never do anything to hurt me. I know you and me are together for always.’

Naruto held a hand out and Sasuke immediately met it with his own, caressing his thumb over the blonde’s.

‘So, why do I still have this terrified little kid living in my brain, telling me that you’re the amazing Uchiha Sasuke and one day you’re going to wake up and not want to be with me? It doesn’t make any sense.’

‘Luckily for you, not much does make sense, otherwise why would I tolerate you?’ Sasuke put his arm around Naruto’s shoulder and squeezed the blonde tightly against his chest.

Despite his throwaway response, he had no doubt that Naruto could feel how hard his own heart was thumping at Naruto’s words. He wanted to always remain strong for Naruto, for Naruto never to have the faintest doubt that Sasuke would be there protecting him. But there were times like now when he knew his boyfriend deserved far more than the unbreakable front that everyone else saw. He needed Sasuke’s honesty to reassure him that he wasn’t alone and never would be, not just physically, but emotionally as well.

Sasuke wet his lips before he was able to speak. Even thinking about what he was going to say made his mouth dry. ‘ There’s not much I care about in this world. ‘

Naruto made a humph sound against his chest, which although it sounded like he was disagreeing, it showed Sasuke how emotional his boyfriend must truly be feeling tonight. He was the one who communicated in grunts; there was not much that stopped Naruto speaking.

‘I know I gave you hell for breaking the teapot last week, but…in my heart I only care about having nice things because I want to give you a beautiful home. I never forget that flat the village elders left you stewing in, but my aim is that you never have to remember it.’  Sasuke took a deep breath and his voice did that unusual thing of betraying his most hidden vulnerabilities. ‘After the night my parents…died, I taught myself that the only way to survive in this life was never to be attached to anything…or anyone again. And that’s how I managed to get through those days, managed to keep getting up every morning, keep eating, keep training. Then you kissed me. And I knew I had a choice. The most important choice of my life.’

Naruto linked his first finger around Sasuke’s. For a moment Sasuke gazed down at where his pale hand touched his tanned lover’s. Then he continued speaking.

‘I could pretend it meant nothing to me, even act disgusted and never mention it again. Or I could face what you’d awoken in me. I chose the former. Or I tried to. But you kept on kissing me.’

Naruto turned so his chin now rested on Sasuke’s chest and he could look up at the Uchiha. He smiled one of his rarest, shyest smiles. ‘You’re pretty impossible for me to resist, yaknow.’

Sasuke smiled one of his rarest, widest smiles. On any other occasion they were having this conversation, Naruto would have insisted that the first kiss had been an accident and the next ones he’d been goaded into by Sasuke.

But his smile didn’t remain long. He wasn’t a talker, but he was rambling worse than the blonde did, why couldn’t he just say the thing he wanted to share with his boyfriend? How did Naruto manage to be so open? Did Naruto trust Sasuke more than Sasuke trusted Naruto? Sasuke knew that wasn’t the case. Naruto was just braver, and more honest. Sasuke kept saying he would try, but after all these years together he needed to start actually doing.

He took another deep breath. ‘I’m scared, all the time, deep inside, I’m scared. Of being too happy. Apart from you, my most precious memory is of Itachi carrying me on his back, it doesn’t matter where we’d come from, or where we were going. What was important was the smell of his hair, the warmth of his body, the sound of his voice, and how I felt so perfectly content because in that moment I was certain my big brother would always look after me.’ Sasuke closed his eyes, he knew if he kept gazing into Naruto’s understanding blue eyes, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself crying.  ‘I’m sorry. I have a terrified little kid inside me too. It refuses logic and refuses love, he screams all the time. Because every single day you make me as happy as I felt in that one moment with Itachi, and I can’t believe that it won’t all be ripped away from me again. I’m petrified that if I relax and let myself fully accept it, then I’ll lose you. And I wouldn’t have a chance of surviving that, Usuratonkachi. But if I don’t protect you, the most beautiful person in the world, I wouldn’t deserve to either.’

Naruto moved his body up so his face was above Sasuke’s. Sasuke could feel his lover’s breath warming his sensitive lips, desire sparked through him, but right now he wasn’t able to do anything but lay still.

‘Maybe your terrified kid can come inside my body and I can make him happy.’

Sasuke’s eyes flicked open. ‘Was that a come on?’

Naruto pulled away and sat up astride Sasuke. ‘How was that a come on, teme? I was being totally sensitive and telling you that I can take and deal with whatever you need to give me.’

Sasuke’s raised his eyebrows.

‘Okay, so my word choice might have been a little wrong, but you know exactly what I mean. I’m not some fragile thing that needs a bodyguard, I’m telling you, you can put everything and anything in me, I’m strong, I grew up with Kurama  inside me, I’m used to having a demon riding me rough.’

Sasuke smirked. When he was dwelling in the darkest places of his mind, Naruto was the only one who could draw him out. ‘I sincerely hope that isn’t the case. And for reference your defense might be more convincing if it wasn’t for this.’ He ran his hand up Naruto’s thigh to the obvious erection tenting his sleeping pants.

Naruto blushed. ‘Yeaaaah, that doesn’t look so good, does it? But you know as well as I do, that I’m not thinking about sex while you're talking to me. I concentrate on every words you say to me. It's an unconscious thing. You talking about yourself to me, it makes me feel so special to be the one that you can open up to, I know how tough it is for you. You mock me for giving my life story to every rogue nin that we run into, but what I say to them, isn’t even close to the things I can share with you. And when you share with me, it makes me feel loved, and that makes…’

‘You want to fuck,’ Sasuke finished for him. Sasuke himself was filled with a need to be physically connected with Naruto, to lose himself in the ecstasy of his boyfriend and forget everything else.

‘Yep. But we can ignore this thing.’ Naruto spanked his hand against his hard on, which had the opposite effect of making Sasuke wanting to ignore it. ‘Just pretend it’s not there and hopefully it’ll disappear soon. You and me can do anything together, so I think we can develop some sort of jutsu that’ll get our terrified inner kids to meet and then they'll become best friends and we won’t have to worry about them anymore. If we talk…’

Sasuke put his hands on the blonde’s waist and flipped them over so he was on top, laying between Naruto’s spread legs. ‘I’ve done enough talking to last our relationship for at least a year. You can ignore your erection if you want, but mine is definitely demanding some relief.’

Naruto made an effort to wiggle away, but Sasuke knew his boyfriend’s moves well enough to easily pin him down.

‘Sas, I know my hard on, and the words I’m choosing aren’t right, but I truly know this is serious stuff,’ Naruto said. ‘We don’t talk like this enough. We need to deal with our insecurities rather than just pretending they don’t exist. I want to talk about the things you’ve said to me and…’

In one fluent movement, Sasuke lifted Naruto’s hips and pulled his boyfriend’s pants off.

‘You can talk if you want, dobe, I’ve got other things I want to do.’  He put one hand in the centre of Naruto’s chest and with the other began wanking him.

‘Nnnnghhhh. That is not fair. You’re the clever one and the sensible one, you know we can't ignore this.’

Sasuke felt Naruto’s muscles tensing ready to throw him off. Sasuke dipped his head between Naruto’s thighs and lapped his tongue around the head of Naruto’s cock.

‘That is even more not fair. Sasssuke.’

Naruto’s body remained tense. He would easily be able to knock Sasuke away in this position. Then Naruto’s hands clasped around the back of Sasuke’s head.

‘You’re a complete bastard. You only blow me to avoid a serious conversation and I’m too weak to say no.’ Sasuke thrust his whole mouth down on Naruto’s cock and if the blonde was going to say anything else it vanished in a scream of joy.

Sasuke felt his own body relax. He’d been scared Naruto wouldn’t submit to him, one of the things he admired and loved so much was the blonde’s determination. And he really didn’t want to say anything else, he already felt pitifully vulnerable with what he’d admitted. Naruto knew him better than anyone, but he loved Sasuke’s strength, if he realised what a mess Sasuke really was, they’d be over. Instead he’d remind Naruto of how much pleasure he could give him, so much so that Naruto would be a quivering wreck for the rest of the night. And tomorrow he’d be obsessing again over babies and being called uncle. And after that. Well, Sasuke could deal with those days when they came. He would always do whatever he needed to keep Naruto in his bed. But that was the future, right now he wasn’t going to think of anything beyond the feel of Naruto’s cock throbbing lustily in his mouth.

***

 

Sasuke watched Naruto coo over Itachi's baby daughter. The man was such a natural parent, all the brightness and energy he possessed would make any child blessed to have him as a dad.

Itachi was out of the room checking on Mei who was not yet recovered from the exhausting birth, so the two of them were alone in the nursery. He put a hand around Naruto's waist and put a finger out for the tiny baby hands to grab hold of. Big tears rested on the blonde's cheek. He leaned in and kissed them off. Fantasy wasn't something he normally indulged in, but perhaps because his mind was still in a cloudy haze of love after the night him and Naruto had spent in the Inn, right now he did. He imagined the child belonged to him and Naruto, and he was the proudest husband and father that ever lived. And in that moment he was as perfectly happy as he ever had been.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I wasn't sure whether to include this extra bit from the boys' past, but hopefully it enriches the story by showing what Naruto is trying to cling onto and the cracks that have always been present in Sasuke's mind. Or conversely you can just scan read it and continue with the main plot in the next chapter :)
> 
> I'm conscious I say the same thing all the time, but the longer I spend writing this story, the more true it becomes. I'm really incredibly grateful to everyone reading this and anyone who feels moved enough to leave a comment. It brightens up grey days and keeps me inspired. So thank you thank you thank you x


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I'm very nervous about posting this chapter as I've put a lot of work into it and am really crossing my fingers that that comes across when you read it. I know there'll be typos and grammar problems as there are things I don't pick up no matter how many times I edit and I am sadly without a lovely patient beta reader. But hopefully if you've got this far in the story you're a pretty lovely forgiving person who can gloss over those things.
> 
> There's a lot going on in this section and both Naruto and Sasuke's point of view, sometimes covering the same events so you can see how they're viewing things differently. I have merged what was originally going to be separate chapters as I didn't want it to get too frustrating waiting to find out what happened with Itachi. So feel free to read it in one block, or spread it out a bit and pretend it was posted with at least a weeks gap in between.
> 
> Much love to you all, and really hope that you enjoy this part of the story x

When Sasuke slept, he always dreamed exactly the same dream.

Sasuke was a young child sitting cross legged on the floor in a red cube. The only sound was Lady Tsunade’s voice on loop with no pauses:

_This will haunt us all, but you will suffer most from it. It needs to be your choice, do you want me to stay and help Naruto, or rush to Itachi?_

Sasuke wanted to put his hands over his ears and scream, but instead he remained sitting calmly and a kunai appeared in both hands.

Then he wasn’t alone anymore, and it felt like he’d never been alone. He was in a meadow now and Naruto and Itachi, also their younger selves, came and sat either side of him. Itachi softly smiling, and Naruto chatting away about how he was going to be the greatest ninja ever, and how he’d soon be able to beat Sasuke using only one finger.

Sasuke grew older, but Itachi and Naruto remained the same age.

‘Train with me, otouto,’ Itachi said. ‘You’ve great power, you’re going to surpass me soon.’

‘Let’s play hide and seek,’ Naruto grinned. ‘You won’t ever find me, teme.’

‘I never will, niisaan.’ Sasuke stabbed Itachi in the neck. ‘I always will, dobe.’ Sasuke stabbed Naruto in the heart.

 

When Sasuke woke up, the first thing he did was check his hands expecting them to be covered with the fresh flowing blood of the two people he loved. Each time, it took him a little longer to ratonalise that it wasn’t real, to convince himself that he hadn’t actually stabbed Itachi and Naruto.

And then as he pulled himself out of bed, he was struck with the painful remembrance that in reality what he’d done was worse than his nightmare. A kunai slashing through an artery, or dug deep into a heart was quick and merciful.

He’d made Itachi promise to hold on for him, to cling onto the last fragile vestments of his life however much pain he was in.

He’d found Naruto in a state of peace and left him in a fight against his own body. Sasuke’d been so weak and ignorant that he’d started a chain of tragedy just for the momentary pleasure of experiencing the blonde’s body once more.

When Sasuke showered he alternated the water between scalding hot to ice cold. But nothing showed in his outward visage as the different temperatures assaulted his skin. He got dried and dressed with his facial expression as blank as if his mind was completely empty. Internally though, he was in constant questioning torment.

How had the aura of the cavern affected him so completely? He should have been immune to it, but he sunk into a happy daze without even being minutely aware of having his mood altered. Had he been that desperate for Naruto that his spirit was complicit in its own enchantment?

He remembered what Itachi had said about his relationship with the blonde. How Sasuke argued all the time with his boyfriend, but when the moment came he followed Naruto’s guidance. And his older brother believed that this clearly showed that in the end the most important thing, at the centre of his heart, was his trust and bond with his lover.

Is that what happened in the cavern? All the strain and stress got stripped away from him, and what was left was his pure love for Naruto? Or was it the reverse, that the attraction had been nothing but an illusion, suppressing his real personality to make him more amiable to his former partner?

Every day, it was always the same questions twisting and turning around his brain, with Sasuke constantly trying to chase and catch them in the hope that he’d finally discover the definitive answer with no doubts left hiding anywhere.

Sasuke walked outside the cabin to find Jiraiya sitting, as he nearly always was, in the small clearing in the dense forest.

Jiraiya didn’t turn to the younger man, but kept his eyes forward, and said as he nearly always did, ‘So are you staying with me, or going out to fuck one of your little pals?’

Sasuke had told the others to remain hidden, but Jiraiya had known of their presence immediately. Despite this, Sasuke still preferred Karin, Jugo and Kimimaro to stay out of sight of the Sanin, and went and found them deep in the foliage when he wanted anything from them, rather than calling them to him at the cabin. He was curious whether Jiraiya’s tolerance of their presence would stretch to openly meeting them, but was not reckless enough to test it.

‘Undecided? I can see the dilemma, reckless wild sex or being beaten up by an old man, I don’t know what I’d choose in your position,’ Jiraiya said when Sasuke didn’t reply.

This was all part of the routine they’d fallen into as easily as if they’d been here alone together for years rather than days.

‘I’ll spar with you,’ Sasuke finally said flatly. Working out with Jiraiya had turned out to be a better release for his tumultuous emotions than anything he could do with his team.

But Jiraiya didn’t stand up as he normally did, this time he nodded to the empty space on the loveseat beside him. ‘You’re no Tsunade, and you’re certainly not as fun as your boyfriend, but I feel like talking today.’

The last thing Sasuke wanted to do was talk. He had enough words clawing through his soul, he didn’t need extra ones from outside. But he sat down in the proffered seat for lack of anything else that he did actually want to do.

‘As I keep having to correct you, Naruto is not my boyfriend,’ he spoke in the same indifferent voice, though sharp pain shot through his chest as he said Naruto’s name out loud.

Jiraiya turned his head to Sasuke, and Sasuke became aware of how old and wise the normally jovial man was.

‘Then why did you choose for Tsunade to save him over your brother?’ Jiraiya’s voice was serious and demanding.

Not a muscle in Sasuke’s face flickered, but Jiraiya’s question made him want to burn the whole cursed cabin and forest into ash. It’d been tormenting him ever since that moment Tsunade had asked, and without a second’s hesitation, he’d replied ‘Naruto’.

‘It was the right choice. Naruto is close, Lady Tsunade knows exactly how to care for him, it makes sense for her to care for the person she can definitely help, rather than leaving Naruto to chance and travelling to Itachi, where it might already be too late.’ Sasuke spoke calmly and Jiraiya nodded and looked both convinced and disappointed.

Sasuke wished it was as easy for him to believe his own rational explanation. He tried to tell himself that it was his battle training instinctively assessing the situation and knowing what was correct. But his conscience ached and bled. He’d promised Itachi he’d get help for him. His brother had fought as a hero and was now destined to die a long painful death. Naruto had willingly chosen to put his life at risk; he’d made his already dangerous idea, even more hazardous by stubbornly starting it alone without Tsunade there to help. And it was all for the purely selfish reason to have his own child…to have Sasuke’s child.  

And there was Sasuke’s biggest fear. That he’d immediately chosen to save Naruto, because Naruto’s death carried heavier personal guilt than Itachi’s did. Even under the peace aura of the cave, Sasuke should have had enough sense to ask Naruto the sensible question of why he was so desperate for quick sex? Why he wanted to keep focused during the wild abandon of fucking? If he’d just done that simple thing then he could have told the dobe how ridiculous his idea was, and fetched Tsunade to Itachi with no impediments.

But although he tried to grasp control of his thoughts and contain them, Sasuke knew that his responsibility went a lot further than failing to ask one question. Naruto should never have been driven to the point where he ran away from his beloved Konoha in order to sit alone in a cave learning how to twist his body up so he could have Sasuke’s baby.

Although Jiraiya had said he wanted to talk, he remained silent allowing Sasuke to get lost in his thoughts for a long time, but now he turned to the Uchiha and spoke in a chatty conversational voice.

‘Even if he’s not your boyfriend anymore, he was for a very long time, and from when you were very young. How did you know he was the one you wanted to be with?’

Even though, their voices were different, something about the friendly tone made Sasuke think of Naruto. Not in the tormented confused manner of recent times, but just a basic memory of walking home from a mission together when they were about fifteen. Naruto had his hands behind his head and had managed to talk for over an hour about birds, when he could have just said all he wanted to in one simple sentence :’I, Uzumaki Naruto, complete and utter idiot, do not know the difference between a crow and a raven’.

But Sasuke hadn’t informed him of his misbeliefs, or interrupted him at all, because, although he hated to admit it, he liked his boyfriend’s chatter. It was a constant reassurance that he wasn’t alone, that he had someone at his side. And he also liked how meaningless it was, in the life they lived, there was an indulgent luxury in being with someone you could talk about nothing with (or in his case, listen to nothings while the other person ceaselessly talked). A reminder that after all the life and death high drama, the endless battles, missions, wars, sieges, bloodshed and the constant awareness of how unjust everything was, they could just be two friends who were very happy to be with one another.

Sasuke pulled himself out of his memory and was aware that there was a slight change that he couldn’t quite pinpoint in the way that Jiraiya was looking at him. Then he realised that although he’d kept his Uchiha composure through his tumultuous thoughts, recalling a commonplace moment with Naruto had caused him to smile.

Sasuke quickly controlled his expression and tried to recall the question Jiraiya had asked him. ‘There’s nothing special about me and Naruto. It was the same hormonal reaction lots of teenagers feel. It was simply chance we fixated on each other.’

Jiraiya shook his head. ‘You know that can’t be true. Most teenagers don’t move in with each other like you two did.’

‘Perhaps most teenagers have some sort of parental figure who is practical and experienced enough to stop them making such mistakes.’

Jiraiya sighed. ‘When did you start thinking it was a mistake to be so close to someone you love?’

‘When I grew up, which took much longer than it should have.’ Sasuke stared straight ahead into the thick foliage. ‘Why these questions, Jiraiya? It sounds like you don't think Naruto and I together was always a mistake, when I'm fully aware you and Tsunade have never considered me good enough for him. And you must have believed, long before I came to the realisation, that we were too young to know what we were doing. You feel exactly the same as I do, it just took me a long time to fully accept it.’

‘It’s not that we didn’t think you were good enough, it’s that we wanted to be certain that Naruto was sure of you. As we’re seeing right now, there are no limits to that kid’s love and we were concerned that he needed a partner that would be able to absorb it all. And you must know you come across as a bit of a cold fish. Sometimes it can be as difficult to be loved as to love. However, _now_ I think you’re a piece of scum who he should never talk to again.’ Jiraiya gave a hearty laugh which failed to undercut the truth Sasuke heard in his words. ‘But Naruto dances to music no one else hears, so he’ll do his own thing whatever I say. Anyway, I am genuinely interested, not in what you the adult are creating of your past, but what you as the kid thought when you chose Naruto.’

‘Why?’ Sasuke looked out of the corner of his eyes at the man who smiled back at him.

‘Because I think most young people want to fit in, they train hard to impress each other, they fashion their clothes and hair in a way they want their peers to admire, and they’re attracted to the ones society tells them they should be attracted to. When you chose a boy, instead of the expected girl, was that just part of your arrogant anti-social attitude, you showing how you were above everyone else and didn’t need to follow their rules?’

‘I didn’t choose a _boy_ , I chose Naruto.’ Some of the irritation at the question crept into his voice.

Jiraiya nodded. ‘But how did you know he was the one you wanted?’

‘You seem to be waiting for me to answer you in a particular way, but I’ve no idea what you expect me to say,’ Sasuke said.

‘I’m not making myself clear, am I? If you’ll be patient and listen to me talk about myself for a moment, I’ll explain what I mean. I’m a writer and I’m a spy, which means I’ve spent many long years imagining myself in other people’s lives, thinking about the decisions they make and why they’ve made them. When you and Naruto walked through the streets openly holding hands, I was surprised, not that you were together, but that it had taken so long. All the bravery we shinobi are supposed to cultivate and before you two, no one had ever been publicly brave enough to declare they loved someone of the same sex.’

For the first time in the conversation Jiraiya seemed uncharacteristically hesitant and stared down at his hands. Sasuke’s eyes narrowed, he was unsure if it was real, or part of some sort of trap the older man was trying to catch him in.

‘We work and live so closely together as ninja in intense situations, incredible bonds can develop, and I’m wondering how you knew that what you had with Naruto was something beyond what other comrades feel for each other. I’ll be entirely honest with you. Naruto has often reminded me of my own youth, and you have more than a hint of Orochimaru about you. And ever since you two have been romantically involved, I’ve found myself reminiscing differently about my own past. I loved, and still at some level, love, Orochimaru. When we were children he was everything that I was not, the exact opposite, but there was no one I’d rather be with. There were some moments, not many, you could count them on one hand, when I wonder if I’d thought that more possibilities than just boy-girl existed in this world, could things have turned out differently? So, that’s why I’m asking you. Just an old man journeying through his past really.’

Sasuke gazed hard at Jiraiya, uncertain whether the Orochimaru story was true or not. Was he trying to trick Sasuke into thinking about the past more and confessing to his feelings for Naruto? He silently cursed himself at that one smile that had unconsciously slipped on his face when he’d thought of the blonde.

‘You’re better reminiscing with Naruto, he’s the emotional one who’ll give you the answers you want.’

Jiraiya smiled widely. ‘I’ve asked him a similar thing over the years, and even recently after you’ve dumped him, and he always gives the same response.’

‘What’s that?’

‘The key points are, that you make his heart thump and his dick hard, I am being a little cruder than he is there, but you get the idea. Though you know your boy, he can’t put things that briefly, so he goes on about how he can’t think of anyone but you, how you make him feel safe, how you encourage him to be the best person he can be, which, by the way, is usually followed by a tirade about you being a seed-eating-neat-freak. His days feel empty and hollow unless he sees you, touches you, hears your voice, smells your hair, etcetera etcetera, but in a lot more detail. After talking to Naruto sometimes I think I know more about you than I do about Tsunade! I wouldn’t bet anything on knowing whether she’d had a shower or not, but I think Naruto can tell the time of day based on all the apparent subtle difference in your scent, Sasuke.’ 

‘He has an amazing sense of smell,’ Sasuke said quietly. ‘It’s so strange though, if I wasn’t looking after him, he’d be drinking gone off milk and out of date ramen as if he can’t tell the difference.’

It was only when he saw the smile of satisfaction on the older man’s face that Sasuke realised he hadn’t been wary enough. He’d fallen into Jiraiya’s trap after all, and spoken without thinking as if Naruto was still his boyfriend. He _wasn’t_ looking after Naruto any more. And because he wasn’t, Naruto was endangering his life on a much grander scale than eating expired food.

The smile of satisfaction soon disappeared, and Jiraiya’s face took on the weight of all its years. ‘You may have considered this already, but I want to say it for my own sake as much as anything. If the worst happens, and Tsunade can’t keep Naruto alive, don’t think you made the wrong choice. This situation seems different because you and I are sitting around being useless, doing nothing, but it is exactly the same as we’d face in the heat of a battle. Too often you can’t save everyone. You have to make a decision, and it is the only decision you could make in that moment. It doesn’t matter if later, when you’re calmer, or you have more information, you’d do things differently. It’s the choices we make under pressure that reveal who we really are and we can only make them based on the way we feel in those crucial microseconds.’

Sasuke’s heart stopped and all the heat left his body. He hadn’t considered for a moment that Tsunade wouldn’t be able to save Naruto.

 

The next day, Sasuke had the same dream, he took longer than usual to recover from it, this time his hands physically trembled. Then he remembered the choice he’d had to make in real life and his hands shook even worse. He took his scalding hot and freezing cold shower. He went outside, walked past Jiraiya without acknowledging him, and went into the forest to find his cohorts with the faint hope that he might be able to fuck all the fear out of his body.

***

Sasuke tried to force himself to sit still, but within ten seconds he had stood up again and was tidying the same things he’d already tidied countless times that morning.

He hadn’t needed to see Jiraiya packing up his things, to know that today was the day. He could feel down to the marrow of his bones that Naruto was on the move.

Jiraiya hadn’t said much beyond the necessary exchange of information, but that was fine with Sasuke, he was in no condition to hold a long conversation.

‘The message I’ve got from Tsunade says that Naruto needs total calm. Hopefully there’ll be no need for them, however, keep your squad here for protection, but out of his sight. Tsunade has told your boy that me and her need to go and do further research but that he isn’t stable enough to travel that far.  We’ll get to Itachi as fast as we can, and you know there’s no healer better than her, so if there’s the slimmest chance left she’ll save him.’ Jiraiya patted him on the back and then continued presumably to get his own affairs in order.

 

Jiraiya was now waiting outside in his customary seat, but Sasuke dashed upstairs and remade the bed in the room he’d been sleeping in. There were only two bedrooms in the cabin. As he puffed up the pillows he wondered if him and Naruto would be sharing this one. His heart quickened at the thought. He exhaled deeply. It was much more likely that he would be taking over the room that Jiraiya and Tsunade had been using.

He had to keep reminding himself that Naruto and him had split up for a reason, no, for lots of reasons. This stupid thing his ex had done just proved that Sasuke had been right to separate. They weren’t a good match. They brought out the crazy in each other.

But it would be such heaven to forget about all the things that were wrong and just hold Naruto in his arms once more like they had forever to be together.

Sasuke bit his lip, in an unusual nervous gesture. The thing that slowed his heart was the thought of the state Naruto would be returning to him in. He was alive. There was that much. But Sasuke had been in more than enough battles to know that there was a lot of difference between being alive and being healthy. This whole journey had been initiated from him sitting at Itachi’s bedside watching his elegant brother bent double hacking up blood.

He sat down on the edge of the bed. He’d seen Naruto both ill and injured; night after night he’d curled up on the hospital bed next to him in the achingly slow recovery after the attack that had killed both Rock Lee and Guy. But what Naruto was doing now was entirely new and self-imposed. Sasuke had no idea what to expect.

He knew he’d discover soon though, he could sense Naruto getting closer and closer. The only way to describe the sensation was that his soul was being returned to him.  However, when he heard that familiar voice outside, he remained seated still on the bed.

He furrowed his brow and listened to what was being said; however, he could not make out enough individual words to make any sense of the conversation, but the tone was friendly and relaxed. It didn’t sound like someone whose life was in danger. Simultaneously his body surged both with immense relief and anger. Why had Tsunade needed to spend so long with the idiot when he was obviously doing fine? She was probably favouring and pampering her favourite ninja over Itachi who was in real danger. With all his constant talking, Naruto had probably created a big fuss over nothing, and there was no pregnancy or any chance of one.

Sasuke heard the door open and only one person step in.

‘Sasuke?’ a voice called out from downstairs. The tone was more tentative than the one he’d heard outside. There was a pause, and then even more nervously, ‘Sasuke?’

It would be easier to keep hold of his anger if the dobe was getting cross and demanding to know why Sasuke wasn’t greeting him with a full blown celebration, but Sasuke managed to hold onto the kindling of his rage, using it as an emotional protection, as he stomped downstairs ready to face the man who was the cause of all his mental torment.

As soon as he saw Naruto he froze. It was only his ninja abilities that allowed him to notice periphery details such as the blonde’s hair looked thicker and shaggier, his eyes weren't their normal blue but were still yellow, his face was a fraction rounder and there was noticeable swelling of his fingers and ankles. Sasuke’s eyes fixed immediately on the bump that was stretching the seams of Naruto’s normally loose clothes to breaking point.

 _It was real_.

He struggled to resist his very strong instinct to just drop down on his knees and kiss the feet of the most awe inspiring man who had done this impossible thing just for him. His other yearnings were equally inappropriate; he wanted to pick Naruto up and spin him around laughing; he wished he could strip him naked and spend treasured days tracing and memorising all the contours of this new shape. He had enough control to stop himself doing any of these things, but not enough to do anything but stand staring at the other man. He didn’t even trust himself to speak.

Naruto fluttered nervous fingers over his stomach. He coughed a couple of times before he spoke. ‘So…um…I’m probably bigger than you were expecting. I…well…this obviously isn’t a normal pregnancy, so me…and Tsunade…when she eventually agreed…we needed to do this balancing thing where we use my enormous chakra supply to…kinda speed up the growth of the baby so it was big enough to survive…but yaknow, we have to be careful not to do it too fast so it doesn’t, yaknow… killmeoranything.’ The last four words were blurred together into one, did the idiot really think by saying them fast it made them any less terrifying?

 Naruto continued with his nervous chatter. ‘The first three months is the most dangerous, yaknow, for miscarriages. Kurama is helping too, he learned to meditate with me, so we can kinda work together…and…so we’ve been able to skip a bit forward so we’ve avoided the scary time when the baby is at risk…um…do I look really gross to you? Is this too much of a shock? Do you need to sit down?’  Naruto stepped forward with concern clear even in his new eyes. ‘I’ll get you a glass of water.’

‘I’m fine,’ Sasuke said quickly. Whatever else was happening, he wasn’t going to be waited on by his pregnant ex boyfriend. ‘What’s that scroll you’re holding?’

‘Oh yes, this. Granny ordered me to give you this before I did anything else and I wasn’t supposed to even speak to you before you read it, like I could do that.’ Naruto rubbed his head and grinned sheepishly.

Sasuke was glad to see the familiar expression on the blonde’s face. He took the scroll off him, trying to pretend he didn’t notice the racing of his heart when their fingers brushed against each other.

‘So what is it?’ Sasuke paused for a brief moment before he went to the sofa. His rebellious urge was to lift Naruto up and sit down with the blonde resting on his lap. He could feel the possessiveness growing inside him, loudly demanding that now he had to be even more protective of the dobe, keeping him by his side, or even better, in his arms, at all times. With effort he suppressed and squashed those longings.

Naruto shrugged, and to Sasuke’s disappointment went and sat on the other sofa rather than next to him. ‘Granny made me promise not to open it, that it was for your eyes only. But I’m guessing she’s written down instructions for you to look after me, like I’m an exotic pet or something. She’s been working on it the last few days while I’ve been conserving the energy for the journey. She didn’t want to speak to you though, she insisted that her and Jiraiya had to immediately leave to do some important _research_. Which is an obvious lie.’

Sasuke looked up at the blonde. His mind was still worrying over the fact that Naruto had so casually revealed it’d taken him a ‘few days’ rest to be capable of the relatively short journey between the cavern and the cabin. But now his brain was alert to whether Naruto had worked out how much Tsunade was hiding from him. With the emphasis on Naruto’s calm state of mind, Sasuke was certain before he even read the scroll that she would not have told him about the war, or that Sasuke had been looking for a healer when he came up here, and definitely hadn’t had even a hint of the mad idea to impregnate his ex.

‘Why do you think it’s a lie?’ Sasuke said carefully. ‘Tsunade has obviously put a lot of effort into helping you but maybe feels she needs more information for the next stage of your…plan.’

‘I think I’ve driven her mad, and she’s fed up with me. Who needs to rush off that quickly to read some books? She didn’t even want to pause for a cup of tea with me.’ Naruto rested his head back on the sofa and curled his legs under him.  ‘Do you mind if I close my eyes for a bit, Sas? Just while you read her scroll? It was a pretty tiring journey.’

‘I’m sure I can cope without hearing your voice for five minutes,’ Sasuke said dryly.

However, when Naruto shut his eyes and fell immediately into a doze, he gazed openly at the blonde with a worried frown marring his perfect Uchiha features.

Tsunade’s writing was a small scrawl fully displaying the tension she was feeling as she composed it. There was a long list of things Sasuke mustn’t mention, intricate details of Naruto’s dietary, exercise and sleeping requirements. Underlined twice was ‘Don’t let him talk too much, it tires him out and you won’t know he’s in trouble until it’s too late’. Then there were probably the most unromantic instructions possible, explaining the need to keep track of all Naruto’s bowel movements and study his urine for early indications of problems. Although when Sasuke read the long list of potential problems, he didn’t care anymore about lack of romance. Triple underlined with a star beside it was the note, ‘He is in constant pain, don’t let him fool you otherwise. A normal human would pass out from just a fraction of what he’s enduring. Keep that in mind at all times.'

The more he read, the clearer it became that Tsunade believed there was very little chance the baby would survive, her whole emphasis was on the hope that Naruto might.

Sasuke looked over at the man smiling in his sleep. ‘What have you done to yourself?’ he murmured.

The most disturbing thing was a medical diagram showing Sasuke where to stab the bump in case of emergency. Tsunade had candidly written,  ‘Naruto is already so attached to the foetus that such action will probably send him into shock and kill him anyway, but an immediate termination of the pregnancy is also the only chance you’ll have to save him in a variety of circumstances.’ The _variety of circumstances_ included Naruto foaming at the mouth; Naruto constantly vomiting (with an extra note this was a particular area of weakness as he’d had trouble retaining food since the trauma of Sasuke leaving him); Naruto suffering from sudden dizziness; Naruto unable to communicate in a coherent manner.

 Sasuke tried to smile at that last one, thinking how he’d be able to recognise incoherence in amongst Naruto’s constant drabble of words. But instead he started crying.

Not just a few tears dropping from his eyes, but loud weeping. He couldn’t hold it back, he gasped and struggled to breathe. Against his will, his sharingan activated and Lady Tsunade’s detailed instructions went up in flames. He tried to put the blaze out with his hands, but there was nothing he could do, the scroll vanished into ash in seconds. He scrabbled around on the floor trying to find the tiny pieces as if he could somehow undo what he’d done and put it all back together again. He let out a desperate animalistic wail.

Then a tan hand was on top of his, and strong arms were pulling him into a tight embrace.

Sasuke pushed his head into the gap between Naruto’s head and his neck. ‘I don’t know how to look after you,’ he cried. ‘I accidentally burnt Tsunade’s letter. I don’t know how to look after you.’

Naruto’s hand stroked through Sasuke’s hair and he gave a small chuckle. ‘This is you and me, teme, what fun would it be if we had proper professional instructions to follow?’ Then he rubbed his cheek against the Uchiha’s head and said in a soft almost teasing voice. ‘But you’ll probably make it all boring with that super brain of yours having memorised everything you’ve already read.’

‘I hadn’t finished reading it,’ Sasuke sobbed.

‘Oh I can fill in anything that’s missing, like the very important note that I need to eat ramen for every single meal. And you have to do everything I say, that’s a majorly important thing that you might have not read yet.’

Sasuke tried to take deep breaths and gain some control of himself. He pressed his lips against Naruto’s neck pulse which was throbbing out the vibrancy of the blonde’s life. He remembered all the careful instructions Itachi had used up all his energy giving him, telling him what to say to Naruto and how honest he needed to be. Sasuke’s mouth opened but instead of speaking he found himself gasping for air.

‘Sasuke,’ Naruto said in a voice filled with love, ‘don’t fight it, it’s okay to cry. I’m here to hold you, and you never have to hide your fear and your pain from me.’ He squeezed Sasuke’s hand. ‘And remember what I just said, about how important it is that you do everything I say? And right now I’m saying, you cry all you need to cry.’

Sasuke let his head fall against Naruto’s shoulder and for the first time in a long time he did exactly what the blonde told him to.

 

***

 

Naruto slept a lot, his dreams were always different, overflowing his senses with bright colours and a myriad of scents and sounds, but when he woke up his first thought was always the same: Sasuke.

Sasuke was mostly in the same room as him.  They shadowed each other around. When Sasuke moved to the kitchen to prepare food, Naruto went after him and sat at the table even though it was less comfortable. When Naruto decided a day of constant napping had exhausted him and he went upstairs, Sasuke followed him and sat in an armchair by the window watching Naruto lay down on the bed but never joining him.

They surely had more to say to each other than at any time in their long years together, however, any conversations they had were short and stilted. Whenever Naruto tried to chat, Sasuke told him to shut up, not in the playful annoyance of old, but as a proper Uchiha forceful command. He seemed unable to bear Naruto’s voice beyond one sentence.  It didn’t matter what he was talking about, Sasuke’s reaction was always the same. Naruto remained quiet, he couldn’t risk getting into an argument, but it didn’t prevent him yearning to talk to the other man.

On that first day he’d come back, Sasuke had stared at Naruto’s bump as if he was scared of it, but now he avoided looking at it with such determination, it was as if the bastard thought his whole head would explode if he so much as glanced at it. Had something changed between the idea of having a baby together in the cavern, to the reality of seeing his boyfriend pregnant?

Which would explain Sasuke’s tearful breakdown. He hadn’t thought it was possible to love Sasuke more, but when he’d held Sasuke as the brunette wept and wept, Naruto had felt a surge of something entirely new, like his love was an almost tangible unbreakable substance that he could wrap round his boyfriend and protect him, just like his body surrounded and protected their baby.

Sasuke crying so much and allowing himself to be so vulnerable, had felt like the next stage in their relationship. But Naruto hadn’t realised the next stage involved Sasuke destroying his emotional walls with gates that Sasuke occasionally let Naruto through, and in their place constructing a massive fortress. A massive fortress surrounded by a crocodile filled moat, with no drawbridge and boiling oil at the ready to pour on Naruto if he somehow leaped passed the snapping jaws and tried to climb the wall.  The blonde also suspected there was a maze of dungeons for capture and torture, and a labyrinth of escape tunnels for Sasuke if Naruto ever did by some miracle manage to break through the castle.

Naruto sighed heavily and various parts of his body started to remind him of how much pain he was in.

Sasuke wasn’t in the bedroom with him right now, so Naruto didn’t bother hiding his grimaces as he braced himself for the process of getting up, showered and dressed.  He’d always favoured loose clothes, and he’d lost weight in the months before he got pregnant, so he hoped he could stay in his normal outfits for a while, but the baby hadn’t got the message that it didn’t need accelerated growth anymore and rips were starting to appear. Still, he smiled when he finally got his familiar orange jumpsuit on, he felt like himself again. And that gave him a renewed determination to keep trying with Sasuke. Even the Uchiha must get bored at some point and need someone to talk to occasionally.

He found Sasuke in the kitchen, he gave no reply, not even a grunt to Naruto’s bright greeting.  But Naruto’s smile didn’t falter, he saw what Sasuke was doing. Tsunade and Jiraiya had used this place as a hideaway for a long time, and it was filled with things they’d left here over the years.

Although Sasuke ignored all of Jiraiya’s novels, he’d been steadily working his way through Tsunade’s medical notes. Although Naruto had been careful never to mention it, Sasuke had seen he was in pain. And had obviously been learning about which plants to use for relief and had gone out and gathered them. He could see rather than making a big deal about medicating him, Sasuke was just adding them to Naruto’s food, allowing Naruto’s pride to continue to pretend that he wasn’t in pain, and Sasuke could pretend he hadn’t noticed. That was a good example of them not needing to talk to each other, and just instinctively understanding what the other one wanted and needed. It gave Naruto even more hope for the conversation he did want to have. The only odd thing was that his senses were obviously playing up, maybe because he was so sleepy, or maybe too much of his energy was diverted to the pregnancy. Sasuke smelt a little bit of the forest, but he mostly smelt of sex. Or maybe it was just Naruto’s own constant lust for the Uchiha playing with his mind?

He shook his head and focused on what he wanted to say. ‘We need to talk about what you remember from Tsunade’s notes. Because I don’t know what bits are missing that I could maybe fill in for you. I do know some things about looking after myself, believe it or not.’

‘Hnnnn.’ Sasuke didn’t look up from his cooking. But it wasn’t a ‘shut up’ so Naruto was immediately encouraged.

‘That’s so funny how you burnt all those instructions up, she spent so long writing them while I was meditating, and was so insistent that I gave them to you before I even spoke to you. Make sure you’re armoured up when she comes back, because she is going to be so angry.’ He gave a chuckle. ‘Do you remember when you used to incinerate any mission Kakashi sent us that you didn’t like the look of?  So he had to come in person and tell us, and a few times I thought you were going to burn him up too. And then there was that time in that palace when…’

‘If you have something important to say, say it. I’ve no wish to listen to your tediousness all day.’

‘Oh. Kay.’ Naruto’s smile faded slightly at the coldness of Sasuke’s voice, but he brightened up thinking that the Uchiha had in his own way said that he wanted to keep talking to Naruto, just about things the brunette thought were important, rather than the memories that Naruto loved chatting about. ‘So, yes, did, um, Tsunade write to you about how my mind might be a little…scrambled?’

Sasuke looked up at him and Naruto saw concern in those dark eyes, but the other man’s voice retained its hardness. ‘How is that any different from your normal state?’

Naruto grinned. ‘No idea, teme, but then I’m the mad one. The thing is that to obtain the state of concentration I needed to achieve this.’ He patted his stomach and noticed, as usual, Sasuke’s eyes remained fixed on his face. ‘Well, you’re supposed to let go of all your desire, sort of, you’re supposed to release all your earthly wants in order to get what you want. And that made no sense to me, so I did the reverse, and just focused on what I wanted and that worked. But Tsunade was cross when she kinda realised what I’d done. She says doing it within the aura of that cavern, means that I’ve well, kinda, maybe…’

‘Just say it,’ Sasuke snapped.

Naruto took no offense, he was used to Sasuke expressing all his emotions in various degrees of annoyance and anger, and he could see the worry in his eyes had spread out to make the Uchiha crease his brow in a deep frown.

‘I may have accidentally given myself a mindwipe.’

‘What?’

‘By obtaining my state of focus through thinking of my happiest memories of you, I may have, well, I haven’t exactly, sort of erased things, no, not erased really, but it means that I can’t easily remember the bad things.’

‘What?’

‘Like, I mean, if I’m told them, they come back, so they haven’t gone completely, but they’re not there in my immediate mind.’

Sasuke face lost what little colour it had to begin with. ‘Are you saying you don’t remember any of our arguments? That you can only remember the good things?’

‘No, the arguments are part of us, and involve lots of fun making up, so I’ve got that. Or I think I have. But there might be other things. Like Tsunade said you and I were broken up for months, and then I remember being in the house on my own without you being there, and how lonely I was, but…I can’t remember why we broke up. Granny wouldn’t say much because she’s all concerned about me retaining my sense of peace, but I’m tough, you know that. So can you tell me what I did wrong. Please, Sas. We should be so happy together having this child, but you barely touch me, and you look after me, but it’s like it’s a chore, and I’m some machine you’ve got to keep working,  rather than you want to be here. So I know I must have fucked up pretty bad, and imagining how bad I must have been to lose your love is way worse than knowing what I did.’

Sasuke’s chest was rising and falling rapidly. Naruto flushed, what he’d done must be truly terrible to make the Uchiha show his emotions so clearly. He saw Sasuke was on the verge of crying, and tried to move quickly forward to comfort him. But instead he was suddenly dizzy and unable to support his weight, or even walk. He stumbled and fell forward.

Sasuke was immediately there, catching him in his arms, picking him up and carrying him through to lie down on a sofa.

‘I’m sorry, Sasuke, I’m so sorry.’ Naruto’s vision was starting to fade.

Sasuke kept a supply of pillows and blankets downstairs for Naruto’s frequent naps. He got them now and made a bed around the blonde as he had done many times since Naruto came back to the cabin, but never with the tenderness he was showing now. He smoothed Naruto’s hair back and then knelt by his side, gently caressing his hand.

‘I did apologise properly, didn’t I? Before we got back together, I did say sorry for the thing I did? And you forgave me?’ Naruto forced his fatigued eyes to remain open so he could look at Sasuke and read his reaction.

‘The only thing you’ve ever done wrong is be in love with me,’ Sasuke said softly with a sad smile.

‘You’re the real dobe then, because that’s the one thing in my life that I know is right,’ Naruto murmured with the last of his strength. Then he closed his eyes and let the darkness take him.

***

Sasuke loudly cursed his weakness. Why had he allowed Naruto to talk for so long? He’d been surprised by the blonde reverting to his usual chattiness after obeying Sasuke’s command of silence until now. He’d been surprised by how happy the sound of that voice made him feel.

No, it hadn’t been that. It couldn't be that. He'd let Naruto talk because he'd needed to know more about Naruto's condition. And now he did. His dobe had splintered his mind in order to get pregnant with Sasuke's child.

The implications were devastating. How long had Naruto been suppressing his memories for? Had it been just while he was trying to make the baby, or had it been before that? When Sasuke had found Naruto in the cavern, when they’d had sex, and Naruto had made the fatal decision to have a baby, had it all been done with Naruto in an idolised daze, oblivious to all the things Sasuke had done in the previous months?

Sasuke was unspeakably angry, but he found himself bending over and planting a kiss on the blonde’s forehead. Naruto’s skin was clammy and he was mumbling. Sasuke had to put his ear close to Naruto’s mouth to hear what he was saying, it was just, ‘Sorry…so sorry’ over and over again.

Sasuke traced a finger over the blonde’s troubled lips. ‘Hush, hush,’ he whispered. ‘It’s alright, I’m here with you.’

The blonde’s shoulders relaxed back into the sofa and he went quiet.

 Sasuke took the opportunity to quickly go and fetch a small box of medical supplies from the room that functioned as Tsunade’s study.

He struggled to lose all his emotions as he focused on remembering the diagram that had been on Tsunade’s note detailing what he had to do to save Naruto if things went wrong, such as he suddenly became dizzy and fell over in the kitchen when his cruel former boyfriend instead of looking after him had let him talk too much. Sasuke audibly and repeatedly cursed himself again.

He folded the blanket halfway down his boyfriend’s body. Naruto shivered even though his forehead was covered in sweat. He ignored his urge to just embrace the blonde and never let him go. That wouldn’t help either of them. Instead he unzipped the front of Naruto’s jumpsuit, thinking of the many times he’d done the same simple action for much more pleasurable reasons. He pulled the orange material apart to reveal Naruto’s bare torso.

Sasuke swallowed hard, he was still averting his eyes, but he mustn’t put it off any longer. Every pause due to his weakness was potentially endangering Naruto’s life. For the first time he looked down at the naked bump. The first thing he noticed to his surprise was that the blonde still had his muscle definition around his waist and abs, the baby appeared to be pushing through and separating them. Sasuke clenched his own stomach thinking how painful that must be.

Naruto’s seal had stretched but still kept its basic shape, but his belly button had turned from an inny to an outy. Sasuke traced his fingers over it. The life inside the blonde responded to the light touch by kicking against it.

Sasuke smiled. ‘You’re definitely my child, aren’t you? Immediately responding with violence.’

Then Sasuke recovered himself. It wasn’t a child, it wasn’t even a baby. It was a thing, a parasite, sucking the life out of one of the best, if stupidest, people in the world. He couldn’t let Naruto die, that wasn’t even an option. Not after he’d sacrificed Itachi to save him.

With determination, Sasuke took a kunai in his right hand. He needed to do this quickly before Naruto deteriorated.

He spread his left hand out over Naruto’s belly to ensure he stabbed in the correct place. He raised his kunai, but paused and put it down to check that he had the supplies laid out to tend to the wound afterwards. Then he tried again echoing his previous pose, but again paused with the kunai hovering over Naruto’s skin.

Him and Naruto had frequently sparred, and on more than one occasion had used the cover of sparring as an excuse to violently work out some of their grievances, but still putting a dagger into his unconscious ex went against all his instincts.

‘This is what medics do all the time,’ Sasuke growled at himself, ‘Stop being so weak.’

He splayed his fingers wider feeling the shape of the baby clearly. Then something happened. He felt his essence being pulled inside Naruto, no not inside Naruto, inside the child. There were no clear words or figures, just light and potential, and an overwhelming sense of love. He felt the full power of that love surging through every part of his being.

And then he was back in his own body, panting for breath. The kunai dropped out of his grip without him even noticing.

For a moment he sat motionless with his hands covering his face, then in a burst of action, he stood up and pulled the blanket back over Naruto’s body. He manoeuvred the blonde so that Sasuke could sit beneath him with Naruto’s head resting in his lap. He felt Naruto’s pulse and used his shirt to wipe the beads of sweat off his forehead. His mind swirled between thinking that Naruto was regaining some colour, to being certain that the other man’s breathing was becoming more ragged.

He knew that the fight for his life was all on Naruto now. After everything they’d shared, Sasuke had failed him, he couldn’t do what he needed to do to save the blonde. How had he reached a point in his life, where not killing his unborn child was a sign of unforgivable weakness? All he could do, was the same as he’d done with Itachi, beg.

 ‘You’re stronger than me,’ he whispered. ‘You always have been. I know you can do this. Please don’t leave me. _Please_.’

 

 

***

 

The days passed, and Naruto appeared to have recovered from the dizzy spell. If sleeping twenty out of every twenty four hours could count as recovering. Sometimes Sasuke’s heart hurt so much that all he could do was sit and watch the other man dream. But he was forcing himself to be stronger. It was luck that Naruto was still alive, Sasuke had failed him, but it had given the Uchiha the resolution that he shouldn’t wait for Naruto to have another incident. All Tsunade’s notes indicated that the child was going to die sooner or later, so Sasuke would make sure that it was sooner, before it could do any more damage to the blonde.

Sasuke was refusing point blank to speak to Naruto so as never to repeat the mistake of letting him talk too much. But in the few hours that he was awake, Naruto was taking solace by stroking and talking to the bump. Sasuke affected not to notice, but with just the two of them in the cabin it would be impossible to be totally oblivious.

The blonde nattered quietly away, ‘Sassy chan, I can tell already you’re going to take after your other pop in lots of ways, but I hope you’re chattier than him. It’ll be nice having someone who can talk as much as me. Do you think it’ll drive your other pop mad listening to us, or do you think he’ll like the break after all these years of having to put up with me just having him to talk to?’

It didn’t seem to make Naruto any worse, so Sasuke let these one sided conversations carry on. Although he was split between shouting at the blonde for calling the bump ‘Sassy chan’, and yearning to join in with Naruto. He had to restrain himself from telling his ex he hoped their child had Naruto's bright personality, but how he was certain the kid was going to have Uchiha eyes after being pulled into it when he was trying to terminate it. 

Even if he didn’t act on them, these mental slips showed him how much more he needed to harden himself to be able to do what he needed to do. The bump needed to be disposed of before it did Naruto any further harm, not romanticised into a future child it would never become.

He hated Naruto for putting him in this position. But he knew Naruto would hate him far more once he finally found the strength to kill it. It was a thought that made his heart feel like stone. Naruto, who was so optimistic, would hate him.

Years ago, when they’d gone around releasing people from Orochimaru’s experiments, Sasuke had looked on in near despair, feeling that it would be a greater mercy to slaughter them all rather than make them carry on with all the horrific scars and nightmares they were left with. In contrast, Naruto had smiled and squeezed Sasuke’s hand, ‘It makes me proud to be a ninja, to be able to free all these people and finally give them a chance to live.’

Once he did what he needed to do, that brightness would never shine on him again. He knew how intense Naruto’s love was, he imagined his hate would be equally so. Once Naruto recovered his strength after the disaster of this pregnancy, he’d no doubt kill Sasuke. And Sasuke was content with that. At this point, he didn’t care what happened to him, as long as Naruto survived. The blonde might be depressed for a while about losing this baby, but in the long term it would spur him on to find a woman who suited him and to create a healthy family in the normal non-life threatening manner.

Sasuke recalled what Naruto had said about how to obtain focus; to be strong enough to achieve what you desire, you have to let go of all your desires. The Uchiha was working on that by disappearing more often and for longer periods into the forest to find rough release with his comrades. He just needed at some level to convince himself they were a substitute for Naruto, he’d done it before, he could do it again, however it was markedly more difficult to pretend anyone could match the blonde when he saw the blonde every day.

‘You’ve been staring at the same page for hours.’  Naruto’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

‘I’m studying, dobe, that means you actually have to study things. The clue is in the word,’ Sasuke answered automatically before he reminded himself he wasn’t supposed to talk to the blonde beyond the absolute bare necessities.  But even with that in his head, he found himself meeting the blonde’s yellow eyes and aching for the day when he could see the blue version again. ‘How are you coping?’ It was the first time he’d actually asked the question out loud, although it was constantly in his mind.

Naruto grinned and Sasuke expected a standard answer boasting about how well he was doing, but instead the blonde said, ‘I’m in constant pain and I’m more scared than I’ve ever been before in my whole life. I can feel Sassy chan as a living being inside me, the same as I can feel Kurama. And I’m worried I won’t be good enough for her, that I worked so hard creating this new life, when all there might be for her is hurt and…death.’

Sasuke immediately wanted to know if and how Naruto was certain it was a girl? And if that was the case why was he naming her after Sasuke? He wanted to give Naruto his confidence back, to say the words he knew would inspire and lift his former lover.

What came out of his mouth was, ‘You should have thought more about that before you raped me.’

Naruto’s eyes widened and turned blue. ‘Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, Sasuke, what did I do?’ His mouth hung open and he sat upright, both hands protectively supporting his stomach.

Sasuke was as shocked by his own words as the blonde was, but he remained looking indifferent and kept speaking. ‘You lured me into that cavern to find you, knowing the effect it would have on me. Then with my emotions suppressed you got me to have sex with you without once mentioning that you wanted to have a baby. And then you very conveniently tell me that you’ve lost your memory so you don’t remember anything bad about our relationship. Such as, we had our last fuck months ago, and that was only out of pity and meant to be an end to it as I wanted nothing else to do with your sorry ass.’

Naruto tried to stand up and come closer to Sasuke but fell immediately back down. He gazed at the Uchiha in absolute confusion. ‘But the cavern shouldn’t have had any effect on you at all, it only calmed me and Jiraiya because we’re so weak against anything mind related. It didn’t change Granny’s mood at all. And I…I just…I thought you coming to find me was a sign that you wanted me and that…’

‘I had no idea you were going to get pregnant, idiot! What sane person would even consider that as a possibility? You robbed my sperm from me because you were so desperate to try and cling onto a dead relationship. You’d rather I was miserable tied down with you and a kid than having fun with someone else.’ Sasuke would rather have cut out his own tongue than see the pure agony on Naruto’s face. It wasn’t the first time that the Uchiha felt like he was the one with a demon inside him, and a demon a hell of a lot more angry and destructive than the nine-tails had ever been.

‘I thought…you always know what I’m thinking…you and I are linked…I thought…’

‘No, you didn’t think, you just did what you wanted without any considerations of the consequences. Do you have any idea of how many people have died while you’ve been sitting in a little daze in your cave? No, of course you don’t, because poor little innocent Naruto has to be protected at any cost, whatever the hell is going on in the rest of the world.’ Sasuke stood up and strode over to Naruto. The words were slipping out of his mouth almost unconsciously, but he knew what he was about to do, and still he couldn’t stop himself. All his pain and frustration was like its own being and it had control of his body. He genjutsued Naruto to the battle at Kumogakure.

For some reason both of them were in their young teenage bodies, the ages they were when they became official boyfriends. They stood to the side and watched helplessly as ninjas were cut down by a devastating enemy.

‘It turns out that Danzo didn’t just crawl off, get old, and die like he was supposed to. He’s been busy amassing an army, a lot of them pulled from Orochimaru’s former experiments who for some reason found it difficult to fit back into a society that had at best been suspicious, at worse hostiley rejected them.’ He spoke with his younger voice, which wasn’t as hardened as his current older one.

Naruto gasped as he saw Kakashi get surrounded by fast moving ninjas dressed all in black.

‘He’s fine. Well, he’s not fine. But he killed all of those and when I left to find you he was mostly healed.’  Sasuke touched his boyfriend’s fingers and suddenly his anger was gone. He had no idea what he’d done or why he’d done it. ‘Let’s get away from here. It’s not good for you in your state.’

Naruto’s eyes flashed, not with yellow control, but Kurama rage. ‘Sasuke, don’t back down now, show me everything. You’ve made it clear that you didn’t come to find me for _me_.  Is the fight that desperate that you need extra people? Apart from Kakashi, how is everyone else? Killer Bee? A? The genin?’

Unconsciously Sasuke changed the scene to a field scattered with bloodied bodies.

Naruto recognised who he was looking for straight away and ran towards them as if this wasn’t the past and he could still make a difference.

Sasuke chased after him and grabbed his wrist to stop him, but his strength was inconsequential against Naruto’s determination. Naruto pulled him along with him to the place where four bodies had fallen close to each other.

‘They specifically targeted all the Konoha genin,’ Sasuke said softly. ‘They were dead before we were fully aware what was happening.’ He put his hand on Naruto’s shoulder. ‘You know I would have saved them for you if it was possible, don’t you?’ There was youthful doubt in his voice.

Naruto dropped to his knees. ‘Madoka. Kasuga. They…they were in love with each other. They were only just beginning to reveal their feelings to each other. And Hikaru. She was like me, wanting to talk all the time, and she was so fiercely protective of me.  All of them were. I remember…I remember now, you coming to the training ground and they attacked you. I remember you telling me that I was too soft, that I hadn’t trained them properly. That they wouldn’t survive the chunin exam.’

‘I didn’t say that.’ Sasuke was trying to weave them away from this scene, but he seemed to be stuck. ‘I didn’t think they were prepared, but nothing would have prepared them for this. Shino is…was a seasoned shinobi and he couldn’t protect them. His body is battered worse than the kids.’

Naruto made a choking sound deep in his throat.

Sasuke sighed, all his words were wrong today.

Naruto huddled closer to the bodies taking Shino’s mashed hand in his own. ‘He’s only here because I wasn’t. Hinata asked him to look after the genin because I deserted my responsibility.’

Sasuke bit his tongue to stop himself saying he was glad that Shino was dead and not Naruto.

‘I wish I’d had sex with him, or just maybe kissed him, hung out together, made out a few times. Something. Anything. He didn’t show it much but he was as lonely as any of us. Those were the last months of his life and I could have made them better. Look how twisted up his body is now and I could have stroked him and touched him like he wanted, he said he wanted to feel human, but now it’s too late. He’s not human any more, he’s just a…’

‘Stop this!’ Sasuke said. ‘His body got broken up because he fought well, that’s a good thing. The precious minutes he gained here might not have saved the genin, but it definitely helped the overall fight. I’m taking us out of here.’

Instead of ending up back at the cabin as he intended, he somehow took them to Itachi’s bedside. Mei was there, she was carrying the two youngest babies in a rucksack on her front, the three other children were gazing with tear filled dark eyes at their father. Guards filled the room but looked discretely away as their Mizukage pleaded with her husband not to leave her a widow.

Itachi opened his eyes and smiled at Naruto and Sasuke, no one else in the room seemed to notice the change in the man in the bed. ‘My little brothers,’ he said in a voice warm with a lifetime of love. ‘I kept my promise, Sasuke, I waited until I saw you again.’

‘Noooo!’ Sasuke cried out. ‘Don’t leave me, niisan. Don’t leave me!’ He stretched out to run to his brother, but instead of reaching Itachi he found himself in Naruto’s adult arms in the cabin.

Sasuke’s body trembled but his eyes were dry. ‘This is your fault,’ he gasped. ‘I came to find Tsunade to take her to heal Itachi, but she saved you instead.’

Naruto made a low moan. ‘Why would she do that? Itachi has children, a wife, you, and he’s one of the best shinobi in the world. I’m a fool who isn’t even loved by the man I’m having a baby with.’  He pushed Sasuke away from him, but kept a grip on his shoulders. ‘Ok, let’s get going then. I’ve slept enough, it’s time to move.’

‘What are you rambling about now?’ Sasuke said bitterly. ‘You’ve purposely disabled your body with this stupid pregnancy and I’ve got to look after you. And I’ve got no desire to rush back to Itachi’s funeral so I can tell all my nieces and nephews that their dad is dead because of my idiot ex boyfriend.’

‘Itachi isn’t dead,’ Naruto said firmly. ‘You’re in a bad state, but it’d be a hell of a lot worse if he was dead. You’d feel it with every atom of your being. He was telling us to hurry up and get to him and that’s what we’ll do. Don’t look at me like that, the baby is getting stronger and me and Kurama are experts now at maintaining my body. I just survived the shock of everything you revealed to me, didn’t I? You should know me well enough, to know that nothing is going to keep us from reaching Itachi. Pack up anything you need and we’ll be gone.’

‘Did you understand anything of what you just saw? Let me explain in simple terms  especially for you, there is a war going on. And Danzo seems particularly set on collecting the Uchiha eyes. Itachi… and me… and you really have no idea how difficult it was protecting the children, how I thought we’d lost and.. .it was the most terrifying feeling . And you’ve gone, all of your own idiotic initiative, and chosen the worse time possible to stick a Uchiha baby in your belly. You need to stay safe where no one knows where you are or what you’ve done.’

Naruto smiled a feral grin. Sasuke wondered if the idiot’s brain was completely scrambled, had he heard a thing Sasuke’d said?

Then Naruto spoke in his lowest, most dangerous voice, one Sasuke had very rarely heard.

‘You think he’ll come for me? Good. I’ll show him exactly what happens to someone who hurts my family.’

Despite all his attempts at logic and hardening himself against Naruto, his confused emotions vanished and a thrill of excitement went through Sasuke’s body. And in the short time it took for them to take the little they needed from the cabin, he remembered the beautiful simplicity of having complete faith in the power of his boyfriend.

 

***

 

There was a lot of pain in Naruto. In one way, it was good, because it was too much for him to process. He couldn’t think of it all, so he thought of none of it. Which was a fortunate trick as the further they got from the cabin the more difficult it was to hold onto his peace. It was there, a prickly sensation that Sasuke had said some bad things to him at the cabin, but if he didn’t delve deep he could ignore it and remain as oblivious as he had before. That wasn’t all though, there were extra memories of Sasuke trying to wiggle into the light, like maggots crawling out of a shiny green apple. But he kept it all dampened down with the fierce determination of the overall purpose of their mission, which was to reach Itachi without getting killed along the way.

He needed to be strong and bright for Sasuke, so that was what he’d be. The focus needed to be all about speeding safely to Itachi, not Naruto falling to his knees weeping over the twisted, broken corpses of Shino, Madoka, Kasuga and Hiruku. For his big Sasuke kun and his little Sassy chan, he had to keep smiling, keep moving, and be a version of Naruto who could take all these things in his stride.

It would have all been a million times easier if it had just been him and his boyfriend. But Sasuke insisted they were safer with company.

On the day to day journey, Naruto’s attention was split equally between his baby, Sasuke, and the environment they were travelling through. He ignored Sasuke’s _friends_ as much as possible. He especially ignored Karin, and Karin thankfully returned the favour. He had a strong feeling that if he looked at the one woman amongst them for too long, he would remember more things that had no place in his conscious mind right now.

 Jugo and Kimimaro were both reasonably quiet and concerned mainly with each other. Suigetsu, unfortunately was another matter.

All the snide comments that Sasuke had made about Kiba’s rudeness over the years, and here he was willingly choosing someone like Suigetsu as a companion. At every opportunity Suigetsu gazed at Naruto’s bump and spoke about it like it was the oddest thing in the world, comparing it to things like if everyone woke up and found their ears had been transformed into feet. And this from someone whose whole body turned into a puddle of water!

Suigetsu was particularly critical about their speed being hindered by ‘the waddling pregnant thing’ needing to stop every five minutes.

Whenever Naruto went to urinate, Sasuke always accompanied him. Naruto was at first insulted that the teme wouldn’t just accept his answers of ‘normal, you perv’ when Sasuke kept asking him tedious details about colour and amount. But such was his life, that he now enjoyed his pee breaks as it was the only time he got alone with his boyfriend.

‘Do you have to go so often?’ Sasuke asked with impatience clearly creasing his features.

Naruto was frankly glad to see any emotion break through the Uchiha’s mask of indifference. ‘You try having a living moving being pressed against your bladder 24/7 and see how you do.’

‘Suigetsu is right, you are slowing us down.’

Naruto glared at him. ‘Then leave me behind.’

Sasuke met his gaze for a long moment before he folded his arms and looked away. ‘You know that’s not an option.’

Not exactly the confession of undying love he’d like, but he’d take it.

‘Speaking of Suigetsu, why don’t you ever say anything  to him?’ It wasn’t that he _needed_ Sasuke to defend him, but he definitely wanted it. There was this horrible doubt in him, that had no place being there, but he wasn’t one hundred percent certain who Sasuke would side with if him and water boy ever got into a proper fight. This man wasn’t quite the Sasuke he was used to. ‘Do you remember how you once made a poor shopkeeper faint in pure terror just because he’d shortchanged me? And then there was that waiter that…’

‘I hope I’ve matured a bit since then.’ Sasuke arched one of his perfect eyebrows. ‘And besides, if you couldn’t handle being treated like a freak you shouldn’t have turned yourself into one. Or more of one I should say.’

‘Low blow, teme,’ Naruto growled. It was more than a low blow. It felt like his heart was being ripped out. But right now, he needed to absorb it all, it was just another minor thing to suppress and not think about. He could deal with the pain later, (or, if he was lucky, never). Sasuke was scared for Itachi, even more than Naruto was. Naruto was certain that Itachi would be strong enough to pull through, but he was failing to pass this confidence onto his lover.

If Sasuke was still his lover? He had absolutely no idea what was going on with them. He expected the truth was in some of those maggoty memories he was keeping covered up, but even without them, he knew most people dating touched each other occasionally. And Sasuke and him touched each other constantly. When they were under pressure and in dangerous situations they touched each other even more. Not necessarily anything hardcore (although It was a bonus when they had time for that), but always lips brushing against each other, fingers reaching out, hips pressed together at every opportunity. However, Itachi’s life under threat because Tsunade had chosen to safeguard Naruto first, was a whole new situation emotionally for them to face together.

When they reached Itachi and Sasuke was reassured that his brother was recovering, then they could start rebuilding their relationship even stronger. Naruto grinned thinking of the arguments that they’d have over what colours to decorate the nursery, buying baby clothes and choosing names. He sensed the baby was an Uchiha rather than an Uzumaki, but he had no intention of letting Sasuke have that victory for a while. A long while.

‘Dobe, what are you smiling for? Look at your urine.’

‘Oh, those seductive words, _look at your urine_. How on earth do I restrain myself from jumping you right now?’

‘You’re pissing blood!’

Naruto looked at Sasuke. The man’s face was pure panic. How could this be the same person who looked on so indifferently when Suigetsu taunted him, who had just now cruelly called him a freak? His boyfriend was an emotional mess. He hoped things stabilised when they reached Itach. If they didn’t, this was something they needed to deal with. He would just have to be strong enough to protect their baby and give Sasuke the support he too obviously needed.

‘Stop staring at me as if I’m the one that needs a medic!’ Sasuke put his hand on top of Naruto’s head and forced the blonde to look down.

There was a lot of blood. ‘What are you making a fuss about, it’s just a few drops,’ Naruto said quickly zipping himself up before Sasuke insisted on examining him further.

‘What’s safer? Resting you? Or getting you to Tsunade as quickly as possible? Jugo is strongest, he could carry you without slowing his pace. We’d be faster with him carrying you than with you travelling on your own. Why haven’t I been doing that all along? I used to be able to make these decisions immediately, before you screwed my head up with your stupidity.’

‘I don’t need someone to carry me,’ Naruto said.

‘Sure you don’t, because it is perfectly normal to be leaking blood out of your cock. Just like it is perfectly normal to get yourself pregnant without checking first if it was what I wanted. Is this your crazy way of punishing me? Trying to get me attached to your baby so you can watch me suffer when it inevitably dies? You want to complete the set for me, so I don’t just get to see my parents die, I also get to see my brother and child die too?’

Naruto heard Sasuke’s words, but his senses were alert to the world beyond his boyfriend. In a lightening quick move, he grabbed the Uchiha to him with one arm and punched out with the other. He moved so fast and instinctively, that he was only aware of what he’d done afterwards. When he felt the places where ribs had scratched his skin and saw the hole his fist had made in their attacker’s chest. As horrendous as it looked, it wasn’t always enough to kill some ninjas, but this man fell down lifeless.

‘There’s more,’ Naruto whispered, releasing Sasuke from his grip, although more than a small part of him wanted to keep on holding the man.

‘I know,’ Sasuke replied, his eyes were red and his body was tense.

The sounds of battle were audible, where the rest of the team were being engaged.

Naruto tried to move into a protective position in front of Sasuke, and realised Sasuke was trying to do the same to him.

‘You’re pregnant,’ Sasuke hissed. ‘Get away from here and keep yourself safe.’

‘The ease with which I killed that guy, I think I’ve got super pregnancy fighting powers, you stay behind me. No one’s going to get your eyes with me about.’

Sasuke glared. ‘We’ve got no time for this. I’ll cover your retreat.’

Naruto touched his fingers to the Uchiha’s. ‘No. We fight together like always. That’s our strength.’

Sasuke got no time to respond as the forest began to shake around them. Naruto grabbed Sasuke under his arm and leapt out of the way of falling trees. Safe was relative once you were engaged in a fight, but right now with foliage flying everywhere, the safest place to go was forward into the clearing where the others were fighting.

‘Put me down,’ Sasuke snapped as if Naruto was the enemy not the dozen or so ninjas that were surrounding them.

‘If you don’t like me holding you, stop needing rescuing.’ It was only a half-hearted comeback. Naruto’s attention was on assessing the fight before them.

Jugo, Kimimaro, Suigetsu were all taking on multiple enemies. Karin was hanging back, dodging attacks, until she sensed Sasuke’s arrival, then she ran to his side and began kicking out with unstoppable force. Naruto realised now, that instead of pretending that they didn’t exist he probably should have found out what the exact skills of the people he was fighting with were. Like water boy wasn’t doing any mad elemental jutsu like Naruto was expecting, but was obviously relishing clashing swords with the assailants.

Surprisingly, Sasuke was doing the same. He wasn’t pulling out any of his amazing tricks, but was cutting through with his katana. Naruto didn’t like the way the Uchiha was smiling as he was hacking limbs off. Maybe it was the joy of defending the people he cared for? Yep. Naruto would go with that and not think about it again.

No one was coming directly for him yet, so it was his choice who to engage. He sensed the incoming threat before he saw them. Swooping down towards Sasuke was some sort of flock of birds, with Danzo and a dark haired ninja riding on two of them. Sasuke somehow hadn’t noticed them. Naruto roared forward, not sure how he was going to attack something flying in the air, but certain that he would protect the father of his baby. The birds burnt up as if they’d never been there and the two ninja tumbled to the ground.

Naruto glanced at Sasuke, but he already knew it was him that had done it. He wasn’t sure if he’d channelled the baby’s power, or if the baby had channelled through him. Either way his body had notched itself up into a new level of pain. He felt like he was the one that was on fire.

He didn’t pause as he ran at Danzo though. The dark haired ninja recovered enough to jump in front of his boss. Naruto sent him flying  with a sideswipe keeping his focus on the old man. Danzo’s hands were shaking as he for some reason seemed to be struggling to remove his shirt. Naruto didn’t care. What the man was doing was of no concern to him. Danzo had hurt Itachi, had threatened his little nieces and nephews, and would hurt Sasuke. Naruto pounced on top of him, hearing bones break under his weight. Not caring. He put hands, which weren’t hands, but sharp claws, around Danzo’s neck and pulled his head off.

He threw it to the side and rolled off onto his back panting.

He was vaguely aware of the battle finishing around him, but he was in a haze until Sasuke hunched down beside him and placed a gentle hand on Naruto’s belly. They didn’t speak but just gazed silently at each other. Both of them were splattered with blood and worse, but neither of them had been even scratched.

The voices of the others surrounded them.

‘Oh, I can see the attraction now,’ Karin squealed. ‘I know why the two of you are together. I’ve never seen such beautiful chakra.’

‘And I thought you were a mean killing machine, Sasuke. But your man isn’t bad.’ Suigetsu knelt down and picked up Danzo’s severed head by the hair. ‘Not bad at all.

‘After all the fighting we’ve done and Naruto killed their leader in seconds. It’s almost disappointing,’ Kimimaro said.

‘Are you sure you’re going to have a baby though?’ Suigetsu said. ‘That it’s not going to pop out as a cub, or whatever the fuck type of monster Naruto is?’  
‘Naruto is fully human, and don’t _ever_ suggest anything otherwise,’ Sasuke snapped without taking his eyes off the blonde. In a softer voice he said, ‘I’ve heard that pregnant women are supposed to glow and be radiant, but you obviously have to take it a lot further, don’t you, dobe?’

Naruto was aware of an orange light but hadn’t realised it emanated from him until Sasuke said so. He wondered if it was something to do with the baby’s fiery power, or Kurama, or something else. It didn’t feel connected to him, but his whole being was feeling fuzzy and unconnected.

‘There’s one alive here,’ Jugo called out.

‘Finish him,’ Sasuke said emotionlessly.

‘No!’ Naruto cried. ‘We don’t kill in cold blood, Sas, that’s not who we are.’

‘Don’t finish him,’ Sasuke said. ‘Because it seems we’re people who rip one of our enemy’s heads off, but force another one of them to carry on living after all their comrades have been murdered before their eyes?’

‘You’re too good at twisting my words, teme.’

‘You’re the one who wants to laden ourselves down with a dangerous prisoner when our whole aim is to get to Itachi as quickly as possibility,’ Sasuke arched an eyebrow at Naruto, but there was no malice or real argument in his voice. ‘You’re so stupid.’

Naruto smiled though it made every muscle in his face hurt, and there seemed to be a lot more muscles in his face than there normally was. ‘Thank you for being stupid with me.’ He tried to push himself up off the ground, thinking this was the best opportunity he’d had in a long time to kiss his boyfriend without getting rejected. But he hardly managed to move at all. One of his fingers might have slightly wiggled. ’Now might not be the best time to mention it, with the whole trying to move quickly thing on the table, but before the people tried to kill us, you suggested something about me possibly being carried?’

Sasuke scooped Naruto up in his arms. ‘Is that okay? Am I holding you alright?’

‘You said Jugo was strong,’ Naruto muttered. His thoughts were swirling into a mist, but he maintained a sense that he was desperate not to be a burden to Sasuke. Or more of a burden, as the Uchiha would no doubt say.

‘He is. But he’s not your boyfriend.’ Sasuke kissed Naruto on the forehead. ‘You really have screwed with my head, I’m making such bad choices, yaknow?’ Sasuke said the last word in a mimic of the blonde’s voice.

‘Hnnnn,’ Naruto smirked.

Then he snuggled against Sasuke’s chest and let his mind go quiet. He’d managed to develop a new pregnancy power of moving extra-fast, setting jutsued birds on fire, and ripping mass schemer’s heads off. That was enough for one battle, he trusted Sasuke to take it from here. The only problems with being superpowered was that it superhurt, and it was supertiring. Luckily he had a superboyfriend to look after him. He ignored the pain and gave an extra wide grin before falling into a deep sleep.

 

***

 Sasuke didn’t know how many miles he’d carried Naruto, his arms were stiff and the muscles were aching, but there was still a very large part of him that would happily spend his days carrying Naruto around the world rather then reach the end of his journey.

He’d rushed to get to Itachi, but now that he was here, actually in the building where he’d left Itachi, his heart was beating slowly and he was climbing the stairs at a much slower pace than he should be.

He’d avoided talking to anyone, or even meeting their eyes. If the news was bad he needed to hear it from someone who mattered, not a random person he’d never see again.

Naruto stirred slightly in his arms. Sasuke gazed into the familiar face. This unpredictable man had somehow not got trapped in Danzo’s genjutsu, and then had been so fast and strong, that he’d killed an incredibly powerful shinobi before Sasuke had fully processed that Danzo was even there.

It thrilled Sasuke, but also saddened him. The Naruto he knew loved the fight, but wasn’t a natural killer. Over the years if someone needed to be slain, it was Kakashi, him, or Sakura who would discretely do it. But Naruto had ripped Danzo’s head off, as if the man was a mere toy that Naruto didn’t particularly want to play with. He’d been relieved when Naruto had asked him to spare the one Jugo found alive, even though it had been a bind, especially when the prisoner had turned out to be the scribbler that Sasuke had himself been looking forward to cutting the arms off.

After spending some time with Sai, as the scribbler was called, Sasuke was itching even more to do the man some serious damage, but he managed to resist for Naruto’s sake.

In contrast, Naruto had happily chatted away to the prisoner in the times he was awake. As usual, the blonde quickly learnt Sai’s story and offered him empathy and kindness and promised to do what he could to make the Raikage judge him leniently. 

A small part of Sasuke also couldn’t help having some sympathy with the obnoxious Sai. He knew too well the strength of bonds you could have with a brother, and about what happened when you suppressed all your emotions. But it was easy to quell these feelings as his jealousy was stronger and honed over many years. In the times that Naruto was conscious he wanted the blonde’s full attention on him.

Naruto’s ‘mindwipe’ of the negative part of their relationship had rubbed off on Sasuke. In Naruto’s head they were a couple who had had a slight inconsequential blip that the blonde didn’t understand, and that’s how he acted towards Sasuke. Sasuke’s resistance to this had been logical and right. He couldn’t treat Naruto as if they were still boyfriends, when Naruto was only being so friendly towards him, because his crazy pregnancy had given the blonde the strange skill of forgetting everything bad Sasuke had done. And he needed to distance himself so that when the time came he would be strong enough to kill the baby without being influenced by Naruto’s emotional pull on him.

But at some point, Sasuke had stopped caring about what was right. He just wanted Naruto close to him. When Sasuke had been in turmoil and confusion, it was Naruto who had immediately told him to go to Itachi. When Sasuke was acting like a bastard, Naruto kept smiling and stood by his side. When Sasuke had been threatened, Naruto had forgotten all his pain and saved Sasuke three times.

Now that he was going to find out what had happened to his brother, he wanted Naruto with him. He balanced Naruto against a wall at the top of the stairs and blew gently into his face.

Naruto’s eyes slowly opened. Sasuke had begun to adjust to the yellow, and as it was part of his boyfriend begun to love the colour, but he still missed the blue.

‘There’s better places you can put that skill to use, yaknow,’ Naruto murmured. Then his eyes widened and he looked around. ‘Itachi?’ he simply asked.

‘I don’t know yet. I was waiting for you to wake up.’

Naruto nodded. ‘Thank you.’ They looked at each other for a moment, then Naruto put his hands on either side of Sasuke’s face. ‘It’s gonna be okay. Whatever Itachi needs from us, we’ll give to him.’ Naruto grinned. ‘I would kiss you, but my belly’s a bit big to reach you, so I want you to imagine the most amazing comforting smooch and you’ll be halfway there.’

Sasuke was willing to work around the obstruction of Naruto’s pregnancy to taste those lips against his, but Naruto took his hand and started walking down the corridor.

‘Where do you think you’re leading me? You don’t even know where you’re going, dobe.’

‘I know! This is grand. Why has A never put us up here when we’ve come to visit?’

‘Probably because he knows you’d ruin it.’

‘Huh! Your kink for really hard sex does way more damage than me leaving a few wet towels around.’

‘ _My_ kink?’ Sasuke raised an eyebrow. ‘ _Harder, Sas, please, harder, more, I can take it, please_. _Harder, harder, harder!_ ’ He mimicked a high pitched squeal.

‘I do not sound like that!’ Naruto protested in a deliberately gruff voice. ‘And maybe if you knew how to do it properly, I wouldn’t have to still give you instructions.’

Sasuke’s heart was still thumping, but he felt a calmness surrounding him. Naruto was the only person in the world who could relax him by questioning his sexual performance on the verge of finding out the fate of his only brother.

He paused at the correct door and put a hand on the door knob.

‘Take some deep breaths, we’re in this together and have each other,’ Naruto said softly. He brushed his fingers over Sasuke’s knuckles, then put his hand over the Uchiha’s and opened the door.

Tsunade and Jiraiya sat leaning against each other in a sofa against the wall. Both of them looked older than normal, but especially Tsunade. Her skin wrinkled and sagged and had a worrying grey hue. They were snoring, the Lady louder than Jiraiya.

‘Oh, Granny,’ Naruto mumbled. ‘I was going to be cross at her for not going straight to Itachi, but I can’t say anything. She looks so exhausted.’

Sasuke squeezed the blonde’s hand, but looked away from the sleeping pair and instead gazed at the empty bed. He slowly began to walk towards it.

‘Why did I let you make me hope?’ His voice was quiet but full of rage. ‘Why did I ever listen to you? You’re a complete idiot who got himself knocked up by someone who despises him?’ Sasuke couldn’t look away from the bed. ‘If I hadn’t ever got involved with you, I would have been strong enough by now to have protected Itachi. Instead, I’m stuck with you. You should be the one who died.’

‘It’s okay. Look, Itachi is okay.’ Naruto’s voice that had been reassuring moments previously, now grated through his brain as the most unwelcome sound in his world.

The blonde touched him on the shoulder, and Sasuke’s anger lashed out, hitting Naruto in the mouth and sending him reeling across the room.

Strong Uchiha arms caught Naruto before he fell.

Sasuke could barely breathe. ‘Niisan!’ He knew the way his brother was looking at him, but he ran into Itachi’s arms, hugging his brother and Naruto with equal strength. ‘You’re alive! Naruto was right. You’re alive!’

‘I am alive, and hence still need to breathe,’ Itachi said kindly. Detangling himself from both men.

Sasuke noticed how Itachi discretely checked Naruto’s face before letting go of him.

‘You saved me, otouto.’ He pressed two fingers to Sasuke’s forehead. ‘Tsunade is a miracle worker and arrived in time. But I’m afraid I still need to spend a lot of time resting.’ He gave an apologetic smile and made his way back to the bed. Sasuke followed him and busied himself arranging the blankets and pillows around Itachi.

‘I suspect you feel the same, Naruto? Lady Tsunade has been telling me about your exploits. I’m so grateful to see you both, but am concerned you shouldn’t have travelled so far.’

Sasuke turned to look where Itachi was gazing. Naruto was being unusually quiet and hadn’t moved from where Itachi left him.

But the blonde met both sets of Uchiha eyes with a dazzling grin. ‘Yeah, I bet Tsunade has been telling you all the gory details, she thinks I’m totally mad.’ He walked to the bedside and gave Itachi another hug. ‘How are you really, niisan? Be honest with us. Granny looks completely drained, was she able to do enough for you?’

‘I want to avoid talking about my health and focus on you,’ Itachi said with a smile. He reached out and ruffled both Naruto and Sasuke’s hair. ‘But I know that’s not fair. I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been close to death many times, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep my promise to you, Sasuke. I tried to reach out to you through my mind hoping you’d hear my goodbye. Last night, I truly thought it was the end, but I felt your energy coming closer to me, and that made me fight as hard as I’ve ever fought. I didn’t want you to arrive to a corpse. I wanted to live and meet the newest little Uchiha. Lady Tsunade worked beyond even her great reputation to make it possible. This is my first time out of bed, but I was determined to look presentable for you, when you two were making such an effort for me. Now, that’s my story, I’m certain yours is more interesting.’

Naruto perched on the bed and chatted cheerily away, narrating a journey of happiness that Sasuke barely recognised. In Naruto’s version Sasuke and him had been best friends through the whole time and were incredibly excited about having the baby, there were little health challenges but nothing that worried them too much.

Sasuke watched his brother’s face, Itachi was always hard to read, but his illness had left his face gaunt and it was easier to see small movements that would normally go unnoticed. Sasuke judged Itachi to be unbelieving of Naruto’s tale, but enjoying the merry sound of the blonde’s voice.

Itachi met Sasuke’s gaze, and in those dark eyes, sunken with weariness, Sasuke saw so much love, but also another emotion that he was unwilling to identify.

Occasionally Sasuke added to Naruto’s rambling dialogue, saying the essential things about Danzo being defeated so Mei and the children would hopefully be safe as his death should break down the whole organisation. Mentioning that they’d bought the body back, complete with its collection of embedded sharingan, for Itachi to examine when he was better. But glossing over the fact that it was Naruto who had killed him in an all powerful rage. When Itachi was well enough to look at the beheaded corpse, then he’d be well enough to hear the details of Naruto’s transformation.

After a while, Itachi’s eyes closed and didn’t open again. His breathing took on the steady rhythms of sleep.

Sasuke picked up his brother’s hand and held it to his own cheek. ‘He feels so cold, Naruto. Do you think he’s really all right?’

Naruto rubbed Sasuke’s upper arm. ‘I think he’s got a long recovery ahead, but he’s got a lot to live for, he’s super amazing, he’s an Uchiha, so I’ve not got a single doubt he’s going to be okay.’

Sasuke noticed how tired the blonde was looking. This is the longest he’d been awake and talking since the attack. ‘What about you? Are you okay?’

‘No prizes for guessing I need to sleep.’ He grinned but there was only fatigue on his face. ‘I’ll see if I can find someone who can point me in the direction of a spare bed, or I might just snuggle up with Tsunade and Jiraiya on the sofa.’

Sasuke glanced over at the aged couple. ‘We should wake Tsunade up. You need a check-up. I haven’t forgotten about you pissing blood.’

Naruto shook his head. ‘Let her rest. Let me rest. It’ll wait another day. I promise I’d tell you if I needed help now.’

If Naruto hadn’t had the promise, Sasuke would have shaken the medic awake, he knew how liable the blonde was to downplay his pain. But after the emotional turmoil of seeing Itachi again, he wouldn’t mind some sleep himself. It would be better to be rested before facing Lady Tsunade’s undoubted anger that he’d allowed his pregnant boyfriend to make this journey and even get involved in a battle.

They both kissed Itachi’s cheeks before they left the room. Sasuke kept looking back over his shoulder, barely able to believe that it’d somehow worked out so well. He’d got to keep his boyfriend and his brother. He wanted to weep, but remembered with embarrassment how he’d broken down on that night in the cabin when Naruto returned. There was no way he wanted to repeat that scene.

They found Mei, who couldn’t stop hugging them and marvelling over Naruto’s bump. But seeing their tiredness she finally managed to restrain herself and took them to a spare room before rushing to watch over Itachi.

Naruto stripped off unabashedly, letting the clothes that were now uncomfortably tight fall at his feet. He left his underpants on and then collapsed on top of the sheets, not even bothering to burrow under them.

Sasuke took longer. Washing his face at the sink in the corner of the room. Glancing nervously over at Naruto’s naked back. It felt like a lifetime since he’d seen Naruto this unclothed. Travelling, he’d been worried he was developing a new fetish. Although his insistence on accompanying Naruto on his pee breaks had been purely because of health worries, he’d started to associate it with the only time he had a chance of glimpsing Naruto’s body, specifically his cock. More than once he’d had to be careful of the angle he stood at to ensure the blonde didn’t see the bulge at his groin.

In this room alone together, he’d had an erection even before Naruto raised a hand to his zipper. He undressed slowly, deciding to do the same as the blonde, and go down to his underpants. He folded his clothes up and put them in an empty drawer. Although in truth, he should probably try and do a controlled fire and burn both his and Naruto’s garments. They’d been travelling too long and too hard to be anywhere near spring fresh. He smelt under his arm and breathed onto his hand. For a moment he considered going to find Mei, but realised how ridiculous it would be to bother her when she was exhausted by Itachi’s condition and caring for five children. He did more of a search through the drawers and cupboards and found a bit of toothpaste and some soap. He gave himself more of a wash and then walked over to the bed.

He was surprised how nervous he was at laying down beside Naruto. His stomach flipped and his heart thumped. He reminded himself that he’d been with this man since they were both boys. Until recently he’d gone to sleep every night with the blonde curled up against him. For a lot of their travelling he’d carried Naruto close to his body, with the blonde snuggled up and never complaining. He had no reason to be shy. And Naruto warmed to confidence and strength.

Sasuke steadied his hand, which was actually shaking, and placed it on Naruto’s hip. He brushed his lips over the top of Naruto’s spine and across his shoulder blades.

Normally, Naruto responded immediately to kisses, moaning and pressing against Sasuke. Right now he was totally still. Had the pregnancy taken away his desire? There hadn’t been any sexual contact between them, but there had definitely been significant looks and Naruto had made enough of his casually flirtatious remarks to indicate he was interested in Sasuke. Just before they’d seen Itachi, Naruto had been comfortably chatting about sex. Although the dobe wasn’t snoring, he must have fallen immediately into a deep sleep, which wasn’t unusual seeing what they’d been through.

Sasuke exhaled heavily, equally with relief and disappointment. His nerves vanished and he pressed his body against the other man’s. He stroked along Naruto’s hips and waist for a while before reaching around to touch the bump, hoping he might feel a kick again.

Naruto suddenly moved, grabbing Sasuke’s wrist before it touched his belly.

Sasuke looked wide eyed at the strong grip holding him easily away from Naruto’s skin. That wasn’t the playful fighting they often engaged in as a kind of foreplay, goading the other one into trying to overpower them. That was a battle move from someone defending themselves.

‘You’re not asleep then,’ Sasuke said neutrally.

‘I’m… sorry…I…can’t...do…this.’ Naruto’s words were interspersed with sobs.

Sasuke jerked away from Naruto’s hold, and pushed Naruto’s shoulder back into the mattress. The blonde didn’t resist and Sasuke gazed down into bloodshot eyes and a face wet with tears. This hadn’t just started, Naruto had obviously been silently crying from the moment he lay down.

‘What’s going on, dobe? This is a happy day. Itachi is alive. Like you said he would be.’

‘Can…you…can you please…just sleep on like that sofa over there…like you did at the cabin…not next to me.’ Naruto breathed deeply trying to control his sobbing, but the tears flowed faster.

‘I can. But tell me first what’s going on.’

Naruto wiped the back of his hand over his eyes. ‘I think…I’ve been suppressing too much. Making myself strong for you…thinking you needed me. But now Itachi’s fine…and…when you hit me…all the memories…they all came back at once.’

‘What memories?’ Sasuke’s heart alternated between feeling like it would thump out of chest, to almost stopping.

Naruto held a hand up. ‘Give me…give me a minute.’  He continued to cry.

Sasuke sat up on the edge of the bed, turning away from his boyfriend’s tears. He yearned to hold him and comfort him, instead he ran his hands through his own hair and waited for Naruto to speak again. He imagined this is what a prisoner expecting a sentence of execution felt like. Knowing what was going to happen, but still hoping that somehow it could turn out differently.

Naruto coughed a few times, then made a few sounds that weren’t recognisable words, but finally his voice came clearly and fluently. ‘I’m sorry, Sasuke. About the baby. It was something you didn’t want. With me. And it’s caused you nothing but distress. I believed so much in our love that I truly thought it was the only thing separating you from me. I hope that you can forgive me, and won’t hold my stupidity against the poor kid when she’s born.’

There was silence in the room.  Naruto was giving him a chance to say the right thing and Sasuke was desperately trying to think of the correct response. Too often, the wrong words, angry words he didn’t want to speak slipped out of his mouth. He couldn’t let that happen now.

‘I remember the things you said to me. I remember why you broke up with me. And it never made sense until now. I understand what you meant and you were right, we’d been together too long and never developed. If we were better ninjas so many bad things could have been avoided. Jiraiya said no one has ever learnt has fast as I have, he said no one is as creative as me, or thinks quite like I do, and I used that knowledge to make myself fricking pregnant with a child you don’t want. Like you said, I was sitting in a cave happily doing my own selfish thing while Shino was fighting with every breath in his body to save the genin. My genin, Madoka, Kasuga and Hikaru, who I was supposed to help become chunin, and all I was doing, was leading them to an early grave.’ Naruto’s voice broke into sobs.

Sasuke’s hands clenched into fists. He had no words, only a deep desire to take Naruto in his arms and cover his whole body in kisses. But it was too clear that the blonde didn’t want to be touched by him.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t understand what you were trying to say to me,’ Naruto continued in a voice filled with pain. ‘But, Sasuke…you were too cruel. You had my complete trust. You know me so well, and you used that knowledge to hurt me. And…use me. The things you said to me. I wish I had never remembered them. I can see why I forgot them so easily, I want to scrub them out of my brain and pretend they never happened.’

Sasuke twisted his body to look back at the blonde. ‘Then do that.’

Naruto was still crying. But Sasuke saw the yearning in the other man’s face. He was longing for Sasuke to convince him it could work between them.

Sasuke swung around to kneel on the bed and lean over Naruto. ‘We’ve had so many good years, dobe, and we’ve got so many ahead of us. The pain of this moment will fade and become nothing. We’ve both done things wrong, but out of our mistakes, you made this miracle baby…’

‘You said I…you said I raped you.’

‘I was under strain, I was so scared for Itachi and worried about you. It was a bad choice of words. A very bad choice.’

‘Itachi and I were both in perfect health when you gave me the ring.’ Naruto swallowed. ‘Either you don’t know me at all…or you were deliberately taunting me with the fact that I’d mistake it for a real proposal.’

Sasuke forced himself to keep meeting Naruto’s gaze, when all he wanted to do was lower his eyes and scream in shame. ‘Before I left to find Lady Tsunade, Itachi was helping me see what some of my true motives might have been. We can talk through it all. Every single thing. I won’t shut down, I won’t refuse you access to any part of my mind. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you. I want to be with you. I always have. I just got confused. I’ll be by your side from now until the end, I promise you that you can rely on me, you and the baby will never be alone.’

Naruto gave the smallest of nods. So small that even with the intensity that he was looking at the blonde, Sasuke wasn’t certain he’d seen it. But he couldn’t let the chance slip.

‘You pregnant with my child is the most beautiful sight I could ever imagine.’ He moved his hand to touch Naruto’s stomach.

And then his hope, the flutter of happiness that was beginning to grow in him, disappeared. Naruto grabbed his wrist again before he could touch him.

‘I’m sorry, Sasuke. I can’t. I want to, so very very much, but I can’t. How can I trust you when you’ve broken all your previous words of love to me? If it was just me, I wouldn’t care how many times you hurt me, I’d keep going through it all. But I need to be strong for this baby, and I can’t be strong if I’m constantly scared of which way your mood is going to flip next. How can I nurture this child, if the main thing I’m concerned with, is whether you’re going to want to hold me or be hating on me?’

‘I’m telling you I’m yours,’ Sasuke said, unable to keep the frustration out of his voice. ‘You’ve nothing to worry about anymore.’

‘Maybe not, but I can’t take that risk when it’s more than you and me at stake.’

‘You had that baby because you wanted me, and now you’re saying you don’t want me because of it? Do you remember within that scrambled brain of yours, how you said that my reasons for dumping you didn’t make any sense, well, how about you listen to what you’re saying and see how much sense that makes.’ Sasuke’s tone had gone from frustration to bare anger. He pulled his hand roughly out of Naruto’s hold, although in his heart he wanted to keep skin to skin contact with the blonde whatever the reason for it. But he showed none of that to his ex. Rage and fear controlled his tongue.

 ‘Don’t you realise yet, that the baby’s not going to live? You can’t sustain it, because, in case you’ve failed to notice this, you’re a male. Your body doesn’t know what to do. I'm impressed that you’ve done so well keeping it all together for this long, but all you are really doing is prolonging the inevitable. What you’re doing is just an interesting experiment for Tsunade to observe. She wasn’t friends with Orochimaru for so long for nothing. I’ve read all her notes. You’re nothing but a curiosity, she doesn’t think there’s any chance of it surviving, has she told you that? Soon your body will be a coffin for that poor little soul and when you come crying to me about it, don’t expect any sympathy. This is all on your own stupidity.’

He pulled a blanket out from under Naruto’s body and stomped away to slump down on the sofa. Sasuke burnt with fury at himself. With one idiotic show of temper he’d proved Naruto right, that his moods weren’t stable, that he couldn’t be trusted.

The silence lasted for a long time, the room darkened as the day slipped into night.

It was Sasuke who finally spoke. ‘You forgive mass murderers, torturers, people who do the most evil thing. You even made friend with that prisoner, Sai, who would’ve helped Danzo rip that baby out of you if things had turned out differently. So why can’t you forgive me?’

‘Because you never say you’re sorry,’ Naruto answered immediately as if he’d been waiting all this while for Sasuke to ask that question. ‘Or because you’re the only person I love.’

Sasuke stared over at the shadowy shape of the man on the bed. ‘Shouldn’t loving me make you more forgiving towards me?’

‘It does, but there’s some things…’ Naruto’s body turned towards Sasuke’s. ‘Everything I said was valid and true, but I think I could have…forgotten it like you said. Or at least worked around it.’ There was still the sound of crying in Naruto’s voice though so much time had passed. ‘It was when you went to touch my belly, it was like my whole soul screamed out and I couldn’t let you because it felt like you’d physically hurt me and Sassy chan.’

Tears snuck out of Sasuke’s own eyes at the way Naruto so simply said his pet name for the baby.

‘I didn’t think I was a jealous person, but I guess it was just you never gave me any reason to be. I don’t know how many people you’ve had sex with, and sometimes I want to, and sometimes I think it would kill me if I did. I know about Karin, of course, you told me about her as if it shouldn’t matter to me. But I’m fairly sure you had sex with all your team. Definitely at the cabin, while I was sleeping all the time, trying to block out the constant pain. Probably while Tsunade was with me in the cave, both of us struggling with all our might to keep this baby alive. Those were tough times, but I got through it because I thought I was doing it for you.

‘Now I know you didn’t care. That you were busy fucking whoever you could to pass the time while I was battling to survive. And I think of those hands and lips and your whole amazing body that used to be the pleasure of my life. And I think of you touching all those other people, and doing to them the things that I thought were so special to us, because we trusted each other so completely, because your passion in bed was the way you showed me how much you loved me. And it makes me feel physically sick to think of your hands and lips and your whole tainted body coming anywhere near me or my baby. I’m afraid, that’s how petty it is, that’s what my emotions come down to. It’s late and I’m so tired, and I don’t know if that makes any sense, but that’s what I feel.’

Sasuke continued to stare across at Naruto’s silhouette. Unfortunately what he’d said had made perfect sense. Sasuke was familiar with jealousy, he knew how it twisted and writhed inside you and never let you escape its hold. It wasn’t an emotion that belonged in his bright boyfriend, but now it was there, even Naruto’s natural optimism would never be able to banish it.

This should have been such a beautiful celebratory day, but instead he was certain he’d really lost Naruto, and now every day for the rest of his life would be overshadowed by deep inconsolable regret.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for reading it all, and remaining with this work. I look forward (with a little bit of anxiety!) to seeing your comments. Feel free to ask any questions, relevant to the story or not, I love discussing favourite colours :D
> 
> I'm going to lie down and just breathe for a while now, as I've been totally lost in this story and am feeling very emotional.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsunade feels the effects of rushing to save Itachi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for continuing to read. The comments I received on the last chapter were so inspiring as I was seriously nervous posting it and unsure what the response would be.
> 
> This chapter is the reverse to the last one, whereas that one got bigger and bigger, this one was supposed to contain more, but in the end I've cut it to focus on Tsunade. I hope that's okay. I look forward to your feedback, and don't worry the next chapters will (almost definitely) flip back to more on the boys.
> 
> It's been a strange week for me, I had two black cats, brothers obviously called Itachi and Sasuke. But Sasuke the smaller one, took his name to heart, and had a fight with his big brother and left. I haven't seen him for days, I guess any pet owners will know how scary that is. So I wanted to write something fluffy to cheer myself up...but instead I wrote this.

Tsunade decided the huge advantage of the Uchiha clan was that whatever happened they showed no emotion. Itachi’s eyes didn’t even flicker at the change in her appearance, whereas she had to steel herself to look at her own hands without the transformation technique in place. Only at the end of the examination did Itachi deviate from the purely doctor patient conversation.

‘You’ve given too much to Naruto and I,’ he stated.

‘I’ve given just enough to keep you both alive,’ she retorted. ‘Which isn’t easy when your little brother has messed with Naruto so much, that the brat thinks making himself pregnant is a genius idea. And you’re not much better, being the hero, determined to pretend there’s nothing wrong with your body, and taking on a whole army by yourself.’

‘I wasn’t alone, Sasuke was by my side the whole time.’ He smiled, but his aura was sad. ‘How is Naruto truly?’

 ‘I’m confident that you’ll follow my instructions to recovery. With him…’ Tsunade sighed. ‘He shouldn’t even be here. I believed Sasuke had overcome his little crisis and remembered that he is actually deeply in love with Naruto and should be acting accordingly. I trusted him to be sensible and look after his boyfriend, instead…’ she spread her arms in a gesture of despair.

‘You’re right, of course, I wish Sasuke had acted more responsibility. But I can’t help but be glad that they managed to kill Danzo, and forgive me for the weakness, but I am happy to see them both.’

‘Me too. I didn’t think I’d have the opportunity to say…’ She let the unsaid word hang in the air and they looked at each other with understanding.

‘I will never be able to fully repay you, but is there anything at all I can do for you?’

‘Get better,’ Tsunade said briskly packing her equipment away into her bag. ‘Look after yourself, your wife, your children. Have a good life.’ She looked down at her aged fingers and then back up at him and spoke in a softer voice. ‘I know Sasuke is your concern, and if ever a boy was in need of some sensible help, heaven knows, it’s him, but please… care for Naruto too. He loves you and your family. Be there for him when he needs you.’

‘I would do that anyway.’

‘You’re a wise man, you assess people and situations better than anyone I know, but don’t you dare tell Jiraiya I said that!’ She gazed into Itachi’s eyes imagining she was still a young woman in all her beauty, someone people paid attention to and esteemed. She spoke in a firm and serious voice. ‘If you judged that to be happy Sasuke needed Naruto’s support more than anything else, but the strain of the relationship would do long term damage to Naruto’s confidence and self-worth, how would you advise your little brothers, knowing that both respect your opinion and listen to you above anyone else?’

‘I think you credit me with more influence than I have, Sasuke unfortunately seemed unable to follow the guidance I gave him regarding Naruto.’

Tsunade nodded. It was the type of answer she expected. ‘You’re talking about Sasuke when he was in a unique and highly pressured situation. You know under different circumstances he would have trusted whatever you told him. And Naruto may be somewhat unpredictable, but with respects to Sasuke, you know full well, he will do anything that he thinks is in that man’s best interests, far above and beyond what is actually best for himself. And he would have complete faith in whatever you tell him Sasuke needs.’ Tsunade picked up her bag and walked away from Itachi’s bedside. At the door she looked back over her shoulder. ‘Perhaps _if_ you are ever in a situation where Naruto is asking you for advice, and you know what’s good for him might not be the same as what’s good for Sasuke, you will think of me and the favour you’ve just offered me.’

Itachi’s face gave no indication of acceptance or declining. He gave her a low respectful bow. ‘Thank you for all you’ve done for me. I’ll remember you as one of the greatest shinobi.’

Tsunade left the room and leant back against the door exhaling deeply.

It was not far to where Naruto and Sasuke had been given a room, but she needed to prepare herself mentally for seeing her final patient.

She knew Itachi would recognise the lines of death written on her face, as he had, but the little brat she was unsure of. He could be both surprisingly astute and shockingly stupid. She wanted it to be normal between them: her rebuking him for not looking after himself, him giving his sheepish grin and depending on his mood, making feeble excuses, or arguing that he’s actually doing really well.

There had been a lot of people she’d loved in her life and who had loved her. For a while she’d only felt the loss, but now she felt the blessings of the people who had passed along her path if only for a brief time. However, there had been no one else like Naruto. With his determination, his youthful optimism, and that old conviction he’d had that he was going to be hokage, he’d given her back her hope, her ability to love again; he’d gifted her with a second chance at life, without probably ever being fully aware of how much she treasured all the things he just naturally said and did.

She swallowed hard thinking that after all he’d done for her, her final, unintended, gift to him was this pregnancy that might kill him. She wished she’d been awake when he’d arrived back yesterday, she would have been able to fight through the deadening fatigue after saving Itachi, if she knew she’d get to see Naruto. She was surprised to learn that Sasuke hadn’t disturbed her to immediately do a health check on his boyfriend. And she wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a bad one? Did it mean Naruto was flourishing so well, that the normally overprotective Uchiha didn’t think his lover needed any medical attention? Or just that the Uchiha didn’t care enough to interfere?  

She sincerely hoped it was the former. It was the last thing she truly desired from this life: some reassurance that her mistake in giving Naruto the keys to this pregnancy wasn’t going to prove fatal.  Plus, she might not have much affection for Sasuke herself, but she knew how devoted Naruto was to him, and if anyone deserved to have their love returned, it was that brave, awe inspiring boy. In truth, she couldn’t comprehend how someone fortunate enough to be the recipient of Naruto’s enormous love would ever even consider turning away from it.  But Sasuke wore his indifference the way normal people wore clothes, so who knew what his naked emotions looked like?

Almost without making a conscious decision Tsunade put her transformation technique back up. It hurt. But everything hurt now. It was more that keeping it in place would take hours off her life, and she didn’t have many left to spare.  Jiraiya would be hurt that she’d shortened their remaining time together, but he would understand her choice to have her final meeting with Naruto wearing the face he recognised. She was a medic, she’d witnessed so many times that the pain of witnessing and acknowledging the deterioration of a loved one could be as devastating as the ultimate loss.

As she strode towards Naruto’s room, she didn’t think of her nearing demise, her mind filled with memories of the buoyant blonde, all the times he’d fought for her, all the times he’d made her laugh, the ridiculous brightness of his clothes, his unfaltering loyalty, his strong sense of fairness, his unending mercy, oh, and that amazing grin. She chuckled at the thought that if their spirits had been born on this earth at the same time, Sasuke wouldn’t have stood a chance, she’d have snapped the boy up and never let him go. But that was an idle dream of another life, in this one he was a treasured friend that she was so happy to have had weaved into the fabric of her days.

She didn’t knock, but swung the door wide open.  If the two of them were engaged in some of their more intimate activities, she knew from long experience, a knock wasn’t a signal to separate and receive their guest, it was merely another thing to ignore. They could be totally absorbed in each other, completely oblivious to everyone else, for hours. And she couldn’t wait that long.

They weren’t absorbed in each other.

Naruto was sitting cross legged on the bed. He was wearing lounge pants hanging low under his bump, and a bright orange jacket that hung open, probably because it was now impossible to zip it up over his stomach. The necklace she’d given him when he was still a child hung down on his bare chest. It touched her that he’d worn it all these years, that what was precious to her had become part of his whole appearance. His dream of becoming hokage may have faded over the years, but the gem shone against his bare skin and made him look more regal than many an actual leader.

Sasuke was alone on the sofa, his poise perfect as he flicked through the pages of a thick book.  Tsunade noted the folded up blanket and pillow next to Sasuke.

‘Granny!’ Naruto greeted her. ‘I was worried about you, I tried to come and see you, but Jiraiya said that I had to wait ‘til you came to me. And I can’t bribe him with my sexy jutsu at the moment, so I was stuck having to do what he told me.’

‘You being more obedient would not be a bad thing.’ Tsunade crossed her arms under her chest.

Sasuke put his book down and walked over to her. He gave a respectful bow of his head. ‘Thank you, Lady Tsunade, for saving Itachi. I wish that…’

Tsunade punched him across the room. There was a satisfactory crack in the wall, and she realised with a smile that she’d found the first good thing about dying: she wouldn’t be around to hear the Raikage moan about it. But the huge disadvantage of the Uchiha clan was that whatever happened they showed no emotion. Sasuke brushed himself down without a flicker on his face, and then politely asked if she’d like him to go and get some tea for her.

Naruto however was laughing loudly. ‘No stay around, Sas, I want to watch you get beaten up by an old lady some more.’

‘Enough of the old, brat!’ Tsunade snapped. ‘You’re just lucky that your pregnancy protects you from being punched.’

Naruto grinned. ‘You can keep a tab and pay them back to me after I give birth. I don’t want you think I’m using little Sassy chan as an excuse to get away with things.’

Tsunade couldn’t help returning his smile, this is exactly how she wanted things to be like today. Well, almost. She was concerned about the distance between the two boys. Naruto needed complete peace and happiness, and for him that meant a stable and loving Sasuke. And Tsunade knew that even with his Uchiha mask on, a loving Sasuke was obviously possessive and incredibly attentive to his boyfriend, not, as he was now, a man who stood to the side not even looking at the blonde.

‘Okay, then, let’s examine the damage you’ve done by recklessly running down here instead of resting at the cabin like you were supposed to.’  She strode over to him.

Naruto gave a mock sigh of unhappiness. ‘Well, if you’re going to torment me and not hit Sasuke some more, Sasuke might as well go and get some tea, I’m kinda getting thirsty too.’

Sasuke left the room without saying anything else.

Tsunade watched the Uchiha leave and then turned back to Naruto. ‘How are things between the two of you?’ She asked the question carefully. The manner in which the brat had gained his focus was all wrong and had done potentially a lot of damage to his memory. When in initial ignorance of his mindwipe, she’d casually mentioned the split with Sasuke and wondered if the pregnancy had softened the Uchiha’s heart, Naruto had fallen into a severe shock.

Naruto frowned and she was worried what his response would be.

‘Yeah, I wanted to get him out of the room so he wouldn’t hear you lecturing me and get even more protective.’ The blonde took his jacket completely off and lay down on the bed. ‘So finish all the bad stuff you’re going to say to me before he gets back, pleeease.’

‘He needs to be more protective of you, what was he thinking letting you journey all this way? It’s him I’m furious with, not you. Why do you think I punched him?’

Naruto shrugged. ‘I figured it was just his face, yaknow, I _love_ him and I still have an almost constant desire to punch that arrogant smirk into the next world.’

Tsunade raised her eyebrows. ‘I thought you couldn’t get enough of staring at that arrogant smirk?’

‘That’s what makes it even more annoying and punchable, how much I love even the most infuriating expressions when they’re on his beautiful face.’

Tsunade opened her medical bag but didn’t start her examination. ‘How much you love him, still doesn’t change that fact that Sasuke shouldn’t have let you travel, it was too risky. If he’s your main carer he needs to be incredibly responsible to balance you out.’

Naruto’s expression softened. ‘This has all been really tough on him. Don’t tell anyone else, yaknow his mad pride thing, but he totally broke down crying in my arms at the cabin. He’s working so hard looking after me and is really worried that it’s not enough. Then with all his tears, it slipped out about Itachi, and I insisted we came down immediately. And you know that I can be pretty impossible to say no to at normal times, let alone with pregnancy power on my side.’ He twisted his face up. ‘But did you say something in that letter of yours about him not being able to have any, yaknow, boyfriendy contact with me? Because I haven’t been able to convince him that’s safe. The bastard is even sleeping on the sofa _to avoid temptation_. Huh! When he comes back can you like, sounding natural and everything, kinda tell him sex would help the pregnancy?’

Tsunade’s lips twitched into the smile, well at least that explained the bedding on the sofa, Sasuke wasn’t indifferent to his boyfriend, but was trying to look after him. And it was true that Naruto’s determination could trample all resistant down. She’d had no intention of letting him actually make himself pregnant, but here he was with a massive bump.

‘I’m not going to say anything of the sort. How many times do I have to tell you that what you need to do is rest and stay calm?’

‘Maybe about a hundred more times. Every day. For the rest of the pregnancy.’

‘If only that wasn’t true.’ She felt around his bump and sighed. ‘Naruto, I’m going to have to add more things on to the lecture about you resting. I submitted to helping you speed up the growth of the baby in the cavern to get it to three months and hopefully past the time when your body would reject the foetus. But you weren’t supposed to continue doing it on your own. You might think you’re helping the baby by making it bigger quicker, but this baby is not going to survive if you kill yourself in the process of trying to protect her.’

Naruto’s colour faded slightly. ‘I’m not doing it. Sassy chan’s pulling on mine and Kurama’s chakra all on her own. Me and Kurama chatted about it and we weren’t sure how to stop her without hurting her. Is it a bad thing?’

All her career Tsunade had clear unbreachable boundaries with her patients, she was no more affectionate to Jiraiya when she was treating him than she was to a complete stranger, but today she brushed her hand through Naruto’s yellow hair.

‘You should have a baby the size of a peanut around six weeks old, instead you have a massive football that could be six months. The strain on your body is more than I can imagine.’ She rested her hand on Naruto’s forehead. ‘As this is new territory within impossible terrain, there is a strong probability that even if your baby is growing in physical mass, her organs are not developing properly. Her body could be full of defects, she could be brain damaged. We’ll need to do a whole range of tests to ascertain what is going on and…’

Naruto grabbed Tsunade’s hand. ‘Granny, before Sasuke returns, can you please, tell me honestly whether you think Sassy chan will survive?’

There was a desperate sadness in his eyes that pained Tsunade as much as anything ever had in her long life. ‘If it was anyone else but you, I could have bet a good deal of money, and for once won, that the foetus wouldn’t have survived a week in their body. With you, despite everything that science and logic would say, I know that this time next year, you and Sassy chan are both going to be healthy and thriving.’

A tear fell down her cheek as she spoke. But it was a tear of joy and relief. As she spoke the words she felt how fully she believed in them.  Naruto was the only person she knew who would be crazy enough to risk destroying his body to get pregnant by a man who had rejected him, but he was also the only person she knew who was strong and determined enough to make it work.

She squeezed Naruto’s hand and continued in a thorough examination of his whole body, interrupting his constant chatter about the best colour for a nursery with relevant questions, which he mostly answered to her satisfaction. 

There was one important question that she was struggling to ask though. But she needed to. After checking his ankles and fingers for swelling, she spoke in exactly the same tone as she had when inquiring about his diet, and said, ‘We’ve had recent proof of how precarious this life we’ve chosen is. It was a very difficult decision for me to choose to leave you with Sasuke and rush to help Itachi. I did it because I thought it is what you would have decided, and that once you were well enough to be told, it’d distress you to think I’d stayed with you instead of doing everything I could to save the man who you think of your brother. If there’s other occasions when I’m not able to be there for you, who would you trust to care for you and Sassy chan?’

‘I can’t imagine seeing this through with anyone but you,’ Naruto immediately replied. They gazed at each other for a long moment, then Naruto’s eyes twinkled. ‘But I get it, if you and Jiraiya want to sneak off and have some alone time, you can pass me on to someone else. Just remember I know where your romantic cabin is now, so there’ll be no real escape from me ever again, whenever I want you, I’ll come and find you.’

‘Luckily me and Jiraiya have more than one hide out.’ Tsunade smiled. Her heart hurt though, she wished she could stay in this world where Naruto could pester her as much as he wanted, which would never be enough for her and Jiraiya, but they’d always been careful not to crowd him. She took a deep breath. ‘In seriousness though, the three medics I feel are capable of helping you are Kabuto…’

‘Ew.’

‘Sakura.’

‘Oh.’

‘And Shizune.’

‘Yes.’

‘I’ll give her a copy of your notes then. But Shizune is a dear friend to me, so you better not make her life difficult, brat, understand?’

‘I will be such an obedient and wonderful patient that she’ll beg you to always let her treat me.’

‘Good. That is exactly what I want to hear.’ Tsunade put her equipment away, though she yearned to somehow prolong her time with him. However, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep her transformation technique in place.

‘She put up with you for years, didn’t she? She’s going to find me soooo easy in comparison.’ Naruto chuckled.

‘That’s going on your punching tab., Tsunade said.

The door opened and Sasuke came in.

‘I thought you were doing a whole tea ceremony, you’ve been gone so long,’ Naruto quipped. ‘Oh, it looks like you have.’

Sasuke wheeled in a trolley covered with numerous delicate little cakes and three different teapots. ‘I couldn’t remember what your favourite tea was, Lady Tsunade, so I brewed two options, plus the one I know Naruto likes. I hope one will please you, but if it doesn’t, I’ll go and make you another one.’

Tsunade frowned. In all the years she’d known them, Sasuke had done so many things to specifically please Naruto, but she could never have described him as servile…until now. Was something wrong between them after all? She glanced back at Naruto who was grinning his widest grin all his teeth showing.

‘Do you see how things are? You saved Itachi once before when we first brought him back to Konoha, but that wasn’t enough. To earn the humble gratitude of an Uchiha, you also have to help his male lover get pregnant and save his brother from death again. Then you have a slave for life. Or for at least for one day he’ll worry himself about giving you a nice cup of tea.’

Naruto swung his legs off the bed and walked over to his boyfriend, he avoided his bump, and pulled the other man against his side in a tight embrace. He planted a kiss on Sasuke’s head and whispered in his loud whisper that people in the next room could probably hear, ‘It’s Okay, Sas, you can relax, Granny has saved Itachi, everything’s good now.’

Sasuke leaned with incredible tenderness against Naruto then his dark eyes met Tsunade’s, and she saw the deep worry there that Naruto had mentioned.

‘I have my notes, I forgot to give them to you, I should have given them to you when you first arrived.’

It was rare to see an Uchiha anything but perfectly composed; in the worse pains and a breath away from death, Itachi still held a reserve as if his spirit could not be touched by any illness. But here was Sasuke, first servile and now distinctly ruffled as he found and passed Tsunade a wad of paper. She looked through the neat writing, which recorded Naruto’s condition since she’d left him in more meticulous detail than any normal medic would have even attempted, it is something that could only have been composed by someone deeply in love with an extreme knowledge of the patient. Although some of the notes he’d made about Naruto, concerned her medically, overall she was relieved to see such attentativeness from Sasuke.

‘Did he tell you that he urinated blood while we were travelling?’ That was the more traditional Uchiha voice complete with a sideways glower at Naruto.

‘No, he didn’t.’ Tsunade raised her eyebrows at the blonde who responded with his sheepish grin and a hand rubbing the back of his head.

 ‘He’ll say it wasn’t much blood, but it was a significant amount. I carried him the rest of the way. Even allowing for the battle tiring him out…’

‘Brat, you weren’t actually involved in the fight against Danzo, were you?’ She put Sasuke’s notes down and placed her hands on her hips. ‘I think we need to start this examination again, don’t we? This time _Sasuke_ can answer my questions.’

Although she had been incredibly thorough the first time, she repeated all her tests as she listened to the new information that Sasuke was providing and referred to his notes.

‘How aware were you of what you were doing when you burnt the ink birds and ran towards Danzo?’ she asked Naruto when she was satisfied she now had a full picture of what had been happening.

Naruto sighed. ‘Honestly, I had no idea what was going on with the burning. But when I went for Danzo, it was more familiar, like it always is when Sasuke is in danger, I just felt more…powerful, I guess. I didn’t quite know what  I was doing, but I knew I was going to protect him. I didn’t know I’d gone all glowy until Sasuke said, and I only knew I’d gone part fox because of remarks Suigetsu was making.’

Again Tsunade broke her own treatment protocol and cupped one of her hands around Naruto’s face. ‘You need to be so careful. This whole pregnancy is something that no one else has ever experienced, and, being the child of you two, this baby already seems to have a strong will of its own. You need to keep control of your own body. Look after yourself, or at least make it easier for other people to look after you.’ She turned away from the blonde and gazed into the disconcertingly dark eyes of the younger Uchiha brother. ‘I’ve already told him this, but I’m going to repeat it again to you, he needs complete rest and calm. No more moving about. Remain here for the rest of the pregnancy, I know A and Killer Bee will love having you, and Itachi will benefit from your company during his own recovery. Is that understood? I want you to provide Naruto with a completely peaceful environment.’

Naruto made a groaning sound. ‘By peaceful you mean totally and utterly boring, don’t you, Granny? At least soften the blow a bit and tell the bastard that we can have as much sex as I want.’

Tsunade rolled her eyes. ‘I just told you the most important thing is to remain calm. But, I suppose you can do limited activities.’

Naruto bounced into a sitting position. ‘How limited is limited?’

Tsunade laughed. ‘I’m not going to draw you diagrams. Let’s just say kissing, cuddling and maybe a little more, but _nothing_ that takes you even close to losing control.’

Naruto whined. ‘Just looking at him makes me lose control.’  But he leapt off the bed and pulled Sasuke in for a passionate kiss, before jumping away again. ‘Is that allowed?’

Tsunade smiled, she had to admit Naruto did look in control, if anything it was the dark haired man who looked more unwilling to break away. ‘That’s fine. But this feels like my time to leave before I have to endure a whole demonstration of things that may or may not be permissible, but I definitely don’t want to see.’ She picked up her bag and steeled herself for walking away without letting her mask fall.

Before she could even take a step towards the door, Naruto barrelled into her and held her in a hug that was somehow both incredibly strong and incredibly gentle.

‘What’s up with you now?’ She managed to keep her voice brisk despite the emotions rising in her. ‘I am going to prescribe much more meditating to keep control of your pregnancy mood swings.’

‘This isn’t a mood swing. It’s me needing to say thank you. I haven’t told you how happy you’ve made me, Granny. I know you think me having a baby is pure craziness, but it’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I am so so grateful to you for making it possible. I’ll never be able to express to you how much I love you, for this, and for everything.’

She leaned against him for a moment. ‘I think you having a baby is pure craziness, but more than that, it’s pure you, an unbelievable miracle.’ With effort she stepped away from him. ‘Now you,’ she looked at Sasuke, ‘take amazing care of him, perhaps start by getting him some clothes that actually fit him.  And you,’ she ran a hand through that bright yellow hair, ‘stop getting overexcited and keep calm!’

She quickly left the room while she still could. As soon as the door was closed behind her, her body aged decades and tears ran down her face, but in her heart she felt only joy.

***

 

Sasuke ran his tongue over his lips. His mouth, no, his whole body, still felt the heat of that unexpected kiss. Naruto and him hadn’t spoken a word to each other since Naruto had told him that the idea of Sasuke touching him made him feel physically sick. But Tsunade’s visit had cheered Naruto. He had acted towards Sasuke exactly as he used to before Sasuke had moved out; a charming mixture of exaggerated exasperation and deep affection. He’d hugged Sasuke against him and Sasuke had fought to retain control and stop his knees giving out with relief. And then that kiss. It had been briefer than he liked, but filled with all the passion of their many years together.

Sasuke’s heart beat fast thinking what could happen between them now Tsunade had left the room. Naruto had been very keen to learn what was sexually permissible between them. It was a complete change from the heart wrenching words he’d spoken in the shadowy night, but Sasuke was in no position lately to judge anyone else for having mood fluctuations, and he definitely wasn’t going to now, when it was so much in his favour.

Right now Naruto stood motionless facing the door Tsunade had just walked out of. Sasuke’s breath caught in his throat just looking at the muscle definition in the other man’s back. He walked carefully over and traced one finger down the line of the blonde’s spine. He moved his mouth in to follow his finger with his lips.

‘What are you doing, Uchiha?’ Naruto growled. ‘It wasn’t easy to say the things I said to you yesterday, but I thought I’d been clear that I didn’t want you to touch me.’

Sasuke froze. Then as Naruto wasn’t moving or saying anything else, he recovered himself enough to walk around to stand in front of the other man. Naruto’s face was creased in anger, but tears were visible at the corner of his eyes.

‘You kissed me,’ Sasuke said in his most emotionless tone.

‘Yes. Because of Tsunade.’ The creases in Naruto’s forehead deepened.

‘You wanted Tsunade to see you kiss me? What the hell is going on in your dobe brain now?’

Naruto shook his head. ‘Do you see anything beyond your own desires? Do you even know me at all? Why would I say all those things to you unless they were my true feelings? And people who’ve spent a lot less time with me than you have, would know that I feel things deeply. Out of the two of us, I’m not the one who suddenly decides they’re going to pack up all their belongings in the middle of the night and abandon their childhood sweetheart.’

Sasuke’s heart was still beating fast, but for a completely different reason now. ‘I repeat, what the hell is going on in your dobe brain? You tell me you don’t want me, then you kiss me, then you don’t want me again, and I’m supposed to understand it’s all somehow to do with Tsunade?’

‘Yes you are.’ Naruto’s eyes lowered and he put his hands protectively on his belly. There was silence between them, before Naruto spoke again in a pained voice. ‘Did you really not see? I was scared yesterday when I saw her asleep with Pervy Sage, but I still had hope that she just needed to rest. When she walked in the room today though it was…’ Naruto looked up at Sasuke, tears streamed down his face.

Sasuke yearned to kiss them away, to physically comfort the man, but he stood motionless waiting for Naruto to continue talking.

‘Didn’t you notice how her transformation technique wasn’t perfect? How her voice wavered? That her walk was different? How tired she was?’ Naruto bit his lips. ‘You didn’t.’ He rubbed a hand over his eyes but his tears fell harder. ‘Tsunade’s dying, Sasuke.’

Sasuke went to hug him but Naruto stepped quickly back to avoid it. Sasuke swallowed hard. ‘She’s the best medic nin that’s ever lived, she knows her own body and is very capable of caring for herself. You’re being overdramatic. Calm yourself like she said, because it’s me that she’s going to be angry with when she next examines you.’

‘You don’t need to worry about being punched any more, I’m never going to see her again.’ He covered his eyes and made a sound that twisted around Sasuke’s heart. ‘Of course she knows her own body, she knew the damage she was doing and still overstretched herself. Because of me. I wanted to make a new life, to save our relationship, and instead people keep dying.’ Naruto fell to his knees.

Sasuke hunkered down next to him. His hand hovered close to the blonde’s back, but instead of touching his former boyfriend he withdrew it. All he could offer was words, and words were not his speciality.

‘ _If_ you’re right, then she made a conscious choice. She wanted to save you and to save Itachi, that’s how she’s always lived, wanting to help and cure others. You need to respect that.’

‘I know. I do respect her. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less, and it doesn’t make me any less guilty.’ Naruto’s voice was muffled as his hands now covered his whole face.

Sasuke remained quiet for a while, before he spoke again. He thought maybe the best thing for Naruto’s peace was to try and change the subject. ‘So, you still haven’t explained why you kissed me.’

Naruto removed his hands from his face and glared with real rage at the other man. ‘Is that all you care about? I know you weren’t as close as me, but Tsunade saved Itachi, I thought you might mind at least a little bit that she’s dying. But, no, all you care about is what chances you have to get sex from me. I know you’re too scared to play around with your fuckbuddies this close to Itachi, but are you getting that desperate that you want to come back to my sorry ass…and, um, what are some of the other things you’ve said to me? Freak, I remember that one and…’

‘Don’t do this,’ Sasuke said through gritted teeth. ‘We both have bad tempers, that’s nothing new, and we both do and say things we shouldn’t. You should be used to that by now. You don’t have to go over my mistakes.’

 ‘Whatever.’ Naruto shrugged. ‘You don’t want to talk about your behaviour, like you say nothing new. I should be used to that by now. You want to know about the kiss, I’ll do what you want and tell you about the kiss. ‘

He gazed at Sasuke with combative eyes, but Sasuke had nothing he could say, so after a few moments Naruto continued talking.

‘I saw that Tsunade didn’t want a big goodbye scene, that she wanted things to be normal between us. I thought she might be happy to know that I’ve finally come to my senses and realised that you don’t want me, but that would involve a long, sad conversation. And I thought she might be even happier if she believed that you and I were together and you were glad about the pregnancy and going to look after me properly. So on the very last time I’m going to see her, I lied to her, and I put on an act, and I hope that was the right thing to do.’ His shoulders drooped. ‘And as part of that act I kissed you even though you repulse me, because I thought it’d be more convincing as we’re normally all over each other.’ His blue eyes met Sasuke’s, they had lost any fight and appeared only sad and uncertain. ‘I’m really sorry though, if it wasn’t what you wanted. I keep making this stupid mistake of thinking that you perfectly understand me and know what and why I’m doing things. I’ll try and stop that, but it seems to be pretty deeply embedded. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known you hadn’t realised about Tsunade, but I did, and I’m sorry.’

‘I get things wrong, Naruto, but I still do know you, and that wasn’t the kiss of you acting, and it definitely wasn’t the kiss of you feeling repulsed by me.’ Sasuke spoke slowly and carefully.

Naruto blinked several times. ‘I can’t stop loving you over night. I kinda think, I can’t stop loving you ever. I did only kiss you to convince Tsunade we’re happy together, so she can go to her rest without worrying about me. But when our lips touched it’s like it always was, a single kiss isn’t a single kiss, it’s all the kisses we’ve ever had. Our lives are so entwined from when I was twelve and that first time when I got pushed into you, to a few months ago, that last time, when I climbed into your bedroom window after Shino and…’ Naruto breathed heavily. ‘It’s what I tried to say to you last night. It’s because I feel so much for you that I can barely stand being around you.’ Naruto’s eyes widened and he looked like he had when he was a young innocent teenager. ‘I thought we had something so amazing, so special, and I never doubted that it is what I wanted to live and fight and die for. But it was all a lie. Because…’

Sasuke tried to interrupt and protest that what they had, what they still could have, was the truest thing in the world.

Naruto raised his hand to stop him. ‘These aren’t easy things to say, so let me finish. It was all a lie, because either you never felt the same as I did, and that’s why you’ve drifted away from me and can do the things you’ve done. Or…or you do love me, but your love is so rotten and cruel it’s not worth possessing.’ Naruto’s head dropped down and he wept loudly, his shoulders shaking. ‘Please, please, leave me now, Sas. I…I hate being like this in front of you…now we’re…not… _please_ , can you just leave and give me time to grieve in peace for Tsunade.’

Sasuke stood up and looked uselessly around the room they were sharing. He tried to convince himself that his anatomy was responding exactly as it should be, but he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that his heart was actually bleeding.  His eyes fixed on the trolley he’d brought in earlier.

‘You should have some tea. You haven’t had any yet, and I spent a long time preparing it for you.’ Sasuke’s expression remained passive, but he wished he could punch himself. Hard. The man he loved was crying and all he could do was bully him into having a beverage. He knew how to comfort Naruto, how to touch him, when to speak, when to simply hold him.  Unlike most fighters, Naruto wasn’t the type of shinobi who would ever become immune to the horrors of death; he felt every single loss as a fresh new wound. But Sasuke had always been there to comfort him.

On their first real mission, Naruto early on displayed the fact he’d bypassed the quite essential lesson on how ninjas were supposed to aim for the demise of their enemies, and instead had shown unabashed sadness at the death of Haku and openly mourned the waste of life. That was when Sasuke had discovered a use for his own permanently grieving spirit and instinctively knew exactly how to act around Naruto, and the essential timing of when to let the pain be, and when to distract the blonde back into his normal happiness. Comforting Naruto had somehow eased his own torment, had made the shroud of darkness lift and let him believe in more than revenge. So, now as an adult more than a decade later, why when confronted with Naruto in the very depths of pain, was Sasuke only capable of offering his lover a stupid drink?

‘Fine. I’ll have a fucking cup of tea if it means that you’ll get the hell out of here.’ Naruto glared at him through tear filled eyes.

Sasuke poured the liquid carefully, taking care to counteract the tremble in his hands, then passed it down to Naruto who remained collapsed on the floor. Naruto swallowed it in one gulp and then passed the cup back to Sasuke. Sasuke had a strong urge to hurl the china across the room, but he placed it back on the tray. He didn’t know what else to do, so he next gave Naruto one of the small delicate cakes, he’d selected knowing how much the blonde loved sweet things. He hoped Naruto would see it as a token of gratitude for all the blonde had done for him, as he’d been so strict with the pregnant man’s diet at the cabin and on the journey.

Naruto folded his arms above his bump and shook his head. ‘Sassy chan’s your child, and she’s infected me with her tastes, she doesn’t like cake, so while we’re joined, I don’t either.’

The blonde’s tone was as icy as it ever got, but when he said _Sassy chan’s your child_ , it still made Sasuke want to fall to the floor and just kiss Naruto’s toes at the miracle he’d made happen. His emotion was so intense that to prevent himself doing that, he poured Naruto another cup of tea. Naruto stared at him with disbelieving eyes, but took it and gulped it down again.

‘Are you going to stand there feeding me tea all day?’

 _Yes, yes! If it gives me an excuse to stay near you_ , Sasuke thought.

‘It’s important that you drink enough,’ Sasuke said neutrally. ‘You don’t do these things on your own. You’re fortunate that you’ve got me to look after you.’

Naruto emitted a low moaning sound of pain, and Sasuke left the room before the blonde could say anything else.

***

‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’ Jiraiya put his arm around her in a gesture that could have come from any point in their relationship, but Tsunade knew that he was only doing it now so he could casually support most of her weight.

‘I like sake, gambling and, on certain days, you,’ Tsunade grumbled. ‘I don’t like surprises.’

‘You might like this one,’ he said.

‘Which suggests, I might not.’ Her voice was rough, but it was from the death creeping through her body, rather than any genuine temper.

Jiraiya hadn’t said anything about her wasting her life energy keeping her transformation technique up for Naruto, even though her sharp decline made it obvious what she’d done. He also didn’t complain, but had sat quietly beside her, assisting where he could, by finding more paper and pens, when she had used up even more of her strength writing notes and a plan for Shizune to take over the pregnancy care of her favourite brat. And right now she was more grateful for his understanding about that than any of the other countless kindnesses he’d shown her over the years. So if he insisted on making her take this one last walk from the quiet of their room to some unknown place, it was the very least she could do to show her gratitude.

‘I suppose we’ll just have to find out.’ Jiraiya stopped outside the door he’d led her to and looked deeply into her face. ‘I’m very grateful to you, you know, if you hadn’t rejected me all those times, I would never have fully appreciated how much I needed you and loved you.’

Tsunade smiled and lightly punched him on the shoulder. ‘You mean you’re grateful I didn’t tie you down too soon, or you wouldn’t have had time to look at all those other women. There’s a reason our young friend named you Pervy Sage.’

Jiraiya laughed, but he spoke seriously. ‘It’s strange how humans works. I believe at least at some level Sasuke thought he was making a mature decision by breaking up with Naruto and given them both the freedom to develop independently.  But from my perspective, with so many years more experience, I would swap all my shinobi skills and be perfectly content being a normal writer, if it meant I just got one day extra by your side. I won’t say the things I’d be willing to do, to have what he had; all those additional years if you’d liked me how I liked you, and fallen for me when we were still kids. Am I the fool, or is he?’

Tsunade pressed her head against his chest, which was still broad and strong, seemingly unaffected by the years. ‘Kiss me, and show me your surprise before it’s too late.’

‘You’re always the same, ignoring my questions.’ Jiraiya leaned into her and covered her face with tender kisses, ending by gently pressing his lips against hers.

She would have liked to die in that moment, his arms around her, the smell and taste of him filling her senses, but she held on and allowed him to open the door. Her life was fading fast though, and this time he couldn’t casually support her, but openly carried her through into the room.

She closed her eyes remembering their wedding day. Jiraiya had suffered from an incredible bout of nerves that she would jilt him, and drunk enough to fell even his great constitution. Naruto as best man had propped him up through the ceremony, and then him and Sasuke had carried him up to the honeymoon suite. She had been furious at the time, and would have really jilted him, if that little blonde brat hadn’t told her he thought it was incredibly sweet that Jiraiya, who had never been scared of any enemy or war situation, was absolutely petrified that Tsunade would break his heart; that she had more power over the man than a whole city of ninja  searching for Jiraiya with murder and torture in their thoughts.

When Tsunade opened her eyes she half expected it to be her wedding day, but instead she was sitting on a sofa in an empty room with Jiraiya still holding her. Gradually she became more aware, and she realised what her surprise was, the man sitting next to them.

‘Orochimaru,’ she said simply.

He bowed his head to her. ‘Princess. I’m glad I made it in time. Fortunately I wasn’t far away.’

Tsunade didn’t have the energy or the will to interrogate him as she once would have, about how far he was exactly, what he’d been doing, and the exact nature of jutsus he’d needed to use to quickly travel here, when Jiraiya probably hadn’t known how bad things were until a day or so ago, and presumably only sent a message to him then.

Instead, she said to her old comrade, ‘You look and sound exactly the same, it’s…infuriating.’

She smiled weakly, thinking of how old she must look to these men. But both of them looked at her with warm, loving eyes, and she knew that they saw her spirit, not her flesh.

‘The Legendary Sanin reunited,’ Jiraiya said buoyantly, his voice full of celebration, so she prevented herself adding _, ‘For the last time._ ’

Orochimaru was ever of a different bent to the other man though, and plainly said, ‘I always felt we were immortal. I did consider Jiraiya might get himself killed for some stupid cause, but I thought you were more sensible, Tsunade, and wouldn’t lose yourself for such a tragic scheme of trying to get a man pregnant.’

‘Not that I care, but if it makes you think better of me,’ Tsunade said her voice now little more than a whisper, ‘It is saving Itachi that finished me. I know you’ve always had a weak spot for those Uchiha boys.’

Orochimaru smiled his snake smile. ‘Ah, if only I’d captured one of them, rather than being talked into submission by Sasuke’s boyfriend, I’m certain I could have done awe inspiring things in possession of those eyes.’ His own yellow eyes twinkled nostalgically. Whatever good he was doing now, the man had never shown much regret for his past, and on the edge of her death, Tsunade found she could no longer judge him for that.

The remains of her existence were simple now, just sitting in a room with two people she’d known all her life, through the good, the bad, the devastating, and then back to the good.

‘Thanks be to Naruto and his big mouth then for preventing you doing worse atrocities than you managed without the Uchiha eyes!’  Jiraiya said. ‘Now, stop wishing you had them, Orochimaru, and hurry up and do your thing.’

Orochimaru weaved a complex set of hand signs that she was too tired to follow, however she could see the result. Suddenly the room wasn’t empty anymore. She knew it wasn’t real, but it felt exactly the same as if the three of them were in Konoha, sitting on the cliffs overlooking the whole village.

The thin man took one of her hands in his and gently held it. She wondered at how soft his skin was and then smiled at the thought that Orochimaru had always had a trail of goons willing to do his hard work, unlike Jiraiya whose hands bore the callouses of hard training and living.

Jiraiya stroked her hair. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t take you home.’

‘You’re my home,’ she honestly replied. But she did feel peaceful and grateful as she gazed at the illusion that Orochimaru had created for her. It was so much better than an empty room in a country that wasn’t her own.

She beamed thinking how blessed she’d been being grouped with these two exceptional boys all those years ago. Orochimaru and Jiraiya were having a conversation either side of her, but she didn’t hear it. She heard voices from her past.

Jiraiya was laughing, ‘If you had to choose between kissing me and Orochimaru, who would you choose, Tsunade?’

Orochimaru sighed. ‘This is our training time, save your flirtations for when you try to sneak into the girls’ side of the baths.’

‘I don’t mind your totally flat chest, so you should definitely choose me,’ Jiraiya managed to say before she punched him to the ground.

‘Do you have to hit him so hard? It’ll be pointless sparring with him if he’s already that battered.’ Orochimaru stared down at the Jiraiya shaped hole in the earth.

Jiraiya himself, was already back on his feet. ‘She didn’t hurt me at all, it was more like a tickle, because she secretly loves me.’

Tsunade smashed a fist into his face without even looking at him. ‘I’d definitely choose a genius like Orochimaru. There’s no way I’d ever kiss you.’

Jiraiya bounded back from where he’d fallen. ‘You will one day and it’ll be such an amazing kiss you’ll never want to kiss anyone else.’

Tsunade opened her mouth to protest, but suddenly she felt very tired. Orochimaru and Jiraiya made a bed for her out of leaves. She curled up on it, surprised at how comfortable it was. Her last thought before she drifted off was that when she woke up she’d need to thank them properly, but right now words had left her, and all she could do was close her eyes and sleep.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of conversations, which are actually supposed to have taken place over a bit of time, so sorry if the way I've laid it out makes it look like it was just one really chatty day!

Jiraiya split the lolly in two and gave one side to Naruto. They sat together for a long time looking out of the window and over the town before either of them spoke.

‘Where’s your worse half then?’ Jiraiya finally asked.

Naruto chuckled but it was a dry sound. ‘If you’re referring to the very- much-more-beautiful-than-me Uchiha Sasuke, he’s with Itachi. Probably moaning about how stubborn and annoying I’m being.’

Jiraiya laughed. ‘You _are_ a very stubborn and annoying brat. But Tsunade adored you more than anything, and I admit I feel the same.’

Naruto looked at the older man without turning his head. He knew how much pain his friend must be in, but it was strange to hear how casually he could put his wife into the past tense, but shinobi were good at doing things like that, death was entwined into their lives. It was only him that was weak and continually struggled with grief and loss. He wanted to ask Jiraiya if he blamed him for Tsunade’s death, but it was a selfish question based around his own guilt and hope for reassurances. He held his tongue still and patiently waited for Jiraiya to lead the conversation as he wished, or just to remain in companionable silence if that was easier for him.

‘Tsunade got the impression things are going well again with you and the Uchiha boy. She was impressed by the notes he’s been keeping on you.’

Naruto rolled his eyes. ‘I didn’t know he was writing a whole dam book on me, but he asks sooo many questions about everything, and I mean _everything_ that it shouldn’t have been a surprise.’

Jiraiya patted Naruto on the back. ‘Well, I’m actually glad to hear that. I was concerned about how in control he truly was when we spent time alone at the cabin, so it’s relief to know he’s pulled himself together and is focused on looking after you.’

‘Yeah, you know what we’re like. We’ve always been argumentative, this last time was just a bit more… _feisty_ than some of the others.’

Jiraiya nodded. ‘I do know what it’s like to be in love with a _feisty_ person, although it’s not a word I would have used to describe Sasuke.’ His face became entirely seriously. ‘Naruto, if you are comfortable and feel safe with Sasuke, I’m thinking of spending some time travelling. Perhaps with Orochimaru. I might go and see Nagato, see if they’d like some help with the orphanage, or just spend time on my own. But if you think there’s any chance your boyfriend might become a jerk again, say you need me to stay here and I’ll remain by your side through anything and everything.’

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. ‘Ah, yaknow, I’d love having you about, but I’m just going to be hanging around, sleeping tons and doing nothing interesting.  You’re better off travelling, then you can come back and amuse me with all the amazing adventures you’ve had while I’ve been stuck meditating and being bored.’

Jiraiya stood up, he ruffled a hand through Naruto’s hair. ‘You’re a great kid, always were. Minato and Kushina would have been so proud to watch you grow up. After this pregnancy is over, leave the nappies and sleepless nights to Sasuke, and I’ll train you properly like I should have forced you to do when you were a teenager. Your boyfriend was at least right about that, you’ve got such natural talent and are capable of doing amazing things.’ Then he laughed. ‘What am I talking about? I’m telling a pregnant man that is could do amazing things! You just keep on doing whatever makes you happy, kid, and amazing things will keep on happening.’

Naruto gave Jiraiya a big hug. He thought about the hug he’d given Tsunade only a few days ago and gripped Jiriaya even tighter.

‘Woah! I’ve heard about kunoichi becoming stronger in pregnancy, and it’s obviously the same with you. Put me down before you break my old bones.’

The blonde released him. ‘Sorry, Pervy Sage.’

 ‘You have no reason to apologise to me.’ Jiraiya chuckled. ‘ Apart from still calling me that name all these years later. Now, I won’t come and see you again before I leave, so promise me you’ll look after yourself and next time I see you, you’re going to have a bouncy baby and be the picture of perfect health.’

Naruto made a face. ‘You know that’s impossible to promise. Next time you see me I might be covered in baby vomit and smell of nappies and be really tired!’

‘I told you to leave that to Sasuke, he owes you that much and a million times more. Just do your best, kid, hey?’

‘ _That_ I can promise.’

Left alone, Naruto sighed. He was a naturally honest person, and he disliked lying, but he didn’t want to dump all the details of his mess of a relationship on anybody else, least of all a grieving widower. He would keep grinning and saying the things people needed to hear just as he’d done since Sasuke had moved out. He wondered if it would ever end, or if for the rest of his life he’d be acting the part of someone who’s supposed to be happy.

But then he put his hands on his stomach and smiled a genuine smile. Whatever was going on in his romantic life, he did have a very real reason to be joyful that required no pretence at all.

‘I hope you’re not picking up on all my self-pity, Sassy chan, that’s not really me. It’s just things are pretty difficult with your other pop at the moment, and meditating half the day is all that’s keeping me sane. Unless needing to meditate half the day means I’m completely mad.’ He chuckled and stroked a hand over his belly. ‘But don’t worry, I’ll get through it, and even if it’s just the two of us, I promise we’re going to be awesome together. Really awesome.’ His smile widened into a grin. ‘You’re not going to be like either of your dads, you’re never going to know what it’s like to be lonely. I’m always going to be there for you. And, yaknow, it won’t actually just be the two of us, once you’re born, your other pop’s going to totally dote on you. He might be being a lot of a douche to me lately, but believe me, in his heart he loves so hard it’s painful for him. There’s not many people he likes, but you’re going to be one of the special ones, and when you go through the world, you’ll never be scared of anything, because you’ll have the totally fierce love of Uchiha Sasuke protecting you like an invisible shield. And that’s one of the most amazing feelings imaginable.’ Naruto rubbed away the tears that were forming in his eyes. ‘You hold in there, Sassy chan, although try to hold back on the chakra gobbling, as Tsunade thinks you’re growing too fast, and she’s really clever about these things. You’re only here because she’s so legendary smart.’

Naruto didn’t say the other thoughts in his head out loud, that waiting to meet his baby was the only thing stopping him crying. Or rather crying more than he already was. It was too much pressure hanging all your happiness on a new life. Inside him Sassy chan moved so much he imagined she was doing somersaults. He sat in awe that amongst all his pain there could be such a miraculous source of light developing inside his own body. He hoped one day soon that Sasuke would be able to see it in the same way.

 

***

 

‘Repeat that again, Otouto,’ Itachi said.

Sasuke paused in his pacing up and down the room and walked slowly back to sit in the chair beside his brother’s bed. He realised that it had been a long time since Itachi had said anything, Sasuke had been talking constantly in a manner very uncharacteristic of him. The long silences with Naruto were obviously beginning to affect him. He didn’t know why, he liked quiet; he should be appreciating it before the blonde reverted back to his usual constant yakking.

The words had just been streaming out of his mouth as if him and the Uzumaki had had a personality swap, he actually had to pause to recall the last thing he’d said.

‘I gave him a cake as a sign that I was grateful to him and sorry about things that had gone wrong, and he refused it.’

Itachi stared at him with unreadable eyes and Sasuke felt compelled to explain himself more.

‘I don’t normally allow Naruto to eat sweet things. Especially not with this thing he’s done to himself. He knew it was me apologising to him for some of what I’ve said, but he didn’t want it, he used the excuse that the baby doesn’t like it or some such rubbish. However, his message was clear, he doesn’t want anything to do with me.’

Itachi’s gaze didn’t change for a long while, but then he took a deep breath and Sasuke was hopeful that his brother was now going to do some of the speaking.

‘I’m unsure if it’s my convalescence, or if it’s your situation, but for once I truly don’t know where to begin, Sasuke. Perhaps, you could clarify for me what exactly is your relationship with Naruto. Not what it was a year ago, or when you were children, or what you think it’ll be tomorrow, just tell me as plainly as you can, where do you actually stand with him on this very day.’

‘Hnnnn.’ Sasuke stared at the floor. That was a question he’d been repeatedly asking himself. ‘I look after him, that’s it.’

Itachi raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that another life change you’re planning on making, becoming a nurse?’

Sasuke folded his arms across his chest. ‘If it amuses you to put it that way, I’m _his_ nurse. I’m the best person for the job, I know him better than anyone else, and he thinks I’m responsible for this mess he got himself in.’

Itachi nodded. ‘Then as his nurse I would suggest that you start speaking about him more respectfully. You’ve spoken constantly on the subject of Naruto for thirty eight minutes and managed not once to call his pregnancy a pregnancy, or his baby a baby. Just in this last couple of minutes you’ve referred to it as a ‘thing’ and a ‘mess’. Why is that?’

Sasuke leaned forward. ‘I thought you of all people would see how ridiculous what he’s done to himself is.’

‘I see it as misguided but originating from a place of pure love. And now that it has happened you must deal with the fact that he’s struggling to carry _your_ child. I cannot imagine the shame I’d feel if I used even one of the terms you so casually say to describe Mei when she was pregnant.’

‘You know that you cannot compare the two things. Children was something you both wanted,’ Sasuke protested. ‘And Mei is a woman, your wife, it’s natural. Naruto is…’

‘A man who puts your happiness at such a high premium that he’d endanger his own life to give you what he thinks you want. Do you fully realise that? This goes beyond willing to die to save someone precious, he’s willing to die just to make you smile.’

Sasuke rocked back in the chair. ‘Of course I know that. That’s why I had to split up from him in the first place. Everything is always too intense between us. We both needed a chance to grow and breathe. But then he got himself knocked up and made our relationship even more suffocating and inescapable.’

Itachi leaned forward and flicked his fingers against his younger brother’s forehead. The gesture had none of its usual familiarity and affection, it was total frustration.

‘Do you listen to yourself? One moment you’re outraged that Naruto didn’t leap into your arms with immediate forgiveness, and that he dared to reject your peace offering of a tiny piece of _cake_. Then you complain that your relationship with him is _suffocating_. You tell me dozens of different reasons explaining why you were correct to part from him, but the one you repeat most often is that you both needed to stop being kids and mature. So, for the moment I’m going to pretend I accept that, and tell you to grow up, Sasuke.’

Sasuke’s eyes widened, Itachi’s voice had tones of their father in it which he had never heard before.

‘You are the only person I’d have enough patience with to repeat myself, but I’ll say this as many times as you need to hear it, start being honest with yourself. Tell me, why are you looking after Naruto?’

‘Because he needs me. I’m not the bastard he thinks I am, that…’

‘Why are you looking after Naruto?’

‘…I would desert him when his health is in danger and…’

‘Why are you looking after Naruto?’

‘…no one can observe him like I can. Even Tsunade was impressed…’

‘Why are you looking after Naruto?’

‘…with the notes I’d made. I know him better than…’

‘Why are you looking after Naruto?’

‘…anyone else, I can see changes no one else would…and…’

‘Why are you looking after Naruto?’

‘…and just stop this Itachi! It’s not helping!’

Itachi nodded. ‘I need to rest now. Come back when you can answer my simple question.’

Sasuke didn’t want to leave Itachi on this note, but Itachi closed his eyes and didn’t open them again. He remained by his brother’s bedside adjusting and readjusting the blankets and pillows, hoping that Itachi would give him some response. Even if his brother was definitely recovering, there was a pain in Sasuke’s chest and he was desperately scared about leaving things between them on a bad note. Finally he felt he had no choice but to leave the room.

He nervously kissed Itachi on the cheek. ‘Sorry, if I upset you, you’re the only person I can talk to, but I just want you to get better.’

Then he reluctantly left the room, looking back over his shoulder several times before he was able to walk out of the door.

Away from his brother his Uchiha countenance and attitude was firmly back in place. He needed to go shopping to buy Naruto clothes that actually fit him and he was determined to do it as quickly as possible.  But it was impossible to browse through potential garments without thinking about the shape of his former lover’s body. And it was seemingly impossible for him to think about the shape of his former lover’s body without an ache developing in his groin. He tried to convince himself he should think of Naruto in an entirely objective, medical sense, befitting his position as the blonde’s current carer, but his mind ran over the contoured muscles of Naruto’s body with an irrepressible yearning to touch it in real life with his fingers.   

It took him far longer than it should have to select clothes; in the end he left the stores with bags full of ugly shapeless things, Naruto was attractive enough as it was without giving him anything that would display the curves of his ass or a colour that would enhance the beautiful blue of his eyes.

When he arrived back at the room, Naruto was sitting on the bed in what was becoming his customary pose: feet pressed together and his hands resting on his knees. He didn’t stir an inch at Sasuke’s return.

Sasuke nodded in greeting. ‘I got you some clothes.’

‘Thank you,’ Naruto said without looking at the Uchiha.

Sasuke started putting the things away, already regretting his choices and wishing he’d chosen something brighter or covered with frogs that Naruto would have genuinely liked.

‘Did you see Jiraiya?’ Sasuke asked casually, though the beating of his heart betrayed how desperately he wanted Naruto to talk to him

‘Yes,’ Naruto replied.

And that was it.

Sasuke clenched the muscles of his stomach as he walked over to his former boyfriend and held out the one outfit he hadn’t put away. Naruto didn’t take it from him.

‘These should be more comfortable.’ He placed them beside Naruto on the bed. ‘You should get changed.’

Naruto met his eyes now. ‘I will. When you leave the room.’

‘I know what you look like naked, idiot. And you haven’t got anything I want.’ Sasuke turned on his heel and walked out, he slammed the door violently shut.

Without consciously thinking about it, he found himself marching towards Itachi’s apartment. But that was fine, he’d make Itachi finally understand that him and Naruto weren’t meant to be together and he was completely happy with that.

He went in without knocking, but Itachi was sitting up in bed, looking straight at Sasuke as the younger man entered.

‘Ask your question again,’ Sasuke demanded.

‘Why are you looking after Naruto?’ Itachi calmly said.

Sasuke opened his mouth ready to explain how the question was totally irrelevant, that he was going to stop playing nurse to the blonde, and how he was so willing for Uzumaki’s stupid self-inflicted health complications to become someone else’s problem.

But no words came out. Instead tears fell down his face and he stumbled towards his brother’s bed. Itachi rose and glided forward, catching Sasuke and holding him firmly against his chest.

Sasuke sobbed. ‘I’m looking after Naruto because… _I need him_. I need him so fucking much. I need to be close to him even if he hates the sight of me. I need to see him, and smell him and hear him.’ He raised his head and looked into the dark eyes that were so similar to his, but full of so much more wisdom. ‘But none of it matters, does it, niisan? I’ve already lost him.’

 

***

Gaara gazed around the room he’d been led to. It had more of the aura of a hotel room waiting for its next guest, and showed no signs that the force of energy that was Naruto had been staying here for more than a week. That could of course be due to Sasuke’s tidiness, but Gaara knew from when the two of them had stayed in his own home, that Sasuke and Naruto together could obliviously destroy their environment in a single passionate night.

He stood in the centre of the room with his arms folded and waited motionless for the occupants return. He was curious as much as anything about what the situation was between the two men. When he’d left Naruto in Konoha, the blonde was his usual self, grinning and joking, being attentive to all his friends, forgiving of Sakura and Ino despite those awful things they’d said so clearly in his hearing. If Naruto hadn’t been so dedicated to Hinata’s genin, Gaara would have risked asking the other man then if he wanted to leave Konoha and accompany him back to Suna. 

But then Naruto _had_ left the genin and completely disappeared.  Gaara hadn’t been worried as Kakashi hadn’t started a search for his missing jinchuriki and obviously knew where he was. He had wondered though, what could have been important enough for Naruto to run from his responsibilities. The Kazekage was able to use the fact that Naruto was host to the nine tails, to justify using his spies to keep track on him. But there were definite limits. Not just with the potential diplomatic problems if his spies were uncovered getting too close, but more so with the threat to the most important friendship in his life if Naruto noticed and took offense.

However, his visit today shouldn’t cause any alarms, the Raikage had welcomed the curtesy of Gaara coming in person to inspect how the rebuilding of the village was progressing and offering any help he could. And now he was here, it would seem strange if he didn’t look up someone he’d known since childhood.

Gaara did have a certain tension in his head though, about what the relationship between Sasuke and Naruto was.  All reports were that they were reunited, and they were certainly sharing a room with a big double bed at its centre. The most unbelievable part, that Naruto was pregnant with Sasuke’s baby, had even been confirmed by the Raikage. But still something had been so broken between them the last time he saw Naruto, he couldn’t entirely believe that it’d been so easily fixed.  Not that there sounded like anything easy about Naruto getting pregnant.

Before he could mull over things any further, the door opened and the men themselves appeared. Naruto was in a wheelchair, being pushed by Sasuke, but he jumped into Gaara’s arms as soon as he saw him.

‘What are you doing here? Are you staying for long? Don’t worry about the wheelchair thing, that’s just Sasuke being overprotective. I’m fine. Did you already know I was pregnant? Everyone already knows, yaknow, it’s not fair, there’s no one for me to surprise with the news.’

Gaara was strong enough to easily support Naruto’s weight, even with the pregnancy bump that he had to admit was much larger than he was expecting. But Sasuke was glaring at him as if he was about to drop his boyfriend. It was unusual for the Uchiha to be so easy to read, so Gaara carried Naruto over to the sofa and placed him down.

Naruto was chatting away at an even faster pace than normal. Even though his friend was his sole reason for being here, Gaara was barely listening, his energy was focused on the brunette. He’d never had an easy relationship with Sasuke; Sasuke didn’t have much forgiveness for anyone who tried to hurt Naruto, let alone someone who had launched the kind of attack Gaara had at the beginning of their acquaintance. And on top of that there was Sasuke’s possessiveness and his instincts for knowing when someone was attracted to Naruto even though the blonde himself never noticed any of the admiring glances that were sent in his direction. Gaara believed that he’d always been discrete and no one had ever known of his true feelings, but the way Sasuke was looking at him right now, it felt like the tattoo on his face said ‘I love your boyfriend’.

‘Do you think you’re safe here, Sasuke?’ Gaara had wanted to draw the other man into the conversation for the dual reasons that it might ease the atmosphere between them, and also Naruto had always appreciated it when his friends reached out to his unapproachable boyfriend.

Today though, Naruto’s smile actually flickered and he gave his boyfriend a sideways glance that indicated that although he hadn’t forgotten Sasuke was there, he wanted to pretend he had.

‘Danzo is dead. His second in command is in prison. Kakashi is leading the hunt for the dispersed army. So, yes I think we’re safe, although the fact that you asked that question, indicates you don’t. Are you going to share your reasons?’ Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Gaara which somehow was much more challenging than a simple facial gesture.

‘I’ve been inspecting the defences around here, they’re still severely compromised, a lot of lives were lost and it’s going to take some time before the remaining manpower is able to restore things to an acceptable level.’ Gaara turned away from Sasuke’s glare and looked into the inquiring gaze of his friend.

Naruto’s blue eyes had always been one of his most endearing features, but Gaara felt the same warmth emanating from his current yellow ones. Likewise, although Naruto was dressed in an appalling baggy brown cardigan, matched with equally appalling and baggy, grey corded trousers, (clothes surely bought by Sasuke to put off any suitors who managed to get past the Uchiha deadly stare, and the big pregnancy bump) , the blonde still possessed an unrivalled cuteness. Not that the man would ever want to be described as ‘cute’ but that was one of the many secret words Gaara held in his heart when he looked at him.  

‘The surprise of the attack has left the other nations, both big and small, on edge.’ Gaara gave Sasuke another glance. ‘As you must be fully aware with your family connection, the Mizukage has persistently refused the Raikage’s requests that she put her troops at his disposal to help with the rebuilding and patrols. Insisting that her shinobi are for the exclusive protection of her own people, as it’s been clearly shown he’s incapable of keeping her family safe while she remains in this village.’

‘Hnnnnn,’ Sasuke responded.

‘What Sasuke means by that,’ Naruto said, ‘is that he agrees with Mei, that as long as the people he loves are protected, he doesn’t care what happens to anyone else.’

Gaara gazed at the blonde. It was a strange day indeed, when Sasuke was clearly unhappy, but Naruto’s mood was unreadable. It was impossible to tell by the blonde’s tone whether he was accepting of his boyfriend’s attitude or incredibly angry at him?

‘You know, sometimes he might not even notice when someone is dying in front of his very eyes,’ Naruto continued in a conversational tone.

Gaara hoped that the casualness of his tone meant that he wasn’t talking about Sasuke neglecting him. Gaara decided not to openly question, but just to keep observing and see what he noticed.

‘As I was saying, the nations are looking to their own borders and being nervous about potentially leaving themselves weak by helping each other.’

‘This sounds like a political problem for kage to deal with, nothing of interest to Naruto. He’d prefer it if you talk about whether migraine orange or vomit yellow will cause most damage to a baby’s eyes as a nursery colour,’ Sasuke said. ‘ Imagine how bored you’d be if you actually had done any work and achieved your dream of becoming hokage?’

Sasuke stared at the blonde, but Naruto kept his gaze pointedly fixed on Gaara.

Gaara chose to follow his friend and ignore Sasuke. ‘There are still a lot of rogue nin out there, rogue nin who under Danzo’s leadership, and many before with Orochimaru, learnt that other shinobi are there to be cut up and experimented on to increase your own power. Danzo taught them to be focused on Uchiha eyes, but many would have heard stories of how the Akatsuki believed they could get ultimate power through jinchuriki. It doesn’t take much imagination to see that the jinchuriki with the strongest tailed beast, pregnant with a Uchiha baby, is a very desirable thing.’

‘And I suppose you are suggesting that you can offer Naruto better protection than he has with me?’ Sasuke said.

‘Yes,’ Gaara replied. ‘Suna is in a much better position than you are here. In addition, I believe I have much better control of my powers than you do and am much more reliable in combat, so being close by me Naruto will be safe from any attack.’

Gaara swallowed, he hadn’t been certain he would make this suggestion today, and he certainly hadn’t meant it to sound so personal, but the words had now been said and there was no going back.

‘Wow, that’s an unbelievable offer…’ Naruto began to say.

‘It definitely is,’ Sasuke interrupted. ‘Giving the Kazekage effective control over two jinchuriki is incredibly unbelievable. But if Gaara is correct, and A and all his forces, and Mei with her personal army, aren’t able to make you feel safe here, and my power isn’t _reliable_ enough for your current tastes, you must put yourself under his protection. I’m sure Gaara would be very happy to put you on one of his magical flying sand rugs and whisk you off to the sanctuary of his bedroom.’

Naruto bit his lip. ‘I was going to say that Tsunade ordered me not to move, but I suppose you’re right, Sasuke. I could travel by sand and that would just be the same as you wheeling me around. What do you think, Gaara? Is sand flying safe and smooth enough to protect a crazy pregnant man who can’t stop his unborn baby eating up all his chakra?’ Naruto laughed easily.

Gaara wondered how much of what Sasuke had said was ignored by Naruto, and how much did he absorb? It’d been said in obvious bitterness, but was there truly a chance that Naruto and Sasuke hadn’t properly reunited…that Naruto could one day see Gaara’s bedroom as a sanctuary?

‘I believe it would be comfortable for you, you could lie down and sleep through the whole journey,’ Gaara said seriously. ‘We could trial it for you in a short trip, before we set out on the longer time for Suna. If that is something you’re considering?’

Naruto grinned brightly. ‘It sounds like fun. A change of scene could be just what I need. It gets boring looking at the same old things, doesn’t it, Sasuke? Like you said months ago,it’s important to experience change so we can develop as people and discover different, new more exciting options that might suit us better. Can we try the sand flying today? Or are you too busy, Gaara?’

‘That’s not what I said, Naruto,’ Sasuke said dryly.

Naruto shrugged. ‘Well, it was something with that meaning, wasn’t it?’

‘At no point would I have ever said anything to encourage you to disturb the Kazekage’s busy schedule so you can play around with his jutsu. And right now when you’re in such a weakened state I expressly forbid you to risk yourself flying about miles in the air because you’re _bored_.’

‘Oh, you forbid me. Then that settles it. Let’s do this thing, Gaara.’

‘You’re pregnant, dobe. You need to be sensible and have sensible people around you.’

Gaara thought he saw a glimmer of blue in Naruto’s eyes when Sasuke called him ‘dobe’, but it passed so quickly that even with his acute powers of observation it was difficult to be certain.

‘Gaara is entirely sensible. I know Gaara and he’s never hurt me or…’

‘Oh, aside from that one time when he tried to kill you and everyone you love.’ Sasuke’s voice audibly cracked on the word ‘love’.

There was silence. Sasuke and Naruto gazed at each other. Gaara had no idea what either of the men were thinking. Personally, he was thinking back to that epic battle. Most of it felt so distant it was as if it had nothing to do with the man he was today. He recalled how easily the creature he’d been at that time had broken Sasuke, and the effect it had on Naruto. That was the part that he did remember vividly, that was everything to do with the man he was today. He’d initially thought that Naruto’s sudden power came from the same place as his, that every punch originated in hate and revenge. But fighting like they had, so intensely, holding nothing back, he saw Naruto’s soul, and it had been pure love. He didn’t fight to hurt Gaara, he fought to protect Sasuke.

Lying broken on the ground, watching the small cute blonde boy who still had the strength to crawl towards him, who would never give up because he carried someone in his heart who made the most agonizing pain insignificant, Gaara had fallen in love. And he’d never fallen out of love.

All these years later, sitting next to that same boy, who was now a tall cute man, Gaara felt exactly the same emotions as if something in his soul would always live in that moment of intense awe at Naruto’s unyielding goodness. He stared at the pregnancy bump and it made his heart slow. When he’d heard the first rumour, Gaara had immediately set his intelligence network to investigating the possibilities. Yet, with all the research he’d done, he still had no idea how Naruto was able to hold his body together. The only possible answer was that it was the same power that made the man able to keep fighting after every other shinobi, including all those who were much more skilled than him, had long given up. He burnt with a different and better light than anyone else Gaara had ever known. He was aware that people could be nostalgic about their first crushes and look back at them with an idealism far removed from the reality of a living, breathing, flawed human being; but in his case, the first person he’d loved truly had been the best. No one else could ever even come close to him.

With this thought, Gaara stood up. He’d come here to see Naruto. He’d seen Naruto. There was obviously a lot of issues that him and Sasuke still needed to resolve, and Gaara’s presence here did not appear to be helping. He couldn’t deny there was a selfish part of him that had hoped to have Naruto for himself, that would always hope to have Naruto for himself, but the fact that Naruto had got pregnant and been able to maintain it was proof of how much the blonde loved Sasuke. He was of course envious of the Uchiha; to have someone who would do something like that for you was the substance of romantic legends; but more than anything he wanted Naruto to be happy, so if Naruto wanted Sasuke, then Gaara wanted Naruto to have Sasuke.

Before Gaara could excuse himself though, and leave the men to work out their differences alone, Naruto grabbed his hand and put it on his belly.

‘Can you feel that? How excited Saaa…the baby is at the idea of riding on your sand.’ Naruto pulled the ugly cardigan open, revealing a loose t-shirt in the same shade of brown, that he hiked up over his stomach, and then he took Gaara’s hand again and placed it on his naked flesh. ‘Can you feel that better now? How much baby’s moving?’ Naruto grinned widely. ‘Ahhh, baby really likes you, Gaara, just like I really like you.’

Gaara wished he could say he was concentrating on the baby, but his senses were embarrassingly overwhelmed by the warmth of Naruto’s touch, the feeling of having Naruto’s skin both above and below his hand made him struggle not to openly sigh. He gazed at those strong fingers holding his in place with such emotional intensity that he didn’t even notice Sasuke’s leaving the room until the door slammed. The sound was so unexpected intruding into his state of almost reverie that Gaara actually jumped.

Naruto laughed. ‘I better not tell Sasuke that the man who’s going to protect me is scared of doors being closed.’

Gaara found himself laughing too. It was something he rarely had cause to do. But he let his happiness overflow, he was alone with his best friend, their hands were touching, he wasn’t sure life could ever be more joyful than it was now.

 

***

Sasuke sat at the table with his head in his hands. Itachi was next to him, but Mei had long disappeared to take the children to bed. Which in truth had been a relief, all the children looked like Itachi but had Mei’s habit of revealing what they really wanted, in this case their favourite uncle to laugh and joke with. Even the baby twins who couldn’t talk yet, gazed at him with reproach in their eyes, and didn’t need words to communicate that they wanted the loud blonde man here to coo at them and play peek a boo with. There were only so many times he could make excuses for Naruto without going mad.

However, with no more questions from the kids, Sasuke still found that all he was talking about was his former boyfriend.

‘It shows that he doesn’t want to be part of this family,’ Sasuke mumbled. ‘Your first time able to sit at the table and eat with everyone, and he chooses to go out with Gaara. Again. What is the point of trying to reconnect with him, when he clearly is only interested in flirting with the Kazekage? I suppose fucking the Suna kage is as close as he’s ever going to get to being Hokage, so I shouldn’t get in the way of his dreams.’

Itachi placed a light hand on Sasuke’s back. ‘Have you been honest about your feeling with him yet?’

Sasuke straightened up. ‘It’d make things more awkward than they already are.’

‘Otouto, we’ve discussed this several times. I believe if you were open with Naruto and fully expressed yourself to him, it’d help stabilise your own moods and prevent you from being able to hide your vulnerability behind aggression.’

Sasuke glared at Itachi, his brother gazed calmly back at him. ‘What is so great about being vulnerable to someone who hates you?’

‘Him not wanting to share a bed with you is natural considering the behaviour you’ve confessed to me.’

A flush of heat warmed Sasuke’s cheeks.

‘Him choosing to share a room with you despite what you’ve done shows how deep his emotions are for you.’

‘He barely talks to me, or even looks at me,’ Sasuke protested. ‘Gaara sees far more of him than I do.’

‘Exactly.’ Itachi gave a small smile. ‘Don’t you see? You’re at the lowest point in his affections you’ve ever been, and some part of him at least still wants you sleeping in the same room as him.’

Sasuke turned away, even with everything he’d shared with Itachi he was embarrassed by how much hope that one thought gave him and immediately suppressed it. Hope would only lead to painful disappointment.

‘It’s only because of the thing in his belly,’ he grumbled. ‘He probably feels obliged to keep me around because of it.’

With a swift gesture that Sasuke hoped was a sign of Itachi’s returning strength rather than his frustration with his little brother, the older man grabbed the younger’s chin between his thumb and forefinger and twisted his head to face him.

‘I know how terrified you are of letting yourself become attached to the baby, that is not a feeling unique to you, every parent lives with fear every single day of their lives. You need to get used to it and become the father that baby needs.’

Sasuke swallowed hard at the word ‘father’. But he spoke firmly. ‘Not every parent has a partner who is defying the laws of nature to create a pregnancy that will definitely end in death.’

Itachi released his grip on Sasuke’s chin and let his hands rest in his lap. ‘Everything we do as shinobi is defying the laws of nature, whatever they may be. I am unsure when you became a superior medic nin than Tsunade, because with all her knowledge she had faith in Naruto’s ability to make this work.’ Itachi exhaled. ‘And if the baby doesn’t survive, well, think of your friends Kiba and Hinata. Tell me did Kiba support Hinata through her tragic miscarriages and subsequent pregnancies, or did he tell her there was no point getting attached as there was a high chance the baby would die again?’    

Itachi paused for a moment but Sasuke refused to say anything.

‘Sasuke,’ Itachi pronounced the name as soft as a whisper. ‘What will happen to Naruto if the baby dies? If the only person who could share in his grief and support him, has been negative and dismissive of the child throughout the whole pregnancy?’

Sasuke bit down on his fist. ‘There’s something I haven’t told you. I…I’ll probably have to kill the baby to save Naruto. There was a time at the cabin when Naruto fainted…and I wasn’t strong enough to do it. He recovered, but it could have easily gone the other way. I can’t let him die because of this pregnancy…this thing he’s done to himself because of me. He’s laughing with Gaara as if nothing’s wrong, but he’s at so much risk. The medics here know nothing aside from the fact the baby is much bigger than it should. We’ve heard nothing from Shizune in a week, she should be here by now, but for all we know the rogue nin that Gaara keeps talking about could have her. Any moment of any day, I need to be ready to kill that bump. He talks to it all the time, has really stupid conversations as if they’re already best friends. He even sings to it, which is probably enough for the poor thing to curl up and die.’ Sasuke tried to smirk, but failed. ‘I need to be the emotionally cold bastard he thinks I am, to be strong enough when the time comes to save him.’

Itachi’s face remained calm as if he had long known and considered everything Sasuke had said. ‘Think, Otouto, if you choose to kill the baby to save his life, to emotionally survive Naruto will need to be entirely certain of your love. Why haven’t you told him yet that you chose for Tsunade to save him rather than me?’

Itachi’s voice was completely even, but Sasuke blanched as if he’d been shouted at.

‘How…how do you know? I got the impression…I thought Tsunade hadn’t told you?’

‘I didn’t need anyone to tell me anything. It is clear in your eyes.’

‘It was the most logical choice. Naruto was closer, Tsunade had been dealing with him, she had most chance of keeping him alive…I thought it was the most logical choice. I’m so sorry.’ Sasuke’s head slumped forward.

‘If it had been completely reversed and Naruto was further away and I’d been Tsunade’s most recent patient, you would have saved me and left Naruto to certain death?’

‘You’d never be stupid enough to do what Naruto did,’ Sasuke replied. ‘But if you were ill and nearer then I would of course…’

‘Make the most logical choice? You’re a better man than me, I believe I’d follow my emotions and every time, whatever the situation, it’d be you I’d save.’ Itachi smiled and pressed his fingers to Sasuke’s forehead. ‘I’m so sorry you were faced with such a decision, but please don’t let it haunt you. However, you should tell Naruto.’

 ‘It’ll only make him angry and he’s supposed to stay calm.’ Sasuke’s voice was weaker than normal as his mind tried to process the fact that Itachi had always known about his choice.

‘He seems to be able to absorb a lot of emotions and retain the stability of his pregnancy. Have faith in his strength and deal with him honestly. It’ll improve your relationship with him.’

’I’m not sure if I still have a relationship with him,’ Sasuke said in the same weak voice.

‘Then become sure, Otouto, and treat him with the respect he deserves.’ Itachi took Sasuke’s hand in his. ‘You are aware that you should be the one giving me relationship advice? You’ve been with Naruto longer than I’ve been married to Mei.’ He smiled warmly. ‘Make those years mean something. Reignite your friendship and attraction without taking anything for granted. Focus on what has kept you together, what are his best qualities, the things you love the most?’

‘Nothing,’ Sasuke responded immediately.

Itachi raised an eyebrow.

‘I mean nothing, because he doesn’t have any best qualities, everything about him is the best and what I love.’

‘Then it should be easy to say that to him instead of me.’ For a second Itachi’s eyes lowered then he gazed directly at Sasuke. ‘Even if your heart is going to be broken, and you’ve done too much damage for Naruto to ever romantically trust you again, and Gaara is able to take advantage of that situation; Uzumaki Naruto has still been the best friend you’ll ever have, and you owe him the complete truth about who you are and what you feel. If you can’t resolve things with him, you’ll never be able to resolve things with anyone.’  

Sasuke nodded. He knew it was true, but the reality of acting on Itachi’s words was a whole different matter fraught with difficulty and pain that he wasn’t certain he was capable of bearing.

 

***

Naruto opened his eyes from meditating to see Itachi standing in front of him. He hadn’t heard anything, but this was Itachi so that meant nothing. Still he frowned and studied the figure before him.

‘You’re not really here,’ he said with a triumphant smile, normally he’d never be so certain, but pregnancy was sharpening his brain. Well, that or all the meditating. ‘You Uchihas with your creeping into a guy’s head tricks, I’m finally getting used to it after all these years.’

Itachi smiled.  ‘I’m not quite well enough to come to you in person yet, and it’s been a while since you’ve come to me. Your nieces and nephews are missing you.’

Naruto’s eyes widened. ‘That’s kinda cool to be honest, I thought they might have forgotten about me. But you’re mean mentioning something like that, niisan, you’re like super smart so I know you must know why I’m staying clear of your apartments.’

Itachi nodded. ‘You think Sasuke needs someone to talk to, and besides you, I’m the only person he trusts, and you believe that if you were visiting too, it’d disturb his sense of sanctuary.’

‘You put it better than me. I’d say that Sasuke is having so many mood swings that you’d think he was the hormonally unbalanced one with a crazy pregnancy disrupting his body, and if moaning to you about how crap and annoying I am makes him feel better, I don’t want to piss him off, by invading his space when he’s trying to escape from me, and acting like I’m still part of the family.’

‘You _are_ always part of my family,’ Itachi said. ‘That is independent of Sasuke and even the child you’re carrying. It’s an honour to be adopted as your older brother and be called niisan by you.’

Naruto beamed. ‘Thanks for that, it means a lot. But, yaknow, I don’t want to make things difficult for you, first having to listen to Sasuke bitch about me, and then look interested when I spend hours bitching about him.’

‘You do have a lot to genuinely complain of regarding his behaviour.’

Naruto shrugged. ‘I don’t know, I think we both misunderstood each other and got a little confused. I guess we grew apart and he noticed, but I thought we were still cool.’

‘And how do you feel now?’

Naruto chuckled. ‘Well, I don’t think we’re cool any more. But, I’m not going to let you do this, niisan, I’ve literally got Uchiha smarts growing inside me, and I can clearly see what you’re up to. You want to fix me and Sasuke, and I’d kinda like you to do that too, but we’ve got to do it ourselves for it to hold. And way more importantly, you should be totally focusing on just healing up. Tsunade will haunt me real bad if I natter away at you and undo all her amazing work.’

‘The last thing Lady Tsunade asked of me was that I’d look after you.’

Naruto’s continued smiling but his eyes saddened. ‘I screwed up so much, didn’t I? I caused her so much worry.’ He shook his head. ‘But, yaknow, right now I’m all right, and I’ve got lots of friends, so _if_ you have enough energy to be helping others, just concentrate on Sasuke, okay? He’s kinda on his own. Sometimes he looks at me and I can see he desperately needs something from me, but I don’t know what it is, so I’ve got no idea whether I can give it to him or not.’ Naruto made a moan of exasperation. ‘Why did it all become so difficult? He loved me, I loved him, we were happy and we’d do anything for each other. Simple.’

‘Would you still do anything for him?’ Itachi asked.

Naruto put his hands on his belly and laughed, but he spoke seriously. ‘I can see he’s in pain, if he needs me, if there’s anything I can do to help him, will you tell me?’

Itachi took a long time answering. ‘Lady Tsunade killed herself curing me, I owe her everything, but I’m unsure I can do what she wanted from me. I believe she wished me to advise you that Sasuke would be better off without you as you’d trust my word and it would enable you to make yourself a new life without any regrets or doubts about moving on from your first love.’

‘Does that mean Sasuke does need me?’ Naruto asked in a croaky voice. ‘Because he sure doesn’t act like he does, so I won’t know unless you tell me. ’

‘You told me to focus on my healing, I’ll tell you the same, look after yourself, Naruto. Leave Sasuke to me. Whatever he’s going through shouldn’t be your problem, and I’m uncertain if he’s stable enough to be of any use in supporting you. You have a baby to care for and that needs to take precedence. It is good to see you again.’ He nodded and then was gone before Naruto could ask anything else.

Naruto fell backwards on the bed and breathed heavily. ‘Sassy chan, can you put all the chakra you’ve been stealing to good use and somehow let me know what that means? Hmmm, you’re not sure either. Well, you have a think, and I will too. Don’t ask Kurama though, he still thinks I should rip your other pop to pieces. Yaknow, though, don’t tell anyone else this, but I can’t help still loving the Uchiha bastard, and I want him to be happy as much as I want anything.’ Naruto rubbed his hands over his belly. He shouldn’t think these thoughts, he knew by now they never led anywhere.

He sighed, returned to his meditation position and closed his eyes again.

 

***

 

Naruto opened his eyes and smiled at how the warm rays of the setting sun were shining on the pale skin of the man who shared his bed. He threw a lazy arm over the other man’s chest, mumbled his lover’s name and dozed back into a heavy sleep.

 

Gaara wondered for a long moment whether he could pretend that he hadn’t heard the blonde happily sigh, ‘Hmmmm, Sasuke.’ But he already knew what he’d decided, he just wanted to keep the man’s arm around him for a little longer.

With effort, Gaara moved away from Naruto’s sleepy embrace and got himself dressed. It had been clumsy from the beginning. Gaara awkwardly pretending he was so hot that he needed to take his clothes off, with Naruto worriedly asking him if he had a fever and needed a medic nin. Gaara attempting to respond with innuendo suggesting that they could play at doctor and patient, which just made Naruto laugh and chat away for ages about how he was a rubbish patient but he’d probably be an even worse doctor.

Gaara had stood almost completely naked while Naruto sat alone on the bed giggling happily about the first time he’d seen Sakura massage someone’s heart and how it’d made his stomach turn and Sasuke had teased him all night about how he was the most feeble ninja ever.  

Gaara was still unsure whether Naruto was deliberately ignoring his obvious flirtatious remarks, or if Naruto really had no idea that Gaara wanted him. He had found no way to interrupt another of Naruto’s stories about how when they were hospitalised, Tsunade always prioritised treating Sasuke and Naruto, not because they were friends, but because they made such pests of themselves always cuddling that Tsunade was desperate to send them home rather than have to walk in on them making out yet again.

What could Gaara say _? How about you and I do some of these things that you and Sasuke used to get told off for?_  Gaara grimaced at the thought. _Stop talking about making out with Sasuke and start kissing me instead?_ Gaara shook his head sadly. _I need to go home soon and I want your former/current boyfriend to walk in on us embracing, so that it’ll be clear to all three of us that when I take you to Suna, I’m taking you home as my lover. Not Sasuke’s._

In the end he’d given up on words and just simply lain down on the bed next to the blonde. Naruto had yawned and said he was tired too, and had fallen immediately asleep.

Gaara wished he had more practise with dating. This was in effect his first real attempt at seduction. People who were interested in him passed through his life occasionally, but he’d been too focused on work, and not driven enough by sexual desire, to ever specifically seek someone out himself. So here he was in his late twenties, using clumsy lines on Naruto, a man:

who was currently enormously pregnant,

 who never noticed when people were attracted to him,

who was still entangled with the father of his unborn child,

who had only ever had one lover since childhood,

who at his most drunk had never shown the remotest interest in even checking out anyone else (least of all Gaara).

 And that was only a cursory list before Gaara began considering the problems attached to the fact that the man Naruto was still sharing a room with was Uchiha Sasuke.

Gaara stroked a hand through shaggy yellow hair. It was too complex, he shouldn’t even have thought of trying anything. He didn’t mind waiting, he was a patient man, and he certainly had no intention or desire to rush Naruto towards another relationship when the man was in a vulnerable state. But the recent assault by Danzo had shown how tentative life was, many had died, and great shinobi such as Itachi and Kakashi had been incredibly close to being killed. Gaara had not been here when the attack had taken place, and when it was reported to him, his first terrifying fear was that Naruto may have turned up for the chunin exams and been slaughtered with his genin. The shock had almost paralysed him into inaction.

Learning that Naruto was alive, he’d made a private vow that if there was a chance that Gaara could be closer to the man, and spend however much time he had left, with someone he loved by his side, he would do everything he could to make it happen.

But for today at least, it felt like all he could do was walk away and leave Naruto to sleep peacefully alone. With a last look at the slumbering figure on the bed, Gaara quietly left the room.

***

 

Naruto opened his eyes and smiled at how the moonlight was shining in the window and luminescing the pale skin of the man who shared his bed. He threw a lazy arm over the other man’s chest, mumbled his lover’s name and was about to fall back into another doze, when something made his eyes remain open.

He wiggled his body a bit and looked around in the shadowy light. ‘Sas, why are we squashed together on the sofa? Did you ravish me before we had time to reach the bed?’ Naruto chuckled. ‘I like it, reminds me of all our years squeezed in a single bed together.’

Something still wasn’t right though. Naruto _didn’t_ feel ravished.  But both their bodies definitely smelt sweetly of sex. ‘Why are you being so quiet? I can tell you’re awake, teme. Are you sulking on me again?’

Naruto looked down and saw how he was lying; his knee was digging into Sasuke’s groin. He quickly moved it and reached down to softly massage Sasuke’s poor testicles. The Uchiha let out a loud moan and Naruto grinned feeling how quickly his boyfriend’s cock hardened.

‘Hey, I must have been something amazing for you to let me remain like that squishing your balls. Or are you going through a wanting-pain phrase? Just at a rough guess, but I’m pretty certain that leather outfit you sometimes like me to wear ain’t going to fit me any time soon.’ Naruto’s voice was flirtatious and jokey, but it took on a slightly more serious note with his next words. ‘I really don’t remember what’s happened. I didn’t, I wouldn’t, drink alcohol while I was pregnant, would I? I know you wouldn’t let me, but maybe I was sneaky? Would I do that? Why would I do that? Sassy chan does sometimes want me to eat odd stuff.’ He clambered up Sasuke’s body and breathed in Sasuke’s face. ‘Am I good? And after that, tell me why you’ve got your hands trapped under your body like that? You can’t cuddle me in that position.’ He yanked one of Sasuke’s arms out, and he wasn’t sure whether it was looking at the hand, or glancing up and seeing the look of intense sadness in the Uchiha’s eyes, but his memory came back. ‘Oh fuck.’ Naruto tried to back away from touching the other man which was impossible on the sofa, so instead he just collapsed with his head on Sasuke’s shoulder. ‘Oh fuck. We’re not lovers, are we anymore? I don’t even know if we’re friends at the moment.’

‘Do you remember everything?’ Sasuke asked quietly.

‘I don’t know what I am doing lying naked on top of you, I just remember that this isn’t the sort of thing we should be doing together.’ Naruto sighed heavily.

‘I didn’t touch you,’ Sasuke said defensively, and then in a softer voice, ‘but maybe I should have. I don’t know what’s right with us at the moment.’ He sighed. ‘When I came in you were asleep on the bed, all I did was check you were okay and comfortable. Then I went to bed myself here. But after about ten minutes you got out of bed and started stripping off.’

Naruto raised his head to look at the trail of his clothes between the bed and the sofa. He gave a low groan and dropped his head back onto Sasuke’s shoulder. ‘Then what?’

‘I thought you were awake and tried to talk to you, but you just kept repeating my name and cuddled up to me, so I guessed it was some sort of sleep walking thing . I was trying to work out whether you’d prefer it if I let you sleep on top of me or if I carried you back to bed. I thought you’d hate waking up so close to me, so I decided to take you back to bed but then…’ Sasuke took a deep breath. ‘Then you pulled my pants down and started wanking our cocks together and I didn’t have enough willpower to stop you.’

Naruto blushed and from his voice he guessed the Uchiha was also embarrassed. Naruto’s blush deepened when he glanced down and saw both that Sasuke’s cock was still hard, and that the Uchiha’s pants hadn’t so much been pulled down as ripped apart.

He swallowed as he felt the lust rising in his own body. ‘I had a dream we came together, did we?’

‘Yes,’ Sasuke said simply. ‘Do…do you have many sexual dreams about me?’

Naruto laughed. ‘Not just dreams. What do you think I’m thinking about all the time I’m meditating? The only reason I can do it for so long is because I’m thinking about fucking you. Mostly I remember the past, but recently I’ve been imagining all the feasible things we can do sexually. Like right now.’ Naruto patted his bump. ‘I think the only positions we could manage for any time is me on all fours with pillows underneath.’

‘I could ride you,’ Sasuke said huskily.

‘You’ve thought of these things too?’ Naruto couldn’t help smiling, but he too quickly became serious again. ‘Sorry, though, Sasuke, yaknow, my dreams should stay in my head. You should have just shaken me awake when I started being too weird.’

‘That would involve touching you.’ The words didn’t have the usual bitterness that he’d expect from Sasuke, but instead sounded somehow vulnerable.

‘For future, know that I fully accept that me ripping your clothes off or squashing delicate parts of your body are good enough reasons to touch me.’

‘Naruto, are you completely awake and aware now?’ Sasuke asked.

‘Yes,’ the blonde replied, although even with everything between them, he still felt a moment of otherworldly giddiness when the Uchiha said his name in that sexy voice of his.

‘Then you’re consciously wanking me this time?’

Naruto looked down to see that his hand was indeed stroking up and down Sasuke’s length. Which probably explained the heat he was feeling in his own groin. His body had obviously got fed up with his abstinence and was striking out separate from his mind to fulfil its own desires.

Naruto bit his lip. He knew what he was doing now but he still wasn’t stopping. ‘Damn, your cock for looking so good.’  He did a few faster strokes which made Sasuke cry out and arch his back, before he managed to pull away and place his hand firmly in the centre of the other man’s chest.

Sasuke panted but didn’t ask him to continue like part of Naruto was hoping he would. He’d had a lot of thoughts over the months of their separation about Sasuke begging for him sexually.

‘I can see why you were laying on top of your hands…if, yaknow, you feel the same as I do? ‘Cause it feels so much more natural and easy to be close to you than apart?’

Sasuke nodded. Then after a moment asked, ‘Can I tell you something?’

‘Anything.’ Naruto readjusted himself so his head was next to Sasuke’s on the pillow. The brunette turned to look at him, and either with his new eyes, or the fact he knew the other man’s face so well, it felt the same as if they were gazing at each other in broad daylight.

‘Itachi has been trying to help me. He gives me tasks to do, simple sounding things, but I mostly fail at them.  They’re generally based around trying to be more honest with you.’

Naruto frowned. ‘You’re not a liar.’

Sasuke smiled. ‘Thank you for saying that so quickly and certainly. But I am. Not on purpose exactly. It’s about the things I don’t say. And the way I mislead myself because…well, we haven’t quite agreed on the reasons yet. ‘

‘Sounds complicated?’ Naruto saw his rebellious hand was stroking the curve of Sasuke’s neck and caressing the hollow at the base of his throat. He didn’t stop it.

‘Painfully so. But I want to try and tell you something tonight that I haven’t before.’

‘So you can report back to Itachi  tomorrow that you did your homework?’ Naruto grinned.

Sasuke’s eyes were blacker than the night surrounding them. ‘So I can share something about myself with the most important person in my life.’ He stretched his neck out under Naruto’s touch. ‘At the cabin I had these nightmares that I murdered both you and Itachi, and I’d wake, convince myself it was only a dream, and then I’d realise that it was real. Itachi had to overstretch himself in the fight because I don’t know how to use my abilities properly to support him. And you were doing this thing to yourself because you thought it was the only way to keep me. The worse thing was living with the…’

Naruto waited for almost a minute to see if Sasuke could continue, when he didn’t, he leaned forward and rubbed his nose against the other man’s. ‘It’s okay now we both survived.’

There was more silence before the Uchiha began talking again.

‘When you came onto the sofa and were naked with me, it was how I felt when I convinced myself that killing you and Itachi was a nightmare.’ Sasuke spoke slowly and carefully. ‘I  mean, you touching me felt real, rather than you just sleep walking, and I actually thought how ridiculous it was even in a nightmare, to think that I could ever walk away from you. How stupid I was to even believe for a second that it could be real. It’s like you said, I think, it’s so natural to be with you, I don’t know how we’ve managed not to be together.’ Sasuke sighed. ‘Does that make any sense? This is the most we’ve spoken for so long and I’m trying hard not to say anything to fuck it up.’

Naruto ran a finger absently around Sasuke’s nipples. ‘When you left me like that, I think I was on the verge of totally losing it. Who am I trying to fool? More than a few times I did totally lose it. And I’ve still got all that fear and loneliness inside me. I need to keep it buried to maintain the calm for Sassy chan, but I know it’s there.’

‘Guess all that hate won’t make a very healthy child.’

Naruto rolled his eyes. ‘That’s the biggest problem, teme, it’s not hate. Or, yaknow, even proper anger, I could work with that. But no, all those feeling just make me want to cling to you and never let go. Or throw you over my shoulder and chain you to the bed so you can never leave me and hurt me like that again. That’s why I was mentioning it, because I think it’s kinda like what you’re saying, that whatever’s happened between us, all our instincts are still to be together.’

‘Dobe? Are you saying you want to give us another chance? Properly? Romantically?’

Their noses were still touching and Naruto could feel the heat of Sasuke’s breath caressing his lips. His memory swirled with how good Sasuke’s mouth and tongue felt pressed against his own.

‘I don’t know, teme, are you saying that you’re hoping that I want to be your proper lover again? As opposed to the kind that occasionally takes naughty sleepwalks into your bed.’ Naruto’s heart beat fast.

‘I am positively in favour of very frequent naughty nightwalking. But if you’re saying that you’re hoping that I’m hoping you want to give me a chance to love you as you truly deserve to be loved, then the answer is definitely, unequivocally, yes.’

Tears sprang to Naruto’s eyes. He didn’t care about the rationality or the logic, he just cared about how happy he was to be Sasuke’s man.

‘Thank you, thank you, so much,’ Sasuke babbled, he went to wrap his arms around the blonde.

Then the hand that had been exploring Sasuke’s body with its own will, caught Sasuke sharply by the wrist before Sasuke could hug Naruto.

‘Fuck,’ both men said at the same time, their voices respectively filled with frustration and disappointment.

Naruto almost immediately dropped his grip. He sat up and pushed himself to the opposite side of the sofa to Sasuke’s head. Sasuke pulled his legs to give the blonde space.

‘Why’d you have to sleep with other people?’ Naruto’s voice was sad rather than accusatory. ‘All the same instincts in me that yearn for you, can’t stand the thought of you touching me.’

‘You seemed to be fine with you being in control and touching me,’ Sasuke said softly. ‘Maybe we can work from that.’

Naruto shook his head. ‘It’s late. Neither of us are thinking properly. We were just getting carried away with the dream. Not even a proper dream either, just a lusty teenage wet dream.’ He stared towards the bed, but somehow couldn’t summon the energy to walk the few steps across the room to it. ‘What’s it like having sex with other people?’

‘You don’t want to know about that.’

‘No, I don’t. But I should. It’ll make things clearer for me. And besides…I need to know. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I want some companionship. I…I can’t imagine being with anyone else but you…but you’re the only one who can teach me what it’s like when you’ve loved and trusted someone your whole life and given them everything of yourself, how do you…’ Naruto made a sound between a cough and a sob. ‘How do you start again with a whole new person, or persons, I guess ,with your new experiences.’

‘I wasn’t sure how it’d be, especially with a woman, but I am good at sex and because I’m attractive people are keen to try and please me.’ Sasuke’s voice was flat and emotionless.

Naruto thought of how soft and intimate they’d been together in each other’s arms mere moments ago. Why couldn’t it have stayed like that?

‘That tells me…nothing.’ In contrast to the Uchiha each simple word he spoke flowed with pain. ‘I know you’re good at sex and I’ve known since we were kids how everyone will do anything to get your attention.’

‘I didn’t know if the skills I have with you would translate to others as everything I’ve learnt sexually has been based around pleasing just one person.’

‘But they do?’

‘They do. I can satisfy men and women.’

‘Do…do you think I’ll have the same success?’

There was a long pause before Sasuke replied, but his voice was as flat as before. ‘Your physical capabilities on their own would be enough, but it’s your kindness and generosity that make you a better lover than anyone else I’ve had sex with.’  

‘Did you do the same things with the others you did with me?’

Sasuke sighed. ‘It’s too late for this conversation. You were the one who mentioned being tired.’

‘Please, just tell me, Sasuke.’

‘Obviously I did some of the same things.’

‘Did they give you blow jobs?’

‘Most of them.’

‘Did you give them blow jobs?’

‘I went down on some of the women, but I didn’t give any of the men oral sex. But that’s enough. I’m not going to go through a description of every single sexual encounter I’ve had. You’ll have to learn on your own.’

‘Just one more question. Please.’ Naruto didn’t wait for a reply but barrelled immediately into what he wanted to know most of all. ‘Was it worth it? Fucking those other people, was the experience worth breaking us apart for?’

Sasuke moved swiftly so he was kneeling next to Naruto, his mouth a breath away from kissing Naruto’s ear. Naruto became extra conscious of both his and Sasuke’s nakedness, a vivid image of Sasuke fighting past Naruto’s resistance and touching him formed in his mind. He thought of the other man’s cold hands and hot mouth exploring his body as if for the first time and had to swallow back a lustful moan.

‘I’ll take Itachi’s advice and speak entirely honestly to you,’ Sasuke whispered in his ear. ‘Remember I’m only giving you an answer that you asked for. If I could spend the rest of my life fucking the most attractive and skilled people in the world it would not be worth it. A few lousy months with people I never really desired, only being able to get an erection when I think about you, only being able to come when I think about you, your question is the equivalent of asking if a bird flying past a mountain and brushing the tip of one rock with a feather has eroded the whole thing. I truly want to die thinking I’ve lost the pleasure of being with you through the stupidity of attempting to be someone I’m not. But dying would be too quick, I deserve the pain of living a long and hollow life, every day filled with fresh wounds of regret and pain. There’s your honest answer. Are you happy now?’

‘No, Sasuke, no, I’m really not.’ Naruto pulled himself up and on unsteady legs walked alone to the bed. He lay down on his back and waited motionless for morning to arrive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you for sticking with me and continuing to read. I will just keep on repeating how grateful I am as it does mean so much to me.
> 
> I hope this chapter is ok, I finished it a little earlier than I thought, because I am unable to sleep with tooth ache. And I probably should save it as my battery is about to run out before I've had time to properly edit, but I'm really excited to share it and I promise I'll go over it soon when I'm less toothachy and more focused, until then, please be forgiving, and I hope you can still enjoy x


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke and Naruto doing what they do together probably third best: talking.

Naruto tried to sit up but fell immediately back down with a groan. Instinctively he called out for Sasuke, before he remembered the other man had stormed out of the room hours ago. Since the night Naruto had sleepwalked onto the sofa, their relationship had changed. Yet again. They’d moved on from tense silences, to arguments. Not the affectionate bickering that had always been ingrained into who they were, nor the passionate outbursts they were both prone to which always ended in incredibly wild unconstrained sex. Just stupid petty near constant disagreements. Naruto wasn’t even sure what the last one was about, and was certain that Sasuke wouldn’t recall either. He knew his aims were always to get Sasuke to feel comfortable with him, but it didn’t turn out like that. It was so difficult; he was trying to break the habit of their whole relationship, and instead of allowing Sasuke his own personal space was pushing him to open up to him. And he had no idea if it was his mad pregnancy brain doing this, or if it was something he should have done years ago. Or at least eight months ago, when one drunken night his boyfriend had told him he wanted to end it and Naruto had put off and put off asking him sober why he’d say such a thing .Until it was too late. The kind of too late when you wake up in a house all alone with your whole soul screaming in agony.

Right now though it was his physical body that was in crazy pain. And he wanted Sasuke. He didn’t care if it was grumpy Sasuke, sulking Sasuke, shy Sasuke, or lusty Sasuke, he’d prefer if it wasn’t mean Sasuke, but he’d take even that variant if it was all that was available. He just wanted his some time man by his side.

‘Sasuke,’ he gasped as the pain somehow intensified up from plain old hell to flaming roasting burny hell.

The door opened and the man himself was there. He was breathless and there was sweat on his brow, so Naruto knew he must have moved incredibly fast. Sasuke could emerge from the longest and most brutal battles looking like he’d done nothing more energetic than walk across the street.

‘Did you call me?’ Sasuke asked, then frowned. ‘Sorry that’s ridiculous. I just thought I felt something inside that you needed me. I’ll leave you in peace to meditate.’

Naruto growled, a full on animal growl. He had to glance down at his own body to check he hadn’t been taken over by Kurama. But no, he was still him, complete with massive pregnancy bump.

‘Look at me, teme! Is this the face of someone who’s peacefully meditating?’

Sasuke took a tentative step forward and then raced to the bedside. ‘What’s wrong, dobe? You’re crying. Are you in that much pain? I’ve never seen you cry from pain, except when…’ Sasuke’s voice faded out as if he decided what he was going to say was inappropriate.

But Naruto grinned widely and continued for him, ‘Except for that time when we were making out in the kitchen and I grabbed the nearest thing to use as lube and it turned out to be wasabi paste.’

Despite the worry still clearly visible in his eyes, Sasuke smirked. ‘I am just relieved that you only plastered it on yourself. How can I’ve ended up dating the only ninja who can’t tell the difference between wasabi and…whatever it was you thought you were using that looks and smells exactly like wasabi. You’d even watched me preparing it.’

Naruto chuckled. ‘I was watching you, not the food, you know that. Or it should have been pretty clear anyway when I pulled your pants down and sucked your cock.’

Sasuke’s eyes hungrily stared at Naruto’s lips, then he turned pointedly away. ‘We shouldn’t be talking about these things. It’s all mistakes of the past,’ he said coldly.

 ‘We should be talking about everything!’ Naruto slammed his hand down on the mattress. ‘Even if the sex is over between us, it doesn’t erase all my happy memories of being with you. You were never just my lover, you’re my first and best friend. Iruka was kind to me, but I thought he was taking pity on me because he’s a good person and I was a pathetic rejected kid. It was only with you that I felt that special bond of being liked for all of who I am. I had no idea why you _liked_ me, but when your fingers touched mine it was like my whole body sparked alive and I was a real recognised person. And if your version of growing up means losing that feeling, or pretending that we haven’t shared so many incredible times together, than I’m proud to always remain a kid.’ Naruto glared at the other man who looked impassively across the room. The blonde’s body was firing off all sorts of tangled messages of pain from simply hitting the mattress, but still he contemplated whether it would be worth the agony to punch Sasuke and sending him flying across the floor. However, instead of violence Naruto’s voice softened to a breath away from pleading. ‘You are the only person I can and want to talk about these things with, Sas, and yaknow why I need to share these memories, how important it is to constantly remind myself that these great things have happened to me, that I have been loved by an amazing man. Why do you keep trying to take that away from me?’

Sasuke still remained gazing off in the opposite direction to Naruto, and if thin air was infinitely more fascinating and interesting than his pregnant ex lover laying in front of him, but his voice when he spoke was even softer than the blonde’s. ‘Because I’m not as strong as you. I made the decision that I believed was best for both of us. But thinking of us together, how happy we were, makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. And frightened.’

‘Why?’ Naruto asked with wide eyes. ‘You with me is the most powerful force in the world. We can do anything together, including having a baby.’ He patted his belly forgetting how much pain he was in. His skin felt as tender as if it was flayed away and nails were clawing into his bare nerves. He writhed in agony, which made him feel as if the fabric of his clothes had turned to razors and were ripping him apart.

Sasuke’s face creased with anger. ‘What the fuck are you doing chatting to me about this irrelevant crap when your body is hurting this much? I presumed I’d misjudged and you weren’t crying in pain and it was just more emotional stuff, but…Naruto, tell me what’s going on with your body right now!’

The last thing Naruto wanted to do was discuss his body, but if he wasn’t going to be honest himself, he could hardly continue with his private mission to make Sasuke talk to him, (although just now had been the most success he’d had, he needed to remember, for times when he wouldn’t ruin the moment by succumbing to eye-bleeding pain, that reminding the Uchiha of stupid things he’d done, like lubing up with wasabi, relaxed the other man).

‘I think Sassy chan is growing too fast.’

‘I _know_ the parasite you’ve purposely put inside you is growing too fast. What I’m ignorant about is what that’s doing to you?’

Naruto would kick Sasuke square in the chest if it didn’t feel like all he’d be capable of was a light tap and that he would break his own leg in the process.  He inwardly sighed and reminded himself that this man who was so reliably calm and composed in the most gruesome of fights, was currently unable to deal with even the simplest of emotions without lashing out.

‘First, Sassy chan is not a parasite, she’s our baby. Second, I don’t quite know what it’s doing to me. I can guess from right at the beginning when Granny was trying to talk me out of boosting the little thing quickly to three months.’ Naruto moved his head slightly to try and make it more comfortable on the pillow. Sharp red pain shot through his neck.

‘This isn’t a time to be mysterious. Tell me what you think is going on,’ Sasuke spoke through gritted teeth.

‘Oh, excuse me for taking a moment to deal with my pain and not burst your eardrums with my screaming.’

‘If you need to scream, scream, idiot, you never have to hold anything back from me.’

Naruto moved his eyes to gaze at the other man, everything about him; his confident shinobi posture; the slightly annoyed, slightly arrogant, very loving, tone of his voice; the indifferent expression on his face betrayed by the concern in those black eyes; that flawless hair that always stayed in place; every detail was his beloved boyfriend.

‘I can almost forget everything bad, and believe that’s true,’ Naruto said sadly. ‘But I don’t need to scream anymore anyway, so just let me tell you about my pain so you can stop being all angry and demanding.’

‘It is not being unreasonable to want to know what’s going on with my boy…my best friend.’

Naruto managed to speak in an even tone that surely even the Uchiha would be proud of. ‘By giving Sassy chan so much chakra to begin with, and never getting control of it since that time, I kinda imprinted that as the cycle of growth. Like, my body doesn’t know naturally how to make or nurture a baby, and Sassy chan obviously doesn’t know how to grow in a body that shouldn’t have a baby in it, so it’s all just carried on following that initial pattern. It’s constant hurt, yaknow, anyway, which is why I’m with all the meditating and thinking about having sex with you.’ His cheeks blushed with a sudden shyness, although it was completely stupid feeling like that with someone he made a baby with. ‘You’re supposed to think about floating about and not being attached to anything, but like I told you that didn’t work for me. And since, well, since we came back here and all my memories seemed to have returned, I’ve gotta think of the happiest moments possible to offset the pain.’

‘And the pain is getting worse?’ Sasuke asked.

‘There is pain on top of the pain. Normally it doesn’t last long and it’s bearable. But right now it’s the worse it’s been. I think as Sassy chan’s getting bigger she’s needing more from me, but it’s so fast my body can’t keep pace with her. And…Sas.’ Naruto swallowed hard. ‘I’m scared. I’ve lost my connection to her. And to Kurama too. It’s like I’ve been evicted from my own soul. This hasn’t happened before.’ 

‘I’m going to get help.’ Sasuke turned to leave.

‘No!’ Naruto called out. ‘Stay with me. Please stay with me.’ He remembered his own long indecision when Hinata was begging him to remain with her in her labour, if he’d experienced what he was experiencing now, he wouldn’t have had any doubt. Being left alone was far more terrifying than any of the physical pain.

‘You need medical attention,’ Sasuke said firmly.

‘I need you. Look, it’s not all emotion, it’s logical too. You’re the one who keeps being really rude to all the medics here, and I apologise for you, but I do know you’re right. They don’t understand anything. And to be fair they’re all desperately overworked still caring for those who suffered in the war, to be bothered with a stupid pregnancy that makes no sense to them. You’re the only one who has made the effort to read all  of Tsunade’s notes, and we’ve been sleeping together for years, you know more about my body than anyone else ever could.’

Sasuke turned on his heel and looked sternly down on Naruto. ‘I’m not a medic nin. Reading some notes and being the only person who knows how to make you come in five seconds, does not make me capable of dealing with the madness of this thing you’ve done to yourself.’

‘It’s seven seconds. But if you reckon you can make five, when this is all over I promise to tie myself up and let you try.’ Naruto grinned, he knew he should try not to look too happy, but he knew that despite his words and the anger on his face, Sasuke was going to stay with him.

When Sasuke propped himself against the edge of the bed, Naruto’s grin widened, it was such a relief that the Uchiha was actually doing what Naruto thought he would instead of acting in strange unpredictable ways.

‘I remember you getting in a tangle trying to tie yourself up the first time we ever had sex, so I won’t keep you to that promise.’

‘I was putting a gift ribbon around me, and if you’d taken just a little bit longer doing your work, I’d have looked perfect when you arrived.’

Sasuke smirked. ‘You always look perfect to me, even at your most annoying and stupid you’re still perfect.’ His small smile disappeared. ‘Seriously now, though, what do you need me to do? We can’t pretend something really bad isn’t happening here.’

‘Can’t we? Just for a little bit? Give it time to pass. The worst of the pain normally doesn’t last too long if I stay still.’

‘Hnnnn.’

‘I know I said this is worse than anything before, but I can bear it with you here. It helps just hearing your voice talking about what’s irrelevant crap to you, but precious happy distraction to me.’

‘Your body is being ripped apart and you want me to sit here being nostalgic with you?’

‘Yes.’ Naruto smiled. ‘And… if it’s not too awkward could ya kinda undress me? Not in a good sexy way, I’m afraid, the clothes are too heavy and hurting my skin.’

Sasuke sighed deeply and covered his eyes for a moment. ‘Your clothes are fucking hurting you and I’m sitting here doing nothing,’ he muttered. ‘The problem is that I’ve screwed up so badly, I don’t trust my instincts, or rather I don’t even know what is my instincts, what is me, and what is all my anger and pain. I’m willing to do any ridiculous thing you ask me to because I know I’ve wronged you and I’ve got no idea how to make things right again.’ He moved his hands to the buttons of the thick cardigan Naruto was wearing and gave a half smile. ‘You’re only pretending to be in pain, aren’t you? You just want an excuse to take off these uglyass clothes I bought you.’

Naruto tried to laugh, but it hurt and he coughed instead. When he recovered he managed to grin at the now worried looking face of the other man.

‘You think they’re ugly too? I thought it was just your boring taste, yaknow, the sort of thing you like to wear.’

‘You think these are the sort of things I wear?’ Sasuke said with what looked like genuine outrage.

He couldn’t do much more than grin on the outside, but inside he laughed hard to see Sasuke upset in the old genuine way at what Naruto said, rather than the newer way of sideway narrowed eyes, and hateful remarks.

‘They are all in really boring colours,’ Naruto said.

‘I wear blue and purple and red. Just because my clothes don’t blind people, doesn’t mean they’re boring.’

‘Red? The tiny Uchiha emblem does not count as red!’ There was all sorts of pain shooting through his body as Sasuke manoeuvred him to gently undress him, but Naruto could absorb it when he had this stupid conversation to concentrate on.

‘If something is red it is red, as far as I know there is no dobe size criteria for when a colour counts as a colour.’

Naruto made a snorting noise. ‘If I was a Uchiha I would do it properly and have a really bright orange tracksuit covered all over with the fans.’

‘Really bright? As opposed to the subtle peachy shades you normally choose. That sounds incredibly…hideous.’

Naruto could tell Sasuke was working slowly, not only so as not to hurt him, but to try and avoid touching him. Still a couple of times the other man couldn’t help brushing his fingers against the blonde’s bare skin. The sensations from that were enough to confuse his brain into forgetting it was in pain for a moment. Sasuke’s hands were cool and gave him relief, and they were Sasuke’s hands so they gave him a heady mixture of comfort and lust. Then there was the constant repulsion, thinking of Sasuke touching other people in the same way that he touched Naruto. Although, unless Sasuke had developed some pretty interesting new fetishes in his time apart, Naruto was fairly certain that Sasuke’s hands hadn’t ever busied themselves undressing a pregnant man in physical agony before.

‘So…um…why did you buy these things if you don’t even like them? Was it in like one of your sulky angry moods?’

‘No. It was in a I need to stop thinking of my former lover’s body and buy something quickly that’ll be awful enough that I will not constantly be distracted thinking of him naked.’

‘Did it work?’

‘No,’ Sasuke said. He’d removed all Naruto’s clothes apart from his boxers. ‘Do you want me to take these off too?’

Naruto nodded without thinking, though it didn’t hurt his neck as much as previous movements had. Maybe he was starting to get better. Maybe he didn’t actually need Sasuke to leave him completely naked. But when the other man pulled his underwear down his legs and over his feet he exhaled as if his body was being released from a prison.

‘Oh, thanks, Sas, that feels so much better.’

Sasuke smirked. ‘Anytime you need someone to strip you, I’ll always be your man.’

‘You know, despite all the pain and everything, this is the nicest I’ve felt with you since I got my memory back. I think even before that, because you were making all those douchy remarks and being all cold, but apart from calling Sassy chan a parasite, which I immediately forgave because you were under stress, this is the longest you’ve spoken to me with both of us being happy for ages.’

Sasuke looked down. ‘I’m glad you feel like that. Itachi’s been trying really hard to help me, but I know I keep failing and bitch at you for pointless things because…it’s so difficult to deal with my emotions around you. When you came to me on the sofa and…I opened up to you…and I truly believed you wanted me back…and then you didn’t. That’s been tough to process.’

‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I’ve never wanted to hurt you.’ His eyes wide with apology.

‘Never?’ Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow.

Naruto made a chuckling sound, much weaker than his normal laugh, but he wasn’t coughing, so that was good. ‘Well, I’ve wanted to punch you a lot, but I’ve felt like that since I met you. And I did have some really good fantasies about you begging me to take you back and me being all sexy and cool and saying no. But I had some even better fantasies of you begging me to take you back and me being all sexy and cool and saying yes.’

‘And what happened in those better fantasies?’

‘You spent a lot of time on your knees.’ Naruto grinned and Sasuke gave him a small, surprisingly, shy smile.

‘When you’re over this pregnancy thing, I’ll spend as much time on my knees as you desire. And if you ever let me, all my training will be dedicated to lowering my seven seconds record to five seconds.’ Sasuke lowered his head when he spoke the next words. ‘But it is almost impossible for me right now to look after you when you don’t want me to touch you even as a friend.’

Naruto’s head seemed heavier and sunk further into the pillow. ‘I know we need to deal with that. And I’m not putting it off because I’m trying to avoid it. I just feel tired. Can you talk to me a bit, something light, one of your happy memories?’

Sasuke nodded but his eyes were unreadable even to Naruto. He spoke in a deep and soothing voice. ‘It’s not quite in the league of the things you say you think about when you meditate, but it’s just come into my head. That time when we were supposed to be paired up on a group training mission and we finished long past Guy’s deadline, because we ignored the tasks and instead just hid in a bush and made out.’

Naruto half closed his eyes. ‘I’m liking it so far,’ he murmured.

‘Then when we were walking home late on our own, a hawk flew overhead and dropped that strange creature on your back who thought you were its mum.’

‘Onbu,’ Naruto smiled.

‘Onbu,’ Sasuke repeated.

‘You were really jealous,’ Naruto teased.

‘I thought you wanted to rest? This is my story so let me tell it.’ Sasuke paused and Naruto stuck his tongue out at him. In a gesture that Naruto hadn’t seen for years, Sasuke mirrored the blonde and stuck his tongue out too. ‘I  admit I may have been a _touch_ jealous.’

Naruto wished he had more energy to treat that statement with the ridicule it deserved.

‘But more than that I thought you were the most adorable cutest mum that a random animal that falls from the sky could land on.’ Sasuke smirked, then he continued to speak in his most relaxed voice remembering the adventures they’d had while Naruto had had the little (and then much bigger) Onbu attached to him.

Naruto listened, letting his mind drift into the sunny vision of Sasuke’s words. He felt himself drifting into sleep, something he couldn’t even have imagined just a little earlier as the pain was so intense.

Then the door opened and Gaara stepped in. Naruto’s initial response was disappointment, it’d been so easy being with Sasuke that he wished it had remained just the two of them. He covered his ingratitude guiltily with an extra wide smile and shouting out his friend’s name. Sasuke stopped speaking and quickly tried to hide Naruto’s nakedness with a sheet, which Naruto casually threw off him.

‘We’re all guys here, Gaara, you’re not going to die of shock from seeing my dick are you?’ Naruto’s voice was light and loud, and he hoped his movements looked ordinary, but the moment the sheet had touched his skin his flesh had prickled with pain . It was bad enough worrying Sasuke with his condition, he didn’t want Gaara also to have to witness him writhing about.

Sasuke frowned and stepped back from the bed as if Naruto had done something wrong, but right now Naruto had to focus all his energy on behaving normally in front of Gaara. He’d try and work out what had upset Sasuke later, or maybe with this current chattiness between them, he could just ask.

He realised while he’d been thinking and trying to compose himself, Gaara had been talking. Presumably some of that talking had been saying he wasn’t offended by Naruto’s nudity, as he was now standing at the bedside. Naruto caught the last words which were inquiring about Sassy chan. Naruto did as he often did and immediately took Gaara’s hand and put it on his belly.

‘She always puts on a show for you,’ Naruto chortled as the baby moved inside him. But he saw Sasuke’s face which had turned from frowning to a mask of indifference, Naruto was feeling confident enough in his knowledge of the man today to identify deep hurt in those black eyes though.

He gazed at Gaara smiling as he felt Naruto’s stomach and chatting lightly about how Sassy chan was getting more lively each day. And he looked back at Sasuke standing to the side looking entirely disinterested. He realised for the first time, something he should have known from the start: how wrong it was for him to have another man, even if it was just their friend Gaara, not like any of the men back in Konoha who had tried to hit on him,  touch him in front of Sasuke. And more than that, feel his baby move, when that was something he couldn’t share with his actual baby’s daddy.

Naruto kept on smiling and joking with Gaara even as he desperately tried to work out how to end this without being rude. Although Sassy chan seemed happy dancing about, Naruto was so tender that even Gaara’s light fingers were hurting him. He wished again, and again felt guilty, that Gaara hadn’t come to visit and he’d just been able to fall asleep listening to Sasuke reminisce about Onbu.

‘Have you made a decision yet, Naruto?’ Gaara asked suddenly becoming serious. ‘I’ve put off returning home for as long as I can, but I really need to leave today and the sooner I can inform my people if you’re definitely travelling with me the easier it’ll be.’

Naruto grinned sheepishly. Gaara had spoken about this so much to him and he’d been waiting for Sasuke to be in a good mood to discuss it with him. But today Sasuke had been in a great mood and Naruto had forgotten all about the fact that today was the day Gaara was leaving and that he definitely needed an answer.

Naruto had liked the idea of getting to spend more time with his pal, they didn’t see each other enough, but he really couldn’t face the idea of all that travelling.

‘Sassy chan’s safety is most important,’ he begun, but wasn’t sure quite how to continue. Gaara had been so kind to him, somehow it seemed hard to reject his offer, even though Gaara would probably be relieved not to be stuck with any responsibility for this crazy pregnancy and all it entailed.

‘So, it appears Naruto has decided he’s safer with you then, Gaara,’ Sasuke said emotionlessly. ‘I’ll pack up all his things and ensure you get all his medical notes. I see that you have several noted medic nin that Lady Tsunade didn’t think of as options to take over Naruto’s care, but probably only because she couldn’t foresee your generosity in offering to look after him. Naruto is evidently going to be a lot more comfortable and secure being protected by you.’

Naruto stared blankly at Sasuke. When had he decided that? He hadn’t said anything to even imply that. Why would the man say such things out of nowhere?

It was too obvious.

Naruto was the stupid idiot who’d misread the Uchiha yet again, desperately seeing what he yearned for, rather than the reality. He was still emotionally in those first days of desertion when he just lay on the floor and wept. The truth was that Sasuke couldn’t wait to get rid of him, their conversation today was clearly the equivalent of their _last fuck_ , when Naruto had thought they were reuniting, but really the teme had been saying goodbye to him.

Gaara was cleverer than him and had seen all this immediately which is why he was being so nice to Naruto and giving him so much of his time, and had made the offer in the first place. He was being a good friend, and taking Naruto away from someone who didn’t want to be with him, before even dumb fool that he was, Naruto noticed properly and was duly hurt by how angry Sasuke was to be stuck with him.

It wasn’t even as if Sasuke was subtle about what he thought about the pregnancy, it was just that Naruto was an oblivious chump.

He listened silently as Sasuke talked about him to Gaara as if Naruto was just some sort of inanimate object to be passed onto someone else when the Uchiha got bored of him. Although Sasuke had probably been bored with him long before he got lumbered with caring for his pregnant ex, otherwise why would he need to break up and sexually experiment with so many different people?

Naruto managed to interject enough to ask for his clothes seeing he was being packaged off and sent away he figured he should probably get dressed.

‘You’ll need to help him, Gaara, I’m afraid you’ll find him incapable of almost everything except babbling on about his baby,’ Sasuke said, passing the items to the Kazekage rather than Naruto himself.

The blonde’s skin felt like it was on fire as Gaara awkwardly helped him put his clothes on, but the good thing about Sasuke was that he could cause emotional wounds that made everything physical suddenly irrelevant. Why did he have to say it like that, _his_ baby, inside Naruto shouted out, ‘It’s our baby, teme! I did this whole thing for you!’ Outside he smiled and joked with Gaara as if travelling on sharp itchy grains of sand to a place miles and miles away was a dream come true.

And if he smiled enough and ignored all the pain enough and pretended his heart wasn’t bleeding enough, maybe he could believe that it was exactly that: a dream. One which he would soon wake from and find that he was back at Itachi’s party, cuddled in his boyfriend’s grateful arms after he’d given Sasuke the type of blow job that would mean his lover would never ever even look at another man. And most definitely never ever ever even be capable of imagining leaving his beloved dobe alone and frightened and permanently broken.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be doing a lot of other things, although writing this as become such a solace for me, that if I wasn't doing this, I'd probably by laying on my bed in a sea of self-pitying tears, so as it always is and always will be, I'm ever grateful for everyone keeping reading and continually encouraging me with comments and kudos.  
> I've posted this quicker than I planned as the chapter came to a natural end sooner than I thought it would and I'm not certain after today when I'll be able to dedicate time to this again.
> 
> I hope y'all have amazing weekends ahead and enjoy this latest update in my love-confused, slightly unbalanced, but favourite pairing of all time, Naruto and Sasuke story.


	17. Every Sunflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little flashback to when the boys are in the very very early days of being together.

Sasuke knew it was time to confess to Naruto the darkness of his soul. They spent as much time as they could kissing. There was an unspoken agreement between them that they wouldn’t kiss anyone else. He’d moved the other boy in with him. They snuggled together every night. He regularly drank the only thing Naruto ever made, ‘ramenwater’ without flinching. But it all meant nothing if Naruto didn’t know who he really was.

However, in so many ways it felt unnecessary to say anything to the other boy as they instinctively seemed to know each other without the need for long explanations. But with Naruto bleating on all the time so cheerily about how he was going to be Hokage and create some neon orange world of peace and harmony where ramen was free for all, Sasuke knew he had to explicitly tell the happy blonde who he was. He almost did it when instead of studying, Naruto had somehow pulled him into making a book fort. It’d been strangely snug and secret inside. It felt like a bizarrely appropriate place to finally reveal his one purpose in life was revenge. Then Naruto shyly whispered, ‘You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to anyone anywhere ever.’ And it felt more like the time to cover the blonde’s face with kisses than start describing how he spent hours contemplating which weapon would be best suited to flaying his brother alive.

But in bed that night he managed to make up for his earlier lapse and remain strong against his boyfriend’s advances to describe the things that had haunted him since that horrific night that had effectively ended his childhood.

Naruto had been almost like an Uchiha the way he listened nonplussed as Sasuke blurted out tortuous fantasy after tortuous fantasy of what he dreamed night after night of doing to Itachi.  Except no Uchiha would have laughed after one of Sasuke’s most gruesome and vivid  descriptions and said, ‘Well, that serves my big ego right for thinking your morning wood was on account of cuddling me all night! You’re one sick bastard, Sas.’

Sasuke reddened, momentarily flustered, that was not the response he was expecting. ‘I just think about Itachi when I’m falling asleep, he’s not what I dream about, I dream about you.’

‘Hah! That’s even worse, when I’m kissing you goodnight, you’re thinking of ripping your brother’s guts out.’

‘Of course I don’t think about Itachi when I’m kissing you.’

Naruto bit Sasuke’s neck hard, then fluttered his eyelashes over the bruised sensitive skin. Sasuke groaned. It was a new thing that Naruto had started doing, he wasn’t sure how Naruto had had the idea, but the quick juxtaposition of sharp teeth almost breaking his skin with the delicate kiss from the blonde’s eyelashes, drove Sasuke mad. Since discovering the trick, Naruto had already made Sasuke come several times just through those two seemingly simple things,  but right now, he pulled away and grinned down at his boyfriend.

‘Are you sure you’re not imagining pulling Itachi’s spine out one vertebrae at a time?’

‘Hnnn.’ Sasuke tried to take control by pushing the teasing blonde off him, but Naruto was faster, darting down and pressing his hot tongue between Sasuke’s lips.

Just as Sasuke’s stubbornness passed and he began to push his mouth back against Naruto’s, the blonde pulled away from him.

‘Wouldn’t you rather I stopped distracting you, and left you to daydream about placing spines under Itachi’s fingernails?’

‘I’ll start practising  what I’m going to do to him on _you_ soon,’ Sasuke hissed.  He moved to land a punch in the other boy’s chest, but Naruto easily grabbed both his wrists and pinned them above his head.

‘I really hope you don’t mean that, because the things I want you to do to me sooner than soon are not things that brothers are supposed to do to each other,’ Naruto said huskily.

Sasuke gazed up into those large blue eyes and felt almost helpless. For one of the most useless ninja possible, Naruto when he felt like it could easily, and so casually, completely overpower Sasuke. And it turned Sasuke on desperately. He paused undecided whether to give into his lust, or to hold onto his pride and keep sniping at the annoying boy.

However, while his brain turned over the outcomes of both options, his mouth c hose its own words. ‘Usuratonkachi, I’m revealing to you things I didn’t think I’d ever tell anyone. I’m warning you who I really am, it’s not a joke. I’m not a good person like you, don’t you get that? I’m evil. I need to be to be capable of avenging my clan, and that’s the most important thing that drives me through the days. That’s who I am. That’s how I was able to survive what my brother did. These things I want to do to Itachi, they’re the real me, the things you and I do, that’s merely like a…holiday from myself.’ Sasuke blushed, at no point had he intended to say anything like that. He suddenly felt so much more exposed. He steeled his stomach ready for Naruto’s inevitable rejection. He tried to tell himself it was better now than later on, every day that passed he got more accustomed to Naruto at his side, and it would just make it more painful and more difficult to stoically bear when the end did eventually come.

Naruto’s grin vanished, his grip on Sasuke’s wrists transformed into a tender caress. He leaned in and rubbed his nose against the other boy’s and when he spoke, Sasuke breathed in the heat of his breath and felt like the blonde’s words were living inside him mending all his broken parts.

‘You’re not evil. That’s what I was trying to show you, yaknow. You’re in pain and you’re hurting and that’s always going to be a part of you, but it’s not the whole of you. When I kiss you and all you’re thinking about is kissing me, that’s as much you, I think it’s more you, than the kid who combats the helplessness of his own mental torture by having nightmare fantasies about torturing another person.’ Naruto spread out his fingers so they entwined around Sasuke’s. ‘I still have a lot of crap in my head, yaknow, worried that I’m the monster everyone said I was for years, but when you touch me the only thing that matters is that I’m a person that Uchiha Sasuke wants to be with and the rest of the world can do and think whatever it likes because I truly don’t care.’

Naruto raised his body to trail kisses from Sasuke’s wrists to his armpits one arm at a time. Then he took Sasuke in his arms and flipped their bodies around so Sasuke was laying on top of him clasped against the blonde’s chest.

‘We’ll find Itachi together. And I don’t know what’ll happen, because he hurt you badly, and that makes my whole being rage with anger.  But way way more important than that or you getting revenge, is me keeping you safe from doing anything that gives you more scars on your beautiful soul.’ Naruto nuzzled his cheek into Sasuke’s hair. ‘But however things turn out, and whatever you feel you need to do, you’re always the most precious person in the world to me and I’ll always be at your side.’

Sasuke took time to breathe deeply. Naruto was like some sort of walking, talking, kissing emotional jutsu bomb. If he didn’t compose himself he could spend all day crying like a baby or smiling like a deranged lunatic.

‘Thank you, dobe,’ he said softly. Then he pulled away from the other boy’s embrace and balanced with his elbows either side of the blonde’s head. ‘And just so you know, whatever idiotic, stupid craziness you do, and however bad you are at being a ninja, even if you never get beyond genin, and if we’re honest, becoming a genin in the first place was an earth-shattering and astonishing stretch for you, I’ll always remain with you all the way from dumb to braindead.’

They both smiled with a very familiar challenging look in their eyes. Then as if some hidden signal had gone off that only they heard, they tumbled together off the bed into a mixture of playful wrestling, all out fighting, and mind blowing making out that took them through most of the night.

 

The next afternoon Sasuke looked down at the boy curled around his legs.  Half an hour ago Naruto had made a nest of cushions on the floor claiming he could study better if he was more comfy, within five minutes the book had fallen out of his hand, his mouth was wide open and he was loudly (but admittedly very cutely) snoring. Over the next ten minutes his sleeping body had wormed across to Sasuke, then reaching his target he had wiggled around him in a tangle of limbs which looked twisted and uncomfortable, but the dobe hadn’t moved again and was resting in all appearances of perfect contentment.

The brunette wondered how, with all the many choices available to him, he had ended up partnered with someone who was currently drooling all over his barefoot. And then he wondered what had changed in him over the past months that he could feel so happy with the messy blonde boy wrapped around his feet, that he now thought being sleepily slobbered over was endearing. The growing puddle of Uzumake spittle on his skin was actually making him smile!

He’d managed only slightly more reading than Naruto. Instead of learning about the secrets of the Uchiha sharingan, his own eyes had been enchanted watching every tiny move of the blonde boy as he’d edged closer to him. He had seen Naruto asleep so many times, but he still became fixated watching the steady rise and fall of the blonde’s chest as if it was one of the miracles of natures.

Sasuke sighed. He would never be strong enough to face Itachi if he spent all his times gazing at his dobe. Whatever charm Naruto had over him, he had to adjust to it soon, or he’d be the one who would be a genin for the rest of his life. He forced himself to compose his emotions and concentrate on his studying, but within five minutes he found himself smiling back down at the figure wrapped around his feet.

He shook his head. If there was a choice between avenging his clan, or loving Naruto, it appeared something deep inside had already decided that the blonde would win every time. If that’s the way things were going to be, then he would do this thing properly. At least that was one thing he could completely commit to.

He kicked Naruto in the stomach. Not enough to _seriously_ hurt him, but hard enough to wake him up.

‘Yes, I am studying!’ Naruto shouted out automatically before his brain realised where he was and what he was doing. He blushed and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. ‘It’s just,yaknow, after studying so hard I need a little rest to absorb everything that I’ve…studied.’

Sasuke managed not to smile as he saw Naruto notice the drool on the Uchiha’s foot and how the dobe tried to rub it off with his sleeve as if Sasuke wouldn’t have felt himself being dribbled over.

‘We’re going out.’ Sasuke pulled his boyfriend to his feet and walked down out of the attic to their front door. He smirked listening to Naruto complain about how Sasuke didn’t get to make all the decisions, and how he might continue studying because he was enjoying it so much and maybe he didn’t want to go out right now.

Naruto continued moaning all the way out of the front door and down several streets, before Sasuke in his flattest voice commented, ‘You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to. I don’t mind either way.’

Naruto glared at him. ‘Neither do I. I could have really happily stayed at home without you.’

‘Hnnn.’ Sasuke openly smirked.

Naruto looked like he wanted to punch him, which was exactly what Sasuke wanted. Naruto had been strolling along with his hands behind his head, which hadn’t met the Uchiha’s own personal desires for this outing. He just needed to push the blonde slightly further.

‘You should go home in fact. I can see that with your level of fitness this small walk is already tiring you out.’

Naruto went for his favourite blow to the shoulder which if it landed unbalanced an opponent and allowed him to sweep through with a powerful kick. Sasuke caught it easily, pulling the blonde’s hand to his side and leading him into Ino’s shop, which his dobe boyfriend hadn’t even noticed they’d stopped in front of.

Sasuke face remained impassive but inside he was glad to see that Ino was serving and Sakura, Tenten and Hinata were all there keeping her company through her shift. The four girls between them (even quiet Hinata _must_ have some people she could tell)  would ensure that this story would be gossiped through the whole town. The effect of walking into the florist holding hands, was perhaps slightly undercut by the fact that his boyfriend still hadn’t realised that they were holding hands and was tugging against him as if this was some cunning new move in a fight. But when dating Naruto, even an Uchiha couldn’t ask for perfection.

Naruto blushed a little when he finally, with those oh so amazing ninja senses, clocked the four girls staring at them open mouthed.  Hinata looked like she was going to actually faint

‘Hey, gals, how you all doing?’ He tried to yank his hand away from Sasuke, but Sasuke had an iron grip.

‘What flowers would you like for the house?’ Sasuke asked as if it was a completely normal question. Which it was. For a couple who shared domestic responsibilities. Thus far however, they’d settled into a routine where he did everything for Naruto, and if he was honest, he was enjoying having someone else to look after. It gave his days a sweetness that they’d lacked. It was hard to have much interest in cooking for yourself, but devising culinary ideas to sneak healthiness into Naruto’s diet was…fun. Even before everything had gone wrong, he’d been a little brother, the youngest in the family, but now he was the oldest one in the household caring for his adorably hopeless boyfriend.

Naruto stared at him wide eyed and then gave an exaggerated shrug.

‘Hnnnn,’ Sasuke said pretending to think. ‘I initially wanted something blue to reflect your beautiful eyes, but Ino, it’s obvious now I’m here, I want every sunflower in the shop.’

‘Every one?’ Ino frowned.

Sasuke didn’t even bother repeating himself, he stared at Naruto’s blushing face and tenderly said, ‘Sunflowers symbolise adoration, loyalty and…permanency.’ He squeezed the blonde’s hand which he had stopped trying to pull away. ‘They suit you perfectly in every way.’ He put his hand through the other boy’s bright hair. ‘I like the yellow but I’ll get Ino to order some orange ones especially for you.’  He grazed his lips against Naruto’s.

Someone made a squeaking sound, probably Hinata, but he didn’t care enough to turn and see for certain.

Keeping his eyes fixed on his boyfriend he took the bunch of flowers that Ino had hastily gathered and pressed the floral display into Naruto’s free hand.

‘These sunflowers are dazzling, but they pale when you hold them. Nothing can brighten my life like you do.’ Sasuke kissed Naruto for longer this time, then pulled his boyfriend out of the shop leaving the four girls gazing after them.

‘What’s going on?’ Naruto asked quietly. His eyes were lowered and he kept changing how he held the flowers, holding them out in front of him then his arm drooping by his side as if he wished he could simply drop them on the floor. ‘Are you mocking me in front of everyone?’

Sasuke stopped dead. ‘Why would you even think that?’

Naruto sighed. ‘I don’t really. I know that’ s not who you are. But I don’t get why you’re pretending to buy me flowers and saying those things in front of our friends?’

‘Dobe, I’m not pretending, you’re holding the flowers I _really_ bought you. I’m doing this because there’s been lots of rumours since we moved in together.’

Naruto stared at him blankly. ‘If people want to talk, let them talk.’

‘Because…because people are saying that we’re just friends, or I’ve taken pity on you. Some gossip about how we’re _experimenting_ and it’s a phase we’re going to grow out of…’

‘Again, who cares what people are saying?’

‘ _I_ do. You’re cuter than you realise, dobe, and it’s important to me that everyone knows you’re mine and you’re off limits. For good.’  Sasuke turned away from Naruto and shouted in his loudest voice. ‘Uzumaki Naruto is my boyfriend and I love him!’ Then as if nothing had happened he pulled Naruto forward. ‘Now I’m taking you for ramen at Ichiraku’s and you better have an appetite because I’m buying you the most expensive thing on the menu.’

People stared and pointed at them for the rest of the day, Naruto for once was speechless. He kept gazing at Sasuke and bursting into happy laughter, but whenever he tried to chat in his normal way he got red and flustered.

Even without his normal talking Naruto took a delightfully long time eating. Surely with the possible exception of Choji, there couldn’t be anyone in Konoha who enjoyed their food more. It almost felt like an honour beyond his worth to make someone so happy by simply buying them some ramen. Neither of them said anything aloud, but they both climbed up the hills to sit on top of the heads as if they’d discussed it and made a conscious decision. They silently held hands as they watched the bright day turn into a gorgeous orange sunset.

Naruto somehow managed to shuffle even closer to him as the heat of the day waned. ‘You’re cold,’ he muttered. ‘I would offer my jacket, but it’s kind of attached, yaknow being a jumpsuit and all. You can have the whole thing, or I could try and cut off the top for you…’

Sasuke stopped him before he reached for his kunai. ‘I’m not having you walking around semi-naked. I’m a real shinobi, not a fake one like you, I’m fine with whatever temperature it is.’ Then in a softer teasing voice. ‘Besides you’re hot enough for both of us.’

Naruto trailed a hand over the petals of the flowers that Sasuke had bought him. ‘You know…what you shouted out in the street…’

When Naruto didn’t finish his sentence, Sasuke’s heart beat fast but he said nonchalantly, ‘Yes, of course I know what I said. It’s easy to remember conversations you have when your whole day every day isn’t spent talking.’

‘That seemed unlike you,’ Naruto said not looking at Sasuke.

‘Yes. Your stupidity appears to be contagious.’ He wasn’t good enough with words to convey what a rush of excitement it had been, how his whole body still felt like he was floating, and how the entire world now was a much better place. Instead of speaking he leaned across and nibbled on the blonde’s ear.

Naruto gave a light groan, then moved his head so their lips were touching. They pecked shyly at first, but then their mouths became hungrier, delving and exploring each other with their tongues.

‘Teme,’ Naruto moaned into Sasuke’s mouth. ‘Teme, teme.’

Then he leapt to his feet and shouted out, ‘I’m Uzumaki Naruto and I love my boyfriend Uchiha Sasuke more than I love Ichiraku’s ramen!’ Naruto grinned down at Sasuke. Then a frown creased his brow. He said in a sudden whisper. ‘You don’t think he heard do you? He might be hurt after the great meal he cooked for us tonight.’

Sasuke laughed. ‘Birds flew out of the trees miles away! I think I am deafened for life. But on the plus side you may have a secret noise jutsu that no one else has discovered yet.’

Naruto chuckled too and pushed his boyfriend onto the ground so he could better cover the brunette’s whole face in kisses.

Sasuke thought for a brief moment of the safety issues of rolling about on a cliff face with a clumsy useless ninja. But that thought was quickly overwhelmed by the physical sensations of rolling about on a cliff face with his cute, utterly unique, and entirely lovable boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as ever lovely people for continuing to read. I didn't have time to do any writing on the main storyline, but had this little chapter in the meanwhile that I hope you enjoy. I decided to include it as I do like them when they are being cuter to each other, and it's meant to show that Sasuke early on had hints of identity problems about who he wanted to be and who he thought he should be.


	18. Chapter 18

Naruto sat crossed legged on the sand, appearing to all who looked at him as if he was calmly meditating. What he was doing was fiercely trying to think of another excuse to stop Gaara leaving. Even though it was clear to everyone with any sense by now that Sasuke wasn’t going to turn up, Naruto’s fuzzy brain was still finding it impossible to accept that Sasuke didn’t even want to wave goodbye to him.

He thought of Sasuke sitting on the bed with him, talking him gently through the worse agonies of his pain, with the kind of silly reminiscing that Naruto adored. Did anyone in the world ever possess a voice as sensual and calming as Sasuke’s?

But then the same man had handed him over to Gaara without even looking at Naruto again, let alone speaking to him. He’d given the Kazekage a list of instructions as if handing over a puppy that hadn’t been housetrained. Did anyone anywhere have a voice as annoying and arrogant and infuriating as Sasuke’s?

Naruto squeezed his eyes tightly shut realising that he had no idea when he would hear his lover’s voice again. Not his lover. His Sasuke. Nope, that was wrong too. His friend?  Was that right?

Maybe that was why Sasuke was parcelling him off to Gaara, maybe that was the sensible decision that a friend makes for another…friend?

‘Are you ready to leave?’ Gaara asked.

Naruto hadn’t seen the kazekage approach, but that often happened when he was focused on Sasuke. At least things would be simple now, Gaara was a true friend, and nothing but a friend, there would be no confusion with him, and Naruto would be able to just concentrate on Sassy chan like he should be doing all the time.

He gave the red haired boy his widest grin. ‘This is going to be fun. I always wanted to fly. Do you think that when I’m back to my normal body, you could make me some sand wing things and I could swoop about like a bird? You could make some for yourself too and we could fly all around everywhere together!’  Naruto chattered on happily and ignored the slow sad beat of his heart as Gaara and him finally left together with no sign of an Uchiha anywhere.

 

Naruto felt like he’d been dozing, but realised he’d been talking non-stop to Gaara since their departure. The poor Kazekage was probably severely regretting offering Naruto a lift. The blonde ninja made a mental note that when he got home he would spend some time with Kiba, he needed to be with someone else who was noisy. Then he stroked his belly as he reminded himself he wasn’t going home, he was going to Sunagakure, for…he had no idea how long for. Until after Sassy chan was born, and then what? Naruto had dreams but he’d never exactly made long term plans. He hadn’t needed to. It had all been sorted for so long: him and Sasuke together forever.  But now he was going to have a child and he didn’t even know if Sasuke was at all interested in meeting their baby. It was Naruto’s sole responsibility to care for the life he’d made.

On the outside Naruto was continuing to chat and laugh with his friend, while inside he seriously considered his options. Should he finally take the chunin exam? Work at becoming a jonin? He needed to think about finances and all the other practical domestic things Sasuke had always taken care of. But more than that he wanted Sassy chan to be proud of him, he needed to be a good example to her of hard work, ambition and all the other sensible adult things.

Yet, and this ‘yet’ made his whole chest ache, he had to keep safe for her. His parents had been amazing shinobi that any child would glow with pleasure at being related to. They had been true heroes. And like heroes they died.  To protect Sassy chan from the infinite loneliness of being an orphan he would happily spend the rest of his days scrubbing toilets. Someone had to do it, so why shouldn’t it be him? Aside from the fact he was rubbish at cleaning. A spark of panic went through him. What job was he actually qualified to do? What _was_ he good at? A random image of him bouncing up and down on Sasuke’s cock appeared in his mind. It was vivid enough to make his cheeks flush. He dismissed it, wryly telling himself that the role of being Sasuke’s whore was already incredibly oversubscribed. But while he told Gaara a joke, and attempted to think of real jobs normal people did, visions of being a slut for Sasuke rained through his mind.  If he was alone he would have roared with frustration at his inability to escape from his attraction to the Uchiha. If he was alone he would have wanked himself to oblivion just on the thought of Sasuke’s cock, without even needing to journey further into his imagination to explore the things he yearned for Sasuke to do with that beautiful cock.

His fantasies became so overpowering that he was almost convinced that he could hear his former lover calling his name. Not his real name, obviously, but Sasuke could make ‘Dobe’ sound so tender and affectionate. He gritted his teeth, he had to get over this.  If he could be objective for more than a second, it would be clear that a relationship where their pet names for each other were based on one of them being stupid and the other a bastard was never going to be healthy.  Still his mind was toying with him; Sasuke calling out ‘Dobe’ seemed louder and with an added pleading note that the real Uchiha would be too prideful to let slip into his voice.

Then Gaara said, ‘Naruto, I can’t claim any understanding of what you’re going through with Sasuke at the moment, but as he’s followed us perhaps it is better you see what he wants rather than ignoring him? Or would you prefer it if I spoke to him? ’

Naruto frowned, what the hell was going on? Was he dreaming again? That’s the only reason Gaara could be talking nonsense about Sasuke following them flying miles up in the air…unless he’d invented a new flying jutsu with all his training?

The blonde looked behind him in the direction that Gaara was gazing. Sasuke was really there. Not with a new jutsu of his own but balanced on the top of one of those strange ink birds that Sai could make. And indeed there was Sai too, on a bird of his own flying slightly to the side and behind the Uchiha.

‘Finally, dobe,’ Sasuke said.

‘Hello,’ Naruto said.

Gaara’s sand and Sai’s birds came to a smooth stop next to each other. Gaara discretely looked forward, whereas Sai stared in turn at the two former lovers with a strange unmoving smile fixed on his face.

Naruto wondered if he’d unthinkingly used all his words up on Gaara as he had no idea what to say to Sasuke. Was there some sort of protocol for meeting the love of your life, who was also the father of your unborn baby, (and had a sideline in being a professional douchebag), in the middle of the sky after he hadn’t bothered to come and say goodbye to you?

‘Teme?’ was all Naruto managed.

Sasuke blushed and turned away from Naruto’s questioning gaze.

Naruto realised his own cheeks were reddening as well. What was going on here?

‘So, um, A gave into my pestering and released Sai after all?’ Naruto tried a big grin and waved a greeting to the smiling ninja.

Sasuke answered immediately, ‘No, I broke him out of prison.’

Naruto’s eyebrows shot up and even Gaara turned around.

‘Why? How? You didn’t kill anyone, did you?’ Naruto had a flash remembrance of Sasuke enjoying brutally slashing through his victims when Danzo attacked.  But mostly his stomach twisted with the thought that although Sasuke seemed to have nothing but contempt for Danzo’s lieutenant, while Naruto had been sleeping, Sai had become another of Sasuke’s lovers. And one the Uchiha was attached enough to risk freeing from A’s solid and fierce defences.

‘I only knocked the guards unconscious, they’ll recover.’ Sasuke gazed down at the world which looked tiny beneath them. ‘I needed Sai to reach you. He was the only shinobi I could think of who would be able to catch up with Gaara.’

Naruto stared wide eyed. As always happened recently, Sasuke’s explanations just raised more questions. ‘Why did you need to reach me?’

Sasuke met his gaze, but his eyes were darker and more unreadable than ever. ‘Itachi got a message from Kakashi that Shizune was attacked trying to reach us and…’

Naruto’s face paled and he slumped forward feeling sick. Not another person killed because of his actions.

Sasuke’s voice softened. ‘It’s okay, dobe, she survived and made it back to Konoha.’

Naruto nodded but his breathing was shallow.

‘Thank you for telling us,’ Garra said with more confusion than gratitude, ‘But couldn’t Itachi have sent a crow? You didn’t have to violate the law and liberate a dangerous rogue ninja to chase us down.’

‘That isn’t the reason Uchiha Sasuke told me he needed to see Naruto,’ Sai said with his strange smile.

‘There’s more?’ Naruto’s heart beat slow. Whatever it was he had to be strong enough to bear it for Sassy chan. ‘Tell me, teme.’

Sasuke exchanged a look with Sai which Sai responded to by producing scroll and ink from somewhere and starting to paint. Quickly a horde of flying creatures that weren’t quite birds or any other animal that Naruto recognised danced off the paper. Then Sasuke weaved signs and the air was suddenly that much hotter.

Naruto turned his head and saw that all Sai’s new creations were in flames, he hoped they didn’t feel pain. But the tears that pricked his eyes weren’t for the paper animals. His heart ached with his own sorrows. And Sasuke’s. In the moments before they turned to ash, the burning paper spelt out one word. Even after they disappeared Naruto could see it as if it was still emblazoned before him in the blue sky, _Sorry_.

‘That’s all,’ Sasuke said. He motioned to Sai to turn the birds around.

‘No, it isn’t!’ Naruto said anger growling through his voice. ‘For starters, what are you sorry for?’

‘Everything,’ Sasuke replied. ‘Nothing.’

Naruto roared. ‘Can’t you be plain and clear with me just one time?’

‘I’m sorry for everything, because I’ve hurt you and continue to hurt you. You gave your whole being to me and I hid away like a scared child. I should have been brave enough to talk to you a long time ago. But I wasn’t. I should never have encouraged your kisses, I knew from the beginning you shone so brightly and deserved someone much better than me.’ Sasuke smiled the smallest of smiles. ‘But I regret nothing because somehow through the worst of times, when I’ve been doing everything wrong, you’ve become pregnant with my child, and that is the most miraculous thing I can imagine. I’d be frightened to change anything and risk losing our little Narry chan growing inside you.’

Tears flowed down Naruto’s face, but he laughed. ‘Teme, can you burn that in the sky? The fact that you’re finally admitting that it was _you_ who encouraged all the kissing and nothing to do with me.’

Sasuke’s eyes were shy, but his voice held its familiar arrogance. ‘It was something to do with you. It wasn’t me who started it all by accidentally-on-purpose pouncing on you.’

Naruto laughed louder. Acting on instinct rather than thought, he gave Gaara a hug and planted a kiss of gratitude square on his lips, before jumping backwards and landing on Sasuke’s bird.

‘So what are you waiting for then, take me home, teme.’ He grinned at the Uchiha’s surprised expression. ‘That _is_ why you came to find me, isn’t it? You want our baby to be born in Konoha under Shizune’s care.’ Then Naruto himself frowned and looked across at Sai. ‘These things can carry both of us, right?’ A protective hand flittered to his bump.

‘You check these facts before you leap onto it, idiot,’ Sasuke hissed at him.

‘I expect we’ll see,’ Sai replied and both birds soared forward.

Over Sasuke’s shoulder, Naruto waved and yelled goodbyes to Gaara. Until Sasuke complained that the blonde was deafening him and Naruto’s full attention was diverted into bickering with Sasuke.

Gaara remained still as day turned into night, gazing unerringly into the distance that the two birds had long ago disappeared into. Until he noticed that his skin was shivering and he recognised how cold his body was. He remembered that he was Kazekage and told himself that was a role he was good at. His attempt to be a lover had failed. He manipulated his sand into moving towards Sunagakure, which the pain around his heart informed him was not a place that Naruto would ever call home.

 

Sasuke’s arms hung awkwardly at his sides. He was kneeling down while Naruto was at an angle leaning back into him. The blonde hadn’t spoken for a while, leaving the brunette in quiet to focus on every single prick of pressure where Naruto’s head and part of his shoulder were pressing against the Uchiha’s chest. Sai’s birds fortunately glided more smoothly and swiftly than he’d hoped for, but Sasuke still yearned to wrap himself around the blonde and hold the clumsy, heavily pregnant man, safely in his embrace.

He hadn’t been expecting Naruto to ask Sasuke to take him to Konoha, hadn’t even imagined that was a possibility. He wasn’t at all certain how they’d reached this point.

Sasuke had judged himself to be doing well today. Gently talking Naruto through his pain he’d felt so close to his former boyfriend and been able to put his own incredible concerns to the side and just focus on what Naruto wanted from him. Then when Gaara had appeared, he’d again been able to concentrate on what was best for Naruto, which was obviously being cared for by a man he liked touching his pregnancy bump, rather than one who disgusted him. Sasuke had continued keeping control as he very practically gave Gaara all the most important information as if he was dealing with a standard shinobi mission report, not giving away the care of his unborn child and the man who was entwined into his soul.

In this business-like manner he discretely left Gaara and Naruto alone after Gaara was confidence in his knowledge. That didn’t take long as Gaara said enough to demonstrate he’d been doing a lot of his own private research into the pregnancy. It was obvious at some point he’d been able to get hold and read at least some of Tsunade’s notes.  And he certainly hadn’t burnt them up in a mess of emotions as Sasuke had when he first saw written down the medical danger the dobe was in.

So Sasuke made himself scarce and didn’t say goodbye to Naruto, as…how could he? He hadn’t been able to say goodbye when he was entirely certain that moving out was the best decision for both of them, and that was when they were remaining in the same village and he knew he could see Naruto whenever he wanted to. What could he say to his pregnant former lover riding off to start a life with another, better, man? They’d had a nice conversation before Gaara had arrived, that was the way to leave things with Naruto, on a calm note. If they spoke again it was highly likely that they’d get into some sort of stupid argument. Or worse, it would be a repeat of the cabin with Sasuke uncontrollably crying and desperately clinging onto Naruto.

Sasuke had sensibly explained this to Itachi, how this way Naruto would hold the memory of Sasuke comforting him until they happened to meet again.

And Itachi gazed at him and said, ‘That’s possible, but I believe it is more probable that when he thinks of you, Naruto will recall your absence and all the things you didn’t say to him.’

‘He understands how I feel,’ Sasuke murmured.

‘Are you going to let him leave without telling him how sorry you are?’

‘I can’t tell him I’m sorry, it’s too small to even begin to cover the things I’ve done.’

Itachi continued to stare at him, his expression not giving away any of his thoughts, but his words were clear. ‘Sasuke, you’ve told me often how scared you are that this pregnancy will be fatal to Naruto and the baby, how will you live if Naruto dies miles away from you and you never said out loud the things he needed to hear?’

Sasuke swallowed.  ‘Itachi, you’ve told me many times that I should have faith in Naruto’s strength and determination.’

‘Then have you planned for the future? The way you speak, you have no intention of following him and being by his side for the birth. Are you leaving Naruto to raise the child on his own?’

‘He has Gaara now,’ Sasuke replied forcing himself to keep meeting his brother’s gaze.

‘Do you wish me to pretend I believe that you’re comfortable with other people seeing and knowing your baby before you do? That strangers will know the colour of your child’s hair, be familiar with her smile and laughter, when you’ll still be completely ignorant. And you’re happy for Gaara specifically to be with the man you love sharing all the joy following the birth, and all those precious unrepeatable first moments of a new life, while you’re somewhere completely different entirely focused on your training?’

‘It’s not about my happiness,’ Sasuke had said.

But he promptly left Itachi and ran to see if Naruto was still here. Then discovering he had left, he did something ridiculous enough to be worthy of the dobe himself.

Even now flying on these ink birds with Sai beside him, he could hardly believe that he’d broken Danzo’s right hand man out of prison just so he could immediately apologise to Naruto. Itachi’s words may have been what prompted him, but he didn’t want to know what his big brother would say about this.

He clenched his fists to stop him running his hand through the yellow hair that was tickling his chin. Itachi would be shocked to hear what he’d done, but Sasuke was determined to follow his wiser brother’s advice as far as possible. Over their talks, Itachi had been clear about the two most important things that had to be the foundation of any future relationship with Naruto: Sasuke had to be fully honest, and he had to allow Naruto to be in control and lead things at his own pace wherever he wanted them to go.

The events of the past months showed that just because Naruto had chosen Sasuke to take him to Konoha and was now leaning in against him, that didn’t mean Sasuke had permission to touch the blonde. Sasuke knew that it was very likely that Naruto was tired at the moment and would have leaned against whoever or whatever was closest. Also his choice had probably been more based on the fact he trusted Shizune more than a stranger to help with the birth and hadn’t wanted to put Gaara out by asking for a lift to Konoha when he knew the Kazekage had to get home.

Sasuke was tempted to ask Naruto directly what was behind his decision, but instead he said, ‘This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done in a lifetime of stupid things. Leaving the care of one of the best shinobi to fly on a bird made by a murderer, and trusting me to look after you when I’ve been reliably unstable since the moment I heard about your pregnancy.’

Naruto chuckled. ‘Not as stupid as getting A mad by doing a prison break in his territory. I hope Kakashi is in a good mood because we’ll need him on side to stop you getting locked up in Sai’s place.’ His voice was sleepy but happy. ‘Besides you want Sassy chan to be born in Konoha and as it’s the first thing you’ve requested for our baby, I thought I should give it to you. This means I get to choose nursery colours and names though.’

‘I didn’t ask for anything like that!’ Sasuke protested, although he managed to calm his voice with the thought that however provoking he was being, Naruto needed to rest. ‘It’s you who loves Konoha.’

‘Yeah, I agree you’re right. Our baby should be born in our home village, but it was your idea, I saw it in your eyes. So it counts as me doing something for you, and now you owe me nursery colour, names, aaaanddd seven life changing blow jobs.’ Naruto giggled and nuzzled his head further into Sasuke.

Sasuke knew the blonde was too tired to take anything he said seriously, but his own prick immediately stiffened at the idea of ever being able to kiss Naruto’s again. It wasn’t something he believed could happen any time soon, but he would easily endure a neon orange nursery and his only child being called Uzumaki Ramen, if he could earn Naruto’s trust back and share a bed with him once more.

 

***

Naruto woke up in pain. He bit down on his duvet to stop himself screaming out. Then his eyes opened and he realised his duvet was the exposed flesh of Sasuke’s neck.

‘Sorry, teme,’ he groaned.

Sasuke made no response, he was busy talking to someone else. Naruto looked around and was unable to suppress a yelp of shock as he saw that he was flying miles up in the air on a bad drawing of a bird. He lost balance but Sasuke grabbed him and pulled him back against his chest, without looking away from the person he was talking to. _Sai_. Naruto realised it hadn’t been some strange dream, Sasuke had come after him. And here they were.

Sasuke finally turned his attention to the blonde and spoke in a quick sharp voice. ‘We’re in trouble. There’s rogue nin beneath us with a missile attack. Sai been able to evade them so far, but it’s getting close. Sai’s going to go down and fight, we’re going to try and escape.’

‘What do you need me to do?’ Naruto asked.

‘Hold onto me in whatever way you feel comfortable. This might be rough.’

‘Rough is what we do best.’ Naruto grinned.

Sasuke tried but couldn’t return the smile, so Naruto tried different positions to hold onto the Uchiha, deciding that his body turned to the side and his arms wrapped around Sasuke’s slim middle.

They’d been flying solo for a few minutes before Naruto’s brain woke up enough for him to ask, ‘Is it at all likely that, yaknow, the ninja you said were attacking us were part of Danzo’s gang and Sai’s friends, and his going to investigate, is him joining up with them, and leaving us to fly around helpless for forever?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh. I was hoping for a no and some practical Uchiha reassurance about my stupidity there.’

‘I decided in the situation trusting him was our only option. We are in no position to aggravate him into a fight. If Sai wanted to kill us he could make this creature disappear and crash us into the ground, as he hasn’t done that, we can guess that he may have programmed the creature to go to a location where we’ll be outnumbered as he wishes to capture us alive and take Narry chan, my eyes and possibly Kurama.’

‘Hmmmm, this is practical Uchiha but it seems to be lacking a bit on the reassurance front.’

‘But it is equally possible that he’s done as he said and this thing will take us safely to Konoha. You ripping his boss’s head off has probably put him off the idea of fighting you.’

‘Or made him all revengey?’

‘I remember what it feels like to have revenge in your being, and if anything Sai feels the opposite, gratitude. He showed no emotion when I released him and even said it would be more appropriate for him to wait for his trial. But when I said I needed his skills to reach you, his smile actually looked real and he immediately came and did everything I asked.’ Sasuke smirked. ‘You have a habit of making bad men fall in love with you.’

‘Only you, teme. And only you sometimes.’

Sasuke didn’t answer for a long moment, then he said softly, ‘I love you all the time, Usuratonkachi.’ Before Naruto could respond, Sasuke returned to his usual arrogant tones. ‘If you weren’t so stupid you’d never doubt that.’

Naruto’s heart pounded hard at Sasuke’s words, he felt as light headed as when Sasuke had first shouted it out in the street. But if Sasuke was going to pretend his words weren’t momentous, then so was he. ‘If you hadn’t walked out on me in order to fuck everything that moved, then I wouldn’t doubt it.’

Sasuke’s lips moved with an immediate retort, but then his eyes lowered and there was an unfamiliar look of shame in his expression. ‘Itachi thinks I did that because I was scared and I was testing how much you loved me because I knew you’d always be there for me so I could be safe to experiment all I wanted without you ever flickering in your loyalty to me.’

Naruto scratched his head. In a curious rather than combative voice he asked, ‘Is that supposed to make sense? Why are you testing me if you know I’ll always be loyal to you?’

To his surprise Sasuke gave a genuine laugh. ‘I don’t understand it either, but I was hoping you would as you’re more in touch with your emotions than me.’

‘Are you sure that’s what Itachi said?’

‘No,’ Sasuke shook his head with a smile. ‘I try to follow what he says but I end up more confused than before.’

Naruto peered at his friend, it was rare, as in never-happened-before, for Sasuke to so happily and casually admit his ignorance. He grinned at the other man.  It would maybe be better if Sasuke was revealing the chinks in his armour and dropping the strong protective persona he had around Naruto when they weren’t miles and miles up in the air flying on a bird made by an escaped convict, but Naruto wasn’t going to complain. Sasuke was relaxed so why shouldn’t he be.

Sharp pain whipped through his bowels.

That was why.

He let go of Sasuke and bent double with his hands over his belly. He opened his mouth but he couldn’t say anything, it felt like there was no oxygen left in his body and all his cells were screaming out their dying pangs.

‘Naruto! Naruto! Speak to me what’s going on?’ It sounded like Sasuke’s voice was coming from a long way away.

Naruto looked down and saw an expanding pool of bright red blood all over the front of his trousers. ‘Will it come out, Sas? It’s so long since you bought me anything, I don’t want these clothes to be ruined. Do you remember when you used to buy me flowers every week? You ordered special orange sunflowers for me. I liked them so much.’ Naruto scrubbed his nails against the growing blood stain. ‘It’s too much, Sas, I’m sorry, I’ve ruined my new clothes, you won’t buy me any more now will you?’ Naruto wasn’t sure if he was actually saying words or just dreaming them.

Sasuke’s face was even paler than normal. But the Uchiha spoke in a calm voice. ‘Forget about your clothes. I’ll get you more. Anything you want. Or if you’ve decided you really like these ugly things I’ll track down Orochimaru for you, Jiraiya said he could do the forbidden reanimation jutsu so he’s bound to know a simple jutsu like taking blood out of fabric. Is that okay?’ 

Naruto nodded, although he couldn’t focus enough to know exactly what he was agreeing to. ‘Will you find those orange sunflowers for me again?’

‘Of course. I don’t know why I stopped buying them for you. Other meaningless things got in the way and I forgot about how much you liked them, I won’t let that happen again. But what do you need now? Right now, tell me what to do.’

‘Sassy chan wants to be born. She’s not an ordinary baby who wants to be born in a hospital or whatever, she wants to come into the world flying.’ Naruto meant to laugh but instead his mouth opened as wide as it could and he howled like a trapped animal.

When the noise finally finished, Sasuke asked in the same calm voice as if nothing had interrupted their conversation, ‘How can she be born? I need instructions.’

‘Silly Sasuke, you need to cut her out of me. There's no other way, is there?’ Naruto grinned as he pulled his top up, it was nice to be the clever one who knew things for a change. Even though his body felt so heavy he had no idea how the bird was able to carry him. ‘Then I guess kinda sew me up afterwards or something. Just do your best.’

His vision had gone from colour to black and white, he smiled at how good his boyfriend still looked in shades of grey. He guessed he must have passed out as he seemed to have flashed forward in time where he was laying down on the bird thing with Sasuke kneeling beside him kunai in hand, with the blade pressed against Naruto’s stomach.

Naruto blinked a couple of times then grinned indulgently. ‘You’re the dobe today, we’ve like swapped personalities. If you stabbed there you’d kill little Sassy chan.’

Sasuke gazed at him with wide terror-filled eyes. Naruto felt the full force of what he was asking the man to do. It was too much pressure. Despite all the books the Uchiha had read he wasn’t a medic nin, it wasn’t fair to put the life of their child in his hands. Summoning all his energy Naruto took the kunai out of Sasuke’s unresisting hand.

‘Don’t worry, sweet Sasuke, I know where she is.’ Naruto slashed the blade through his skin and muscle, right through to the pouch he had so painstakingly created and maintained for the baby to grow in. It didn’t hurt, his brain seemed unable to process any extra hurt. But the sight of his body hanging open did make his head spin. Then he saw a little hand moving as if it was waving hello to him.

He dropped the bloody kunai and waved back. He smiled in disbelief with tears in his eyes. He was so happy. He didn’t know it was possible to be this happy. He had no idea why when he was overflowing with so much joy he was grabbing Sasuke and screaming out the other man’s name.

‘Don’t let go of me!’ He screamed. ‘Please, Sasuke, don’t ever let go of me!’

Naruto didn’t know what the words meant but they were the last things he said before he sunk into unending blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for sticking with me and continuing to read. I really hope I've repaid your patience and this chapter is a good one. Let me know below, I await your comments with trepidation, a little bit of excitement, and a few tears. Just because I tear up a lot when I write this story not fortunately because I receive cruel feedback. So very grateful for all your kindness and the time you give my writing.


	19. Chapter 19

Blood. Everywhere blood. Dripping down his hands. Leaking from Naruto’s body. Covering the baby.

Sasuke took deep breaths. Right now he understood why Tsunade had once suffered from that inexplicable and debilitating terror of blood. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t develop a phobia. Naruto should be safe in Sunagakure, with Gaara and a team of medics, but instead he was lying unconscious with his stomach hanging open. And the only thing that was stopping them falling to their deaths was a rogue ninja they hardly knew using a jutsu Sasuke didn’t understand.  This wasn’t the time to panic. This was the time to prove he was as much of an Uchiha as his older brother

He glanced down at the baby he was cradling in one arm. And immediately looked away. But not quickly enough. Tears fell from his eyes.  He almost wiped them away with the back of his hand before he realised he would be smearing Naruto’s blood over his face. His attempts at clinging onto the child and somehow holding Naruto’s insides together were failing. He remembered perfectly everything he’d read and studied from Tsunade’s notes,  but it meant next to nothing now.  He could not closely monitor Naruto and the baby’s vital signs. He was certain that Sai’s bird did not qualify as a quiet, safe and secure place to recover from the birth. He didn’t know whether all the thicker darker blood that he’d pulled out with the baby encompassed the ‘afterbirth’ which would cause life threatening infections if not removed.

He took more deep breaths and tried to think of positives. He _had_ cut through the rubbery texture of the umbilical cord and knotted the part remaining with the baby which would apparently fall off on its own in a few days. If any of them lived that long.

Below them the trees shook with a strong wind attack. Someone was involved in a fight. Was it Sai trying to protect Naruto, or someone else completely different?

Sasuke looked at his lover’s face. Naruto’s head lulled to the side, his mouth was open, blood dripped from his nose, his breathing was raspy and uneven.

_That’s good_ , Sasuke thought. _At least he’s still alive_.

And the liquid coming from his head was definitely red, not clear which would have been a sign of a fatal haemorrhage.  

Sasuke gritted his teeth together. He could only see one option of how to help his dobe, and it wasn’t a good one.  He readjusted the baby into the crook of his elbow, the child made a mewling sound. Weren’t babies supposed to cry when they were born? Why was this one so quiet? No child of Naruto would surely ever be naturally so silent? But he couldn’t think about that right now.

He wove the secret signs of his clan then breathed the most controlled fire he could to sear Naruto’s flesh back together. The air stank with the smell of Naruto’s burning skin.

It’s the only way to cauterize the wound, it’s necessary, Sasuke told himself as the flames licked over the unconscious man.

For some reason he remembered being a small child learning this technique. He charred his mouth and tongue so badly that he was unable to eat as he practiced and practiced desperate to win approval from his father. It hadn’t been enough. He was always told how much better Itachi was then him. He thought of all the times over the years things had turned to ash around him through anger or desperate need to protect Naruto. His boyfriend once teased him into toasting marshmallows, but never again, after all Naruto’s sweet treats disappeared in a huge bonfire of flames. He still in so many ways felt like that useless child trying to stand proud under his father’s disdainful gaze. Yet here he was using his uneven skills in an attempt to do the most delicate procedure on his most important person.

The bird soared through the air. Sasuke did not look anywhere but at the minute part of Naruto’s body he was carefully working on. He didn’t know if they were getting closer to Konoha, being taken to trap, or going nowhere. Such concerns were for later. If Naruto survived.

No. No ifs. Not with Naruto. _When_ Naruto regained consciousness they would work out the practicalities of their situation together. Like they always did. Together meaning Sasuke lay forth a sensible plan and nine times out of ten Naruto nodded then ran recklessly in forcing Sasuke to follow the blonde man’s notion of what strategy was.

The bird was turning red with Naruto’s blood. Would it still work if it was sodden? Another thing he couldn’t be concerned with. If it fell apart they would fall to their deaths and that would be the end of it. But his mind was momentarily distracted thinking if there was a way he could hold both Naruto and tiny Narry chan, so that he took the force of the impact and saved them? His fire flickered and Sasuke focused his mind and was careful to think of nothing but the cleaning and sealing of Naruto’s deep wounds. That was the only thing he had any control of in this situation, so that is all he could concentrate on. Everything else was luck and hope.

 

Sasuke was so intent that he was shocked when the bird stopped moving. His body tensed ready to attack, but they were outside Konoha hospital as Sai had promised him. He twice tried to release it in case it was a genjutsu. It seemed so unlikely that things had actually happened as he wished them, as he needed them. There was no time to check for a third time as Kakashi, Shizune, Sakura, several medics he recognised but whose names he didn’t know were all waiting, reaching out for Naruto and firing questions at him.

He was surprised to hear his own voice answering clearly and concisely, not wasting a single word.

After being on the bird for however long, floating powerlessly, everything now seemed to be moving incredibly fast. Naruto was on a trolley being wheeled away. Sasuke jogged after him, but Sakura put one of her surprisingly strong hands on his elbow and stopped him.

‘The baby, Sasuke kun, she said softly but firmly. ‘Itachi sent us a message when you went missing. He told us to be prepared and we are. Lady Tsunade said I was the best medic with children she’d ever seen. Trust me.’ She held her hands out.

Sasuke saw a medic behind her with a little glass cot on wheels. He held the tiny body that was his child closer.

‘How many of Hinata’s babies died under your care?’ He hissed.

Not a muscle on Sakura’s face flickered. ‘I’ve let Naruto down many times, in ways that I’m ashamed of, but I am not going to fail in my responsibilities to his baby. Your baby does not look healthy, Sasuke. Your family needs me, and if I have to knock you out in order to start doing my job, I will.’

The steely determination of her voice convinced him more than her words.  This wasn’t the simpering girl who would do anything to get into his pants, this was one of the best ninjas in the world and his and Naruto’s steadfast comrade in squad seven. He couldn’t manage to hand Narry chan to her, but stood still as she stepped forward and took the baby out of his arms.

Sakura immediately put her in the cot and was running down the corridor shouting out instructions. She went in the opposite direction that they’d taken Naruto. Sasuke paused for just a moment before he followed her. His dobe would be awake soon and he would give Sasuke hell in his loudest and most aggravating voice if the Uchiha couldn’t report in minute detail on everything that had happened to their baby since the moment of her brutal birth.

 

***

‘Do you understand, Sasuke?’ Kakashi said.

Sasuke stared down at his hands covered in Naruto’s blood. It had dried to a dark colour and was flaking off. One medic had tried to insist that he go for a shower and clean up.  He was lucky Sasuke had used up his fire on Naruto, otherwise there would have been another emergency case for the hospital to deal with. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Narry chan for a second. And every single one of those seconds he’d wished that it was him that was being cut open not the perfect little baby Naruto had made. He thought he had a flawless knowledge of human anatomy, but he didn’t understand what Sakura was doing or any of the things she said to her colleagues. It seemed incomprehensible, more unbelievable than Naruto becoming pregnant, that a life that could be measured out in hours was already attached to so many machines and needing all the experience and years of five different medics to try and save her.

Then Kakashi had come to get him and he hadn’t resisted the Hokage taking him away from the operating room. Most of the older man’s face might be covered but Sasuke could still read his expression clearly.

Kakashi stepped closer to him. ‘Are you listening? Can you hear me?’

‘Hnnnn.’

‘You need to come with me and say goodbye. Believe me, you’ll regret it if you don’t.’

Sasuke walked beside his sensei. There was nothing unusual in his pace, they could be heading home together after a training session.

The sound of their footsteps echoed down the hospital corridor.

And suddenly Sasuke knew with certainty why he’d sneaked away from Naruto on that night so many months ago. Because he couldn’t bear the pain of this moment. The scared child in him had believed that if he controlled it, if he was the one who created the end, that it wouldn’t feel like it had with his parents, his aunts and uncles, his neighbours. That if the separation was organised and explained it would avoid the chaotic turmoil of watching Itachi walk away from him.

Instead of proposing to the man he loved, of vowing to be with him ‘until _death_ parts us’, he had walked away.

And that scared part of him was screaming out for him to turn away from Kakashi, stride out of the hospital, to leave Konoha far behind him and never look back.

‘No!’ He shouted the word out loud.

Kakashi reached out for him, but Sasuke started running.

He could sense Naruto with every fibre of his being, he’d found the man hidden in a secret cave in the middle of nowhere, he didn’t need a guide to his lover’s bedside. He threw the door open and darted past the medics to cover Naruto’s face in kisses. He pulled the oxygen mask down and pressed his lips against the blonde’s unresponsive ones.

‘Usuratonkachi, you do not get away from me this easy. What kind of dobe move was that, cutting your own belly open? I’ve got a whole lecture ready for you that you’re not going to escape from, hear me.’ He kissed Naruto’s ear. ‘I love you, Sunflower.’

He stood up to his full height and looked Shizune in the eye. Shizune had been talking since he’d rushed in, he hadn’t heard a word and now he cut through whatever she was saying.

‘Naruto is not going to die,’ he said confidently. ‘He’s got Kurama, that powers going to kick in soon. I don’t care if his organs are failing, he’s far too stubborn to give in to something as simple as that. And so am I.  Pull every single one of my organs out and give them to him if you need to, you just keep him alive.  Narry chan is not going to grow up without the man who gave her life.’

‘If we carry on working on him, it’ll prolong his pain. He may momentarily regain consciousness and be in absolute agony. It’s better if he goes in his sleep, it is difficult…’

Sasuke smirked. ‘Do you think Naruto cares about _pain_? He’d do anything for the people he loves, and that’s means being there for Narry chan. Tsunade knew that. That’s why she helped him get pregnant in the first place. And she wouldn’t hesitate to help him now.’

Shizune’s eyes hollowed at the mention of her mentor but her voice remained firm. ‘ _I_ have to make the decision that is best for my…’

‘No, you don’t. I’m his next of kin, and I make the decision that whatever the probabilities of success are, you do everything to keep him alive.’ He stroked Naruto’s hand.  ‘Just give him a chance and he’ll do the rest. My fiancé is going to survive. He won’t let me get away without giving him the wedding of the year.’ He bent down again to Naruto's ear. 'You be good and get better soon, dobe, and the rest of your life will be one long honeymoon. I promise. I absolutely promise.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. My week has been a little on the mad bad but hopefully improving side. I love this site so much as it is such an escape and great place to share creative works.  
> Crossing fingers that you all like this installment. I have the next chapters planned out so all being well they'll be posted soon.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this chapter works, it is flashbacks within flashbacks with a dream, and then snap backed to the present, I wanted to show Sasuke's messed up mind and all the turmoil he's in, but in his own Sasuke way he's maybe coping with things a bit better than before. 
> 
> Thank you for being so wonderful and staying with this story, it truly means such a lot to me. I look forward to seeing what you think.

Hinata’s skin was a sallow hue, there were wrinkles around her eyes, mouth and forehead that had not been there a few months ago, and her body sagged as if she was decades older than her real years and had never trained as a ninja. But when she saw Sasuke her whole face brightened and she smiled widely.

‘Shizune insisted I went home and got changed,’ Sasuke smirked.

Shizune had also said a lot of other things, even going as far as warning she’d stop treating Naruto if Sasuke didn’t start behaving better. They’d both known it was an empty threat, but he realised that if she was riled enough to even say it, then he needed to give in to at least some of her demands. He wouldn’t risk Naruto’s primary medic making a misjudgement because she was frazzled by his stubbornness.

So for the first time in almost a month he’d left the hospital. His stomach had tightened with his first step out into daylight. He didn’t deserve to, and didn’t want to, have the liberty to walk freely around while Naruto was trapped in a coma. He breathed shallowly with the irrational panic that without him close by little Narry chan would go into seizures.  He reminded himself that the tiny baby had gone into fits twice while he helplessly watched and it was Sakura and her team who had saved the child. In terms of usefulness he was entirely redundant, but still he felt guilty as he travelled home.

Without thinking, he went to his and Naruto’s house. It was only when he saw the gifts from Shino on the table that he remembered he lived somewhere else now.  But he didn’t leave. He walked around touching things that he knew Naruto had touched. Sitting down on the sofa where his boyfriend had so many times mounted him. Pressing his cheek to the cold wall which he’d often pushed Naruto against in passionate kisses. He went upstairs and lay on the bed. He tried to breathe in the blonde’s scent, but could only smell himself. He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth with Naruto’s toothbrush and paste. Then he slowly peeled his clothes off and got into the shower.

He put the water on to the hottest temperature and ran his hands over the tiles.  They’d done a lot in here. However, he didn’t think of the sex, he remembered the years before which in retrospect were incredibly innocent, but at the time had been mind blowing experimentation. They always did everything they could together, and washing was one of their favourite joint activities. Sasuke preferred kissing in a shower so steamy that it felt like they’d created a new world cut off and never to be found by anyone else. When it was his choice, Naruto liked to splash about playing games in the bath: races with wind up boats and rubber ducks, who could hold their breath longest, making bridges with their body that the other one had to swim under, moulding bubble beards for each other, and dozens of other ridiculous things that had in truth made Sasuke laugh as much as the blonde.

Whether shower or bath, afterwards was always the same, Sasuke adored drying Naruto, starting with his hair and finishing delicately between each toe. When he'd lived alone Naruto’s towels had been stiff bits of cardboard in a disturbing grimy grey colour. He acted like Sasuke’s fluffy clean towels were the height of luxury, giggling and continually rubbing them over his face. So Sasuke always spent a good portion of his housekeeping time carefully laundering and drying the towels to keep their softness, and immediately replacing any that didn’t meet the high standard he wanted for his boyfriend.

He did a lot of the housework while Naruto slept. It was difficult leaving the blonde’s warm body, but Naruto found tidying tedious and Sasuke was desperate that his boyfriend would never be bored by him. He was constantly aware that Naruto’s core personality was much louder and brighter than his. His shinobi training allowed him to function on a low amount of rest, though sometimes he could feel his patience fraying at the most insignificant things. But none of that mattered when he had the joy of seeing how happy Naruto was when he could dry his dripping body with what were surely the softest towels in all of Konoha.

As he remembered all those sweet early years, Sasuke drenched his body in Naruto’s shower gel. Pouring a whole bottle over his hair and torso without realising what he was doing.

Beside his memories of him and Naruto as young teens, the night of ten months ago appeared. They’d returned late after the final stage of their journey home from Itachi’s party. Sasuke recalled sorting through their travelling clothes while Naruto had had a shower alone. The blonde had appeared naked and dripping in water. Simultaneously Sasuke’s cock hardened, and his eyes rolled at his boyfriend’s inability to learn to dry himself in the bathroom.

Now Sasuke’s back slid down the tiled wall and he curled up on the floor of the shower. He’d let those kids in his memory down. Betrayed both of them. The young Naruto almost glowing with happiness that there was someone in his life who was going to care for him in every little detail down to delicately drying between each of his toes. And the younger version of himself, smiling with shy contentment at discovering this person who was more than family to him and would never ever leave him. How and when had he transformed from someone who adored wrapping his boyfriend in fluffy towels, to a man who could be distracted from his boyfriend’s amazing body and become annoyed at something as irrelevant as wet footsteps on a carpet?

Despite the heat of the water, Sasuke shivered. He ran a finger over the scar where they’d taken his kidney out.  It was the only undeniably useful thing he’d done for Naruto. A quick biological replacement for one of Naruto’s failing organs, a small bonus of time for the lab technicians working around the clock trying to make new parts for the dying blonde.  Had it made any difference? It seemed like all of Naruto’s insides had been replaced, but he still hadn’t woken up.

Kakashi, Shizune, and what felt like every medic in Konoha, had spoken to Sasuke about accepting the reality of the situation. Three days ago Itachi had arrived and Sasuke had expected a similar lecture.

His brother had pressed his fingers to Sasuke’s forehead and simply said. ‘Otouto, I will not mention how you look in desperate need of sleep and food, if you do not mention that my health has not recovered enough for me to travel here.’

Sasuke nodded and Itachi took a chair and spent the rest of the day sat quietly next to Sasuke watching over Naruto’s motionless body.

As Sasuke climbed out of the shower he realised in shock he didn’t even know where his brother was staying in Konoha, just that earlier today the fatigue had caught up with him and Itachi had needed to leave him and go and rest.

Wild thoughts pounded through his head, was Naruto refusing to wake up because of how useless Sasuke was? How could he be relied on to care for his dobe when he was such a mess he didn’t even know his beloved brother’s address?

Sasuke’s head dropped. No. If Naruto didn’t want to be bothered with this world anymore it wasn’t because of Sasuke’s current disorganisation, it was because of months of pain and rejection.

He took a towel and began to dry himself off. It was rough against his skin and he pressed hard into his scar longing for the physical pain. The image of his younger self drying Naruto with soft carefully laundered linen flashed into his mind as he thought of Naruto on his own in this house for all those months. He threw the towel aside and calculated how long buying replacements would take and whether it was worth the time away from the hospital? If he bought new towels would Naruto sense it and wake up?

Without thinking consciously Sasuke grabbed the towel again and rubbed it harshly against his groin. This fabric had touched Naruto’s naked body when Naruto was healthy and moving about, before he’d been driven to the mental extreme of running off to make himself pregnant. Images of Naruto tumbled through his mind, from their first kiss in the classroom to that last passionate fuck when Naruto had pulled the sink off the wall. He thought of the many times he had explored the curves of Naruto’s ass, delving his fingers between those tight muscular buttocks. The heat rising in his body was more pain than pleasure.

Naruto had said to him that he’d been unable to wank after Sasuke left because it made him cry, and the Uchiha now understood what his lover had meant.

The memories in Sasuke’s head began to twist into something dark and vicious. The first time he’d visited the mess of Naruto’s flat and they’d lain together on Naruto’s bed and Sasuke had dared to lose control and push his desperate tongue between Naruto’s lips, morphed from a beautiful moment of acknowledging their attraction for each other, into a nightmare. Naruto was still his young self, but Sasuke was the man he was today, pulling and tearing at the blonde teen’s clothes, pinning the squirming body down beneath him.

‘You’re mine,’ Sasuke growled. ‘Everything about you is mine.’

Naruto gazed up at him with impossibly big blue eyes.

Sasuke ground his hips against the boy’s. ‘There’s no point fighting. Do you know how strong I am?  I can do whatever I like to you.’

Naruto nodded. ‘You can, Sasuke. I love you and I trust you to never hurt me.’

The image changed again, Sasuke was the naked child and Naruto was the adult. Naruto wrapped a blanket around the boy and held him tightly against his chest.

‘You’re mine,’ Naruto whispered. ‘Everything about you is mine.’

Sasuke gazed up into the man’s impossibly big blue eyes.

Naruto smiled and rubbed his nose against the boy’s. ‘You need to stop fighting, Sas. You know I’m strong so trust me, share all you hurt with me and we’ll face all the pain in this world together. You’re not alone and never will be again. I promise.’

 

Sasuke woke with a start. He was curled in the bottom of the shower with cold water splashing over his body.  He leapt to his feet, switched off the shower and raced to the bedroom. He pulled underwear and socks out of a drawer and pulled them onto his wet body. Opening the wardrobe he ignored the more normal clothes he’d purchased for his boyfriend over the years and instead took one of Naruto’s beloved orange tracksuits and put it on. He paused for the briefest moment in front of the mirror and smirked at his neon bedraggled reflection before racing back to the hospital.

 

And now he stood before Hinata glad he was able to make her smile. He was full of love for this woman who he had previously seen as weak and mentally placed in the overflowing category of ‘Naruto’s close friends I need to tolerate however little I personally respect them if I don’t want the dobe to have a temper tantrum’. 

As never before, he understood her and Kiba’s strength in surviving the loss of their babies. He admired her determination in enduring difficult pregnancies. But more than anything he would be forever grateful for how she’d quietly without any fuss taken on the responsibility of nursing the ill motherless baby.

Several times a day, and during the night, she journeyed to the hospital and fed Narry chan. Hinata never complained when Narry chan was restless and refused to suckle, or displayed any frustration when the baby was too weak or tired and couldn’t be disturbed and taken from her incubator. She simply went home and returned a little later.

Sasuke saw how much both her and Kiba were mourning for Shino. All bonds between comrades were strong, but the ones with your first team were something distinct and irreplaceable. If anyone understood attachments to your teammate it was Sasuke. And Hinata hadn’t only lost her childhood friend, the genin she had cared for were also gone. But through her grief, she was not only able to look after her own baby but gave her time to Narry chan as well.

‘I thought Naruto was the only one who could wear bright orange,’ she said in her soft voice. ‘But it suits you.’

Sasuke smirked. ‘It makes me look washed out and ugly.’

‘It’s impossible for you to look ugly, Sasuke kun.’ She smiled at him then her eyes widened and she blushed deeply.

Over the past month he’d spoken more to Hinata than he probably had in all the years they’d known each other. But he had no skills in kind relaxed conversation to communicate to her that she had no reason to be embarrassed, he knew she was stating a fact and had no intention of sounding flirtatious. Hinata wasn’t that type of person normally, let alone when she had a babe in each arm attached to her breasts.

‘Himawari looks like she’s growing well,’ Sasuke said, hoping talk of children would be safe and please Hinata.

Hinata gazed down at her child with a maternal pride, but then looked uncertain as her eyes turned to the much smaller baby.

‘Mine has fallen asleep again during feeding? If I hadn’t been there at the birth I wouldn’t believe she was Naruto’s.’ He stepped forward and gently took his baby from Hinata.

‘I think she’s getting stronger,’ Hinata said.

Sasuke gave her a grateful smile. ‘I’m not the person to say this to anyone, but go home to your husband and get some sleep. If you can try expressing some milk again, maybe we can finally get this fussy thing to take a bottle instead of constantly demanding personal treatment.’

‘I’ll keep breast feeding her for as long as she needs me,’ Hinata said firmly.

Sasuke nodded. ‘I’m going to take her for a walk.’

As much as he had grown to appreciate Hinata, Sasuke was glad to be alone in the corridor.  He traced a finger over his baby’s face and gazed down at her with pure love. He knew it was just coincidence, but the little baby turned her head in her sleep and made a happy gurgling sound as she snuggled against Sasuke.

‘You like that I’m wearing Daddy’s clothes?’ he murmured in a soft voice that before the baby only Naruto had ever heard. ‘Can you smell him? I hope you like miso. Of course you like miso. But I warn you, I’m going to be in charge of your diet as you grow up, so you’re going to be eating healthily. I bet by the age of, shall we say three, you complain less about eating your vegetables than Daddy does. Daddy will tell you that tomatoes are poisonous, but don’t you listen to him. Daddy can be very clever and do amazing things that no one else in the world can do, but he is essentially always going to be our Usuratonkachi.’

Sasuke lifted his head up alert to the footsteps behind him. Someone was trying to creep up on him. His muscles tensed but then he recognised the presence.

‘Sakura, are you trying to catch me unawares and surprise me with another lecture about looking after myself?’

The pink haired woman moved out of the shadows with a determined look on her face. ‘You had a kidney removed, Sasuke kun, you do need to take more care of yourself. It isn’t going to help the baby if both her parents are…’ her voice faded out under the power of the Uchiha glare. But she took a deep breath, recomposed herself and stood in front of the man. ‘I need to say this. I’m probably going to regret saying it, but I know I definitely will regret not saying it. Will you please let me speak and listen with an open mind?’

Sasuke nodded. He owed the woman who continued to work tirelessly to save and give comfort to his child a lot more than patiently listening to one tirade about how he shouldn’t be spending every minute in the hospital. Maybe seeing that he’d gone home and changed his clothes had given her hope that she would obey some of the other advice.

To Sasuke’s shock though, Sakura did not give him a lecture. She fell to her knees with her hands clenched together and held over her head.

‘I love you. I’ve loved you my whole life and I want to be your wife. Wherever you go, I’ll go. Whatever you want to do, I’ll do it. I’m already so fond of your baby, I’ll be her mother and raise her with as much care as if she was my own blood. Naruto is not going to recover, Sasuke kun, but you and I can be a family together and give that little girl the happiness and stability Naruto would want her to have. I know you cannot love me like you’ve loved Naruto, but I’ll be devoted to you and accept without a single complaint how you treat me.’

In a cold voice Sasuke replied. ‘I love Naruto to the point of obsession, yet in the past months I’ve rejected him, used my intimate knowledge of him to cause him intense mental pain, fucked him for my own pleasure, sexually betrayed him more times than I can remember. While Lady Tsunade was fighting to keeping him alive, I was having rough hard sex with people who mean nothing to me. When I thought Itachi was dead, I immediately took my anger out on him, even though he was clearly in pain struggling to maintain the pregnancy.  And _you_ believe that you’d let me treat you how I wanted and you wouldn’t have a single complaint?’

‘I want to be with you, and if I can have that I’ll accept everything it means.’ She looked up with tears in her eyes. ‘I think about you all the time. I can’t stop thinking about you. When I thought you only wanted Naruto I could bear it, but now you’re having sex with women…please choose me. I’ll be everything you need in a wife. I couldn’t survive you marrying another woman.’

Sasuke had many ways he could reply, the politest of which was just walking away and not saying another word to Sakura. But as small as his child was he felt the weight of the baby in his arms, the child who was only alive because of the more admirable side of this woman kneeling in front of him. He sighed. His emotions had twisted him around enough, he should be sympathetic to someone who thought she was in love with him, and was probably overtired and fatigued with all the hours she’d put in for Narry chan.

He felt the baby’s tiny feet through the blanket, even though her eyes were still closed he felt as if her big dark eyes were watching him to see how he’d react.

Sasuke took a deep breath. ‘Sakura, stand up, we’re comrades, and more than that you’re an incredible ninja, you kneel to no one.’

The pink haired woman obeyed him, and he met her tear filled gaze. She didn’t attempt to hide any of her yearning, desire and desperation from him.

He paused for a moment before he spoke. The first words had been difficult enough to find,  the ones that came immediately to his head were not gentle or kind. All the time he’d spent with Naruto and he couldn’t think of anything nice to say in this situation. He smirked slightly wondering what he’d be like _without_ even Naruto’s influence.

Sakura’s face lit up, she obviously thought that the smile indicated a positive response.

Sasuke wished that if he didn’t have Naruto’s brightness at least he could have had a touch of Itachi’s wisdom. Then he realised that they were the two people he knew best in the world, the two people he loved and who were entwined in the essence of his soul. It might not come naturally to him, but he could at least imagine pretty accurately what they’d do.

‘I admire how brave you’ve been confessing your feelings to me, and it is an honour to be loved by someone who is as great as you are. If I ever marry a woman, it would be you. But my fate is with Naruto, and always will be however many missteps I make. I belong by his side and that’s where I need to be now.’ He balanced his baby fully in one arm and with his spare hand pressed two fingers to Sakura’s forehead. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered and walked on without looking at her again. His gaze was now focused entirely back on his child and all concern for Sakura and her feelings vanished the moment he turned away from her.

 

In Naruto’s room the lights were turned low, Sasuke flicked them up to their highest setting. The blonde liked everything to be bright. He pulled his usual chair over, avoiding the bunches of orange sunflowers he’d filled the room with, much to the constant annoyance of the medics. The padding in the chair was now moulded to his shape, he had sat here as still as his boyfriend for so many hours. But he realised this was the first time he’d been able to bring Narry chan to see her Daddy. Either the baby had been too ill, or Naruto had been in surgery. He didn’t know whether to smile or cry at this significant moment. Both of them had their eyes closed and Sasuke was the only one who would ever remember this time.

He gazed at the sleeping baby and ran his fingers over the familiar contours of Naruto’s hand. Slowly Sasuke raised his eyes to look at the sleeping man’s face.

‘I hope you’re having sweet dreams, dobe. I know you are, because you’re such a beautiful person. I get what I deserve, which is nightmares about raping you.’

Blue eyes flicked open. ‘What the hell, teme? I’ve just had your baby, and now you’re fantasising about _raping_ me?’

The voice was raspy and dry, but it was Naruto.

Sasuke stared open mouthed. Had he fallen asleep again? Was he still back curled up in the shower deep in an exhausted dream?

He heard his own voice replying, ‘It wasn’t a fantasy, I actually said it was a _nightmare_ , if you ever bothered to engage your brain and listen to me you would have picked up on that important point. Plus it wasn’t even real you I was raping, it was when you were a kid.’

‘Oh, yeah, well, that’s totally fine and completely normal then. I’ve been awake for ages. It’s been really tough keeping my eyes shut, yaknow, waiting for you to appear so you’d be the first thing I’d see. And here I was thinking you’d tell me how much you loved me and then I’d do this thing where I squeeze your hand or something and slowly open my eyes and tell you I love you too. And it would be really romantic. But, nope, that doesn’t happen. While I’ve been laying here in pain you’ve been getting yourself off thinking about raping a kiddie me.’

‘I’ve not been getting off on anything, let alone that! How the hell could you even say what you just said?’

‘I don’t know, maybe ‘cause you said you were! It’s your head that makes up your fantasies, not mine. Thank fuck it’s nothing to do with me what you do in your mind. But just so you’re clear, that is really horrible, Sas.’

‘I know it was horrible, because it was my dream, idiot!’

‘See you’re saying dream now, not _nightmare_.’

Sasuke’s heart thumped. All his thoughts of Naruto waking up had been how the blonde described it, words of gentle heartfelt love, all the trauma and misunderstandings forgotten in a beautiful embrace. It was never stupid bickering over a nightmare he wanted to obliterate from his memory. This was _real_

  ‘Naruto?’ His voice was barely above a whisper. ‘Usuratonkachi? You’ve come back to us.’ Tears ran down Sasuke’s face, he made no effort to hold them back. ‘I knew you would, but I didn’t know when.’

Naruto began to move his neck around to see Sasuke better. The pain was clearly visible on his face. ‘Are you wearing my clothes? How long have I…fuck…fuck.’ Tears freely streamed down the blonde’s face too as he saw the tiny bundle Sasuke was holding. ‘Oh fuck, that’s our baby, our Sassy chan. Fuck. She’s so…fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Can I hold her?’

Sasuke stood up, his lungs hurt and he didn’t feel like he was breathing, but somehow he calmly put the baby on the chair and very gently manoeuvred Naruto’s body, propping him up on pillows into a sitting position. He audibly wept at how weak and light the other man was in his arms, but Naruto himself peered wide eyed around Sasuke desperate to keep the baby in his vision.

‘Is she safe? Should you really leave her there like that? What if she rolls off?’

‘She doesn’t roll, she’s only a month old, dobe,’ Sasuke’s voice was somehow steady despite the violence of his tears. ‘She may have grown at superspeed inside you, but she’s being more traditional now she’s born.’

‘A month, did you say a month? I’ve been out that long? I’ve missed a month of her life? Tell me everything. I need to know.’

Sasuke thought of the things Naruto had missed; operation after operation, her tiny body repeatedly cut open and sewn up.  Howls of pain that it was impossible to comfort her through.  Little limbs seizing uncontrollably.

Naruto had only just woken up; the least Sasuke could do is protect him from the pain he’d slept through. He kept his head low not meeting Naruto’s eyes and carefully picked up the little baby.

‘When you hold her you need to be very careful about supporting her head.’

‘I know how to hold a baby, teme, I’ve been fine around all our nieces and nephews, haven’t I?’ Naruto put his arms out but they flopped immediately down. ‘Fuck, I don’t know how to hold her. Why am I so feeble? Why are all these tubes everywhere sticking into me?’

Sasuke blinked remembering all the procedures that Naruto had been through. ‘Being you, you’re immediately putting all your energy into yakking instead of recovering.’

Carefully the Uchiha placed Naruto’s arms together, supporting them underneath with one of his own and tentatively placed the baby against the blonde’s chest.

‘Fuck. Is she supposed to be so small? She felt so big when she was inside me.’

‘I suppose you were just fat,’ Sasuke smirked, although the tears were not falling any slower. He couldn’t tell Naruto she’d lost a lot of her birth weight and been vanishing before his eyes in that first week.

For a moment the two men wept together.

Beyond the miraculous happiness of Naruto waking and meeting the child he’d made, Sasuke was conscious of how the man had let him touch him without any sudden defensive moves. Was it because Naruto was too weak and too tired, or had he forgiven Sasuke at the deepest level?

‘I like the blanket you chose for her,’ Naruto eventually spluttered.

Sasuke looked at the hideously orange fabric embroidered with frogs and the Uchiha symbol. ‘Hinata bought it for me, and I’ve had a lot of time to sit around sewing.’

With effort Naruto moved his hand to touch her, she immediately responded wrapping her whole hand around his smallest finger. He squeaked with joy.

Adjusting his position, Sasuke leaned over slightly so he could move the blanket and show Naruto his baby’s hair.

‘I was hoping it would be yellow like yours, but I think she might have got your mother’s colour.’ Sasuke kept his voice steady, hopefully hiding the miniscule irrational jealousy in him that had been scared that somehow Gaara had been the other father.

Naruto gazed with wide teary eyes at the child’s spattering of red locks. ‘She’s perfect, she’s absolutely perfect how she is.’

The baby gave a tiny yawn and opened her eyes. They flicked a few times then gazed up at Naruto.

‘Fuuuudddge.’ Naruto gave Sasuke a worried frown, and whispered. ‘Why didn’t you stop me? I’ve been swearing all this time in front of her. My first word to our beautiful girl was fuuu, you know what it was.’

Sasuke remembered too well the first thing the baby would have heard from Naruto after she was born, his desperate screaming out of Sasuke’s name and then the pleading which had cracked Sasuke’s heart open coming from the mouth of the bravest man he knew, _‘Don’t let go of me! Please, teme, don’t let go of me.’_

‘No, it’s not, dobe. You spoke to her all the time while you were carrying her. She knows you and your stupid constant chatting, far better than she knows me.’

‘Does that count?’ Naruto didn’t look convinced.

‘Well, if it doesn’t, neither do any of the things you’ve said so far, because they’ve all been directed to me. You need to actually say hello to _her_. Naruto meet Uzumaki Ramen, Ramen meet your Daddy.’

‘Ramen?’ Naruto mouthed at Sasuke. ‘You called our daughter Ramen?’

Sasuke’s eyes widened. ‘I thought it is what you’d choose.’

‘You thought I’d choose Ramen? Do you know me at all?’ Naruto’s whisper loudened to a normal talking voice

‘You love your own ridiculous name, shouting it out when you do attacks, introducing yourself to everyone at full volume, always being surprised when anyone thinks your name is odd. And do you want to complain about your baby’s name or say hello to her?’

‘I guess I should be grateful it’s not tomato, or…salad.’ Naruto looked back down at the baby and started crying afresh.

Sasuke thumbed the water from the other man’s eyes even though his own cheeks were heavily stained with tears.

‘Is it strange that I feel so shy in front of her?’ Naruto asked. ‘I think it those Uchiha eyes, they seem so wise as if she already knows everything about me.’

‘They’re not quite Uchiha, can you see they’ve got hints of your blue mixed in with them.’ Sasuke touched the back of his hand to first Naruto’s then the child’s cheek. ‘You’re so special, Narry chan that you’ve left your Daddy speechless, believe me there’s no one else that can do that.’

‘You can, teme,’ Naruto said quietly. Then he gave a small cough and then began speaking in a clear voice. ‘Hello, Sassy chan, I am so happy to meet you properly out in the real world. Your other Pop is pretty hot.’ He glanced up at Sasuke and whispered, ‘Is that okay to say to her?’

Sasuke smirked. ‘You should constantly remind her how brilliant I am so she’s reassured that she has one capable parent who is not an idiot.’

Naruto stuck his tongue out at Sasuke, then turned a beaming smile on to his daughter. ‘So, your other Pop is pretty hot, and I’m only saying _pretty_ hot because he’s here listening and I don’t want him to get any more arrogant than he already is, but he is actually amazingly hot, the hottest man you could ever imagine with added hotness on top, but you…you are somehow even more beautiful than he is. It feels like my heart is going to burst into butterflies just looking at you.’ He glanced up at Sasuke. ‘Do you feel like that too?’

Sasuke stared upwards for a moment before he trusted himself to meet Naruto’s gaze without collapsing into even worse weeping. ‘When I hold her I feel like I did when we first kissed, that the past has been written and I can’t change it, but it no longer matters as I have this whole new wonderful future laid out in front of me.’

The two men smiled at each other with understanding then together looked down at the tiny little girl who was going to change both their lives forever.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The residents of Konoha think about the sorrows of their life. Two ninjas in particular, one blonde, one brunette, struggle with how to categorise their new relationship.

Kurama sat with his back feet touching, his paws pushed together in front of him and his tails fanned out behind him. He was trying to concentrate, but his enormous chakra and hundreds of years of life had not prepared him for the persistent sound of Naruto’s voice.

The young human had started in the same position as the kyubi ready for meditation, but within minutes was leaning against the fox demon, playing casually with his fur and talking non-stop.

‘So, yaknow, you’re not saying much, what do you really think I should do about Sasuke?’

Kurama grunted. ‘The same way we dealt with that other pest, Danzo: rip his head off.’

‘Hmmm, well, it’s not that I don’t see where you’re coming from, but Danzo betrayed the whole village and was a mass murderer whereas Sasuke’s just slept with a few other people, so I’m not sure it’s quite the same situation.’

‘You’re right, kit. With Danzo it wasn’t personal, he hurt everyone, where Sasuke betrayed _your_ trust. We should rip his arms and legs off first before we decapitate him.’ Kurama hoped that would be it and he could focus again, but by the way Naruto was tugging on his hair he knew the human would once more find a reason to avoid the simple and justified solution.

Sure enough, he replied, ‘I can’t go about killing the father of my baby. And anyway even if it were an option, not the full on ripping apart thing but maybe hitting him a good few time might be nice, it’s not an option. At the moment little Sassy chan would have more chance of doing damage to her Pop than I do.’

Kurama nodded, that last statement was sadly true. ‘Which is why we need to focus on healing you.’

‘Do you know I was out for a month? I missed a month of her life that I’ll never get back.’

Kurama didn’t bother keeping much track of human time, sometime whole life spans disappeared in what felt like seconds to him. But from the moment he agreed to help with the pregnancy everything had slowed. Nothing he’d ever done had ever been as important as nourishing the little baby. None of the destruction he’d revelled in had given him a shade of the pleasure of using his chakra to protect the emerging life. But the moment of triumph when the child entered the world had been chaos, and not the sort of chaos he prized. His long life was suddenly measured out in the wait between Naruto’s heart beats. He knew his jinchuriki would die, it was how this world he was trapped in worked, but the pain he felt defied all rational thought. He couldn’t reach the human at all, he was surrounded by the blackness that Naruto was lost in. He had been oblivious to everything but the long fight to save the boy’s life. If Naruto had said that he’d been asleep for ten, fifty, one hundred years, Kurama would have believed it.

‘Have you seen all the sunflowers he’s filled this room with?’ Naruto was saying. ‘That counts for something, doesn’t it? Although he’s also named our daughter Ramen. I mean, where did he get that from? If we’d been able to have proper conversations before Baby was born like new parents are supposed to do without one of them pretending the baby isn’t anything to do with them, we could have agreed on something we both like.’

‘That is hardly likely, on your best days you two can’t even agree on what to have for dinner,’ Kurama said automatically before realising it might sound like he was defending Sasuke. Despite the distraction, he was glad to hear Naruto chatting away about his problematic love life. He had, and continued to work hard, protecting the kit from as much pain as possible. If he wasn’t able to absorb the majority, the boy, as tough as he naturally was, would be screaming rather than talking.

‘Despite acting like he hates her by cursing her with that name, have you seen the way Sasuke looks at Sassy chan?’ Naruto continued. ‘The way he holds her and talks to her…he’ll never do anything to hurt her, will he? He’ll never walk out on her when she needs him?’

‘If he does, you’ll get no say in it. I will tear him into parts and disperse the pieces around the world for animals to feast on his rotting corpse. No one hurts a hair on our baby’s head and lives!’  If Kurama had been a human he would have blushed at the emotional slip of saying ‘our baby’, as he was a demon he made a sound somewhere between a growl and a ‘hmph’.

Naruto chuckled. ‘How’s anyone ever going to be brave enough to ask our girl out when she grows up? She has a madly overprotective Uchiha who turns things into flame when he doesn’t like them, me who’ll talk and talk and talk until I find out their whole life history, their favourite colour and whether they’re going to try anything on with my daughter, and you who’ll rip them apart if they ever get into an argument with her. What a set of parents!’

Kurama grinned at how Naruto didn’t correct him, but immediately included him as part of the small dysfunctional family.

‘You don’t think we’re all a bit too…masculine do you? What if she likes cutesy little girl things like…whatever cutesy little girls like?’

‘I think the Uchiha would make a natural housewife. Make him wear that maid’s costume he bought for you!’ Kurama laughed evily.

Naruto however, blushed deep crimson. ‘That outfit isn’t really…not meant for…is only for…’ Even with his enhanced hearing, the fox demon couldn’t hear the last words the normally loud boy said.

Kurama laughed again. But after a while he sighed and said seriously. ‘I hate Uchihas. I hate their powers. I hate how arrogant they are for tiny squishy humans.  I know their origins, from a man who betrayed his father, the first and last human I respected before I met you. And now you have created a little Uchiha girl that I will protect with my life.  Although we exist together, you’ve only ever seen a glimpse of how large and bloody my hate can be. You are incapable of imagining what centuries of eternal anger is, but it is you who have turned it into love.’

‘Are you saying…that I should trust Sasuke again?’

‘No!’ Kurama snapped. This was the problem with talking to humans, it was nearly impossible to form demon thoughts into a form they could understand. But he knew as well as any that Naruto himself was nearly impossible, so there was a chance he would get it. The fox took a deep breath and tried again. ‘While you were floating in death, I did not know if I could pull you back. The medics helped from the outside. But it was that woman who we both despise…’

‘I don’t despise anyone,’ Naruto protested.

‘Karin.’

‘Oh,’ Naruto slumped slightly.

‘She sneaked about with surprising skill avoiding everyone, but feeding you her blood…’

‘What the hell? Is that her strange kink? Is that what Sasuke likes in a sexual partner now?’

‘Calm down, kit. Don’t you remember it’s her healing power?’

‘I was a bit busy being pregnant and passed out when I spent time with her. Plus that was my crazed time when I forgot everything and thought that Sasuke still…’ Naruto’s voice trailed off. ‘Do you think he does still…did he ever…?’

‘Stay focused. I am trying to make you understand. The most outside help I got with your healing came from this Karin creature who we hate. Even though I could feel how it weakened her, she kept secretly feeding you. I thought it may have been to impress Sasuke, but she was most careful and anxious about avoiding him. You are the competition for the mate she desires, but she made effort to help you. ‘

‘Why?’

‘That is the point. It would seem to be in her interests to let you die but instead she helped save you.’ Kurama smiled satisfied that he’d remained patient and clearly used his long years of wisdom to communicate with Naruto and show him the correct decision to make. ‘Now, silence, I need to meditate and heal you. You have a little baby girl that needs for her father-mother to be well, not as weak as an unfed runt and forever bed bound.’

 

 

Naruto continued to play with Kurama’s fur, it was too clear that his fox friend wasn’t going to say anything else. And he couldn’t really disturb him any more when he’d made the argument-closing, definitive gold star point, that Naruto needed to be responsible and care for himself because there was a child that needed her daddy. While she was inside him he’d promised that he’d always be there for her, that she would never be lonely, and he wasn’t someone who ever broke his promises.

He moved slightly away from Kurama and got into a similar position with his legs folded together and his fingertips touching each other. Although he looked like he was meditating, his mind was sparking back and forth trying to work out what the hell Kurama’s story about Karin was supposed to mean. The Kyubi probably thought he’d revealed the secrets of the universe to him, but all he felt was very icky that while he was sleeping he’d been fed the blood of the woman who Sasuke had planned to have babies with. And maybe that wasn’t past tense, maybe while Naruto was laid up Sasuke was busy making his second child….

Naruto shook his head. He couldn’t think like that. He needed to heal. He knew what he felt about Sasuke, that was unchanging, but he didn’t know what the situation between them was. If Sasuke wanted to enlarge his family with a woman, did Naruto have any right to complain? Sasuke was obviously devoted to their baby, that was what mattered. It may be healthier for Ram…, nope, he couldn’t call her that even in his mind. It may be healthier for Sassy chan if her parents were separate and friends than in an uncertain romantic relationship. Yes, if he couldn’t be a hundred percent sure of Sasuke’s stability and fidelity than he couldn’t have him as a lover.

Naruto let out a low groan. That might be adult sensible thinking, but it didn’t stop it hurting like hell envisioning going home to an empty bed while Sasuke was in another house, holding another person in his arms.  But he could endure it for Sassy chan’s sake.

However, until it was official that him and Sasuke weren’t together, and before Sasuke started fucking other people (he was very quick at doing that), Naruto was going to keep on finding his peace and calm meditating on that beautiful man’s naked body.

A wide smile warmed Naruto’s face. Thinking was mostly bad, it just made everything more confused and tangled, he had no idea how some people could spend so long doing it. But remembering Sasuke slowly undressing and coming to join Naruto in bed, that was good. That was very good.

 

When he saw the seal Kakashi paused before he opened the letter.  If he was lucky Sasuke would storm through the doors in a temper about something and burn the whole Hokage’s office into ashes. He waited a full ten seconds. He wasn’t lucky. He sighed and unrolled the parchment. Even though he only had to flick his eyes over the words as he knew full well what it would say, it was still painful to read. When he’d finished and was sure that there was nothing new in it, he walked carefully across the room and put it on top of the huge pile of correspondents from A and his security team.

At the beginning he had spent considerable time composing his replies and meeting with his most trusted diplomatic advisors, now he replied immediately and had the message dispatched before he could dwell too much on it.

There were only so many different ways you could say ‘No, we’ve not recaptured the missing and dangerous rogue nin, Yamanaka Sai’ and ‘No, we are not going to hand Uchiha Sasuke over to you to be tried for breaking said dangerous rogue nin, Yamanake Sai, out of your prison facilities’.

The troubling thing was that Kakashi knew A believed he was being patient and understanding with Konoha, that he was taking into consideration both, how fearlessly Kakashi and the Konoha shinobi had fought to defend Kumogakure when Danzo attacked, and his and Killer Bee’s long standing friendship with Naruto, and by default Sasuke too. It was indeed Sasuke who had initially approached and begun the relationship with Bee in order to help Naruto learn how to bond with the tailed beast. There was a horrible scratching fear at the back of Kakashi’s mind that if Kakashi had taken Sasuke prisoner and immediately forced him to return to Kumogakure, A would have given him a quick show trial, using it as a display of his merciful powerful and a demonstration of his strong trust and alliance with Konoha, and then released Sasuke and escorted him safely back to Konoha. But this delay and constant refusals had raised A’s temper by questioning his authority and position as Raikage.

In a rare show of physical weakness Kakashi slumped forward against the wall. Had Kakashi risked an international dispute because of his attachment to his former students? He was battle hardened in almost every area of his life, but even now with hindsight and his very real concerns about the situation, he could not imagine restraining Sasuke as a captive. When would he have done it? While Sasuke’s tiny child was being operated on and Shizune was declaring Naruto all but dead? When the Uchiha was dragging himself out of his own hospital bed after having a kidney removed, in order to watch over Naruto and his baby?

However, it wasn’t all about the past. Should he be doing it now that Naruto had woken up and both him and the child appeared to have stabilised? After Sasuke’s long vigil and his unerring faith that Naruto would pull through had finally been rewarded, when Sasuke was genuinely smiling again, more than he had since Kakashi had properly known him, (although he did have vague memories of a small boy tailing after Itachi with puppy dog happiness),  is that when Kakashi should surround him with Anbu and deliver him to A? With the knowledge that Kakashi’s decision not to do so before, may have changed Sasuke’s treatment from benevolent leniency to harsh judgement?

The hokage sighed, all he did is think, but he was not arriving at any answers. Apart from the obvious one. There was no logical reason not to punish a shinobi who had so openly defied the hospitality and trust of the Raikage for purely personal reasons and as a result had allowed Danzo’s lieutenant freedom. There were more than rumblings in his own land, about why he was not acting against a man who had worked in collaboration with a rogue nin responsible for the slaughter of so many Konoha people.

When images of the dead soldiers started to appear in his head, it was always the sign that Kakashi took to go home as he was getting overtired.  Whatever anyone else remembered him for, he knew in his own mind he would always be the worst Hokage who had failed in protecting all those tragic young genin. What was the point of all the years and years of fighting he’d been through if he couldn’t look after shinobi who should have just been starting on their life journey instead of being slaughtered in a battle.

There was no point mulling on what he couldn’t change though, he had to focus on the survival of those who were left.

He slowly walked home his mind focused on the elder Uchiha. While Itachi was in Kumogakure, Kakashi had slept much easier. There was surely no one more skilled than Itachi at reading people, and there was no one who loved their sibling more than that man did. So what did Itachi’s sudden appearance in Konoha truly mean? Unfortunately it could be opposing options. Either Itachi was so confident that A meant no real threat to Sasuke so there was no need to spend time appeasing him. Or Itachi felt that the threat from A was at a level beyond diplomacy and necessitated him being by Sasuke’s side in case Kakashi caved and tried to arrest his brother.

Kakashi questioned himself, what would push him to surrendering Sasuke? The prospect that diplomatic relations with Kumogakure would completely break down. There was enough rogue nin (including Sai) causing difficulties with travelling outside the safety of the main villages, without having to start worrying about boundary attacks. Is that what Itachi foresaw happening? Is that why he came to Sasuke despite the obvious effect on his own health? Silently indicating to Kakashi, that if an Uchiha was involved the law didn’t matter, he would not stand by and let Sasuke face imprisonment…or worse. The idea of Itachi being his enemy was bracing enough, without needing to add in the fact that Mei would immediately back her husband. Had Sasuke and Naruto’s rocky relationship of the past year really expanded to the point where Kakashi would have to choose which great nation to remain allies with, and which to make Konoha’s enemy?

He had had all these thoughts before, and he was certain they would keep constantly circling around his mind in the same order until some new piece of information was thrown in to increase the chaos.

He had asked Itachi directly why he was here, hoping that openness might beget openness.

Itachi had smiled that slight Uchiha smile which was either a genetic gift or as much part of clan training as the fire technique, and simply replied, ‘Family.’

And Kakashi had not pressed him. Not for the usual reasons that Itachi had to be dealt with very carefully because of his great intellect and the manner he had of knowing what you were going to say before you said it. But because Itachi had looked tired. And Kakashi had remembered the prodigy child that instead of being cherished and allowed to naturally flourish, had been used too soon as a weapon. Ageing was making Kakashi increasingly more sentimental. The battle hardened ninja should have used Itachi’s weakness to get an advantage with the man and find out exactly how the older Uchiha was thinking. But Kakashi had quietly left him in peace to rest, and in that moment he hadn’t cared about his responsibilities as hokage, he was just been glad Itachi was still alive unlike so many of the other shinobi he’d served in Anbu with.

Kakashi was almost home he sighed. He was sighing a lot recently. He temporarily forgot Itachi and thought again about the younger Uchiha. Not as the cause of the problems, but as someone who was a friend.  In the years of his life, it had only been a short moment, yet somehow he was still missing coming home to Sasuke’s freshly made feasts of food. And if he was entirely honest, he felt a strange emptiness that he wouldn’t ever hear a tap on the window in the middle of the night, followed by Naruto clambering in, unable to sleep in his own bed and hoping he could share Kakashi’s.

The hokage was aware enough to know that when he had actually lived through those months, he’d been anxious that the couple would soon mend their differences and he’d stop having to be their awkward proxy. But as with so much in life, it was only through loss you appreciated how happy you’d once been. The two most significant male friendships of his life, both as a child and an adult, he’d been in the role of tolerant stoic; he had learnt a lot from Obito’s death, but not enough to tell Guy how much he loved him before his old companion died.

He had one more corner to turn before he returned to his empty house.  He considered himself someone who had always been comfortable with himself and his own company, but a few evenings of Sasuke’s cooking and nights of Naruto’s warm smile and he emotionally adjusted to company. But then when the boys continued with the hurricane that was their romantic life, leaving all thoughts of Kakashi and their temporary need of him behind, the hokage hadn’t readjusted to the loneliness.

He wondered in a curious manner as if it had nothing to do with him, whether he would return to his normal emotional self-sufficiency, or if this hollowness was a permanent part of who he was now?

He gave himself no answer, turning the corner his attention immediately concentrated on the pink haired woman sitting outside his door.  She was crying so heavily that she did not notice him until he was standing next to her.

She stared up at him with a forced smile, her eyes still red with tears. ‘I just dropped by with a present.’ She picked up the basket next to her which was tied with a pink ribbon that matched her hair. ‘I thought you might need some food pills to pep you up after the long hours you’ve been working.’

‘That’s very kind of you.’  He took the gift from her.

They remained in silence for almost a minute while she snivelled and tried to get complete control of her weeping.

‘I’ll be on my way then.’ She pushed herself up into a standing position. ‘I only came to give you the pills.  So, yes, you’ve got the pills, so I’ll be on my way now.’

‘Come inside, Sakura,’ Kakashi said opening his door.

She shook her head. ‘I’ve made such a mess of things. Have they told you? Naruto and Sasuke?’

‘You tell me,’ Kakashi said gently. He put an arm around the woman and guided her into his flat. ‘It looks like you need to talk to someone.’

‘Thank you, sensei,’ Sakura said, her tears started with renewed strength at his show of kindness to her. ‘I didn’t want to bother you, but I couldn’t go to Ino again. I don’t think her advice is helping. Even now she keeps telling me that Sasuke is mine if I only…  Are you sure you have time? I trust your opinion so much, but your hokage not my…’

‘I am your friend,’ Kakashi interrupted her. ‘For you I always have time. Now let’s tuck into these food pills and you start your story from the beginning and together we’ll detangle everything.’

Sakura smiled her smile, which had neither the rare quality of Sasuke’s or the all-encompassing joy of Naruto’s, but it gave her face a pretty hopefulness even through her tears.

‘I saw Sasuke before Naruto did, he’ll tell you that himself, but not before Ino did…’

‘And how old were you when you noticed the Uchiha’s apparent charms?’

‘Eight.’

Kakashi chuckled warmly. ‘We really are starting at the beginning then.’

Sakura’s cheeks flushed. ‘You told me to.’

‘And I am glad you are. After all these years of knowing you, it is about time I learnt what makes your heart beat.’

Sakura looked quizzically at him, but seemed to decide that the older man wasn’t teasing her, so she continued speaking.

Kakashi listened carefully, and as she spoke he did not once think about the questions that had been haunting him on his walk home.

 

Itachi walked through the house that had been his childhood home. He moved with all his familiar grace but was acutely aware of the pain sparking through his body with every single step. It was nothing he couldn’t easily bear though.  The ache around his heart, however, was not so easy to dismiss. If he was the type of man that ever allowed himself to shed a tear, the thought of his little brother leaving behind all the love and security that Naruto offered him and returning to live back in this place of tortured memories would have made him fall to his knees and weep.

Sasuke was damaged.

Itachi knew that the only mental weakness he himself had was his little brother. He had tried to overcome this, by second guessing himself, circumventing his own emotional wants, and working logically to discover what was best for Sasuke as if it was a problem like any other he faced. He had come to the conclusion that Sasuke would mature and grow best if he wasn’t constantly confronted with the awe and sense of inferiority he felt around Itachi. He had believed that Naruto ‘s love and devotion would be enough to support him. Now he realised that when he thought he was sacrificing his own desire to remain close to his brother for Sasuke’s benefit, he’d been taking away a level of immediate support that the two orphaned boys desperately needed. It had been unfair, and unwise, to leave Naruto alone to try and unpick the demons in Sasuke’s subconscious. For all his outward confidence and the continual bickering, Naruto emotionally clung to Sasuke as much as Sasuke clung to him. The young blonde who could talk his way immediately into the confidences of some of the most terrifying rogue nin, was made incapable of dealing with Sasuke, by the very love that made him the only person Sasuke completely trusted. Naruto wouldn’t want to hurt Sasuke by pushing him into the darker areas of his mind, he wanted to keep his boyfriend in the light where he could be happy. It was a testament to Naruto’s bright nature that it had taken Sasuke so long to break.

For a brief moment Itachi allowed himself the self-indulgence of regret. When he married Mei he should have taken them with him. Sasuke hadn’t needed to be left alone in order to mature, he’d needed the sanctuary of being surrounded by a family that would never leave him. What Itachi had feared would be viewed as interfering in his little brother’s life, he now saw Sasuke, and Naruto, would have welcomed as precious guidance. Sasuke and Naruto had both required the presence of an unwavering older figure in their life to give them the sense of security needed to safely explore their childhood pain. They held onto each other, and kept each other warm, but they’d needed Itachi as an umbrella above them to ensure that they weathered the storm completely intact.

Itachi took one deep breath, exhaled the regret, and continued with the business of his day.

 

At the hospital the scene was even better than he had envisaged.

The photographer next to him frowned. ‘Aren’t you going to wake them up?’

With a small hand gesture, Itachi indicated for the man to do his job as instructed. The man risked a small shake of his head, but knew better than to raise too many questions about what an Uchiha ordered.

Sasuke had somehow manoeuvred himself under Naruto, the blonde had ruffed Sasuke’s shirt up so that he could lay his head on Sasuke’s naked skin. In amongst the mess of Naruto’s medical tubes, Naruto cradled the baby against his own chest, with Sasuke’s arms wrapped around and supporting them both.  Naruto and the baby both emitted little growly snores, while Sasuke slept perfectly peacefully.

As soon as he’d finished, Itachi indicated for the photographer to leave. ‘I want the print as soon as possible,’ he said, his tone clearly displaying that he expected that to be very soon indeed. 

Left alone with the little family, Itachi smiled and gazed at them for a long moment, before he began the task of separating the three of them. As serene as all three appeared, they couldn’t be left like that, he was only glad that they hadn’t pulled out any of Naruto’s tubes before Itachi arrived. First he picked up the tiny baby.

Naruto’s snore became a more feral snarl.

‘It’s me, Otouto, caring for Sassy chan.’

Naruto’s breathing relaxed, and Itachi took the child, kissing her nose before he placed her in her cradle. Then came the more difficult task of extricating Sasuke. It took many small delicate adjustments, before he lifted Sasuke away from the bed. Both men made sleepy protests and reached their hands out for each other. Itachi made soothing noises. He had meant to settle Sasuke down on a chair with a blanket over him, but instead he sat down and continued to hold onto his little brother as tenderly as if the grown man was merely the biggest of his children.

 

Naruto beamed at the photo in his hand, brushing his thumb over Sasuke’s hair in the image and kissing the little baby he was pictured holding as he slept. The real Sassy chan and Sasuke were with Hinata and Kiba somewhere else in the hospital, they had all discretely left when Shizune had come to give him one of her more _invasive_ examinations. Sasuke had thrown him one quick pleading glance that had made Naruto’s heart stop. If the Uchiha had looked at him again he would have asked the raven to stay, probably begged.  He chatted happily away while Shizune and the other medics did what they did, but it would’ve been nice to have a hand to hold and squeeze, someone he could show his weakness and pain to. But Sasuke left the room without another word to him.

Naruto ran his hand over the photo again, they looked good natural together, the three of them. He didn’t remember falling asleep on Sasuke, had he forgotten? Things did blur together with fatigue and pain fuzzing the edges of his mind. Or had Sasuke snuggled into that position once Naruto was already asleep?

Naruto gazed away from the photo and up at Itachi, the older Uchiha had had no qualms about walking into the room while Naruto was being examined, and had stood silently to the side until Shizune and her team had left.

There were many questions Naruto could ask Itachi, but he decided for now to stick to the basics.

‘Why do I have to send this to Bee? It’s the first photo we’ve got of Sassy chan? No one’s taken one before you.’

‘Address your letter to Bee and A,’ Itachi replied in his authoritative Uchiha voice, and then with a smile, ‘There’ll be lots more photos of my first niece, Otouto, better ones without you needing to be attached to machines in them.’

Naruto raised the pen over the bit of paper that Itachi had set up on a portable desk on the hospital bed for him. ‘Shouldn’t Sasuke write to them?’ He gave a sheepish grin. ‘My writing isn’t that readable at the best of times?’

‘It is traditional for the mother of the baby to announce the birth, and although you might forget, your friends are actually important people, A is the Raikage, sometimes even you have to pay a little notice to formalities.’

‘Do I need to send a photo and letter to Mei and Gaara too then?’ Naruto grinned.

Itachi gave a smile indulgent smile. ‘Start with just this one. We can contact more people as you get better, and we  have a definite date to invite them to celebrate our new family member.’

‘There’ll be a party?’ Naruto’s eyes sparkled.

‘Of course, there will, every Uchiha child has a party.’

‘To get all their socialising out of the way in one event before they can even talk? Then they’re ready for a life of ‘hnnning’ and cryptic smiles without ever having another need for a party, because, yaknow, what extroverted freak needs more than one party in a lifetime?’

Itachi laughed. ‘If I hadn’t just seen you with Shizune, I would think you are in better health than me. I am glad to see you appear so energetic, but I do know you need to rest, so there’ll be no party until you can enjoy it fully.’

‘How are you really, niisan?’ Naruto asked in a quiet serious voice.

‘Write your letter, Naruto, otherwise you’ll still be busy with it when Sassy chan is brought back.’

At the thought of not being able to give his full attention to his child, Naruto’s brow creased, his tongue poked slightly out of his mouth and he dedicated himself to writing. Although only someone who knew Naruto well would understand that the scrawled effort took him a lot of focus and time.

Naruto read it aloud to Itachi when he finished to save the other man the headache of trying to decipher it himself.

‘Hiya Bee and A? How are you both doing? This is the first photo ever taken of…’ Ramen was scribbled out so heavily that even Naruto had to pause to try and work out what he’d written instead. ‘…my little baby. I know it’s not a great one, with us all being asleep and me all pale and stuck with tubes, but you can still see how beautiful our new little girl is, and I want you to know how grateful me and Sas are that you’ve been such awesome friends to us and not sent an army of special ops or whatever to take Sasuke into prison for his utter madness in chasing after me.  You know politics are not my thing, but I know it must have been super difficult to cover it with all the penpushers around you probably shouting that Sas needs to be arrested. Lucky you’re so powerful and fierce when you give orders A, so no one’ll dare argue with you! I kinda think without Sas taking me to Shizune I would have died, and our little baby too, which is such an incredible scary thought, that I can barely write it. So when you both come to our baby party (it might be a while, Itachi insists I’m not well enough yet, though I’m getting better every day so get prepared with some new raps, Bee!) you both are the absolute stars, after Baby of course! Love Naruto’

Itachi was smiling as proudly as if Naruto had created a masterpiece. ‘That’s perfect.’

‘Really? I wanted to tell them all about the sounds Sassy chan makes and how cute she is, and what her smile looks like, how sweet and tiny her little fingers and toes are, and all the really important things, but my hand got tired out and all I’ve managed to write is…’

‘You’ve shown your gratitude. Sometimes the most important thing in the world is just to say thank you.’ Itachi took the letter, carefully so as not to add to any of the smudges Naruto had already made.

‘Can I ask you something before you go?’ Naruto spoke quickly. ‘If you’re not too tired.’

‘I’m always here ready to listen to you, Naruto.’

In a low voice, Naruto as accurately as he could recall it, repeated the story Karuma had told him about Karin secretly helping healing him. ‘What does it mean? Why did my fox think it was so important and relevant to me and Sasuke?’

Itachi met Naruto’s wide blue eyes. ‘I can say with no certainty why she acted like that, her conscious motives could be that her attraction to Sasuke is such that she’ll save the man that makes him happy, but the fact that she deliberately hid her actions from him means there is no benefit to her in his friendship. Or it could be guilt about how she treated you. Or perhaps it is a deep sense of a clan bond with you that she is barely aware of but compelled to act on. But the significance that kyubi sees may have nothing to do with her reasons. Our lives must appear so brief to him, and in a blink of eye he witnesses Karin’s acts of jealousy transform into a secret devotion that saved you.’

Naruto continued to stare blankly at the man he thought of as his brother.

‘Hate turned to love, Naruto. Which Kurama could want you to absorb as love always triumphs, when it matters the good in us will rise above our petty emotions.’ Itachi gave an unreadable smile. ‘Or your demon might want you to see that all emotions are frail and constantly changing. It is up to you to decide.’

Naruto was more confused than before, but he nodded with what he hoped looked like an expression of wisdom and understanding on his face. Then he recalled what Itachi had said moments before that had made sense. ‘Thank you, niisan. I am always grateful to you, you know that, don’t you?’

Itachi pressed two fingers in the centre of Naruto’s forehead. ‘I know. And I am always grateful to you, you are everything to every Uchiha from the youngest to the oldest.’

The compliment and the conviction with which Itachi spoke it made Naruto blush deeply. He chatted convulsively about how he couldn’t wait for Sassy chan to meet all her little cousins as Itachi smoothly cleared the desk and writing material away from his bed.

‘I’ll leave you now,’ Itachi said. At the door he turned. ‘I can see in your eyes that you are still confused about your relationship with Sasuke. That you are split between your usual impulsiveness to follow your heart, and your responsibility as a new parent. You are a good person, so these two things are not necessarily opposed as is the case in so many people.  Your instincts are always to help those around you. But if you’ll let me advise you, _if_ you do choose to fully and romantically reunite with Sasuke, you need to be willing to be tough with him. Don’t let him slip back into your life without being clear first about what you and your daughter want from him.’

Naruto sighed deeply after Itachi left. Had the older Uchiha seen right through him? What he _wanted_ most was Sasuke to be his boyfriend again without any fuss or long painful conversations. He liked the idea of Sasuke waiting until he was asleep and couldn’t make any sensible protests, and cuddling and holding him, so that when he woke up he was in the arms of the man he loved and everything was right.

If they talked about things, Naruto was frightened that it would be clear that they shouldn’t be a couple. He made a growling sound at the back of their throat. But if they couldn’t talk to each other…then it was clear they shouldn’t be a couple.

Naruto smiled widely when the door opened, it was a nurse with a gigantic needle saying she needed to get some sort of sample from his stomach.

‘I’m afraid it’s going to hurt,’ she said wincing herself.

Naruto chuckled. ‘If I cry, just pretend you can’t see the tears and make sure to tell Sasuke how amazingly strong and brave I am.’

He really didn’t care about the needle right now, anything was better than being left alone and having to think about whether he’d be spending the rest of his life with the man he loved or if their last intimate moment was destined to be creating a child together. He gave another small laugh, it was the sort of massive thing that would suit his and Sasuke’s personalities: getting together as kids when there were no openly same sex couples and Sasuke’s life goal was to rebuild his clan (after first murdering the only other surviving clan member, early on there were clear signs that Sasuke had a little bit of a conflicted personality!), then breaking up after they miraculously conceive a child together.

Naruto’s heart ached, but at least if he did start crying, the nurse would just put it down to him being bad with needles.

 

***

Sasuke struggled to open the door to Naruto’s room as his arms overflowed with sunflowers, sweets, frog teddies and comic books. He started talking straight away. It was difficult, but he was fighting against his normal personality to outwardly display how appreciative he was of the fact that Naruto was still here. It wasn’t just that the miracle of his survival, it was the fact that he was treating Sasuke with absolute warmth. The Uchiha could never shine as brightly as Naruto, but he could work hard to become someone that deserved to call Naruto a friend.

‘Ino didn’t have any orange flowers today, so I hope you like the yellow ones. And I know you only asked me to bring in Mr Froggy for you, but I thought the other teddies looked lonely without him and I can always take them back if you don’t want them. I know you’re on a strict protein diet but…’ Sasuke dropped everything to the floor. Naruto’s bed was empty. He took a few deep breaths to steady his nerves. He felt none of the hollow emptiness that he’d experienced when Naruto had left Konoha with Tsunade and Jiraiya. He would know if Naruto was…he couldn’t even finish the sentence mentally. But Narry chan was still in her cot. That was normal everything was fine.

The racing heart and choking sensation in his throat passed and his normal senses returned. He could hear a slight panting on the other side of the bed, in less than a second he was there. Naruto was lying flat on his face.

‘Dobe..dobe.’ He dropped to his knees and took the blonde in his arms. Then yelled over his shoulder for help.

Naruto grinned up at him. ‘What…you…making…a …fuss…for?’ He gasped.

Tentatively Sasuke lifted him back onto the bed. ‘What happened?’ he asked softly, though he threw a fiery glance at the door where help had not yet appeared. As he gently caressed Naruto’s hair, he visualised in vividly gory detail what he was going to do to all the staff that had left his man collapsed on the floor.

‘Sassy chan…needed…me.’

Immediately Sasuke ran to the baby’s cot…where she was sleeping snuggled up and peaceful. He glanced quizzically back at Naruto. ‘She’s recovered? She’s all right now? Get your breath back and tell me in detail. Was I gone too long? Are the medics ignoring you? I was as fast as I could be…but did I take too long choosing what you’d like? Were you worried…’

Naruto chuckled. ‘Sas, you’re working yourself in a worse state than me.’ His voice wasn’t normal but it wasn’t filled with pain or concern.

Sasuke took one of Naruto’s hands in both of his. Naruto had been through enough. He shouldn’t be showing his fretting to the blonde. ‘When you’re ready tell me everything and I’ll make it right.’

‘I’m fine. You’re turning into an old woman, teme. Sassy chan was just looking at me with her big dark eyes and I could tell she needed a cuddle. So I tried to reach her, and couldn’t with all these machines. So I pulled the tubes out, then the machines were beeping so I had to thump them all. Then me and Sassy chan played until she fell asleep. And I thought seeing I was up and doing so well, with kurama helping heal all the damn holes in me, it was time to start training again, nothing strenuous, just a few press ups but it really tired me out and I couldn’t get back on the bed.’

Naruto was still happily chatting away, but Sasuke couldn’t hear the words. He needed every iota of energy to stop his anger exploding and making him crush Naruto’s hand that he was holding into dust. Everything he’d seen the blonde’s body go through and the stupid stupid man was casually talking about breaking the machines that were keeping him alive because he didn’t like the sound they made! And what the fuck was he thinking, trying to do press ups when he could barely hold their tiny baby without help? Sasuke’s blood was on fire. He glanced over at the little baby. He could not lose his temper and have her waking up to hear and see him blazing at her daddy.

Fortunately, being breathless and fatigued did not stop Naruto talking constantly. Sasuke had time to compose himself, to try and understand how Naruto was feeling. The blonde had no real sense that he’d been on the edge of death, how hard Sasuke had had to fight to keep Shizune from giving up her treatments; for him it was as if he’d woken up from a short nap and was frustrated because he couldn’t interact freely with the baby he loved so much. Of course he was doing press ups, Naruto had broken his machinery to hold Narry chan and had probably used all his strength just to cuddle her, rather than resting like a normal person, he had taken this as a sign that he needed to work hard and get strong so he’d be capable of caring for the baby as soon as possible.

Their youthful training may have been…sporadic, their powers still uncontrolled, but the pregnancy showed how determined Naruto could be when he set his mind to something.

Sasuke’s thumbs caressed over Naruto’s hand. ‘We will work together to be the best we can be for her. But please, promise you won’t overstretch yourself when I’m not here to support you.’

Naruto’s eyes clearly showed the gratitude he felt that Sasuke understood him, but then they saddened. ‘I can’t promise that. I need to start exercising and I can’t trust you’ll always be here and won’t get bored again and leave me.’

Sasuke took a deep breath. He wouldn’t shout back that it had nothing to do with being bored, and Naruto should realise that by now. Instead he gave a small nod. ‘I’m glad you were feeling strong enough to move so much today. I’ll go and get Shizune to assess the damage.’

Naruto gave a sheepish grin. ‘Do you have to? She’s getting as scary as Tsunade when she gets cross at me.’

Sasuke stepped over the gifts he’d brought for Naruto and walked out of the room.

 

***

Hinata knelt before the miniature shrine her and Kiba had created in their living room. It was a rare moment when Himawari was asleep and she was awake with no immediate duties she needed to do.

If she was honest, often she was glad that life kept her too busy to mourn her lost friends. The grief was so sharp that if she hadn’t had Himawari and Ramen to constantly occupy her with the joy of their lives, Hinata knew the pain would cripple her.

A hand touched her shoulder and she smiled up into the eyes of her husband. She was constantly surprised by the quietness he’d displayed since the birth of their child. She knew that one of the reasons that her girlhood heart had gradually started to notice him was that his exuberance and loudness was comparable to her earliest love, Naruto. His boyish personality had survived the torment of all the previous failed pregnancies, but the flourishing life of Himawari had made him softer and gentler, as if he was scared that if he made too much noise reality would break open and their daughter would disappear. And then the news of Danzo’s attack had reached them.

Hinata’s head dropped forward. Kiba knelt beside her and gently took her in his arms.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ he whispered as he had many times before.

Hinata was amazed that no one blamed her, they had been her genin, they were only at the chunin exam because she said they were ready. Shino was only with them because she’d asked him to accompany them as she wasn’t willing to travel so far with her baby. Yet every visit she paid to their parents, everyone constantly showered her with praise for the friendship and care she’d shown their children and begged her to come again. Sometimes she wished that someone, anyone, would rage at her. There were even tiny moments when she wanted to just yell at someone herself. She believed the rumours that Naruto had snapped Danzo’s head off, she’d seen him and Sasuke fight together and they were always at their most ferocious when the danger was greatest. If he hadn’t run off, if he’d been with her genin, Madoka and Kasuga would be here in real life cooing over Himawari and shooting each other secret glances imagining if a baby together lay in their future. Hikaru would be alternating between loudly proclaiming who the latest love of her life was, and wondering how any girl could settle down with one person when there were so many cute guys out there. Shino and Kiba would be chatting together, Shino patiently listening to the minutiae of everything Akumaru had done that day, knowing that Kiba would in turn listen to Shino explain to him all the facts about the latest insect he was breeding.

She wanted to stand in front of Naruto and scream her grief out at him. She wanted to hit Sasuke again and again, break every bone in his handsome face, for driving the trustworthy and loyal Naruto to the emotional crisis that he needed to run away from his beloved Konoha. She wanted to kick Kakashi and all the other kage and all the leaders of the intelligence networks deep into the ground for not tracking down and killing Danzo years ago. She wanted to rush out on her own and track this Sai down and take him as her prisoner to slowly torture so there would be no end to his pain, just as there would be no end to the grief of the bereaved. But most of all she didn’t want to lose herself into this dark anger. She wanted to be the woman that Kiba loved and a mother that Himawari would always be proud of. So when the sense of rage boiled through her, she acknowledged it, let go of it, and then continued with her day.

‘I think about Shino every day,’ Kiba breathed softly into her hair. ‘We’ve lost friends before but I’m scared this will break me.’

Hinata moved away from him so she could look directly into his eyes. She put her hands on either side of his face. ‘It won’t. Because you’re strong. Because you’re a father. Because you’re my husband.’

Kiba hugged her back against him, she hugged him just as tightly.

‘I’m so lucky to have you,’ Kiba said.

Hinata smiled. ‘I’m lucky to have you. I remember when I was young and thought Naruto was the only one for me.’

‘I remember that too,’ Kiba muttered.

‘I know, I could talk to you about anything, whereas I was a stuttering wreck around him. No wonder he thought I was weird for so long.’ She laughed.

‘I’m forever grateful that he was too dense to see that the prettiest, kindest girl in the world wanted him.’

‘So am I. It’d have made me even more awkward and shy! When I started to grow up and realise there was no point pining over someone who’d never notice me, and I didn’t even want to notice me like that beyond my dreams, as he was so happy with Sasuke, I thought I was going to lose out in the same way again…I saw you were the one I had the true meaningful bond with, but I thought it was too late and was scared something had developed between you and Shino…’ Hinata knew she must be more fatigued than she realised to talk in this way that would only hurt Kiba, but she didn’t regret the words. The two of them had always spoken freely to each other.

Kiba remained silent, after a while he stroked his hand up and down her back.

‘Sasuke says that when things settle down he’ll take us to see the spot where Shino fell.’

‘I’d like that,’ Kiba said.

‘Me too.’ She started tracing the lines of Kiba’s neck with her lips.

He lifted her chin and gazed into her eyes for a long moment before kissing her passionately and pressing her back into her floor. They embraced until Himawari cried out to alert them that she was awake and demanding her parents’ immediate attention.

Hinata and Kiba smiled at each other with tired eyes and then walked hand in hand to the nursery.

***

Naruto managed to stop himself just in time from scratching at the one needle left sticking out of him. It wasn’t attached to anything, just keeping a vein open in case Shizune wanted to give him a quick dose of something. He had a suspicion she was just doing it to annoy him as she hadn’t need to so far. The power of Kurama’s healing was even more awesome with the meditation and other skills they’d learnt from Jiraiya to make the pregnancy hold. Naruto pondered asking Sasuke to try putting him into a genjutsu just to impress the Uchiha with his abilities to resist. He scratched his head, although maybe he shouldn’t do that as old Gramps despite his immense powers was never good with any mind control, so Naruto still probably wouldn’t be. And there was the fact that things between him and Sasuke were still really…odd.

They hadn’t been normal for months and months obviously, but something had changed that time when he’d first pulled all his tubes out and Sasuke had found him on the floor. Naruto had acted as cheerful as he could to try and weather the hurricane of fury that he’d expected the Uchiha to explode into. But Sasuke had been quiet and understanding. Which had been nice.

But Sasuke had been quiet and understanding. Which had been disconcerting. The raven hadn’t seemed to notice the chaos of blood…and worse…even now Naruto cringed thinking of the depths of his frustration that had allowed him to pull out his catheter and the tubes in his stomach without caring about the pain and discomfort. Sasuke should have exploded into one of his worse tempers, of if he was being careful and didn’t want to wake Sassy chan, verbally cut Naruto to shreds with his sharp nonchalance. Sasuke could be even more terrifying when he didn’t raise his voice. Whatever the uncertainty was between them, Sasuke visibly doted on their baby, and the fact that Naruto had held her alone when he was so weak, should have sparked all Sasuke’s protective anger. Naruto was still furious at himself for such recklessness, what if he’d dropped her? But Sasuke hadn’t referred to it again.  The nearest he’d come to referencing it was devising an exercise routine for Naruto.

Naruto knew how well Kurama’s healing was progressing, not due to all the tests results that Shizune bombarded him with, but because recently when Sasuke had been innocently helping him with stretches and massaging his muscles back into life, Naruto’s cock had responded.

Such were things between him and the Uchiha, that Naruto _knew_ that Sasuke had to notice, sometimes if Shizune had recently examined him, all he was wearing was a flimsy hospital robe, but looking into Sasuke’s emotionless dark eyes, his heart fluttered with uncertainty and the two of them continued working through Sasuke’s programme as if they were both oblivious to Naruto’s persistent hard-ons.

Just as Naruto’s attraction was making itself obvious, Sasuke had stopped filling the room with flowers, but instead just kept one single orange sunflower in a vase. What did it mean? Then last night when Shizune had made her usual complaint that Sasuke should go home and sleep in a proper bed instead of the chair by Naruto’s side, Sasuke had actually agreed. Naruto had had to make a real effort not to let his mouth fall open. Sasuke left the room without saying goodbye to Naruto or when he’d return. That wasn’t unusual for the Uchiha in old times, but he’d been so attentive to Naruto since Naruto had woken up in the hospital, always explaining what he was doing and how long he’d be when he needed to leave Naruto’s side. More than once Naruto had rolled his eyes and complained he didn’t need to know how long it’d take Sasuke to return from a piss.

But now it had reached the evening and Sasuke hadn’t returned, and he was struggling not to pick up Sassy chan and search through Konoha for where Sasuke was. The only thing that was stopping him was that although he envisioned himself leaping over rooftops, he knew he probably wouldn’t be able to get through the hospital door without dropping to his knees and crawling. And that was something he could not risk with his baby.

So Naruto sat up in bed, hoping that Sassy chan would wake soon, that Hinata would make one of her regular visits, that a nurse would come into examine him, anything that would stop his thoughts continually ticking over his whole relationship with Sasuke. Anything that would stop this desperation in his heart that the Uchiha wouldn’t return. All the pain that he’d felt on waking alone and finding Sasuke gone was threatening to overwhelm him again.

Then he sensed a familiar presence moving towards him and everything was calm. The pain and panic receded and left behind only a small mental itch to indicate how close Naruto had been to the edge.

The first thing Naruto noticed when Sasuke came into the room was how tired the man looked. The second thing Naruto noticed was that however worn he obviously was, Sasuke was still an unbelievably attractive man. Naruto’s cock immediately leapt alert as if it was the most ninja part of his body left, always ready for action. Naruto blushed and ruffled the bedding about in a way that he hoped might disguise his erection. Whereas there were moments when his arms were too weak to lift chopsticks and he had to rely on Sasuke to feed him, his dick was determined to prove its shinobi strength by tenting up the layers of blankets as if they were weightless. Naruto wondered if he tried to press it down whether it would be stronger than his hand.

Sasuke came and sat by his bedside with the same air of oblivion he gave Naruto’s arousal when they exercised.

‘Sorry, I’ve been gone so long,’ the raven said in an apologetic voice.

Naruto shrugged. ‘Have you been gone a long time? I barely noticed. I’ve been really busy. I’ve been writing letters to…’

‘ _You’ve_ been writing letters?’ Sasuke raised his eyebrows. ‘You really must have been bored without me.’ He smirked.

 Naruto didn’t know what to think about how his heart beat and danced in response to Sasuke’s normal arrogant tone, but tensed at the unusual contrite one.  So he just ignored the confusion and retorted to the smug raven.

‘Yeah, well one of us has to be the considerate one in our relationship. I was out a month, you had plenty of time with nothing to do when you should have been writing to all our friends to celebrate the birth of our little girl.’ Naruto continued playfully berating Sasuke for not taking any photos and not thinking about a party, even though he could see tension building in the other man’s expression. Was it caused by Naruto saying ‘our relationship’? Or was it one of those occasions when Sasuke claimed not to be able to stand the sound of the blonde’s voice? Naruto didn’t want to think, so he kept speaking, until he heard himself blurting out, ‘And while I am sending letters out, should I tag alongside mention of the new baby party, an engagement celebration? Shizune was asking me how you proposed to me. Apparently you told her I was your fiancé, I said it was a private thing I couldn’t talk about rather than sharing with her when you threw that ring at me. I’m guessing that was the proposal because I can’t remember anything else.’

The men stared at each other. Naruto realised how carefully they’d both, consciously or not, being avoiding dangerous conversation about the things that had happened between them.

At the same moment, Naruto started speaking very fast about everything that Sassy chan had been doing since Sasuke left last night, and Sasuke opened the bag he’d been carrying and presented Naruto with some bright orange fluffy towels.

Naruto lost the words he was saying and took them with open awe from the raven. ‘Oh, they’re so fluffy.’ He rubbed them against his face. ‘Are these for me and Sassy chan? I love the colour. You try to hide it with all that scowling, but you’ve always been the most thoughtful person.’ He beamed at Sasuke and the Uchiha actually blushed. Naruto gave a chuckle. ‘Do you remember when you used to always dry me after we washed, and that was when I had my first proper stiffy and you had to explain to me what it meant?’ Naruto laughed extra loudly to cover his own embarrassment, not at the memory, but at the realisation that talking about erections was not the best idea when he was currently trying to hide one.

‘You always were my dobe…a dobe ninja who had no clue how his own body worked.’ Sasuke muttered. Then he reached his fingertips out and touched Naruto’s. ‘I had a…dream about the towels on the day you woke up. And…it’s taken a while to find the right colour. I found that a woman a few miles away dyed them the right shade, but I needed to go and check they were soft enough. I didn’t know when I’d have time, but your health is improving so fast now, you don’t need me watching over you. When Shizune said about me leaving last night, I thought it was a good opportunity…’ Sasuke’s voice faded away.

Naruto’s heart was thumping and his cock was twitching at the idea of Sasuke leaving the village at night when the hospital was kept constantly busy with attacks from rogue nin attacks, just to get him orange towels. He struggled to ignore the pull of his emotions and instead give Sasuke a cheeky half smile.

‘Is this the same _dream_ which involved you raping me?’

Sasuke snatched his hand away and glared at Naruto for a good few seconds before his face composed itself into a calm visage.

Naruto opened his mouth to start talking about the safe subject of their child again, but no words came out. For a minute he buried his face in the towel, then he looked with serious eyes at his former lover.

‘Kurama mostly too busy healing to pay me much attention, but he told me that Karin helped while I was out.’

‘Karin?’ Sasuke looked surprised, so Kurama had been right about her hiding it from the Uchiha.

‘Yeah, I think you know her a lot better than me. She’s the one you said you were going to have babies with. So what’s she’s doing feeding me her blood?’

Sasuke gave a small shrug. ‘Do you think we’ve been pulled by fate beyond our control? That we were supposed to separate so you’d get pregnant, it is something I’d never have let you risk while we were together. And I was drawn to…befriend Karin as she is the one person who could ensure you survived the birth?’

‘Do you? Guess that makes sense of why someone’s who’s supposed to be clever like you, would walk away from the person who makes you happiest.’

Sasuke stared up at the ceiling. ‘No, I don’t. I think we make our own decisions and I fucked up all by myself. If there is any force in the universe governing my life, it pulls me towards you, because it hurts so much being apart from you.’

Naruto reached out and squeezed Sasuke’s hand.  ‘I think…I think you and I could keep nervously circling each other forever, sometimes getting closer, sometimes getting further away from each other, but we need to stop avoiding the issue and make proper choices about our relationship. And stick to them. We can’t keep messing about with a child involved.’

Sasuke nodded. ‘What you’ve said about Karin…maybe I am thinking too much about things lately, but it gives me hope. She has a wild temper, is more possessive than me, is still a child grieving for the mother that her village used to death, yet, when you, her rival, needed her, she did the right thing.’ He caressed the back of his fingers against Naruto’s cheek. ‘I’m trying to change. I don’t want Narry chan to grow up questioning why someone as sweet as you, chose someone as horrible as me to have a baby with.’

‘You’re a bastard, but you’re not horrible. You mostly do the right thing, you just sometimes do it in a mean way.’

Sasuke smirked. ‘Thanks for that glowing endorsement.’

‘You know what I mean,’ Naruto huffed. Then his whole face softened as he gazed at Sasuke. ‘I need to be more honest with you, Sas. I am so confused and you’re the only one who can help sort me out. Our baby’s in this room with us, and I’m hard as a rock for you and we’re both pretending we can’t see it. That isn’t right.’

Sasuke gave a small laugh. ‘What part? You being so turned on by me that a mountain of blankets doesn’t hide it? Or that I am ignoring it rather than giving you some relief?’  

Naruto’s whole face went red. ‘I kinda hoped that it was just my body being desperate for some kind of touching, but when I tried to get turned on when the nurses are here, it doesn’t work.’

Sasuke face flashed jealous. ‘How were you…’ He took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve no right to ask who you’re attracted to.’

Naruto groaned and pressed his head backwards into the pillow. ‘Fuck, teme, you and I both know you’re the only one who has any right, and we both know you’ve got nothing to be concerned about because I am madly in love with you. Emphasis on the mad. Just a few hours away from you and it hurts as much as when you left me, and I don’t know if that means we need to be together, or I need to be sensible and break properly with you and focus all my energy on being a good stable parent.’

Sasuke raised Naruto’s hand to his lips and tenderly kissed it. ‘When you first woke up you said that you imagined us…saying how much we loved each other and being happily reunited…is that what you still want?’

‘Yes. So so much.’ Naruto turned his head to look at Sasuke. ‘But it’s not what we’ve got. I want to pretend that none of the bad things happened between us, that’s what I always want to do, which is probably why I had those times when I was pregnant when I really couldn’t remember. But that’s what got us into trouble in the first place. We can’t ignore the bad any more; we have to deal with it. We can’t have anything left hidden within us that could blow up and hurt our girl.’

‘I’m sorry if it was inappropriate. I told Shizune we were engaged on impulse.’ Sasuke spoke slowly. ‘I needed to have the authority to make decisions for you as an official next of kin. She was…she was going to let you die.’ He shook his head fast. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that to you. You need to focus on healing not what happened while you were…sleeping.’

Naruto leaned towards Sasuke and ran his hands through the other man’s hair. ‘What’s wrong with us? We’ve always been so connected, but now it’s like we can kinda hear each other, but we’re running around in a fog or something, yaknow, and can’t see each other properly.’

Sasuke swallowed, then squared his shoulders and his voice held its customary firmness. ‘This isn’t the time to talk. We’ll wait until you’re healed, then we can start sorting things out.’ He tried to push Naruto gently back into the pillows, but Naruto resisted, and he had to use more force than he wanted.

Naruto growled at him. ‘We need a better exercise regime, I’m still too weak. This should be about the time we get in a punch up, when you treat me like I’m weak and can’t handle anything.’

Sasuke hovered laughing leaning over the blonde. ‘And this is the time we don’t get in a punch up over me treating you like you’re weak, because, I’m right, and you are too _weak_.’

Despite his frustration smiled and gave a feeble tug on one of Sasuke’s bangs. ‘I can still pull your hair, so be careful what you say.’ Then almost of its own accord Naruto’s hand snaked around to the back of Sasuke’s head and pulled the Uchiha into him.

If Sasuke had held back with only the tiniest bit of his strength, Naruto wouldn’t have been able to pull the man down to him, but Sasuke sunk into him with a sigh of relief. Their lips touched, for a moment chastely, then simultaneously they opened their mouths and drove their tongues against each other. They moaned, the sound coming from the back of their throats, but originating even deeper down from the depths of their souls.

Without breaking the kiss, Sasuke climbed onto the bed above Naruto. The Uchiha held his weight carefully on his elbows and knees so that nothing pressed against the blonde. Naruto bucked and twisted under him, clawing his hands over Sasuke’s back, desperate for Sasuke to lose his control and to crush down on top of him. He wanted to be squashed under Sasuke’s passion, to be bruised and bleed anew with Sasuke’s lust for him.

Sasuke flicked his tongue with ninja speed in and out of Naruto’s mouth in the exact way that had always driven the blonde wild. He made very unmanly squeaking sounds, but he didn’t care. The problem was the scared little kid in him, petrified of being hurt again, but causing so much pain by asking how many other people Sasuke had kissed like this.

Balancing on one hand, Sasuke began to push the other one under the covers and down Naruto’s torso. Without thinking Naruto grabbed it. He had none of his usual speed or power, but Sasuke immediately stopped and the men parted with defeated groans.

Sasuke was the first to speak. ‘I’m sorry. I’m too tired, my ability to resist you isn’t strong enough. I shouldn’t have…’

Naruto laughed. ‘What is it with you? Crap all over me for months without a moment of regret, and now you’re apologising for everything, including giving me the best kiss I’ve had in…well, whenever it was since we last kissed.’

Sasuke gave a small, shy smile. ‘I can tell you the number of days if you like.’

‘We’re sort the sex thing out, it just might have to be really really gradual. And we’ve got lots of things we need to talk about.’ Naruto reached out and Sasuke let him pull the raven against his chest.

‘I’m not too heavy?’ Sasuke looked up from where his head rested on Naruto’s shoulder.

‘You’re not heavy enough. You need to eat more ramen. Oh and saying that word, we’ve…’

‘Got to change our baby’s name,’ Sasuke finished for him. ‘I’m sor…I mean, I regret choosing that name. I truly thought it was what you’d like…but it was a stressful time. Neither of us are using it. I thought perhaps it would be more appropriate, with her red hair, that we named her after your mother.’

Naruto gave a wide smile and stroked his fingers over the nape of Sasuke’s neck. ‘That’s really considerate of you. But she’s more of an Uchiha, isn’t she? She should be named after your mum. You actually knew your parents, it might be, like a healing thing, instead of being something you avoid thinking about, your mum’s name will be reborn and something beautiful in your mind as its joined with your daughter.’

‘That’s such a kind thought. But I don’t know if I’m ready for that.’ Sasuke reached up and traced the whisker marks on Naruto’s face without needing to look at the other man. He kept his eyes lowered as he asked in a breathy voice. ‘Naruto? Are we back together? Properly? Do you think of yourself as my boyfriend?’

‘Fuck, Sas, I think so, but I don’t know for sure. I thought of myself as yours while you were planning to make babies with random women. I ran off and made myself pregnant thinking that was exactly what you wanted me to do. You’re probably a better judge of us, what do you think? Do you think of yourself as my boyfriend?’

For a long time the room was silent, the loudest sound was the little baby’s breathing.

‘You can lay it on me, teme, I am strong enough to handle it. I’d rather know and move on together from there, then keep drifting about in uncertainty. I am thinking _way_ more than I want to.’

Sasuke spoke in a small voice, sounding younger than when they’d first got together. ‘I don’t think I’m even close to earning the right to be your boyfriend again.’

Naruto wrapped both his arms around Sasuke and pressed his cheek into the dark hair. ‘You don’t have to _earn_ my love, you have it, you’ve always had it, and you always will. You’re the father of my child. Even at your worse I wanted to have your baby. There is no one else at their best I could have endured that pain for.’

Sasuke made snuffling swallowing sounds.

‘No, don’t hold it in, teme. Cry. Cry as much as you need to. You’re in my arms, you’re safe, I’m never going to let you go.’

Sasuke started to weep. ‘When you were in coma…you’re sad thinking you missed out on a month of Narry chan’s life…you missed a month of watching her tiny body being cut open…it was…I’m so sorry…’

‘Tell me everything. Don’t protect me. I wish I could’ve been awake supporting you. I hate you had to go through it alone. But stop pretending it was all right. You’re not on your own now. Share everything with me. I can take your pain, Sasuke. Please trust me.’

Naruto gazed down into the dark eyes, Sasuke wasn’t hiding himself behind walls of defence, Naruto could clearly see the child traumatised on the night he discovered his parents’ bodies slain by his beloved brother. He yearned to just hold Sasuke and distract him from his grief by stupid stories and constant chatting the way he’d done so many times before. The rawness of Sasuke’s anguish cut through him with more pain than anything Kurama had healed Naruto from. There were some things the fox was as helpless with as any mortal human.

Naruto licked his lips, it went against all his desires to keep his man happy, but he knew deep in his gut it was the right thing to do. In a firm voice he said, ‘Talk to me, baby.’

A glimmer of the more familiar Sasuke appeared in his black eyes. ‘I’m walking out of this room and never talking to you again, if you call me _baby_ or anything even vaguely similar.’  

‘Okay, you mean repulsive skank, start speaking or I’ll bring Sassy chan up with the understanding that her other pop is a pathetic coward too scared to share his own emotions with the man who absolutely loves every single thing about him, even his obsession about drying yourself in the cold bathroom rather than snuggling up warm in bed.’

They smiled at each other with an empathy built up over a lifetime together.

‘You’ve asked for this, dobe, so you better deal with it,’ Sasuke said with his full Uchiha arrogance.

Then he started talking.

Naruto listened.

They both wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken me longer to write than I thought, as, well, real life becoming tougher than I thought. Please forgive any mistakes, I really wanted to post this while I finally had some time, but my proof reading is never great and is bad when my mind is fogged.  
> I still have a lot of real life things going on, but cross fingers, I'll be able to post the next chapter quicker. It is going to be a shortish flashback, so you need to wait for the update after that if you just want the main plot.
> 
> As ever, thank you so much for continuing to read, it gives me an uplift I really need to be able to share this story with you.


	22. New Experiences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to when Naruto had absolutely no problems with Sasuke touching him and Sasuke wouldn't dream that he'd ever have sex with anyone else. A little bit of sexy naughtiness in this chapter, but hopefully the emotions and plot themes still come through!

‘Sassssukeeee pleeeeeasssse.’ Naruto had his arms wrapped around Sasuke’s legs. The Uchiha dragged him around the kitchen with him as he cleared up after their dinner.

‘It’ll be so goooood.’

‘You hardly inspire a sense of sexual confidence from that position, dobe.’ Sasuke’s tone was pure indifference, and he didn’t even glance down at the blonde as he walked across the room to pick up a glass, hauling the other shinobi with him.

But he was deep in serious thought about the situation.

Since the day after Naruto had gifted his own ass to Sasuke as a birthday present, his boyfriend had been begging to be allowed to do the same to the Uchiha. Sasuke initial petulant plan had been to make Naruto wait as long as Sasuke had had to wait for the blonde to finally agree that it might be a fun thing to try. However, as time passed to be refusing the blonde based on a point scoring frustration that Naruto appeared completely oblivious to, seemed like a cheapening of the immense pleasure that Naruto was joyfully and regularly giving to him. Sasuke knew that the fact he hadn’t once said to his boyfriend, ‘I’m going to make you wait for as long as you forced me to wait’, was indication at how inappropriate and petty it was to think like that. And him and Naruto had plenty of inappropriate and petty disagreements, so it had to be bad for something in Sasuke to restrain from ever voicing that particular notion.

‘Come on, Saaaassss,’ Naruto pleaded from his position around the Uchiha’s legs. ‘We deserve to do something special after that mission. It was sooooo boring.’

Sasuke should have had an easy an immediate retort about their responsibilities as ninjas, and that proper shinobi did their jobs without expecting to be entertained, but the blonde was annoyingly correct. The mission had been a tedious tracking intel collecting task, made much worse by the fact that right at the beginning of the two months, Kakashi had warned them that if him and Naruto arrived for their turn at watch looking more tired than when they’d bedded down, he would change the arrangements so that Naruto and Sakura worked and slept together. Consequently, over all those weeks he’d only risked receiving one rushed blow job from his boyfriend. There hadn’t even been the release of a good fight as their instructions were not to be noticed, but there had been the tension of constant danger as the enemy was far beyond genin level. It was only because the genin were Sasuke and Naruto that they’d been assigned to this mission. Kakashi did all the work with the help of his ninja hounds, Sasuke and Naruto were there to cover him if it was needed, which it wasn’t. And the most healing Sakura had to do was when Sasuke and Naruto had got into an argument in the middle of bathing in a river, and the blonde idiot had immediately tried to prove he could climb a tree without using chakra and didn’t bother to get dressed first. Though Sasuke secretly thought he suffered far more mentally than his boyfriend smarting from ‘bark burn’; it had caused the Uchiha incredible discomfort fighting to hide his jealous rage as a giggling Sakura removed the splinters from Naruto’s privates.

Naruto, obviously taking Sasuke’s silence as a sign he was getting through to the Uchiha, continued to push his case, gazing up with his big blue eyes and most winning smile. ‘We share everything, it’s not fair that we can’t share this, because you won’t let me experience what it’s like to give rather than always receiving.’

‘Hnnnn.’  Sasuke knew Naruto incredibly well, but he was always surprised, mostly relieved, a tiny bit disappointed, and completely enamoured, by the fact that Naruto seemed to be able to immediately connect with complete strangers, but retained a kind of innocent ignorance around Sasuke, as if is brain wasn’t totally turned on when he spoke to his boyfriend.

Just as one example, purely through talking Naruto had somehow discovered the paths to Orochimaru’s deepest childhood sorrows (the loss of his parents, when was it ever anything else?) and brought the great sanin to his knees in repentant regret.

But with something seemingly much simpler than not only surviving an encounter with an incredibly powerful rogue nin, but defeating him with the strength of his personality,  Naruto failed if it involved Sasuke. He even had the winning argument, it simply wasn’t fair for Sasuke not to give Naruto the same as Naruto gave him. The blonde mentioned it occasionally, but never pressed it.  Sasuke did think it through though. The bonds between them were incredibly strong but that didn’t mean they were unbreakable. If Sasuke acted as if their relationship wasn’t equal, that he was too dominant to enjoy what Naruto did, where would that lead?

He remembered Naruto coming and offering himself with clear worry in his eyes that Sasuke would find someone else who would give him anal sex if Naruto didn’t.  Sasuke was entirely certain that Naruto wasn’t currently attracted to anyone else, but he fretted that if Naruto started actually thinking about their relationship in the long term, the blonde would naturally yearn for his own bright wife and children to be surrounded with. Why the hell would the happy bouncing social blonde choose to grow old and spend all his days with one grumpy man comprising his entire family?

‘Don’t you want us to share everything that we possibly can?’ Naruto grinned up at him, his sparkling eyes displaying that his mind was in a much more cheerful place than Sasuke’s.

‘I don’t know what it’s like to have an angry fox demon living in my head, but I can survive without sharing that experience with you,’ Sasuke nonchalantly replied.

Naruto laughed. ‘Kurama’s great, but if you’d had him I think it would have ended in double murder.’ Naruto laughed even louder. ‘Kurama’s cross at what I said. He says there’s no way you could take him down, he’d kill you in less than a second.’

Sasuke opened his mouth but forced himself to close his lips without speaking. He’d had these arguments with Kurama too many times before, with Naruto always merrily siding with his fox.

Instead he said in a cold voice, ‘I thought that kyubi shut himself off when we were having sex.’

‘We’re not having sex. Yet.’ Naruto slid his hand over Sasuke’s crotch.

It was only a quick touch but Sasuke could not contain his gasp. Normally Sasuke relished battles of stubbornness with Naruto, but after two months, if his boyfriend did the natural thing and moved on from clinging to Sasuke, to sulking and denying him sex until he got what he wanted, Sasuke wasn’t sure he’d even be capable of getting through a day before he was the one on his knees promising to do whatever the dobe wanted as long as Naruto came back to his bed.

Naruto’s grin was too triumphant at Sasuke’s reaction to the tiny caress. He licked his tongue suggestively over his lips gazing pointedly at Sasuk’s groin.

Sasuke’s body visibly responded to the lust pounding through him. With a supreme effort of willpower over desire, he reached down and disentangled Naruto from his legs. He had to be harder than he wanted to be, due to the fact that Naruto could be surprisingly lithe at times. He left Naruto still on the floor, rubbing the places where Sasuke had pinched him away. The Uchiha strode purposely out of the kitchen. ‘I’m going to use these extra days off to catch up on studying. You do what you want.’

Before he’d even reached the attic though, his mind was creating images of exactly how surprisingly lithe Naruto could be, and his heart was aching with a longing to return to his boyfriend and kiss that beautiful tan skin in the places where he’d yanked and pulled Naruto away from him.

With determination he opened a book, although most of his senses were reaching out to discover where the blonde was and guess what he was doing. He searched through his pockets for a pencil to make notes with and instead found a screwed up piece of paper. He flattened it out on top of a description of Uchiha eyes, and instead of learning the history of his clan’s abilities, Sasuke smiled down at a scrawled message from Naruto.

_However you want me I am yours_

There were tiny stick figures, (one with a yellow mess that looked very much like Naruto’s real hair style, and the other with black spikes protruding from his head), drawn in various athletic positions but always connected at the pelvis.

On the other side Naruto had written in his best handwriting, which would have got a five year old a detention for lack of care:

_I won’t be able to stop asking, because I’ve got no control around you, but if you’re not comfortable with the idea of me fucking you, don’t worry about it, I’m still the happiest ninja in the world being your virgin (half virgin??) boyfriend and I always will be._

Sasuke read and looked at both sides of the note several times before he placed it carefully in the folder where he kept all the little messages Naruto left him.

Quietly he walked down to their bedroom. Clothes were trailed across the floor to where Naruto was lying naked sprawled across their bed, his eyes half closed.

‘Oh hey, teme,’ he said in a sleepy voice.

The sight of Naruto’s perfectly formed ass easily overcame Sasuke’s compulsion to pick up all Naruto’s discarded clothes. Instead he went directly to perch on the edge of the mattress and gently caressed a hand through Naruto’s hair. ‘You’re tired, dobe?’

‘I thought I was properly annoying you, so I better stay out of your way and let you study. But everything’s kinda boring without you around so I thought I’d just go to bed.’ Naruto ran a lazy hand over Sasuke’s thigh. He blinked a few times gazing at his boyfriend, obviously waiting for a signal over whether the raven wanted Naruto to be awake or was going to leave him to sleep.

Gently Sasuke pushed Naruto’s shoulders to manoeuvre the blonde onto his back, hoping to get rid of the distraction of the inviting curves of that tan ass. Although in truth the toned muscles of Naruto’s torso and the thickness hanging between his legs were equally as distracting. Even having the willpower to keep his eyes on his boyfriend’s face didn’t help, with those full red lips and blue eyes that currently held a drowsy unguarded pliant expression that promised to yield to whatever Sasuke desired.

Sasuke gazed towards the window as if he was indifferent to the man laid before him. However his voice undid the nonchalance with it soft uncertainty. ‘You know why I am reluctant to let you fuck me.’

Naruto blew upwards making his bangs move slightly. ‘Ummm, it depends kinda how I’m feeling myself. When I’m feeling a bit insecure I think maybe you just don’t think you’ll like it as you don’t think I’ll be any good at sex. When I’m feeling normal, I know I’m great at everything sex we’ve done together so far, and then I think you refuse me because it’s something that just doesn’t turn you on. Then when I’m feeling confident and I know you the best, I feel sad.’

Sasuke waited, mostly in his tired moods Naruto was prone to speak in an even more rambling and continuous manner than when he was fully alert. But today it appeared the man had decided just to stop.

‘Why do you feel sad? You want to be inside me that much?’ Sasuke asked.

‘No…well yes, obviously I really want you.’ Naruto squeezed Sasuke’s thigh. ‘But I want it for both of us, and it makes me sad that you’re denied this experience, because I haven’t proved to you yet, after all these years, that you can completely trust me.’

Sasuke looked into the blonde’s eyes which were entirely serious and understanding. His heart raced. Despite the life they’d lived, or maybe because of it, Naruto’s natural personality was cheerful and bouncy. Outside the concentration of missions, it was rare for the blonde to allow any heaviness into the conversation. This was Sasuke’s opportunity to be honest and say out loud the things that his boyfriend probably already knew about him; that he was scared of not being in control. Not just scared, terrified. It wasn’t about not trusting Naruto, it was about not trusting himself. Even in the wildest moments with Naruto, and they did get pretty crazy with each other, there was always some tiny part of him he managed to hold back. Not much, but enough to keep the emotions he didn’t want his boyfriend to see trapped safely away. This was the time to talk and to explain sensibly to Naruto his nervousness about letting the blonde physically inside him.

Sasuke parted his lips, and then his body seemed to move on its own, he pounced on top of Naruto, pinning the blonde’s hands either side of his head.

‘If you want me, you have to earn me.’ He pressed fiercely down on Naruto’s mouth, ending the kiss when Naruto’s tongue fought back and pushed against Sasuke’s teeth.

Naruto bucked up against the Uchiha. The feel of Naruto’s full hardness made Sasuke groan.  In a smooth movement, he both rolled off Naruto’s body and jerked Naruto’s hands so he could hold them with only one of his own above the blonde’s head. With his whole body free Naruto could easily shake away from Sasuke’s grip, but he turned his head and gazed at the Uchiha with a look of helpless lust.

When his body had moved on top of Naruto’s, Sasuke’s being had thrilled with the prospect of having one of their long sessions which were a mixture of physically fighting, trying to overpower each other, and brutal making out. But the way Naruto openly abandoned himself to whatever Sasuke wanted to do to him, was already making the Uchiha breathe heavily and become aware of the precum leaking from the head of his own hardness.

If Sasuke didn’t fight to keep control of his body, what he wanted to do was rip enough of his clothes off to release his cock and  pound into Naruto’s mouth until the moment before he came, when he'd pull out and spurt all over that sweet and willing face.

‘What do I have to do to earn your trust, Sasuke kun?’ Naruto asked in a seductively husky voice.

The honorific alone was enough to send a twinge of electric pleasure through Sasuke’s groin, Naruto rarely uttered it, only using it when he was being incredibly argumentative and provoking, or when he was being completely submissive and an entirely different type of provocative.

Sasuke pondered for a brief moment, whether his boyfriend had decided to be deliberately compliant in order to make the Uchiha feel secure before Naruto made another attempt at his ass. But the blonde’s expression was unmistakably open with its desire. He was a little sleepy, they had gone too long without fucking, had just finished that mission which had required so much tense concentration, and Naruto was concerned that he’d genuinely upset Sasuke by repeatedly asking to fuck him; that more than created the conditions where the loud ninja’s subservient side emerged. It didn’t happen often, but occasionally Naruto wanted to be like putty moulded into Sasuke’s desires.

Sasuke steadied his breathing. Experience told him Naruto’s obedience never lasted even to the end of one session, so he wanted to make the most of every second that the blonde looked at him with an expression that told Sasuke clearer than any words, he could use Naruto how he wanted.

‘First, tell me exactly what you’d to do with your enormous erection, dobe.’ Sasuke moved his spare hand so it was a hair’s breadth away from touching his boyfriend’s cock. ‘If I let you.’

Naruto stared down at where Sasuke was almost caressing him, but he didn’t move his hips to push his cock against the Uchiha’s skin. He lay still as if Sasuke had chained his whole body down. Without looking away from Sasuke’s hand, the blonde murmured, ‘I’d pleasure you, I’d make you feel things you’ve never felt before.’

Sasuke’s hand snapped around Naruto’s prick, with his thumb and first finger just below the head and with a much tighter grip than he ever used on himself. The Uchiha wanked the blonde, using his chakra to increase his normal speed.

Naruto’s back arched and he made the high pitched squeal that was one of Sasuke’s favourite sounds in the world. Sasuke gave a low moan of his own, watching Naruto’s come shoot over the blonde’s abs and chest.

‘Fuck…fuck,’ Naruto panted as he began to regain his breath. ‘I didn’t even last a minute, did I?’ He gave Sasuke a wide grin.

‘Hnnnn,’ Sasuke swallowed a moment of irritation. As beautiful as Naruto’s normal expression was, Sasuke had hoped he’d get a bit longer to play with Naruto as a docile sex thing. The blonde’s placidity usually lasted past his first orgasm, but today it’d turned him from sleepily receptive to immediately alert.

‘That was seven seconds, dobe. You’re such a desperate little whore.’ Sasuke wiped a finger over Naruto’s spunk and ran it over Naruto’s lips before leaning over the blonde and licking it off.

‘I am not little,’ Naruto mirrored Sasuke’s action, wiping his own spunk over Sasuke’s lips. ‘I am not a whore, yaknow I only give myself to you and you get it all for free.’ He lapped his tongue around Sasuke’s mouth. ‘But I _am_ desperate. Hella desperate for you.’

Sasuke smirked. His regret at not judging correctly how sexually on edge his boyfriend was and losing the opportunity to play with him as his own personal toy vanished. This was the side of Naruto he knew best, and they always had a lot of fun together.

Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke and yanked him down on top of him, chuckling as Sasuke’s clothes rubbed against his own sticky chest.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows, but he didn’t really care. It was immense control that was preventing him from coming as quickly as his dobe without even the need of a strong touch. Just being close to Naruto, breathing the air heavy with his boyfriend’s scent, rubbing against him, even being still fully clothed, felt like the most erotic thing anyone anywhere could ever be doing.

‘I deserve to be awarded jonin for getting through two months of a tedious mission without jumping your gorgeous bones.’ Sasuke half bit and half kissed Naruto’s neck. ‘Any normal Anbu given the opportunity to fuck you or do their job and keep guard would have had you naked before Kakashi had even turned his back.’

Naruto laughed, a deep sound coming from the back of his throat. ‘Should I be glad that you’re such an extraordinary man, because the wicked part of me kinda wishes you’d been a little less responsible.’

‘You should be glad.’ Sasuke nipped a path across Naruto’s broad shoulders. ‘Because I am going to use you so hard that it’ll make you think that two months of abstinence is worth it.’

Naruto groaned. ‘That’s some promise, teme, my body’s been aching for you so fricking much.’

The blonde pulled at Sasuke’s clothes and the Uchiha helped him, throwing his garments to the side as quickly as possible and while keeping as much physical contact with his boyfriend as possible.

When they were both naked they paused for an extended moment just holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes before pushing together in a passionate kiss. They rolled about on the bed, not caring too much who was on top or whether they were side by side, as long as they were grinding against each other and their embrace didn’t get broken. Naruto’s hands clawed over Sasuke’s upper back, Sasuke alternated between fisting blonde hair and reaching down to squeeze that glorious bottom.

It was Naruto who finally pulled away when he was above Sasuke. ‘How can you hold off so long? I already feel like I am going to explode again!’ He gave a smile that was somehow simultaneously shy and incredibly confident. ‘How about I start doing some things to earn the right to get intimate with your ass?’ He started to move his head down Sasuke’s body.

But Sasuke grabbed his hair and yanked him back up to eye level. A plan to put Naruto off but seem to give in a little to his boyfriend, had suddenly formed in his mind. ‘If when I’ve finished with you tonight, you still want to play, you can fuck me.’

Naruto’s eyes lit up. ‘You mean it? You’re really going to let me…’

‘ _If_ you meet my terms you have a deal.’ He pressed closed lips against Naruto’s. ‘Sealed with a kiss.’

Before Naruto could say anything, Sasuke flipped him over and buried his head between Naruto’s thighs. Sasuke’s own eyes sparkled as much as his lover’s. Not just because he was enjoying running his tongue over cute round balls, but the challenge of outlasting Naruto made his heart beat fast. Sasuke could only compare with himself and other peoples’ stories, but he was certain there couldn’t be many, if any, like his lover. Naruto was a sex machine. He could come, get hard, come, get hard, come, get hard…an unbelievable amount of times. Sasuke was hoping that the fact Naruto had gone without for so long though would work in his favour. Just licking the blonde’s balls, Sasuke could feel the tightening and see new come glistening on Naruto’s cock. He surged with confidence that he knew exactly how to hit the blonde’s spots and for once he would outlast his boyfriend.

Sasuke smirked as Naruto groaned and came just as hard as he had the first time. The blonde’s body was so sensitive today and Sasuke’s willpower was strong, this game would be over in minutes.

 

Seven hours later Sasuke collapsed on Naruto’s slick back. He didn’t know how much of the sweat was the blonde’s and how much was his dripping down onto his lover. Across his life there had been no training session where he’d worked so hard. Until this moment he was certain he knew his body perfectly, but muscles he didn’t know he possessed were screaming out in agony. But he was glad of that, as the pleasure was so intense that without the pain to counteract it, he truly feared he’d go mad with the sheer extremity of it. He’d ejaculated three times, but it had felt like he was lost in one continuous orgasm. He breathed deeply trying to regain something resembling normality before he tried speaking. But his lungs and each one of his ribs ached as much as all his muscles. He decided forming real words would probably be beyond him for another seven hours. He pulled out of Naruto with a sound like a wounded animal and used his last bit of energy to flip his lover over.

‘Wow, Sas! You’re amzing tonight! Well, you’re amazing all the time, but, yaknow, tonight is just wow! You were totally right about two months of not fucking being worth it, you’re like a total beast. I didn’t even know it was possible to come this many times. I’m like hardly able to speak,’ Naruto said in a loud clear voice. ‘What position are we going to try next?’

Sasuke raised his gaze, even his eyelids hurt with the effort of not closing his eyes. The blonde was not mocking him. His dobe was staring at him with joyfully expectant blue eyes. He looked a little lower and there was Naruto’s cock fully hard, seeming to reach up towards Sasuke as if it had had no attention and was raring to get started.

The Uchiha flopped flat on his face next to his boyfriend. The bedding had mostly been pulled off the bed, and a vague abstract thought crossed his mind about whether he’d be able to ever get this mattress clean, before he realised he really didn’t care. He lightly patted his ass knowing that Naruto would understand. He had done everything he could and he had lost. He should probably have had the talk with his lover about how he was scared of the emotional fallout if he wasn’t sexually in control, but if his psyche could survive what him and Naruto had just done, it could survive anything.

Naruto was making various sounds of happiness. ‘I can’t believe we’re doing this, I still think all the time of when we first kissed, not when I _accidentally_ fell on you, but our proper kiss, how surprised I was that someone like you would be my friend let alone…my more than friend. And the first time you held my hand and…’

Sasuke let Naruto’s voice roll over him as an aural caress. Sasuke inwardly smiled ruefully, he should have skipped all the sex efforts and just asked Naruto a question and let the blonde talk himself to sleep. Sasuke had no idea they’d had so many first times, but Naruto who couldn’t remember basic shinobi history, seemed to have memorised everything from the first time Sasuke had bought him a sweet to the first time Naruto had deep throated him.

Then Naruto leaned down and gently licked Sasuke’s ear. ‘Do you really want me? I never want to hurt you, maybe we can try bit by bit, see if you like it?’

‘Hnnnnn.’ That was as near as Sasuke could get to a word, but he didn’t need words with his dobe. Naruto would know that was an encouraging yes. His brain was too much mush to know if he really wanted to experience Naruto inside him or not. But whatever was going on he was always certain he would never let his boyfriend down and would always be true to his word. Plus when Naruto had taken his prick, he’d taken him in one go, and Sasuke was not going to spend the rest of their life together hearing Naruto say that Sasuke was a wimp who couldn’t take the slight pain of having a cock inside him. Although deep deep inside his mind he could admit that the size of Naruto that normally turned him on, now made him more than a bit timid.

Naruto’s tongue and fingers began working at the bottom of Sasuke’s feet and up his legs. He paused no longer on the Uchiha’s buttocks than he had on any other part of his body and continued up his lower back towards his shoulders. Sasuke lay silent and still, he enjoyed every single touch, but his body was most alert to the moments when Naruto’s erection brushed against him as the blonde moved. Not that his body was that alert to anything. Sasuke decided that that was probably a good state to be in, this total exhaustion meant his muscles were naturally relaxed and would be most welcoming to his lover.

Naruto balanced on one hand and positioned his cock between Sasuke’s buttocks. Sasuke wondered whether to protest and ask for lube and prepping, but decided he couldn’t be bothered. He realised why Naruto occasionally wanted Sasuke to totally dominate him, there was a strange freedom in just letting someone you love do whatever they wanted without having to think about it.

Sasuke waited with curiosity to feel what it was that he’d done so many times to Naruto. But Naruto didn’t press inside him, he rubbed between Sasuke’s buttocks in long strokes. Even though he thought there was nothing left inside him, Sasuke found himself moving his hips in rhythm with the blonde and moaning in pleasure. Naruto’s thick cock felt good forced between the tight muscles of Sasuke’s ass cheeks. The Uchiha’s sensitive skin yearned for more.

Sasuke found himself reaching around and pulling his own butt open for Naruto.

‘Oh fuck, Sas,’ Naruto groaned before coming again over Sasuke’s hole.

Sasuke breathed hard himself. He was so relieved that he had got Naruto when they were both young, if anyone else had got in before him and discovered what a sexual monster Naruto was, Sasuke would never have had a chance. This was a man you wouldn’t ever let go of.

‘Do you have any idea how hot you look? I’m so glad that you chose me, teme and no one else. If you’d gone with Sakura or Ino or anyone…well once they’d been with you…a person would go mad if they lost you…so they’d make sure they’d never lose you.’

Sasuke smirked at how similar his dobe’s thoughts were to his own. However, the smirk soon turned to light moans as Naruto started wanking against Sasuke’s entrance, using his own come to ease his head in.

‘Tell me…tell me to stop…if you don’t like anything.’ Naruto’s voice was pure lust.

Sasuke remembered what it felt like the first time he’d pressed into Naruto. Hell, he knew what it felt like being inside the heat of his lover after hours and hours of fucking. It was impossible to stop.

‘And I will immediately end it,’ Naruto said. ‘You’re in control.’

Inexplicable tears pricked Sasuke’s eyes at Naruto’s words. He didn’t doubt for a moment that they were true. He realised if Naruto had gone years deprived of sex and was on the crest of an orgasm, if Sasuke told him to stop, the blonde would, without question. Maybe it was pure fatigue, but that simple thought made him want to turn around and snuggle into Naruto’s arms and just weep and weep.

Instead he pressed his head deeply into the mattress and was glad his boyfriend couldn’t see his face.

Naruto moved very slowly, especially compared to the rough fucking Sasuke had given him tonight. He was tender, covering Sasuke with caresses and kisses, talking all the while about how much he loved Sasuke.

The pain left Sasuke’s body, leaving only his heart aching. He could feel Naruto’s love in a way he never had before. Naruto tried tentatively to change their positions so he could touch the front of Sasuke’s body and kiss his face, but Sasuke resisted and grunted a warning to remain how they were.

Naruto obeyed and responded with even more gentle touches.

Sasuke blinked away tears, there was no way he wanted Naruto, the lover he worked so hard to make feel safe and protected, to see him so vulnerable. How was it possible to feel so ecstatic and so terrified at the same time?

‘Sasuke,’ Naruto whispered making the name sound like the most powerful declaration of emotion.

The Uchiha felt the heat of Naruto’s orgasm spilling inside him.

Sasuke came in response, a surge that left him trembling. The warm weight of Naruto lying on top of him stilled his shivering. The blonde didn’t pull out but fell into a heavy sleep remaining inside his lover.

Despite his absolute fatigue, Sasuke remained awake for a long time. Tears stained his cheeks, but he wished that he could remain in this moment forever, always surrounded by the absolute love of the best man in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I know I keep repeating the same thing, but I am so incredibly grateful. I hope this chapter works, not sure if I did too much or too little description so let me know!


	23. Chapter 23

‘I don’t need a wheelchair,’ Naruto complained for the umpteenth time even though Sasuke had long ago settled him in the seat and was doing a last sweep of the hospital room to check he had packed everything.

‘Yaknow how strong I’ve been getting with Kurama’s help. I’ll be doing missions again by the end of the week.’ Naruto’s eyes followed the Uchiha around the room. ‘And beating your skinny ass down the same as normal.’

Sasuke didn’t raise to the bait, but took a blanket out of one of the bags and hunched in front of Naruto tucking it around the blonde’s legs.

Naruto growled. ‘I definitely don’t need a fucking blanket. I’m not an invalid. It’ll be you that’s spending a month in a coma if…’ Naruto’s voice tailed off as Sasuke carefully picked their baby out of the cot and placed her in the blonde’s arms.

Naruto’s breath caught in his throat. He wondered if there would ever be a time when the miracle of the little life he was holding would feel like just an ordinary part of everyday life. He hoped not. He hoped that he’d always appreciate how much of a marvel his daughter was.

 Little Uchiha eyes gazed up at him. People who didn’t know the clan very well thought that Itachi, Sasuke and the little children all had exactly the same black eyes, yet there were distinct differences. Sassy chan’s mostly had inherited Sasuke’s eyes but in certain lights you could see a hint of blue, and most noticably instead of pain and doubt there was hope and light. It made Naruto’s chest ache to think of Sasuke as a child he’d never known, who would have been as perfect as this little baby. Naruto held her tighter against him, he didn’t care what he had to do, he’d protect his daughter from ever suffering anything like her parents had.

It had been days since Sasuke had spoken to him. He hadn’t shared anything that Naruto hadn’t already known on some level, but hearing the man he was so familiar with giving voice to his darkest nightmares had shocked the blonde. After being silent for such a long time, it seemed like words had got trapped in Sasuke and they were difficult to release. Again and again he described walking home through the empty streets, the sense of foreboding he’d ignored, forcing himself to be brave. His voice had broken several times just trying to simply tell Naruto about walking into the family house.

A tear fell from Naruto’s eyes and dropped onto the baby’s face. Quickly the blonde wiped it away and blinked back his own emotions. Since Sasuke had spoken about his family and they’d cried together, Naruto felt as if Sasuke was like a dear nuzzling against his hand. If he made any sudden movements it’d turn and dart into the darkness of the forest and he’d never see it again.

Sasuke had continued normally after the talk, and Naruto had followed his lead. He was relieved that the Uchiha hadn’t pulled away from him or put up all his protective walls. The blonde needed to bite his tongue a few times a hour to prevent himself pursuing the conversation about Sasuke’s deep insecurities, but he needed to trust that Sasuke would carry on revealing his fears in his own time.

Or at least he hoped that was the right thing to do? Should he be pressing Sasuke further? What was best for his troubled boyfriend?

‘You’re quiet,’ Sasuke said. ‘You know you shouldn’t think too much, it only gives you headaches.’

Naruto raised his eyes to the other man, and for a brief moment saw that Sasuke saw all his thoughts as clearly as if he was speaking aloud. Despite his concerns, this connection made the blonde smile and stick his tongue out at the Uchiha.

Sasuke returned the smile. ‘You’re such an idiot.’

‘If I’m an idiot, I can’t help that. It just means you’re an even bigger idiot for not being an idiot but still choosing to be with me when you know what I am like, yaknow?’ He grinned at Sasuke.

Sasuke stuck his tongue out at Naruto and they both laughed.

As the Uchiha ladened himself down with bags, Naruto turned to their baby and gave her a smile of pure love. When he looked at her, when he looked at Sasuke and saw they understood each other again, Naruto’s heart lightened and he knew everything was going to be all right with his family. Not all right. Perfect.

Sasuke put the Mr Froggy teddy next to their baby and she made an excited cooing sound.

Sasuke sighed. ‘She’s definitely your child.’

‘She’s _our_ child.’ Naruto grinned. ‘Fuuusticles that is such a brilliant thing to say.’

Sasuke walked behind the chair and started pushing the blonde. ‘Fusticles is not a brilliant thing to say and you should never repeat it.’

‘You know I was just trying not to swear,’ Naruto grumped. But his smile flashed back almost immediately as the baby gripped her tiny hand around his fingers. ‘We have a baby, teme, you and I have a baby. We’re parents, and we’re always going to be parents. And she loves us. Can you feel how much she loves us?’

Sasuke didn’t reply, but that wasn’t so unusual for the Uchiha so Naruto kept on talking, half cooing to their baby and half talking to the man pushing him along.

‘I can’t believe we’re going to be free, Sassy chan. No more hospitals for us. Well, apart from regular check-ups, and that sort of thing, but you just need to start growing fast like you did inside me so that Sakura and the other medics stop fussing about you.’ Naruto spoke in a louder voice to his boyfriend. ‘If you insist on playing nurse at least push me faster, it’ll be another month before we get home at this rate.’ Naruto’s tone wasn’t as aggravating as he intended it, an unbidden image of Sasuke in a nurse’s uniform (not anything practical that a real nurse would wear, but something the blonde’s perverted mind had invented all by itself) had appeared in his brain and made him sound husky and breathy rather than cross.

He coughed a couple of times to try and cover it, but if Sasuke glanced down at him he would see how flushed Naruto’s cheeks were and recognize immediately what he was thinking about.

Naruto tried to focus back on little Sassy chan, she was smiling her little toothless smile up at him and gazing at him with those dark eyes that seemed to know everything about him.

Naruto’s blush deepened. ‘Teme, how do, yaknow, real parents, deal with…things? I mean you taught me everything about…things…but how do real families, yaknow, talk about the…things…that adults want to do together?’

‘They do it however we do it, dobe, because we are real parents and we are a real family,’ Sasuke replied in his most indifferent voice, but it made Naruto’s heart leap as if it was the sweetest thing that the Uchiha had ever said to him.

Sasuke paused at the hospital door and looked outside. ‘Hnnnn.’

‘Why are you stopping? Are you teasing us with our freedom?’ Naruto asked. His legs yearned to leap out of the wheelchair and run and run with his baby in his arms and his lover at his side. But he suspected if he took one unapproved step Sasuke would catch him and tie him down in the wheelchair next time.

‘The clouds have passed and it’s brighter than it was earlier.’ Sasuke said.

‘Gooood?’ Naruto replied blankly.

‘Hnnn. Narry chan’s skin is delicate, idiot, we have to notice these things and protect her.’ As he spoke Sasuke produced a tiny sunhat which he placed gently on her head and a bottle of lotion which he carefully rubbed into her face and hands.

‘She wants to feel the sun on her skin,’ Naruto protested. ‘How’s she going to get used to it, if you block it out with all your cream and clothes?’

Sasuke didn’t bother to reply, the baby had found a new game of throwing her new hat on the floor and giggling as Sasuke kept picking it up and replacing it. Naruto laughed too and joined in throwing his own unwanted blanket on the floor for Sasuke to retrieve. 

Sasuke scowled at him. ‘What is cute in a little girl whose life is measured in weeks, is _not_ cute from a man in his late twenties.’ He tucked the blanket back around Naruto’s legs with unneeded roughness.

Naruto kept on laughing.  ‘Come on, don’t you find everything I do a little bit cute?’

Sasuke’s mouth was a glare but the Uchiha’s eyes gave him away with their sparkle.

‘And why do I need blankets and Sassy chan needs a sunhat? That makes no sense,’ Naruto complained with a wide grin to let his boyfriend know that despite his moaning he did like his boyfriend’s efforts to look after them both.

‘Although it is not always displayed in your behaviour, you are a full grown adult, dobe, with different physical needs than a young baby,’ Sasuke said with total Uchiha arrogance in his voice. He gave the little hat to Naruto. ‘Now start being a father rather than a child and make sure Narry chan keeps safe from the sun.’

‘I know it’s fun making Pop grouchy, I do it all the time, but he’s working hard to care for us so we need to be good.’ Naruto said to his little child as he placed the hat over her red hair. In a loud whisper he added. ‘Just for a little bit anyway then we can find new ways to annoy him.’

Sassy chan beamed up at him and played with Naruto’s fingers rather than the hat.

Sasuke sighed and started pushing the chair forward out of the hospital. ‘If we decide to have another baby, I am carrying it. She’s obviously bonded too much with your idiocy when you were pumping chakra into her.’

‘Huh! You wouldn’t have the stamina. No way could you do what I’ve done.’ Naruto’s voice was _almost_ as casual as Sasuke’s but his heart pounded so much it hurt his chest.

‘No, I’d do it with proper medical supervision and not get into a position where I had to cut our baby out in the middle of the sky on a rogue nin’s bird.’

‘You wouldn’t do it at all, Shizune says the only reason me and Sassy chan survived was because of Kurama.’ Naruto’s mouth was dry and his voice was raspier than he wanted.

‘An Uchiha doesn’t have to rely on a fox demon to achieve control of their body.’

Naruto smiled down at Sassy chan, but his heart was still thumping. He had no idea why his body was reacting like this? Was it some sort of shock of going outside after being hospitalised for so long? Was it the thrill of taking his baby home and at last being able to be together on their own? Or was it the conversation? The blonde suddenly understood the fear pulsing through him.

Making no effort to disguise his emotions he said, ‘Sasuke, are you being serious? Do you…do you want a bigger family? I…I don’t think I can do this again. Not without Tsunade to help at the beginning. And…and I couldn’t watch you going through it, not when I know how much pain it involves.’

Without stopping walking forwards, Sasuke leant over Naruto and buried a kiss in the yellow hair. ‘I have been thinking about how important Itachi is to me, and how your young life would have been easier if you’d had a sibling. But these are things for the future. I shouldn’t have mentioned it, let’s just concentrate on today and getting Narry chan settled into her new home.’

‘You should mention it,’ Naruto said in an uncharacteristically small voice. ‘You need to say whatever you’re thinking. I know you’ve been with me nearly all the time at the hospital, but we’re going to be living together again as boyfriends and it’s going to be different. Different even from before you left me as we’ve got a child now. We need to make it work and that means you being open with me, not trying to protect me and be strong and suppress all your true feelings and insecurities…because we already know how that ends up.’

‘We’re not going to be living together.’

‘What?’ Naruto held tightly onto Sassy chan but turned as best as he could to look at his boyfriend.

‘I didn’t want you to get het up and overexcited when Shizune was finally satisfied with your test results and willing for you to leave, so I didn’t tell you before, but I’ve organised for you and Narry chan to stay with Hinata and Kiba.’

‘What?’ Naruto repeated at a louder volume. Sassy chan jumped at the sound, and he immediately turned back to her and started cooing though his blood felt like it was on fire. ‘You’re used to your noisy Daddy, aren’t you, sweetie? Sorry if I scared you, your Pop has just made me properly angry, but don’t worry it’s just between me and him, we’ll sort it out when I’m well enough and can batter him into the ground.’

‘If you think about it for a moment you know it is the best decision and you should be grateful Hinata and Kiba are willing to put up with you in their house. It isn’t fair for Hinata to be traipsing all over town to feed our baby, it’s much easier for her if you and Narry chan stay with them for a while until we’re able to convince our fussy baby that bottle feeding is fine.’

‘If you’d told me before instead of just dropping it on me then I would have had time to think about it, wouldn’t I?’ Naruto growled. ‘But I don’t need time to wonder why the hell you can’t stay with me and Narry chan…’

‘It’s enough of an imposition that they’re making room for you with the baby, let alone me, have some consideration for other people…’

‘Or why can’t they stay with us, we have a massive house, there’d be plenty of room…’

‘Why should they move out of their home when they’re doing us such a big favour? You’re supposed to be the kind one, dobe, not me. Think of what Hinata has been through while you’ve just been having a nice long doze.’

‘A doze? I almost died, teme.’ Naruto was trying to keep smiling at their baby, but all his emotions were swirling into a blind rage. ‘Or do you not care about details like that? It probably would have been more convenient for you if I was dead, then you would have been free to have as many children as you liked with your massive harem!’

The chair stopped and Sasuke leapt in front of it, anger clouding his features, his hands instinctively in a fighting pose, but then he took some deep breaths and instead of looking like he was about to attack Naruto he leaned forward and tenderly kissed the blonde on the lips.

‘Please, please, never ever think that I’d prefer it if you died,’ Sasuke said in a soft voice. ‘I know I caused you so much pain, and you’ve got a right to hurt me however you want, but I truly beg you, please don’t say that again. It cuts through my soul.’

Naruto swallowed back his tears. He remembered his fantasy after Sasuke left him, of the proud Uchiha pleading with him for forgiveness, but in reality hearing the word ‘beg’ in Sasuke’s voice hurt him as much as anything.

‘You know I don’t want to hurt you,’ Naruto said slowly. ‘But we’ve both got tempers and say stupid things. We’re going to have to be so patient with each other, aren’t we, Sas?’

Sasuke nodded. He looked down at their baby and a sad smile fluttered over his face before he was entirely serious again.

‘I want us to kiss and be back together. I want me to have cried and told you about my fears and us never to have to mention it again. But I know we need to work at this, I know the wounds I did to you and our relationship won’t disappear just because I want them to… just because we both want them to. This is going to be tough, dobe.’ Sasuke met Naruto’s eyes. ‘Do you think I’m worth it?’

Naruto smiled. ‘I think we’re all worth it together.’

Sasuke touched Naruto’s cheek. ‘I haven’t wanted to bother you with my feelings while you’ve been recovering, but it was hell for me while you weren’t here. I missed you so much. I am broken without you.’

‘You’re broken _with_ me. I don’t want to imagine what sort of mess you were without me to look after you.’ As the words slipped out, Naruto wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say, but Sasuke responded with a smirk.

‘Don’t get arrogant, Uzumaki. You’re the one having a temper tantrum because you can’t get me immediately into your bed. And I know you were imagining me dressing up as your kinky nurse, so don’t bother denying it.’ Sasuke moved back behind the wheelchair and continued pushing Naruto, not home, but towards Hinata and Kiba’s house.

 

***

Naruto walked backwards and forwards with the sleeping Himawari in his arms, if he changed his pace or paused for just a second the baby woke up.

Kiba was spread out on the sofa. ‘You’re a star, mate, I think she’s even better with you than me.’

‘Hinata’s the star. I am glad I’m able to help out even if it’s just a tiny bit.’ Naruto grinned at his friend. ‘You looking forward to a romantic day together while me and Sasuke take the babies out?’

Kiba made a sound between a groan and a laugh. ‘All Hinata and me want to do at the moment is sleep, she’s already all snuggled up in bed and once the Uchiha arrives I’m going to join her. What about you, are you hoping for some romance?’

Naruto decided to act like he hadn’t heard Kiba’s question. ‘Go to bed now. Hinata’s packed everything ready for the babes. And I’m totally capable of answering the door all by myself.’

Kiba swung his legs around to a sitting position. ‘I think being a dad has made me all paternal over everyone or something. I worry about you and Sasuke dating, I want to check everything’s all right with you.’

Naruto made a tutting sound. ‘It’s not a _date_ , we’re just babysitting together, yaknow, with them being two babies, two adults is helpful.’

Kiba smiled widely and mockingly. ‘Naruto, you’re not just babysitting. You’re having a picnic. I bet he’s been up all night preparing it. And you’re wearing a fucking suit. You never wear a fucking suit, we’ve been for formal diplomatic dinners and you’re in a tracksuit, you wore some bright orange monstrosity to my wedding, but for a picnic in the park with two babies and your former-possibly-current-hard-to-be-certain-because-you’re-so-damned-up-and-down boyfriend, you decide to wear a straight up respectable black suit.’

Naruto blushed. ‘It’s not a bad thing that I want to look nice when I am taking our little girls out.’

Kiba got up and patted him on the back. ‘Hey, man, whatever you want to do, you know I am on your side. And to be fair, Sasuke does seem to be a bit less prickish, don’t get me wrong, he’s still a prick, but not quite such a big one.’

Naruto made a small sound of exasperation. ‘I know it’s totally not what you’re meaning, but please don’t mention Sasuke in the same sentence as ‘prick’ and ‘big one’. I’m really trying hard not to act like a sex-starved teenager around him. And mostly failing. He just as to look at me in a certain way and I am rock hard.’

‘Maybe all you need is to get a last shag out of him and then he’ll be out of your system and you can move on to someone kind who’d suit you better?’

Naruto shook his head. He hadn’t, and wouldn’t ever, tell Kiba about the absolute wretchedness of when Sasuke had had a ‘last fuck’ with him, but something obviously showed on his face as Kiba’s expression changed from teasing to serious.

‘Don’t be pushing yourself back into a relationship with Sasuke because it’s all you know. Maybe the bastard had a point about you getting together when you were too young, there’s a whole world of people out there who would treasure you, Naruto.’

‘It’s not that he’s all I know, it’s that he’s all I _want_.’ Naruto smiled at Kiba. ‘It’s going to be difficult between us for a while, but we’re going to make it work. And it’ll be a lot more awkward having our first date… I mean, babysitting together thing if you’re here glaring at him when he gets here, and questioning him about what is intentions are towards me. So get to bed and give your wife some of the hugs and kisses you owe her.’

Kiba shrugged. ‘I’m too tired to argue with you.’ He paused in the doorway and winked. ‘And by the way, you do look smoking hot in that suit, if I didn’t have a gorgeous wife, I’d definitely be gazing in your direction.’

Naruto was trying not to swear in front of the babies, but the words slipped out, ‘Thank fuck for both of us you do then, can you imagine us as a couple?’

Kiba threw his head back in a loud laugh. ‘I’m just telling you, you’re top drawer, mate, so make that bastard work for it.’ He disappeared towards his bedroom before Naruto could think of the right reply.

The truth was, Naruto knew that living in separate houses was the right thing to do for so many reasons, but it meant his logic was constantly fighting against his heart, which just wanted to be fully reunited with his boyfriend and battle through everything side by side like they always had. Although his inner logic, which annoyingly had Sasuke’s voice, smugly reminded him that that hadn’t worked, Sasuke had had all this pain that was buried rather than dealt with. And then there was his own pain, which was so raw that he was trying to hide from it at the same time as attempting to sort out the deep emotional scars Sasuke had suffered by doing just that.

Naruto sighed. He was enjoying spending time with Hinata and Kiba, but it was a relief to be alone with the two babies as all these nerves and doubts were mentally assaulting him. The children were so peaceful that being with them often helped to calm Naruto’s own mind. Sassy chan was asleep in her basket and Himawari was napping in his arms, which probably meant they would both be wide awake and demanding attention when him and Sasuke took them out. Naruto hoped that was a good thing, and would give them something to keep them busy and talking. Despite their resolution to be more open with each other, there had been too many moments since he’d left the hospital, where the two of them were just silently gazing at each other with yearning in their eyes. Followed by even longer moments of awkwardness where they looked everywhere except at each other.

Naruto kept walking up and down the living room, trying not to count and guess how many times he’d go backwards and forwards before Sasuke would arrive. There was a knock at the door, sooner than he was expecting. It was lighter and more uncertain than Sasuke’s normal rap, the fact that his boyfriend was as nervous as him, somehow made Naruto more confident.

He balanced Himawari in one arm and strode to the door with a wide grin on his face. His smile immediately vanished. It wasn’t a love-shy Sasuke waiting to spend the day with him, it was the woman who’d worked willingly for Orochimaru, and had broken Naruto’s heart by dumping all the mementos from his and Sasuke’s relationship on his doorstep. But according to Kurama, she had also saved his life.

‘Karin,’ he said. It was as welcoming as he could force himself to be.

‘Is it okay for me to come and see you?’ she asked, her voice alternated through the words between combative and uncertain.

Himawari gurgled in his arms. He gently bounced her, and the anger that had been swelling in him vanished.

‘I should have found you, I understand you helped me while I was out.’ Naruto flashed her a smile which had nothing but warmth in it. ‘More than helped me, saved me. Thank you.’

Karin’s cheeks flushed, she stared at the ground for a while before meeting his eyes. ‘How did you know? I was careful not to be seen.’ She shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter, I wasn’t careful enough, but it’s turned out all right. I don’t like hospitals. My mother got used up, and they would have done the same to me…but it doesn’t matter. I just make sure I’m vigilant and only heal the people I want to heal.’ Her gaze slipped down from Naruto’s face to the baby’s. ‘I have to be careful anywhere where there’s too many sick people, when people know what I can do, they all harass me with their sad stories and desperate needs. And when I say no, they treat me like I’m utter scum. But it’s got to be my choice, not something I’m pressured into.’

Most of Naruto’s attention was on Himawari as she began to stir and wake up. He didn’t know what Karin wanted from him, but he felt better like this; if he was entirely focused on the woman during this conversation he knew it would hurt in ways he didn’t want to hurt anymore. In the cooing voice he was using with the baby, he asked, ‘Why did you choose to heal me?’

She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. We’re supposed to be the last remains of our clan, you might be the closest to a relative I have. Your chakra when you pulled Danzo apart was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m proud to claim kinship with you. If you want to?’

Naruto remembered that journey from Tsunade and Jiraiya’s hut to Itachi’s bedside as a foggy daze, but he instinctively knew that the way this woman was talking and standing was a lot different to how she’d been then.

He gently reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘Something’s happened to you. I’m due to meet Sasuke today, but if you don’t want to see him, I can put him off and you can come in and we can talk all you want.’

 ‘Why are you being nice to me?’ She narrowed her eyes.

‘You came here for a reason today, maybe the same reason that you helped healing me? If you feel some sort of kinship with me, then I’ll be here for you. You have no idea how happy it makes me to expand our family and have you be an aunty or cousin or whatever to my baby.’

Karin swallowed hard. ‘Your baby is growing really fast…I guess that makes sense as the pregnancy went much quicker than it should have.’

Naruto smiled. ‘No, this is my friend’s baby. Sa…’ He cut the  pet name off, thinking she might not want to hear it. ‘Ramen is still really small.’

‘Can…can I see her?’

‘Of course.’ He stood aside and let Karin in. Despite the comforting smoothness of his voice, Sasuke’s logical voice inside him was telling him this was a dangerous woman that he hardly knew and he was still in no condition to fight her. But there was a sadness in her manner and voice that chimed too much with his own aching heart for him to deny her.

Karin stood at the edge of the room, staring over at little Sassy chan. ‘She’s got red hair like me.’ Her tone was full of both awe and longing.

‘My mother had bright hair,’ Naruto said in a chatty voice hoping to relax the woman. ‘So I guess she inherited it from there, through our clan. Though she’s got Sasuke’s eyes and I think she’s a definite Uchiha, but Sasuke thinks she’s like me.’ In a softer tone he said, ‘She’ll be awake soon, if you want to wait you could hold her? I’d let you pick her up now, but she’s certainly like me in that she’s grouchy if she’s woken up before she’s ready.’

Karin took a step backwards as if she was being threatened. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here. I managed to resist looking at her all the time at the hospital, but I was feeling weak today.’ She took another step out of the room though continued to gaze at the baby as if in a trance. ‘Now, you’re better and haven’t needed me for a long time, I’m thinking  of moving on. I don’t belong here.’

‘You don’t have to go. You look pale. Sit down, rest a while. Before Ramen, I’ve never had anyone properly related to me. We should get to know each other. On nicer terms than when we first met.’ He gave her a half smile.

Karin’s eyes finally snapped away from the baby and she looked at Naruto. ‘I can see why he chose you. You balance him out in a way I could never do. He loves you completely, I knew that right from the beginning, but I didn’t care. I thought if I didn’t try to compete with it, that I’d win him over all the other girls. And I think I would have, if you hadn’t shocked him by running off like you did.’

‘I’m sorry you got hurt,’ Naruto said softly.

‘You shouldn’t be. When it turned out you’d taken away the one advantage us girls had over you, and got pregnant, I hoped with all my might that your baby died. Really really hoped, not just a passing bad thought, it was what I wanted so much so Sasuke would get totally worn down by your ridiculous and dangerous idea. And I’d be there waiting, naturally and rightly pregnant with his child.’

Naruto couldn’t stop his mouth falling open and his eyes scanning Karin’s flat stomach.

‘Don’t worry. It didn’t work. I got pregnant, but I didn’t realise I was. I showed no signs. I carried on doing all the same things and then I found out when…when it was too late. And he knew nothing about it. He was too busy caring for you…I was alone when I miscarried.’

‘Oh, Karin, I’m so sorry you went through something like that.’ With his spare arm he pulled the woman’s body against his chest.

Karin’s body shook with silent grief. ‘You shouldn’t… have you not heard what I said? I’d have celebrated if it’d been the other way around. If your baby had died I would’ve laughed and made sure Sasuke was mine and only mine.’

‘Maybe you would’ve, maybe you wouldn’t have. It doesn’t matter. We’re here together as things have turned out and I am so sad that you’ve suffered.’ Naruto felt tears falling down his cheeks. ‘You’re not alone now.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘We can mourn your baby together.’

Obviously losing patience with the adults’ talking, Himawari reached across and grabbed some of Karin’s hair in her chubby little hand and giggled.

‘Come here, Mischief,’ Naruto chastised trying to disentangle Karin from Himawari’s surprisingly strong grip. ‘I’m sorry, Karin, attention seeking kiddies are probably the last thing you need.’ Naruto freed the hair but then the baby grasped Karin’s glasses with even more giggling.

Karin took them back herself. ‘I probably wouldn’t even be suited to children, I never planned to have any before Sasuke took an interest in me. That’s why it’s so annoying that it hurts so much.’ She stepped away. ‘Thank you, Naruto, for listening, but I need to go now.’

‘We need to meet again, to talk properly, when there’s no distractions.’ He held Himawari above his head much to the baby’s squealing delight.

‘Maybe. But now I can feel Sasuke coming, and I can’t cope with seeing him.’

She disappeared before Naruto could try and get her to agree to a definite time.

Naruto blinked several times then wiped his eyes and tried to prepare himself for seeing the Uchiha.

 

***

 

 Despite the nice weather, there was no one else sitting by the river, apart from two men and two giggling babies. Naruto tickled the babies tummies and blew raspberries. Sasuke cleared away the remains of their picnic.

‘I can tell you’re obviously not entirely well yet, you’ve left some food.’ Sasuke deftly picked sushi up with some chopsticks and fed it to the blonde as Naruto kept on playing with the children.

Naruto grinned. ‘I don’t know why, you’ve fed me plenty of times, but you’re making me think of our first training session with Kakashi, when I got all tied up. If anyone would have shared their lunch I’d have guessed Sakura, but it was you, the grumpiest, most arrogant, boy that ever lived, who broke the rules for me.’

Sasuke gave a half smile. ‘You’d already won me with your kisses, you should’ve known I wouldn’t ever let you go hungry.’

Naruto’s grin faded away as thoughts he was trying to avoid crept into his mind. ‘If it’d been someone else, Sakura, or Ino, or… Kiba, who had tripped and kissed you, would you have fallen for them? Is it just chance you and me got together?’

Sasuke packed the last of the things into the basket. ‘We should take the children back, they’ve been out in the sun too long.’

Naruto raised his eyebrows. ‘You’re not going to answer me?’

‘It’s a stupid question, if you need to ask things like that there’s no point to our relationship and all the years we’ve been together were a waste of time.’ Sasuke started preparing the babies for the journey home. ‘A more important thing to think about is what we are going to call our child. Have you been trying out different names like you said you would?’

Naruto’s heart beat slowly in his chest, why couldn’t the man have just reassured him and said that Naruto was the only one whose kiss could’ve won the Uchiha’s heart? But he swallowed back his feelings and helped Sasuke put on the rucksack that carried the two babies against his chest.

‘I have been trying different names…I tried Kushina and Mikoto mostly, yaknow, after our mums, and lots of other things as one offs. Can’t we just call her Sas…’

‘No.’ Sasuke voice was hard, but he smiled gently as he picked up Himawari and secured her in the carrier.

Naruto moved to pick up their child. As he leant over Sassy chan reached up and caught hold of his necklace, she didn’t pull like she did on all hair, clothes, and poor Ino’s ear rings, but just held it in her tiny hand and beamed up at him.

‘Oh, Sasuke, we should have known what her name was immediately.’ Naruto smiled back at the baby, although there was a single tear in his eyes. ‘She’s our little Tsunade.’

The baby dropped the necklace and moved her hands as if she wanted to clap them together. Naruto scooped her up and kissed each one of her little fingers.

‘Do you think Jiraiya would be okay with that? We should check first?’ Naruto asked Sasuke. He glanced up and was surprised to see that Sasuke also had tears in his eyes.

‘I think he’ll be very happy with our choice,’ Sasuke said. ‘You’re right, I should have named her after the woman who died to give our baby life, and saved you and Itachi. That would have made much more sense than Ramen.’ He took their child from Naruto and held her close to his face. ‘Hello, little Tsunade. I’m sorry you’ve got such a stupid self-involved father who didn’t even get your name right.’ He rubbed his nose against hers and she gave a small giggle and bopped him on the cheek.

Naruto laughed and helped put her in the carrier next to Himawari. ‘She’s already got a better punch than you, she’s going to be just like Granny super strong and super caring.’

‘That sounds just like her Daddy.’  Sasuke put his arm around Naruto’s waist. ‘I’m still not sure how things stand between us, and you were in a strange mood when I arrived, so I haven’t said it yet, but you look stunning.’ He moved his hand so it rested on the curve of Naruto’s ass. ‘It’s ironic though, it’s always been impossible to get you to wear a suit and now you’re wearing one of your own free will, I just want to tear it off you.’

Both men blushed and Naruto shyly chuckled.

‘Is it also ironic, or whatever, that I want desperately to get naked with you, but the sexiest thing you’ve said to me for ages is when you’ve got two babies strapped to you and there’s no chance of anything happening between us?’

‘Hnnnn,’ Sasuke smirked.

They had a small disagreement over Sasuke wanting to carry all the bags as well as the children, with Naruto finally winning; well, partly winning, he convinced Sasuke he was strong enough to carry the picnic basket, while the Uchiha took everything else. But it was friendly bickering rather than any of the real tension that often sparked up between them. Sasuke held everything on one side so he had a free hand to entwine with Naruto’s.

They travelled back towards Kiba and Hinata’s house at a slow pace. On another time he would have sped up to prove to Sasuke he was not as fragile as the Uchiha assumed, but today he enjoyed every step just being able to walk beside his boyfriend with his heart full of hope for the future.

It would have been perfect, if he hadn’t seen some delicious looking chocolates in one of the stalls they passed.

‘Sas, we should get some of those,’ he said.

Sasuke kept on walking as if he hadn’t head.

Naruto stopped and tugged on his hand. ‘It’s not for me, if you’re being all controlling over me or whatever. It’ll be a nice present for Hinata. She’s doing so…’

‘No.’ Sasuke pulled Naruto along.

‘Why not?’ Naruto demanded. ‘Hinata deserves…’

‘We’ll see something else. Dobe, haven’t you noticed how the shopkeeper is glaring at us?’

Naruto had only looked at the chocolates, not the woman selling them, he saw now a pretty person whose face was distorted by absolute anger. He quickly looked away, but he was shaken out of his love daze of being with Sasuke and the babies and saw that lots of people were staring at them in the same way, some looking even more enraged.

His heart thumped and for a moment he actually believed he was a young kid again, isolated in a village where everyone despised him. He gripped Sasuke’s hand tightly, the raven squeezed back as if he knew exactly what Naruto was experiencing.

They continued walking at the same pace, but everything was different now that Naruto was noticing other people. Someone even spat in their direction and kids were staying a safe distance away, but he could clearly hear them chanting ‘demon child’.

‘What’s going on teme?’ he asked in a low voice.

‘I’ll tell you when we’re inside.’

‘Tell me now,’ Naruto snapped.

Sasuke looked at Naruto out of the corner of his eyes. ‘Stay calm, don’t let them see they have any effect on you.’

Naruto’s teeth grinded together. ‘I’m calm. But if _you_ don’t tell me, I’m going to run back to that chocolate shop and demand that woman explains why she’s glaring like that.’

Sasuke sighed. ‘There was unrest about me freeing Sai and not being punished. While you and little Tsunade were ill in hospital, I think there was enough public sympathy to let it pass. But now, some people who might be aggrieved personally with me for other reasons, have managed to start some sort of campaign that two men having a baby is wrong, and that our child is evil.’

Naruto could feel Kurama inside him in a way that he hadn’t since he was very young, as a burning rage of anger that could tear the whole village apart. He pulled upon everything that Killer Bee had taught him about control, and his more recent lessons on focus from Jiraiya, to stop himself exploding into the demon monster.

‘Are you going to be okay?’ Sasuke said with genuine concern.

Naruto nodded and kept walking. He forced himself to look in front of him, he knew if he even glanced at their baby’s sweet innocent face and know that someone had called her _evil_ , he’d not be able to control Kurama, and he wouldn’t want to either.

He didn’t say another word until they were outside Hinata and Kiba’s house then he moved to stand in front of Sasuke and gazed in the other man’s eyes.

‘Why didn’t you tell me before? How could you let me walk through the streets not knowing what people were saying? Why are you allowing them to speak like that? How are you calm? Why isn’t this whole place on fire?’ He growled the questions out as angry accusations.

‘Let’s take the babies inside and settle them down before we get into this.’

Naruto couldn’t protest though he wanted to. He managed to smile and happily leave the babies back in Hinata and Kiba’s care, before impatiently grabbing Sasuke by the upper arms and dragging him back outside.

‘You say you want to be with me and it’s going to be different, but it’s all the same. You’re only telling me the things you want to tell me. It’s like when you dumped me on Hinata in the first place without ever thinking that where I’m living might be something we should discuss together…but this is so much worse! I don’t even know if I’m more angry at you or the people saying these things!’

Sasuke pulled Naruto’s hand off his arm. ‘Do you not see how hard I am trying for you? The reason Konoha _isn’t_ burning is because I am trying to be a better person for you and our baby.’

‘Or is it because you feel guilty? Because you know those people have a right to be mad at you, and you’re letting them take it out on our child! You said that some people are personally aggrieved with you, is that your way of saying you’ve fucked around with them? You screwed that woman in the chocolate shop, didn’t you? Didn’t you?’ Naruto wasn’t aware of having that thought, but as soon as he said it and saw the expression of panic in Sasuke’s eyes he knew it was right. ‘How many other people have you screwed? Will I be able to go shopping without meeting someone glaring at me because they’re jealous and angry as my boyfriend told them that he loved them, or promised he’d have babies with them, or whatever crap you said to get people into your bed?’

Sasuke put his hands on Naruto’s waist. ‘This isn’t new, you know I had sex while we were separated, I thought you accepted it.’ Sasuke’s voice was calm but his eyes betrayed his fears.

‘No, it’s not new! That’s the problem. Me being an idiot and despised and not knowing what’s going on, I’ve been there before. All the people whispering and avoiding me knowing everything, but me just knowing I was wrong without knowing _why_ I was wrong. They put a demon in me, Sas, and never told me. There was a living immortal being inside me and I didn’t even know! You were there when things started going crazy and I had no idea what was happening. And for reasons I’ve never worked out, they didn’t even give me the comfort of telling me who my parents were! Why the fuck didn’t they let me know that I was the fourth hokage’s son? That my mum and dad were people who did love me, and who died for me? And I keep smiling and pretending I am okay with it all.’ Naruto sobbed heavily leaning his forehead against Sasuke’s shoulder. ‘I still think of the third hokage as my friend, but was I just a thing, a tool to him? Am I so desperate to be loved that I let people lie to me and use me…let you lie to me and use me? I’ve lived so many years truly believing you saved me, Sasuke, but are you just the same as everyone else? Secretly hating me, wanting to hurt me?’

Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto and stroked his hands up and down the blonde’s back. ‘I love you so much, so so much, that it frightens me and I do stupid things. I never meant for this to happen. I thought these people would just disappear and find something else to hate. I never dreamt that they’d be so hostile, I think it was seeing us happy together, it brings out the bitterness of their own lives.’

Naruto pulled backwards with a wry laugh. ‘So if they could see how screwed up we both truly are, then they’d be happy and leave us alone? If they knew that it’s only luck you’re with me rather than some great passion, they wouldn’t be jealous of our relationship?’ Naruto laughed harder and his tears fell faster. ‘Karin came to see me before you arrived this morning. She was pregnant with your baby but she had a miscarriage. There was another little Uchiha baby growing, which you could have been proud of. If I hadn’t totally misunderstood everything and got myself pregnant, and made you look after me, you could’ve had a normal wife and kid that no one would have called…’

Sasuke face was pale, he shook Naruto until the other man stopped crying or saying anything.

Naruto looked into the darkness of Sasuke’s eyes, his own eyes red-rimmed and his cheeks stained with tears. ‘This hasn’t been a good date, has it?’

Sasuke opened his mouth several times, before he finally said in his flattest Uchiha voice. ‘If you’re going to be okay, I need some time on my own.’

Naruto made himself smile through his tears. ‘I’m fine. I’m always fine.’

Sasuke nodded and vanished in a blur.

Naruto was left standing alone still with the forced smile fixed on his face.

 

***

 

Sasuke finished scrubbing the kitchen for the third time since he’d left Naruto crying. Outside it was dark. Last night he’d been busy preparing for the picnic. He had been excited about taking Naruto and the babies out and displaying to his lover what a considerate partner and parent he was capable of being. And now less than twenty four hours later, he was scared that he’d messed everything up. Again.

Naruto had been distraught and he was the cause of it. He knew the rumblings of what was said in the village, but had dismissed it as small minds who were too far below him to be concerned with. All his focus was on his man and his little girl, he didn’t care for anyone much beyond that and Itachi’s family. On the walk down to the picnic spot there had been no problems, perhaps because Naruto had been appearing pensive and aloof, instead of happy and in love? A fact that Sasuke now knew was due to Karin’s visit, that was an entirely other issue, what was the woman doing upsetting Naruto like that? But perhaps it was the different route they had taken back, inadvertently passing the section of people who were most riled up by the idea of a male birth? And that chocolate shop woman, whose name Sasuke hadn’t even bothered committing to memory, but she’d obviously remembered him and not with any fondness.

Sasuke shook his head in disdain at the man who in a moment of madness that had lasted months had separated himself from the only person who understood him, to play around with a seemingly endless supply of losers. Even when he’d lost interest quickly into an encounter, he’d already ensured his chosen sexual partner had been more than satisfied. Why couldn’t they appreciate that and move on, rather than always expecting more?

Sasuke walked around the house wondering where he could clean next. Some things he didn’t touch, like the table that held the presents Shino had left for Naruto in what seemed like a different lifetime.

If Sasuke’s love was a thing worth having, would he have encouraged Naruto in a new friendship with Shino, rather than being secretly pleased that the nearest the blonde had got to connecting with another lover had resulted in Naruto running away from insects and leaping up to Sasuke’s bedroom window?

They were both heading towards thirty now and Sasuke was still the only person who had ever touched Naruto’s body sexually; the only person who had heard Naruto’s tantalising  low murmurs of pleasure, and seen the way his eyes rolled back and his lips parted as the feelings of ecstasy pulsed through him.

Would he be able to say the same when they reached thirty? Rather than reuniting, was this actually their relationship in its death throes with both of them clinging onto a decaying beast?

Sasuke’s melancholy thoughts were interrupted by the front door bursting open. All the Uchiha’s muscles tensed into attack and then immediately relaxed as he recognised the presence, only one person made that much noise,Uzumaki Naruto. He yearned to run into the blonde’s arms, but stopped himself. Naruto didn’t have such compunctions, he jumped up onto Sasuke wrapping his legs around the raven’s waist. Caught by surprise, Sasuke had to take a step back to balance himself.

‘Dobe, what are you…’

His question was cut off by a tongue plunging hungrily into his mouth. Sasuke’s body instinctively responded, moving to press Naruto’s back against a wall to make it easier to kiss the blonde with ever increasing firmness and hardness. He had to fight his own lust more than Naruto’s grip on him, to be able to tear himself away and step back from Naruto’s warm embrace.

‘We’re supposed to be taking things slowly,’ Sasuke said in a voice that didn’t even sound convincing to his own ears.

Naruto looked him up and down with predatory eyes. ‘You’ve still got all your clothes on, haven’t you? If I wasn’t going slowly, you’d be naked on the floor with me pounding into you by now.’

‘Are you drunk?’ Sasuke crossed his arms. But between his legs his cock was very much appreciating the idea of Naruto’s bold suggestion.

‘No, I’m just fed up. I needed you this afternoon to hold me and you disappeared. And you know I needed you, you know all that childhood crap had been stirred up in me, and you still left.’ Naruto stepped across to Sasuke and put his hands on the other man’s hips in a grip that the Uchiha recognised as aggressively possessive due to the fact it was a way he’d often held Naruto. ‘I’m going to give you this one time though, as I screwed up too. I shouldn’t have spurted out about Karin’s miscarriage. It was wrong the way I said it mixing it up with all my own emotional rubbish. And I’m really sorry about that, teme.’ He gently pressed closed lips against Sasuke’s. ‘It was an emotional thing her sharing with me, and I should have told you straight away, but I didn’t want to ruin our date. But our date was already ruined as it changed how I felt, and although I didn’t know it then, the villagers who we’ve fought to protect almost all our lives have decided they’re not going to accept our beautiful baby.’

‘It’s only a minority,’ Sasuke said. ‘And it’ll…’

Naruto jerked Sasuke’s hips forward into his own and kissed the Uchiha with demanding lust that left Sasuke panting.

‘Sas, let me be clear. You leaving me alone was a good thing in the end. If you’d stayed, like I wanted, I’d have just snuggled up with you and wanted you to hold me until I cried out and then we’d go on like normal. Normal being, you make all the decisions, you decide where I live, you decide when you come and see me, you decide what we can and cannot talk about, you decide what going slow means.’ Naruto put his hands on either side of Sasuke’s face, as if he was going to kiss him again, but instead he licked his tongue over Sasuke’s nose in a manner that was animalistic and more possessive than simply holding the Uchiha’s hips. Sasuke managed to suppress a moan of desire.

‘Just like before when you decided that we shouldn’t be together, when you decided I should be here in this house all by myself numb with pain while you fucked whoever you wanted.’ Naruto blew and whispered around Sasuke’s ears as if he was speaking words of seduction. ‘You humiliated and broke me, teme, and then had so much fun you did it all over again.’

Sasuke pushed Naruto away from him, before his lust overwhelmed him despite what the blonde was saying.

‘This isn’t like you, if you can’t forgive me, tell me straight, and I’ll leave you alone, don’t play with me.’

Naruto rolled his eyes. ‘Is that it? If I said I couldn’t forgive you, you would just accept it? You dumped me, and I learnt in superfast time how to mutate my body into holding a pregnancy. I endured the most intense pain of my life, grieved through the deaths of close friends and still managed to nurture a new life to the point that I almost died. But if I told you it was over, you’d just say that’s fine and go and make out with one of your fangirls?’

The fire burning inside Sasuke couldn’t be contained. With ninja speed he pinned the weaker man against the wall with one hand, and with the other groped Naruto’s groin through his suit trousers.

‘You want me to be honest and tell you everything I’m thinking and feeling? So be it. I will _never_ let you go. You are mine. You will always be mine. And you were always mine. You were the only person I was interested in. When we were kids, I watched you all the time. I saw how bad you were at everything but you kept trying. I saw the loneliness in your eyes that was the same as mine, but how you dealt with it so differently with loudness and laughter. I saw you had no friends, but you walked through life with hope. And I knew I needed you in my life. When we got paired together you made my heart beat and I felt alive. I wanted our fights to last as long as possible, but I yearned for you to be impressed by me. Not like the girls who trailed around after me declaring their love, but as someone who truly saw me and still wanted to be with me.’ Sasuke bit hard into Naruto’s neck. He should stop talking now. He’d made his point. He’d probably already said too much. But the salty taste of Naruto’s skin somehow increased his desperate flow of words.

‘You asked me earlier if anyone else had kissed me whether they would have been my partner. You are such an idiot, do you think I’d have let anyone else kiss me? You know how fast I was even then, I could have moved in a hundred different ways to avoid your lips touching mine. But I didn’t. Because I’d been waiting for weeks for it to happen, ever since I paid that kid, to take advantage of any opportunity to push you into me.’

Naruto’s eyes widened and his voice lost the dominant edge it’d had since his arrival. ‘You set it up…deliberately…for me…to…’

‘Yes. It was a crude plan. But I was thirteen. And it worked. I knew the first move had to come from you in some form and you’d be too blind to ever get there on your own, so that is what I came up with. As I’ve always said to you the kiss wasn’t an…’

‘Accident,’ Naruto finished for him.

‘That is the sort of person I was then. And the sort of person I am now is not that different. I want you so I am going to get you. I’m not good and kind, dobe, I don’t even care that Karin had a miscarriage. if she’d had the baby, I’d have cared for it, but I would have worked things so you would be my lover. I had to leave you today, not because I was upset about Karin, but because I couldn’t keep control. Seeing you distressed like that, I wanted to slaughter every single person I’ve had sex with just so you’d never have the discomfort of meeting them. I’d burn alive all the braindeads who are gossiping about our baby so you’ll never have to overhear even a whisper of someone saying something that would sadden you again. I had to leave you because I wouldn’t regret on my own count killing those pathetic people, but I know however angry you were in the moment, you would in reality hate it. And all I want to do is please you and get you back by my side forever. No more blips. No more uncertainties. I am going slowly for Little Tsunade’s sake and because it is what Itachi is advising me. If it was just you, with me following my own desires, I’d tie you to our bed and fuck you until the only thought left in your head is how much you love me.’ Sasuke was covered in a sheen of sweat, he put his head next to the blonde and breathed in his ear. ‘Back at the cabin, Tsunade gave me the choice between whether she should go to Itachi or you. I chose you. I was willing for my brother to die as long as you lived. That’s my truth, Naruto, what’s yours?’

For a moment Naruto was completely still then he clawed his hands down Sasuke’s back. ‘You should have chosen Itachi,’ he growled. He grabbed Sasuke by the hand and dragged him to the front door, where he picked up a bag he’d left there. ‘I don’t know how much strength I have and I want some of it for later. Carry me up to the heads.’ He leapt into Sasuke’s arms.

Sasuke didn’t pause but immediately obeyed Naruto, jumping quickly over the rooftops. He’d laid everything out for Naruto and now it was up to the other man how he responded.

When they got there, Naruto opened his bag which was filled with cans and passed some of them to Sasuke.

‘I remembered when I was kid and people used to behave towards me like they did today. Once I acted out and I graffitied the heads.’

Sasuke nodded recalling it well. He’d both admired and despaired of the kid’s actions.

‘And it just led me to thinking that Granny deserves a better memorial than looking almost the same as all the boring men. She always cared so much about her looks, we’re going to brighten her up.’

Sasuke smirked. ‘I show you the rottenness of my soul and you take me to deface the village carvings. This is what all our dates should be like.’  

Naruto grinned. ‘I think so too.’

Together they worked fast colouring Tsunade’s hair yellow and painting her lips red. Her eyes came out closer to green than the hazel they’d been in real life, but they were working in the dark and neither of them had any artistic claims, so they both smiled satisfied at their work when they finished.

‘When we get around to capturing Sai, we can get him to help us make it look even better,’ Naruto said. ‘We can say it showed his cooperation and a good social spirit at his trial.’

Sasuke put an arm around the blonde and pulled him into him. ‘I don’t think we’re going to be chasing down rogue nin for a while. A bit of kissing and painting has tired you out. Don’t deny it.’ He scooped Naruto easily up in his arms. ‘I’ll take you home.’

‘I’ve got more energy than you think,’ the blonde replied although he peacefully rested his head against Sasuke’s chest. ‘And take me to our real home, not to Hinata and Kiba’s yet.’

Sasuke took him back to the place where they’d lived so many years happily together. Automatically he sat Naruto down at the table and was going to prepare him something to eat as he’d done so many times, before he realised what he’d done.

Naruto reached out and stroked his thumb over one of the wrapped gifts from Shino left there. ‘I should open these at some point. But not today.’

His sad eyes brightened when they fell on the letter in front of him, that Sasuke had somehow forgotten all about.

The Uchiha now remembered its repulsive contents and rushed to get it, before Naruto read it. There’d been enough emotions for today without that. Naruto with all his old quickness held it out of Sasuke’s reach and read it. Not with disgust but laughing merrily.

‘You like that filth?’ Sasuke said with full Uchiha disdain. ‘I was actually worried about your safety when I read that.’

‘You read my private mail? Of course you did, you sexy jealous thing. But you don’t know who wrote it do you?’ Naruto grinned teasingly. ‘It’s Old Man’s Akiyama’s handwriting, I recognise it from his shopping lists.’

Sasuke put his hands on his hips unsure if Naruto was teasing him. ‘What the guy you do chores for? But he’s so quiet and he’s so old, he must be…’

‘He claims eighty, but I think he looks at least five hundred! I know it’s bad, isn’t it? But this is what I have to put up with from everyone chatting me up since you left. Even the nicest ones think that because you’ve been my lover of choice for years, and your persona isn’t exactly friendly, that to get my attention they have to be really mean and crude.’ Naruto stood next to Sasuke so they could read the letter together.

Sasuke managed to keep his breathing even, but he couldn’t joke like Naruto was about the blonde being called ‘a little cocktease’ with a ‘hungry ass’. If someone as ancient and normally polite as Akiyama thought he could threaten to lock up Naruto and use him as a sex toy, what did younger and more athletic men say to the blonde?

‘I hate myself for risking losing you, dobe.’

‘Who says you haven’t lost me? Now that I’ve read this letter, I’m rethinking my options,’ Naruto chuckled.

With a single hand in the centre of Naruto’s back, Sasuke slammed the blonde’s chest down onto the table. With his other hand he ripped Naruto’s trousers and boxers down and slapped Naruto’s bare ass hard.

‘I think it’s time we ended all this turmoil and I met everyone’s expectations by making you my bitch.’ Sasuke ran one finger down the crease of Naruto’s ass.

Naruto wiggled beneath him. ‘Not here, Sas.’ He turned his head slightly in the direction of Shino’s presents.

Sasuke lifted Naruto up and flung him over his shoulders. He went quickly upstairs, he didn’t want to think about what was best for their longterm relationship, or ponder the intricacies of Itachi’s advice. He wanted to claim Naruto’s body as his own. He kicked the bedroom door open and in a few short strides was by the bed. He threw the blonde down and tore the rest of his boyfriend’s clothes off.

His breath caught a couple of times as he saw  fresh bruises that he must have caused. Naruto normally didn’t bruise easily. Sasuke needed to pull his lust back under control and be gentler with his lover. This was simpler than he imagined. When he stripped Naruto naked he was struck by the beauty of the man’s body as if it was the first time he’d ever seen it. Moments earlier he had wanted to pound his boyfriend senseless, now he wanted to spend hours worshiping every single part of him.

The blonde wasn’t at his physical peak, but that enhanced the perfection Sasuke saw. This was a man who had suffered for him and his child. He ran a finger over the scar where Naruto had cut himself open to save Little Tsunade, and Sasuke had desperately cauterised in an attempt to save Naruto. Other wounds from the many procedures Shizune had done had already faded, but that ragged line still remained. For the moment. In the end Kurama would heal them all, but right now Sasuke treasured the visible reminder of Naruto’s sheer bravery and the fact that Sasuke was so incredibly lucky to still have him in his life.

‘Teme, to be certain, this is reunion sex, isn’t it?’ Naruto’s voice broke into Sasuke’s reverie. ‘Not another break-up sex thing? You’re starting out like you’re going to ravage me, now you’re caressing me really tenderly, and I’m just nervous the next thing you’ll flip to is not wanting me at all?’

Sasuke looked into Naruto’s eyes and started to undress himself. ‘Dobe, you walked in here so confident, turning me on with the flirtation that you were going to completely own me.  Now I am seeing your body is still fragile and I’m worried about hurting you. I want things to be stable between us week to week, month to month, year to year. But I think for a while as we get used to each other again, we’ll just have to take things as they come minute to minute. Can you live with that?’

Naruto gave a half smile. ‘I guess it makes things more exciting.’

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. ‘Does it?’

Naruto ran his hand over his hard cock. ‘If you’re looking in the right places, you can see it does.’

Sasuke pulled at his own clothes with more haste. If they didn’t do anything more than wank each other off, or just cuddle, he didn’t care, as long as he got to feel his naked body pressed against Naruto’s warmth once again.

A little note fell to the floor out of one of his pockets. He picked it up, it read simply:

Get on your knees and suck my cock

Naruto’s cheeks reddened.

‘Is that what you want?’ Sasuke asked as he removed the last of his own garments and stood naked before his boyfriend.

‘I kinda, yaknow, my plan was to come here and be the one in charge.’ Naruto ran both his hands through his hair. ‘You told me that you didn’t suck anyone else’s cock or let them inside you, so that’s what I’d decided we should do together. To start building back to kissing and things without me feeling cheated on and horrible, yaknow, suddenly getting images of you with other people when, well, we’re trying to get it on. But I don’t know. You said all those things to me, about always wanting me, and confessing that you set up our first kiss…and I feel sorry, not for myself, but for the other people who got a taste of you and saw how gorgeous you are and it’s made them mad wanting more of you, like you’re a really addictive drug or something. I am yours, teme, and I should never have let you get away.  I should have made you talk to me. I should have seen and sorted out the same problems that scared you. And…I’m blabbering, aren’t I? All I want to say is, that I thought I needed to dominate you to feel back in control, but when you threw me over your shoulder I felt like I was finally home.’

Sasuke swung Naruto’s legs around, so that the blonde was sitting up and his legs hung over the edge of the bed. The Uchiha dropped to his knees in front of Naruto, and parted his boyfriend’s thighs to make room for him.

‘I’m going to give you everything, I’m not going to hold anything back. I’ve been scared of being vulnerable in front of you, but I look at you, who weren’t scared of changing your whole body for me. I can never do anything to compare with what you’ve done, but that fact and your love makes me not scared of anything anymore.’

Sasuke dipped his head down and began sucking and licking on the head of Naruto’s cock. Naruto moaned appreciatively and Sasuke put all his skills and knowledge of his lover’s body to use. He caressed his hands over Naruto’s legs and torso, varying the pressure to match what the blonde liked and to avoid the areas too tender after so many operations. He stretched one hand out to flick both of Naruto’s nipples at the same time, and reach down with his other hand to massage the other man’s balls.

Naruto’s groans became louder and Sasuke could feel the tightening as Naruto was on the edge of coming. He pulled his mouth away to Naruto’s protests and manoeuvred his boyfriend back to lying flat on his back but more central in the bed this time, so Sasuke could sit astride him.

‘I want you to shoot all your months worth of come inside my ass, and I want you to look into my face as you do it.’ Sasuke spoke with confidence, but his heart beat with the nervousness of a complete virgin.

It’d been a long time since him and Naruto had fucked properly, should they do something familiar to remember how good they were together, rather than try something new? But Sasuke recalled what he’d just said to his boyfriend. Naruto had done everything for him, this was the only way to restart their life together, to show the blonde that he would do anything to make him happy.

He took some lube from the bedside cupboard and put it on both his and Naruto’s fingers, then leaned forward so they could push into Sasuke’s hole together.

‘Fuck, teme, you feel so tight. It makes me want to explode just feeling your body gripping my finger. You sure you want to take me tonight?’

Sasuke pushed a second of his own fingers in beside Naruto’s one, and worked them fast in and out to prove to Naruto he was more than capable of taking the blonde’s thick cock. Naruto’s body pulsed under him. Taking the blonde’s warning that he wanted to come seriously, Sasuke abandoned the prep, brushing Naruto’s hand away and positioned himself on top of Naruto’s cock. He was determined that in their lives they would never go without sex again for so long, and he wanted to be filled with every drop of the substantial amount of come he knew his lover would have built up.

He gazed down into his boyfriend’s eyes, the pupils were so large with desire that the normally blue eyes looked almost as black as his own. He carefully lowered himself down.

‘This is what us going slowly means,’ Sasuke smirked as he took his time to adjust to Naruto’s width.

Naruto grinned back at him. ‘I suddenly like this slow thing then.’ He reached down and playfully started brushing his fingers against Sasuke’s sensitive cock.

Sasuke concentrated on Naruto’s touch and tried to ignore his sense of being exposed sitting on top of the blonde like this. Naruto made it seem effortless when he bounced up and down on Sasuke’s cock, howling out his passion. Sasuke wished he had some sort of jacket on, as if a thin piece of fabric could somehow protect his embarrassment.

Then Naruto ran a hand over Sasuke’s chest, and the blonde’s warmth immediately made the Uchiha glad he was completely naked.

‘You look so beautiful right now, if I didn’t know what a bastard you are, I’d think you were an angel and far too good for me,’ Naruto said, his voice teasing but his eyes full of love.

Sasuke rolled his hips to take more of Naruto’s length. ‘And knowing I am a bastard…’

Naruto chuckled. ‘I still think you’re too good for me.’

 ‘I _know_ you’re too good for me, maybe that makes us perfect for each other.’

They smiled at each other as Sasuke gradually rode down on Naruto. Naruto kept his hips still until Sasuke gave a nod to indicate he was ready for his lover to move.

As soon as Naruto started grinding up, the discomfort vanished and everything was pleasure. Their bodies immediately found their rhythm together. Naruto put his hands on Sasuke’s hips and made the slightest adjustment to their angle which made the incredible difference of Naruto’s cock hitting against Sasuke’s pleasure spot.

Sasuke’s whole body flushed as waves of ecstasy flooded through him. For a moment his instinct was to hide his face, he’d only ever let Naruto take him from behind for the precise reasn he didn’t want the blonde to see the effect his fucking had on the Uchiha. But gazing into Naruto’s eyes as the man pushed up into his body was one of the most intimate experiences he’d had with his boyfriend.

He put his hands on Naruto’s shoulders. ‘Use me,’ he panted. ‘Fuck me as hard as you want.’

Naruto held Sasuke’s hips up in the air and bucked fast and madly into the raven.

Neither of them could last long at the pace Naruto had set. They came together, gazing at each other with equal mixtures of lust and love as Naruto shot into Sasuke and Sasuke came over Naruto’s chest.

Sasuke collapsed on top of Naruto. When his breathing steadied and his brain resumed minimal functioning, he remembered his boyfriend’s weakened state and rolled off, instead hugging Naruto against his chest.

Naruto dotted kisses over Sasuke’s skin where his head was resting, and Sasuke tussled Naruto’s hair.  

The room filled with their scent and the sound of their heavy panting. For a long time they were silent, then at the same moment they looked at each other and asked, ‘Was that all right?’ They laughed together.

‘Two insecure overconfident alpha males, we were always meant for each other, weren’t we teme?’ Naruto said.

Sasuke stopped himself correcting Naruto description to only apply to the blonde and instead nodded with an agreeable, ‘Hnnnn.’

‘My cock is willing.’ Naruto slapped a hand against his ever ready erection. ‘But I don’t think my body’s quite up to one of our usual sessions yet.’ He gingerly touched his stomach. Then even more tentatively ran a finger over the scar where Sasuke had had a kidney taken out. ‘You need to get that replaced soon, okay? Shizune said they’ve got a new one grown ready for you when you want it. No more excuses, hey, Little Tsunade is going to need us both in tip top shape.’

Again Sasuke nodded. He’d thought he’d agree to whatever Naruto said tonight.

‘I better be getting back to my own bed.’

Except that. Sasuke held Naruto tighter with both his arms. ‘This is your own bed.’

Naruto hugged Sasuke. ‘I’ve been gone too long already. What if Little Tsunade wakes up? You know she doesn’t settle sometimes even with feeding, she likes being rocked and played with and spoken to.’

Sasuke let go of the blonde and got up, searching around for his clothes even though his legs were still trembling.

‘You don’t need to get dressed. I’m safe walking across the village by myself. I even promise I’ll avoid Old Man Akiyama’s place if it makes you feel better.’ Naruto joked.

‘I’m coming too,’ Sasuke simply said. ‘Hinata and I have bonded a lot, and if I do all the cooking and ignore Kiba’s taunting, they shouldn’t mind me staying with you.’

Naruto bit his lip. ‘Really? Are you serious? You’ll put up with Kiba telling you what an ass you are all the time, to be with me?’

‘I’m yours, Sunflower. We belong together.’ Sasuke gave a small smile.

Naruto wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. He was silent for a moment and then smiled too. ‘I think maybe we should make time for a shower before we see our baby girl.’ He took Sasuke’s hand and led him to the bathroom. ‘I’ll even let you dry me after and not make wet footprints over the carpet.’

‘You can do whatever you want, Usuratonkachi, you’ve earned that right and so much more.’

Naruto threw back his head and laughed. ‘I bet I can make you regret saying that before the end of our shower.’

‘I bet you can’t.’ Sasuke pulled the blonde against him and kissed him tenderly.

The playful mischief in Naruto’s eyes told Sasuke his boyfriend was probably going to win this particular wager, but it didn’t matter, Sasuke had won the biggest prize of all time.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is all right, I've read few several times and found stupid mistakes where I've put the wrong pronoun in, but I hope I've found most of them now.
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this section, and I am crossing my fingers that you enjoy reading it and that it all makes sense.  
> I'll try and post the next chapter soon. Thank you lovely people for staying with this story.


	24. Chapter 24

Naruto laughed loudly at Killer Bee’s joke, making other people around them join in even though they hadn’t heard what Bee said, but just because Naruto’s laughter was so infectious.

There had been so many moments of happiness in Naruto’s life: becoming a genin; being able to save people’s lives; convincing, amongst others, Orochimaru and Nagato into living peaceful existences; bringing Itachi home to Konoha; befriending great shinobi like Tsunade and Jiraiya; Sasuke. Everything Sasuke, even the bad parts, the soul wrenching, heart ripping, laying on the floor and screaming, bad parts that Naruto wasn’t sure he’d make it through, were part of who they were, but he preferred to think of the good things, soft kisses, entwined fingers, protective arms wrapped around him as he slept, the smile that only he saw. There really had been so much happiness. But today he felt like he was experiencing all the joy of his life in one day.

The smiling ninja looked around the room at all his friends gathered for this party to celebrate the birth of his beautiful baby daughter. Sasuke and Naruto had interfered, but really Itachi had organised everything. He’d found this gorgeous spa hotel outside Konoha, so exclusive that only a small number of people had known where it was located before Itachi sent the invites out.

He’d personally made a sophisticated picture wall of all Naruto and Sasuke’s friends who’d hadn’t survived to see this day. Before the guests arrived, Naruto had spent a long time with Hinata kneeling in front of the images, holding each other’s hand while Kiba and Sasuke cared for the babies. Later, after the party had begun, Naruto’d seen Sasuke pause for the briefest moment in front of the image of his parents. Naruto immediately rushed to his side, the Uchiha had automatically insisted he was fine, but then had allowed himself to relax into the comfort of the blonde’s warm embrace for a full minute before shaking his boyfriend off and continuing to walk through the crowd with his customary nonchalance.

 There were so many guests. Itachi’d liaised with everyone to organise it on a date that the maximum people could attend, the Hokage, Raikage, and Kazekage were all here (Mei hadn’t made it, but as they were all well enough and Little Tsunade had had a growth spurt, they were days away from travelling to Kirigakure where they would have a quiet private celebration with the family. Kakashi had given Sasuke and Naruto diplomatic missions which would justify them staying with Itachi for basically as long as they wanted, and Hinata and Kiba were coming with them for an extended holiday). Itachi had found a caterer that could provide for both Naruto and Sasuke’s diverse culinary tastes and had made a cake about ten times as big as their baby! Itachi had arranged the venue so there were serene areas, loud places, and play spaces for the many young children that were in attendance. Naruto had been busy making friends with every parent he met.

After some discussion, him and Sasuke had, more or less, decided that burning to cinders the people who were saying cruel things about Little Tsunade, would be satisfying, but perhaps not as effective in the long term as reaching out and ensuring that their daughter, right from the beginning, had a big safety net of people around her, who’d give her the confidence to deal with whatever idiots stumbled into her path. And if that didn’t work, the burning was always a fallback option. Although Kurama was persistently bugging Naruto, that if it came to it, he’d be set loose to rip everyone apart. Naruto would have agreed immediately if Sasuke hadn’t already elicited a guarantee from the blonde that the Uchiha could be the one to deal with the villagers if the problem didn’t go away. It wasn’t always easy been stuck between two vengeful angry guys, especially as one lived inside him and the other…well, it was even nicer when that one was inside him. Naruto blushed thinking of his and Sasuke’s recent encounters. Caring for a baby didn’t give them the long stretches of time they’d enjoyed between missions just lying in bed, sleeping, pleasuring each other and only moving when absolutely necessary. But there was something incredibly hot about furtive, quick fucking, not knowing when they’d next get moments alone, so appreciating every single thrust.

Naruto was grateful for the distraction from his explicit thoughts by seeing Gaara walking past alone. He shouted for the Kazekage to come over, wrapping his arm around the redhead’s waist and pulling him close to relax the man and overcome his reserve. Although in truth, Naruto’s physical affections for some reason seemed to make Gaara’s body tense up. But Gaara was one of his closest friends, so Naruto was determined to do his best to make him feel at ease. He knew big social gatherings were not Gaara’s favourite way to spend a day. Naruto gave Gaara an extra squeeze hoping the other man would see how grateful he was that he’d come. With so many guests, it was difficult to give each one the attention they deserved, to show Gaara how appreciative he was, Naruto launched into talking about how Gaara had been so kind offering to care for him and the baby when Sasuke had been being even more of a douche than normal. This led naturally into the story of Sasuke appearing on one of the ink birds with Sai, before Naruto remembered that Kakashi had warned him not to mention the missing ninja, especially not to A. But A was laughing at Naruto’s description so he decided it’d be odder if he just stopped.

Somehow by the end A and Killer Bee had tears in their eyes and all four men were tightly hugging each other. They only broke apart when Gaara got called away by one of his officials wanting an urgent answer to a diplomatic question. Naruto then took his leave of the two brothers himself, thinking he’d get in trouble with Sasuke if he wasn’t a better host circulating through all his guests. However much his boyfriend was making efforts to be a new man, he’d made it very clear that being the life of the party was thoroughly Naruto’s domain.

Naruto moved through the room, smiling and making everyone he spoke to feel special. After speaking so long to A, Killer Bee and Gaara he purposely avoided his closest friends in favour of getting to know new people better, but he kept glancing around to check that they were having a good time. Hinata, who in her heart probably didn’t like big parties with lots of strangers to her, any more than Sasuke or Gaara did, was sitting at a table in the corner, but she was surrounded by a group of other mothers with young children who were making Hinata pleasantly blush with compliments and admiration for how well she was coping looking after both Himawari and helping feeding Little Tsunade. Naruto knew that Hinata normally found it embarrassing being noticed, but he was glad to see her getting the praise she deserved.

Kiba was with his sister having a hearty debate with some of his in laws about how animal powers were better than eye abilities at scouting. Hiashi had become a lot softer around the edges since the birth of his first grandchild, that and the effects of the sake he was drinking, made him nod and agree and keep repeating that Kiba and Hana were making some good points.

Sakura and Ino were dancing together and openly eying up every single man at the party. Naruto chuckled happily when Killer Bee and A responded to Ino’s beckoning and went over and joined the friends. He was even tempted to join them when the dancing descended into some sort of bet about whether Sakura was strong enough to lift the two big men up, but a slight ache around his heart prevented him. He didn’t know how his emotions worked, why he’d completely forgiven Sasuke, and had earlier chatted as cheerily away to Orochimaru as Jiraiya, without once thinking of the atrocities the snake man had committed, but he still had a reserve around Sakura and Ino together and every time he spoke to them he relived the raw pain of hearing their drunken conversation months ago in the bar.

 

_‘I wonder if Sasuke’s ever had sex with a woman? I don’t know what I’ll do if Sasuke wants to do the same things with me he’s done with Naruto.’_

_‘I do! You’ll bend over, spread your legs wide, and tell him he can do whatever he wants!’_

 

It was only a few harmless words and he knew Sasuke hadn’t actually had sex with either of them, but Naruto hadn’t yet been able to escape the lonely betrayal of that conversation, even after knowing how Sakura had worked herself to exhaustion saving his tiny baby. The blonde shook his head, it was a stupid thing and hopefully it’d pass soon. Maybe it was something to talk about to Sasuke, he didn’t want to be someone holding useless resentment against their team member of all people. And Sasuke and him talked about everything now. They still bickered and disagreed as much, so on the surface they were the same as ever, but at night when they held each other, it felt more intense and intimate than before. And it always had felt intense and intimate with Sasuke, but Naruto couldn’t think of any new words to describe the new relationship with each other, it was both familiar and comforting, but also a totally fresh discovery of love every time they touched and spoke.

It was like their romance had been this gorgeous cake that they both enjoyed looking at, but they’d missed the point of having a cake and it was only when they risked eating it that they realised the cake was even more delicious than it looked. Naruto beamed at how clever the image he’d come up with was, he’d share it with Sasuke later. Except he’d make sure to mention it was some sort of special ninja made cake that never ran out, because the bastard would be sure to be annoying and pick up on details like cakes going stale and disappearing once they were eaten.

Naruto rubbed his tummy, all this thinking about cake was making him hungry. He scanned around for Sasuke to see where the ruler of his diet was. He was pretty sure that a parent responsible for a whole other life should know what he should eat himself, but Sasuke got off on designing a firm nutrition and fitness regime for his boyfriend. And Naruto had never hid the fact that he liked having someone in his life who cared for him. They both had the whole range of orphaned as a baby/seeing your parents slaughtered bodies/abandonment issues going on, and the flip side of the mood swings and bad tempers, was that they complimented each other perfectly. Naruto desperately needed to feel looked after, Sasuke desperately needed to feel in control.

Plus there was the added, unignorable fact that Sasuke’s strict overseeing of Naruto’s health was working. What would you know, but eating boring healthy food, instead of stuffing your face with tasty treats, helped build muscles up faster. But where was the Uchiha when Naruto’s stomach needed the okay on what he could eat from the buffet table?

Unable to see his lover, Naruto wondered over to see the older Uchiha. Itachi was cradling Little Tsunade as tenderly as if she was his own child and sitting in the middle an unlikely group of Kakashi, Kisame, Suigetsu and Deidara. If it wasn’t for Itachi and Kakashi appearing obviously relaxed, Naruto would have been uncomfortable with his child being in the company of the three other men, but he trusted Itachi and Kakashi’s judgement more than anyone else’s. And he knew that Kakashi and Itachi could kick ass if anything did flare up.

As he approached them he could hear the shark man was regaling the others with the story of his fight with Guy. When he saw Naruto, Kisame flashed his sharp teeth in a wide smile.

‘And I’d have been dead if this one hadn’t convinced Guy not to kill me after all as I was a friend of Itachi’s.’

Kakashi and Deidara laughed at this, Itachi gave a small smirk and Suigetsu crossed his arms and said in a disdainful voice, ‘I don’t see why you’re so proud talking about a fight you _lost_.’

‘Then there is a lot I need to teach you, kid.’ Kisame didn’t bother looking at the younger man but instead exchanged a knowing look with Itachi.

Deidara looked Naruto up and down. ‘You’re a piece of art today, blondie, yeah? I thought it’d all be over for you with this pregnancy thing, but boy you’re looking hotter than ever, definitely worth a few explosions, yeah? If little Sasuke dumps you again, promise you’ll send for me first. I can do things with my clay that’d surprise you.’

Kisame gave a low and very dirty sounding laugh which clearly indicated he personally knew exactly what Deidara could do with his clay.

Itachi made the smallest sound in his throat which clearly indicated that he would be doing something very unpleasant with Deidara’s clay if he made a serious move on Naruto.

‘Hey,’ Deidara spread his arms out and stared with big innocent eyes at Itachi, ‘I said _if_ Sasuke dumps him, I didn’t say that I’d consider murdering your little brother just to free blondie up and take advantage of him being weak with grief to make him get attached to me and transform him into my own personal pet, did I, yeah?’

Itachi smiled a slow smile. ‘Obviously you didn’t say that, Deidara, because you know that if your lust carried you to have even the slightest, briefest, thought of hurting Sasuke, I would create a new genjutsu especially for you, where you are permanently trapped being Sasori’s assistant helping him make his puppets.’

Deidara’s face blanched.

Kisame laughed again. ‘And what about if someone has fantasies about making both your boys scream, Itachi?’

Naruto normally had no problem being heard, but a little bit of alcohol and he knew these men could talk as much as him. He pushed himself into the conversation in a loud voice rather than wait for the older Uchiha’s reply.

‘Niisan, two things, are you sure you’re happy holding Lil Tsu-Tsu, ‘cause I’m not sure she’ll like the…more mature chat…’

‘She’s Sasuke’s kid, isn’t she? She won’t care, we all know what a pervert your boyfriend…’

Kisame swiped Suigetsu with the back of his hand, causing the smaller man to go flying out of his chair and turn into a puddle of water.

‘Don’t bother about him, Naruto,’ Kisame said. ‘I’ll teach him some better manners later.’

Kakashi smiled at his former student. ‘Did some of Lady Tsunade’s chakra help form her? I think she may take after her namesake. I believe she’s not supposed to understand much yet, but she’s been remarkably consistent at laughing at all the stories about fighting, especially when people get punched. You and Sasuke are going to have your hands full keeping up with her.’

Naruto gave his baby a worried frown. ‘Maybe I should take her to spend some time with HInata and the other mothers.’

‘If you don’t mind, Otouto, I am enjoying my niece’s company, she’s by far the most intelligent person at this table,’ Itachi said. ‘You can be reassured that she is too clever to be concerned about anything these men say.’

The baby did look very happy with her uncle, giggling as she played with his clothes. Naruto’s heart was light to think she was going to have the big adoring family he never did. ‘It’s cool that she’s getting to know you, I’m really excited that she’s going to meet all her cousins soon, they’re going to be such great playmates.’

Itachi motioned with one finger for Naruto to come over to him, as Suigetsu regained his form and returned grumpily to the table, much to the amusement of the other men. Naruto ignored the water ninja and went to Itachi’s side.

‘I believe this is the answer to the other thing you wanted to ask me.’ Itachi deftly rolled Naruto’s sleeve back to reveal written in black ink the number ‘69’.

Naruto stared at it blankly for a moment.

Itachi smirked. ‘It’s not your room number.’

Naruto blushed wondering how much Sasuke confided in his brother, but suspecting that it was more due to the fact the older Uchiha was just scarily observant. Naruto hadn’t even noticed Sasuke writing on him! He was going to have to fast track his training to catch up with Sasuke who was speeding ahead under Itachi’s guidance.

Naruto was glad Kisame and Deidara were too busy taunting Suigetsu to notice Sasuke’s message, although Kakashi gave him a Guy smile and thumbs up as the blonde hurried off in the direction of his and Sasuke’s room.

 

It took Naruto several attempts to get the key in the hotel door. He had only drunk one glass of champagne at the beginning of the party to toast Little Tsunade, but there was a dizziness in his head and his hands were shaking as if he’d just downed a whole bottle.

He gave a small growl, why was he feeling so nervous about seeing his boyfriend? They’d had lots of sex since their reunion, a 69 was no big deal. Well, it was a big deal, because Sasuke’s cock was awesome and he gave mind shattering blow jobs, but a big deal to be excited about, not getting all sweaty palmed with. Naruto gave an extra determined twist of the key and it snapped off in his hands. Naruto sighed, Sasuke must be hearing him struggling but was just leaving him to it. If that was the way it was going to be. Naruto took a step back and did an unnecessarily elaborate flying kick into the door breaking it off its hinges. He strode in triumphantly only to almost immediately back out uttering a string of curse words. He picked the door up and tried to juggle it back in position. The ‘8’ on it suddenly looked ginormous, and the blonde had no idea how he’s managed to confuse it with a ‘7’. As he tried to balance the door while kneeling down to pick up a snapped screw, Naruto heard a tell-tell ‘hnnnnn’ behind him.

Sasuke was leaning in the doorway of their suite across the corridor, staring indifferently at Naruto’s struggles.

‘Teme!’ Naruto shouted dropping the door, just about leaping back in time to stop it squashing his toes. ‘How long have you been there? Why didn’t you stop me? Why aren’t you helping me? This is Hinata and Kiba’s room, with everything they’ve done for us, I can’t let them come back to this.’

Sasuke held his hand out for the blonde. ‘I didn’t stop you because I thought that even your ninja skills weren’t so ridiculously bad to completely ignore me and start messing with the wrong door, therefore I assumed this was some sort of comic performance you were putting on to amuse me. I only realised that I’d underestimated your stupidity when you actually kicked the door down. But I’ve already contacted maintenance, Itachi has paid more than enough for this place for them to cover a dozen broken doors without making a fuss. Now come over here, where your meant to be.’ Sasuke curled his fingers.

Although Naruto currently felt more like punching his boyfriend than obeying him, he slunk across the corridor and into the right hotel room, attempting to regain a miniscule amount of pride by fitting in a whole tirade of complaints about Sasuke leaving their own party for their own baby and forcing Naruto to come and find him every time he wanted something to eat.

However, his muttering stopped as soon as he entered the room, his mouth fell open in wonder. There were candles everywhere, shapes of stars had been stuck on the ceiling and they glowed in pretty colours, a small table was laid out for two and was covered in all Naruto’s favourite foods.

‘I’ve checked with Shizune, she thinks you’re progressing well and your body can cope with a small break from your diet.’ Sasuke closed the door softly behind him. ‘Teuchi and Ayame sneaked away from the party especially to freshly prepare your favourite ramen dishes.’

Naruto looked at the raven who had come to stand beside him. ‘Ummmm, what’s this about, Sasuke? I’m kinda confused…I love this…but there’s lots of food about the party…and today’s about Little Tsunade, not me?’

‘This isn’t quite how I planned it…well, it is, but I wasn’t settled how to do this until earlier when I saw the photo of my parents and I knew…’ Sasuke’s nose crinkled up. ‘Dobe, have you been going around our guests smelling of baby’s nappies, and what is that stain…do you know how expensive that suit is…it’s made with silk imported from…’Sasuke covered his eyes. ‘It doesn’t matter. I am not going to do this with you like that…get changed.’

Naruto made a hmphing sound but marched across to the wardrobe, however arrogant and annoying the bastard was, he had made this room look beautiful, and had got Naruto’s favourite ramen. And as slack as Naruto was with fashion, he didn’t want to be at Little Tsunade’s party, repelling his guests with nappy odour and baby sick stains. He hoped it was just Sasuke being extra sensitive to Naruto and nothing anyone else had noticed.

Still he wouldn’t give the Uchiha too much satisfaction. ‘Is there some special uniform you want me to wear to give the all mighty Sasuke’s cock a blow job?’ He pulled the wardrobe open and yanked out the first thing he saw. He frowned. It was a new jumpsuit, brighter than any he owned and decorated all over with little Uchiha fans. ‘What’s this? Have you got me a present, teme?’ Naruto beamed at Sasuke. ‘I love it. I’ll put it on now.’

But the raven jumped over the room, snatched it from the blonde and threw it back in the wardrobe slamming the door. ‘You’re not supposed to see that yet!’ He pulled impatiently at Naruto’s clothes, tearing the expensive material. ‘Just get changed into something else.’

Naruto took Sasuke’s hands in his. ‘I’m kinda glad to see you getting nervous too, as I thought it was just me being dobeish over the idea of sucking your cock. But it’s cool. I think at least one of us should be at the party that Itachi has spent so long organising, but when have we ever done anything we should?’

Naruto drew Sasuke towards him for a long lingering kiss, trying to discretely get out of his stained clothes without breaking contact with the Uchiha.

But it was Sasuke who stepped away and thumped the wall.

Naruto discarded the rest of his garments with increased haste, including his underwear and socks. ‘Is that better?’ He kicked his clothes into the corner of the room. He moved towards Sasuke but Sasuke jumped away. ‘Do I still smell? Do I need a shower?’

‘This is not working like it should,’ Sasuke said with frustration. ‘I’ve been thinking about doing this for years, and it’s going wrong.’

‘You’ve been thinking about 69ing by candlelight with me for that long?’ Naruto smiled. ‘That’s hot, but we could have done it any time, yaknow, I’m up for all your fantasies, and this one is a lot milder and easier than that thing we did with the swing and the whips and the jelly. And you can see it’s working fine, I got hard just from kissing you, I’m ready to go when you are.’ Naruto ran his hand up and down his cock. ‘And I can see you’re ready.’ He gazed appreciatively at Sasuke’s bulging crotch, licking his lips in anticipation.

‘Of course I’m hard, you’re incredibly desirable and you’re standing naked with me alone in a bedroom.’

‘So what’s the problem?’ Naruto grinned.

Sasuke tilted his head backwards. ‘We’re supposed to eat first, it’s not supposed to be about the sex all the time, I want it to be romantic.’

‘I am all for eating if that’s what you want, teme.’ Naruto sat down at a chair and started digging into the delicious food. ‘I’m so grateful that Itachi pointed out that you’d written ‘69’ on me, it’d be such a waste if I arrived too late and the food wasn’t hot anymore. Fuck, I am so hungry. I love all the good stuff you’re cooking for me, Sas, but you have to admit this ramen is something special.’

Sasuke slumped in the chair opposite him. ‘It’s supposed to be special. I’m supposed to be lovingly feeding you, not watching you slurp through it like a pig.’

‘What’s wrong, Sasuke?’ Naruto put his chopsticks down. ‘I’m sorry, should I get dressed again? I just thought if we’re fucking afterwards it’d be quicker this way and then you might let me wear the new thing you bought me. Where did you find fabric that orange? It looked amazing. Well, I think it did, in the brief moment I got to look at it before you hid it again.’

Naruto’s stomach grumbled and with effort he resisted picking up his chopsticks again and instead dropped down on his knees beside the desolate looking Sasuke and wrapped his arms around the man’s waist.

‘Please talk to me, that’s our thing now, isn’t it? Sharing all our emotions so we don’t get in a mess again?’ He looked up at Sasuke with wide blue eyes. ‘I know parties aren’t your thing, but is today getting you down that much?’

Sasuke shook his head and ran a hand distractedly through Naruto’s hair. ‘Don’t start guessing, you’ll never get it right.’ He sighed. ‘It’s fine. Today was never going to work. It’s just…I don’t know, it just isn’t the time.’

‘Give me one more guess, before you give up,’ Naruto said.

Sasuke shrugged. ‘Fine. It was a stupid idea anyway so it might as well just descend into a ridiculous guessing game.’

‘I think the reason I was so dizzy and nervous that I kicked down the wrong door, is that at some level, somewhere in my consciousness, or maybe it’s just Kurama chatting to me when I am asleep…but whatever, the point is even though I am normally so rubbish with dates, I know you somehow got Itachi to schedule our party for exactly a year after the party he had for his twins. And you wrote ‘69’ on my hand then and everything went to shit. The only explanation I can come up for you wanting to celebrate our daughter’s birth on what turned into such a horrible night, is because you want to make it up to me and draw a line under all the pain of the year.’

Naruto swallowed hard. Sasuke wasn’t interrupting him. But Sasuke wasn’t looking at him either, and the Uchiha’s body was completely still revealing no emotion at all.

‘You’ve got my favourite food, and I think…you’ve arranged the stars on the ceiling so that half are the constellation when you were born…and half when I was born. And I know this because years ago when we were like eighteen or something, it’s what I looked up when I had a plan to ask you if…’ Naruto’s mouth went dry. ‘Sasuke, don’t let me say it if I am wrong…’

Sasuke remained entirely silent, though Naruto felt the beating of his own heart was loud enough for both of them.

Naruto wet his lips. ‘I was too scared in the end to ask…but I thought about it lots…I didn’t even know if it was a thing we could do…and…’ Naruto took a deep breath. ‘Last year when things went wrong…did you go off at the deepend because you were wound up wanting to ask me…and then you couldn’t…and…I understand that as I never got brave enough to ask you…and I’ve just remembered when you were looking after me and we were having some conversation about colours and clothes I said that if I were a Uchiha…I’d have a really bright orange tracksuit totally covered in fans…and you’ve got me a really bright orange tracksuit totally covered in fans.’ Naruto’s hands were trembling as he reached into Sasuke’s pocket and fumbled around until he found a ring box. He pulled it out and Sasuke still didn’t move.

Naruto flipped the box open, even though he saw exactly what he expected, the amazing ring that Sasuke had given to him that time at the training ground, Naruto could barely breathe.

He coughed several times. ‘Teme, we’re doing this, so for fuck’s sake look at me.’

Sasuke remained motionless, Naruto reached up and with one hand on the Uchiha’s chin turned it towards him. Tears ran down the other man’s face.

‘We can’t do this, dobe. It’s wrong. Not because of you kicking the door down, or seeing the jumpsuit too early, or scoffing your food. It’s all down to me, I ruined it.’ Sasuke’s head dropped. ‘I wanted to ask you in front of everyone and come back to this room later to make love under our stars by candlelight. But how could I? All of them know how badly I’ve treated you, it’d be a joke. They’d tell you to refuse me.’

‘And I wouldn’t care.’

Sasuke ran a finger over the big stone. ‘But they’d be right. I wanted to do it privately thinking I could make it perfect and it’d feel like it’s meant to feel if it was just the two of us alone, but I love you too much to ask someone as beautiful as you to tie your life down with someone as damaged as me.’

Naruto slapped Sasuke’s forehead. ‘That’s Uchiha for I love you, isn’t it?’

Sasuke gave a tiny smile. He pressed two fingers to Naruto’s forehead. ‘You know it’s like that, dobe, and I’ve always secretly thought it meant, _get away from me, pest, I’ve got more important things to do then be bothered with you_.’

‘But you’ve done it to me lots of times?’ Naruto frowned, then they both laughed.

‘Okay, teme, are you ready…’

Sasuke shook his head. ‘Don’t say it, dobe, it was a stupid idea. When you wear that ring you’ll remember me at the training ground and…when Hinata’s genin and Shino were still alive…’

Naruto put a hand over Sasuke’s mouth. ‘You can’t refuse me before I say it properly, that’s against the rules.’ Sasuke fought against Naruto, trying to pull the blonde’s hand away. Naruto was at an awkward angle and Sasuke was still annoyingly stronger, so Naruto spoke as fast as he could before the Uchiha could interrupt him.

‘Uchiha Sasuke, I’m naked down on my knees, asking you if you’re going to ask me to marry you?’ Naruto freely dropped his hand away from Sasuke, who had stopped squirming and gazed down at the blonde. Naruto licked his lips nervously. ‘You can answer now. You can refuse if you want…or you know whatever.’

Sasuke kicked the chair away and dropped to his knees in front of Naruto. ‘Yes, dobe, the answer’s yes. I’m too weak to resist you.’

Naruto’s heart thumped as he took the ring from the box and placed it on Sasuke’s finger. His boyfriend’s fingers were thinner than his, but the knuckle kept the ring from slipping off.

The Uchiha lunged at the blonde, kissing him with a force that pushed Naruto’s backwards and left them both rolling about on the floor in a passionate embrace.

One of Sasuke’s hand weaved down towards Naruto’s erection but the blonde caught it in a firm grip.

Sasuke’s brow creased and he pulled away from their kiss. ‘Thinking of me touching other people again?’

Naruto stuck his tongue out. ‘Not until you mentioned it, teme. I’ve just come over all traditional and think you should officially make me your fiancé before you start taking liberties with my body.’

Sasuke positioned himself astride Naruto’s naked body and smirked. ‘I’m not going to ask you _now_. I promise I’ll make it special and wait until my head is in order and…’

‘No!’ Naruto bucked his hips under Sasuke. ‘We’ve been together for more than half our lives, against all odds we have a child, and we’ve survived a horrible year. Every day is special, there’s nothing to wait for, do it now.’

Sasuke opened his lips, then shook his head. ‘I can’t do it while you’re looking at me like that.’

Naruto closed his eyes.

‘I am not going to ask something important like that while you’ve got your eyes closed.’

Naruto sighed and half-opened his eyes and tried to keep his expression neutral. ‘Come on, teme, ask me.’

Sasuke stood up. ‘Maybe it’ll be easier if you get dressed and don’t have such an obvious hard on.’

Naruto got to his feet and wrapped his arms around Sasuke, resting his head on the raven’s shoulder. ‘Sorry, Sas, if you’re not feeling it, I shouldn’t press it. You ask whenever you are ready. I just got too excited. I’ll get dressed and get back to the party.’

He went to move away but Sasuke reached his hand out pressing the tips of his fingers against his lover’s.

‘Uzumaki Naruto, will you do the honour of drinking some ramenwater with me?’ Sasuke asked softly.

‘What?’ Naruto looked at his boyfriend in total confusion.

Sasuke took the blonde’s hand properly and led him to the side where two used ramen pots were standing with saucers placed over them. Carefully Sasuke took the saucers off and wisps of steam floated into the air.

‘I’ve brewed it for an extra long time, so hopefully it’ll be up to your standards.’ Sasuke placed his hands around one of the pots. ‘I think it’s just the right temperature, not too hot for you to hold, but still warm.’ He passed one to the blonde and took one himself.  

Sasuke smiled the genuinely happy and open smile that Naruto was the only person to see. Despite his confusion his heart flipped and he smiled his widest smile back at his unique boyfriend.

‘Fourteen years ago I invited myself back to that room you lived in, and you claimed that I was in the presence of a genius and I should appreciate you, because instead of washing up glasses and cups you’d invented the amazing idea of putting water in empty ramen pots.’ Sasuke gently caressed the side of Naruto’s face. ‘Usuratonkachi, will you do me the honour of drinking ramenwater together with me now to celebrate you accepting my marriage proposal and agreeing to becoming Uchiha Naruto?’

‘Yes. I will.’ Naruto tapped his pot against Sasuke’s and they drank together gazing into each other’s eyes.

Naruto took a sip. ‘You’ve changed ramenwater? You’ve added extra ingredients to it.’ He frowned, then flashed his smile at Sasuke. ‘I thought it was perfect to start with but you’ve made it even more amazing.’ He gulped the rest of it down and then flew into his lover’s arms. ‘I’m so proud that you’re going to be my wife.’

‘I’m not going to be your wi…’ Sasuke’s protest disappeared into Naruto’s kiss.

The two of them found themselves on the floor again. This time they stayed there a lot longer and Sasuke’s suit ended up in a worse state than Naruto’s.

 

***

Much later after the party had finished, and all but a few stragglers had retired, the newly engaged couple lay in bed wearing their lounge trousers. Naruto was sprawled across Sasuke’s chest, and the Uchiha was using both his hands to stroke and caress whichever parts of his lover he could reach.

‘I think Little Tsunade has woken up. I better check her,’ Sasuke murmured.

Naruto snuggled tighter against his man…his fiancé. ‘You don’t need to look at her every five minutes. That sound is snoring, the girl’s had a big day, meeting tons of new people, she needs to be allowed to dream in peace.’

‘I’ll just have a quick look.’ Sasuke slipped out of Naruto’s embrace and went to check the cot by their bed.

Despite what he said, Naruto followed the raven and entwined his fingers with Sasuke’s as they watched their daughter sleep lit up by her nightlight.

‘Kiba said his mum told him nightlights encourage weakness and children should get accustomed to the dark immediately,’ Naruto said softly.

‘Hnnn,’ Sasuke grunted.

‘That’s what I thought, teme, our girl never needs to get accustomed to the dark because we’ll always be here lighting her path.’

Sasuke squeezed the blonde’s hand.

‘Sas? When we tell her in the future about how you proposed to be my wife an’ all, can we change it so that, yaknow, I was a bit cooler, that I didn’t go to the wrong door…and didn’t kick it down…and maybe that I was dressed and didn’t smell like nappies…and we had the romantic meal together like you planned…make all of it sound really…romantic and sophisticated?’

Sasuke smirked. ‘She’d know we were lying.’ Then after a slight pause he added. ‘I am certain she won’t want to know about all the…naked bits though anyway.’

They both bent over and kissed her tiny forehead before returning to bed. They cuddled up again, before Sasuke suddenly snapped, ‘I did not propose to you to be your wife.’

Naruto chuckled. ‘Is your brain working slow, or are you secretly really happy that you’re going to be my wife and just pretending you don’t like the sound of it?’

‘If either of us is a wife, it’s you.’

Naruto shrugged. ‘Yeah, I’m happy with that…at weekends, and you can be the wife during the week.’

Sasuke sighed. ‘I don’t even know what you mean by being the wife, but if it’s based on whose giving and whose receiving, you know which one you mostly are.’

‘Yes, I do.’ Naruto laughed for a while and then they were quiet again.

Then in his quietest voice, ‘Do you remember what you said last year?’

‘Yes,’ Sasuke replied immediately as if he’d been lying awake just waiting for the question. ‘I told you I was ending it for the good of us both, and that this time next year, you’d agree with me and thank me for what I’d done. And I think you told me I was mad.’

‘And we were both right. You were mad, and I’m glad you ended it however much it hurt, because we got Lil Tsu-Tsu. I wish it could have happened in a better way, but I can’t regret something that’s turned out so well for us.’ He brushed his lips against Sasuke’s chest. ‘Is that too selfish?’

‘You’re the best person, Naruto, and I hate myself for hurting you, but I know with my whole soul that we’re even stronger after what we’ve been through.’

‘Where do we go from here, Sas?’ Naruto reached for Sasuke’s hands and they caressed each other’s fingers.

‘We have a break from Konoha, we look after our little girl, we get married and we love each other forever.’

Naruto's whole being felt so light, his heart beat with pure happiness. It was hard to believe that this man who he’d dedicated his whole life to had ever hurt him. It was becoming a vague knowledge like the history he was taught at school, something that he hoped he’d never have to think about or need ever again.

‘Sounds perfect,’ the blonde said.

The lovers entined their bodies and held onto each other as if they would never let go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with this story and reading to the very end. I am totally and amazingly grateful. I've been writing all my life but never written anything this long before, and i probably wouldn't have been able to without sharing it here and getting all the great feedback to inspire me to keep going.
> 
> Special thanks to everyone who leaves kudos or a comment, I appreciate it immeasurably and it brightens up my day, week, life!
> 
> It deviated from my original plan, and I am waiting on tenterhooks, and really really hoping that this is a good ending. I've put a lot of myself into this story...and I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but it means a lot to me and I got very emotional writing it. Most of all I love these characters and I've tried to do them justice, crossing fingers that comes across and you enjoyed this journey.


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